I wanna know how to quit cocaine for good

[splitpersonality]

Hi everyone. So I woke up this afternoon hung over from a night of binge drinking and snorting about a gram and a half of coke. I felt guilty, depressed, defeated, overwhelmed, sad, disappointed and discouraged. I grabbed my phone and like most of us in today's plastic society, Google'd "quit cocaine". I found this thread and began to read the posts. I find so many parallels between my story and the collective sentiment here. I'm not sure what the faith of those here is and i respect everyones opinion. I am a man who believes in The Most High and it weighs heavy on my heart qnd soul when I give into temptation. I know that its up to me to quit, I know to avoid my triggers, I know I'm an addict and i need help but I'm reluctant to attend rehab mostly because of the cost. I no longer hang with my coke buddies, I changed my number, but its like every 7 days I get that itch, and honestly I'm sick of failure. I hype my self up every week telling my self I'm gonna quit...this is the week but as soon as the weekend comes and sometimes sooner I find my mind racing and reasoning and convincing my self to just call the coke man. I feel like a hypocrite. I pray all week and try to live upright and when I'm tempted I give in like a weakling. No one besides my ex friends knows this about me. I thought getting rid of my friends would fix my problems but i find myself alone at home drinking and using. I've even had suicidal thoughts the day after using. I feel depressed and I'm needing to be free of this bondage. I regret ever using coke. I'm 31 I started at 16. I'm a banker and when I'm at work I put on this front like I'm well to do but inside I feel wicked. I recently quit my job, i just want to work a physical job grow a beard and move far far away from Miami. The gentleman who mentioned the fact that coke follows you. Every one I meet wants to drink and every one does coke. I want to talk to my mother but I cqnt have her worried about me....I really needed to vent and i thank everyone here for being honest and showing me I'm not alone

[ARTIST658]

Dear SplitPersonality,

I was you - and your choice of screen name says it all. It's a really tough way to live, feeling like a fraud, living parallel lives where neither knows of the other. For me, eventually the cocaine consumed me, and I wasn't able to keep up the responsible part of my life. Gone was the career, the finances, the pretense of so-called "success" - and it was just me, hiding from life with booze and cocaine. I guess, in a sense, that was a blessing - as it compelled me to make the decision to stop for good. My life became that miserable.

Basically, we make the decision to stop when the pain of continuing on becomes greater than the fear of stopping. That's different for everyone. We have to decide when we've had enough, and are willing to take the steps that will help us to move forward. It's not something that we can easily do on our own; in fact, few manage to attain long-term recovery without some kind of help.

Yes, in-patient would be terrific. That puts us in a "safe place" where the drugs are not available, the phone doesn't ring with temptation and stress is on the other side of the door. BUT - in-patient is not the only answer. The best tools available to you are actually free of charge. Get yourself to some meetings, whether it is AA, NA or CA - and just listen. Nothing is expected of you, but invaluable help is there.

Cocaine Anonymous: http://ca.org/index.html
Narcotics Anonymous: http://www.na.org/
Alcoholics Anonymous: http://www.aa.org

All these groups are basically the same - as addiction is addiction, regardless of the chemical. The primary 'recipe' for recovery is the same - the 12 steps. Those steps are the means by which we transform ourselves - on the inside - so that we develop the skills that enable us to face life clean and sober. Stopping alone is not enough; we need to change how we deal with life, how we cope with difficulties - or we're doomed to fall backwards into addiction.

Your faith can be a tremendous weapon against this nightmare. While the 12-step programs do not require faith in God, it is definately a plus when you already have a strong faith.

Fortunately, stopping cocaine does not cause the myriad of symptoms that opiate withdrawal produces. But the greatest challenge, in my opinion, appears to be the emotional upheaval. When we've relied on coke to make us feel good, our natural brain chemistry is thwarted, and we need time to be able to again do this on our own. The resulting depression leads many back to using. But when we bear through it, holding onto the hands of a 12-step program, the fellowship of other addicts and our faith in God to help us - we get to the other side, and find out it IS possible to feel pretty darned good without a drug.

It's been 21 years since I last used cocaine - and I can still remember how it felt to live in that world. It's no way to live, and you don't have to continue to live that way. Please, do yourself an enormous favor and get to some meetings (the more, the better) - and you'll find the help to close this chapter and get on with your life.

God bless,
Ruth

[fightingthis]

hello to all of you, hope you have had luck fighting this demon...

My experience may be a bit different than yours. For starters I am costarican, and have lived here my whole live. Here cocaine is really, really cheap, since its really close to Colombia and all the coke that ends up in the US has to go through here. . the sad thing about it is that you get consumed in the addiction and you don't even spend that much money on it, so it really does not get to affect you as drastically as described by some of you.

