Over the past 2 years I have been SO lost.
I suffer from SEVERE Tmj syndrome, where the joint that connects my jaw to my skull, is pretty much split in half and my jaw is almost dangling there.
And there is a HOLE in the joint, which causes fluid to leak from a part of my brain, and swell up behind my ear and give me "cluster headaches".
I also have a herniated disc in my back, L-2.
Right to the about 2 inches under my left shoulder blade.
I used to be so strong. I could do ANYTHING.
I was full of life, and was SO out going, adventurous, spontaneous, and just up for ANYTHING at ANYTIME.
But this problem never occurred until about September 2006, when I noticed something with my body was different, and I knew it was getting worse.
I had suffered for sooo long, but I didnt take action in finding a doctor for a whileeee.
Then I just kept suffering...
All I did was lay in bed, or try to find a doctor who would actually just LOOK at my MRI's and LISTEN.
I'm a grown ass man. I'm 6 foot 4 and 220 pounds.
I have never cried over physical pain in my life.
Even after dislocating my hip when I was 13.
But I will admit that I have cried SO many times over this.
I got kicked out of about 30-40 different doctors offices because they thought I was just "some guy trying to get high"
My girlfriend and I, would drive and call and just look for new doctors, to try and find someone who isn't arrogant and actually LISTENS and CARES.
We tried sooooo hard for about 8 months.
Mind you I am only 21 years old, I have been taking Vicodin and Vicodin HP, Lorcet,
Lortab, almost everyday since September 2007. But I had to buy it off the street, cause no one cared to listen to me
The pain in my head is so unbearable, that I was suicidal.
I got taken to the mental hospital about 20 minutes before I planned to off myself in July of '08
I layed there, with no vicodin, no food, no water for over 3 days in Detroit Receiving mental hospital.
I waited 3 days...puking..and just wanting to DIE before a doctor came.
After he came he asked what was wrong, I told him as much as I could before he cut me off and walked away.
Then they discharged me and I had to wait OUTSIDE the hospital in 95 degree weather for over 3 hours waiting for a ride, STILL vomiting and feeling like I was about to faint from lack of food and water.
After that, I just walked into a random walk-in clinic, and told a female doctor about my pain.
She referred me to a pain specialist, in Downtown Detroit, a VERY profound doctor named Wook Kim, a graduate of Harvard, and went BACK to school there for 16 more years.
I've been receiving cortisone shots in my skull since July 24th of 2008.
Ever since then I would say my pain rating has went from a 10, to a 6.8.
He has put me on Vicodin Es 3 times a day, which I KNEW wasnt gonna be enough, so I switched to HP, but it still wasnt enough..
If I could get this jaw surgery, I wouldnt need all this, but I dont have $68,000 :|
But over the past 4 months, the pain has been coming back and getting worse and worse, I would rate it back up to around an 9.2
I feel disgusting to say that I probably take at LEAST 6~Vicodin Hp's, 3~350mg
somas, and 3~2mg
klonopins a day.
The pain is so bad that sometimes I crush a vicodin into fine power, and let it sit under my tongue and soak in :-x
It has completely taken over my life to the point where I don't even have emotions anymore..
The only one I know of is PAIN.
I'd like to think I am an extremely intelligent person, and I would LOVEEEEEEE to teach High School Geography or World History.
But the pain is so bad that I can't even focus...on ANYTHING.
But my doctor will not write anything higher than HP.
Which isnt even covered by my insurance.
I've asked for Lorcet or Lortab because it's covered, but he says he "cant".
And he won't write
Percocets at ALLLLLL.
I just wish I could rid this pain from my body.
I have a child due in May.
And I dont feel like I will be able to fulfill the roll of being a GREAT father to my daughter BECAUSE of this pain.
I feel terrible about saying this, but my pain management is the number one thing I am worried about in my life.
I have tried Percocet 10-325.
I took 1 and 1/2, and it completely took my pain away for a good 5 hours
My father just gave me 2 40mg
oxycontins last night, and I know you're not supposed to break them, but I am so low on my vicodins that im going to HAVE to break them in 4's :/
All I want is to NOT be in pain.
No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am NOT in pain, I fail MISERABLY.
It's also causing me SOOOOO much stress.
And I'm "just a kid" to most doctors, so no one is going to prescribe me percocet or oxycontin.
But I wish I didn't feel the NEED for these things.
I have not been happy in YEARS.
Sure, I've had my "moments", but I don't think I can ever be truly happy with my life unless I can control my pain or FIX the problem.
And I refuse to take
Methadone.
My friend died from taking ONE pill to get off his withdrawls.
If there is anyone who can relate to this, or anyone who knows how to help, feel free to talk.
check out my band by the way :P
www.myspace.com/youronlyhope313
I composed ALL of that music on my own, but it's the only thing that I feel capable of doing
I wish I didn't have to take pills to be happy.. 
Linear Mode