The first time I did cocaine was when I was 18, just entered college and got my first job. I did it sporadically, then got married, quit for the two years I was married and then relapsed again. I have phases of heavy use when I do it 5 times a week, gram and a half per day for 3 to 4 months, phases in which I only do it on weekends and sober phases that last for about three weeks.

I don't really feel the need to snort, but when presented with the oportunity i give in. I really feel I am wasting my self with this, I dropped out college, but have always managed to get good jobs and had always had the chance of buying good cocaine at a fair price so I surround myself with people that pretend to be my friends so that they can get a free ride. I know it but I don't care, guess I feel lonely and just buy my friends with dope.

What worries me is that its a habit, I don't enjoy it anymore, I just do it like if my will has no saying in the matter. I just can't picture myself going out for a beer without getting some coke at the bar. It is really easy to get cocaine here, there are dealers that deliver it to your door, dealers at bars, etc etc. Its just a downward spiral that keeps on growing weekend after weekend...



I don't want to have to attend a rehab center but after reading the whole thread, now I am certain it is the best thing to do. Have been sober now for 4 days and I am having cravings right now. Guess I'll just watch a movie and try to fall asleep, I just don't want to live the rest of my life fighting this, knowing that the craving may eventually come... If I knew how this was going to be I would have never ever tried it...

[luckylarry]

thank you very much for your courage of honesty. I know from almost '40 of addition your words are gold but no less difficult. I will keep your practical advise as i do my best to overcome addiction that has f'ed with me leaving myself with a challenge more difficult than booze or herion. Again, thank you for your strength.

[dizzel]

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[rossi46butfaster]

My respect on how strong is your will to fight this strong problem.As im writing this note im high on coke. I want to quit really bad. I went to a clinic, i went to NA, but the drug is winning, i want to ask you how you are dealing with this problem,do you feel you quit for good?, is a day by day fight?, how hard it was for you?, what can i do that will help me give up this unreal effect?.
I really liked your post, is a message that shows that it is possible to quit and move forward. Thanks for sharing your strenght and careing for others that went trought of what you lived and experienced.

me too this end, I feel i am not an addict but proper struggle trying to never take it.

feel it shouldnt be hard I am not stupid so should just stop.
Thought long and hard but it is instant gratification and if u feel a bit naffed off stressed etc.... its a quick way of enjoying yourself for a couple of hours.

day after is always a right off, not terrible but if u are motivated person it kicks that in to touch

I hate it but always keep trying it a couple of times a week

need to stop but dont now how

sounds pathetic i know but thats the reality

[dj_apt205]

I've been a weekend/biweekend recreational coke user for almost 3 years, it's crazy because you don't even realize it's been that long. You kind of tell yourself wow I've been doin this discusting substance for this long....?

I've lost one of my most important best friends of my life to this drug because my bad choices while being on the drug, I can't even imagine how much money I've spend over the last 3 years on this drug.

My problem is...over the time period I've done this drug I'll go sober for 2-3 weeks sometime 6 weeks but then I'll start to miss the drug and I ALWAYS seem to talk myself into saying...

"it's ookay your fine its been a while since you've done it HAVE AT IT, get a G or 2 and go to the club and party it up!! then go to strip club after because your coked out and you don't wanna come down and spend a bunch of money on strippers that won't have sex with you unless you give them a ridiculous amount of money"

I always end up going home ALONE drinking myself to sleep to come down from the drug...

I always seem to find an excuse to do it like if I've been working hard or had a ruff week and the next day I always regret it ALWAYS.
I wanna quit so bad but after a few weeks I always seem to talk myself into doing it again...

[Fraztzed]

Hi all,

I hope this thread is still running, I wanted to say that it is a real inspiration to me and I really admire you all. I did try and post a reply earlier but I can't see it, so hope I don't repeat myself. I just want to talk to some people who understand. I've been using coke on and off for about 7 years (didn't even realise how long until I just worked it out! I though I was still young, being 25), originally just now and then without a problem and then in the past year or so have become more dependent, alway wanting it with my friends and occasionally getting it on my own (like now). I just can't say no to the cravings, I'm like that with everything - if I want it, I do it and I deal with it later. I started doing it more when my friend moved in, and we were a bad influence on each other, she had a problem and I always joined her. Me and my friends do have a lot more to our friendship than using, but we all do it and once one suggests it usually the others will join in. I've found usually it's me suggesting it recently.. my friends say they are getting sick of it, and want to stop, and I do too but the idea worries me. Noone knows I do it on my own, I don't want anyone to think I have a problem and I try and act casual about suggesting it, I like to think I don't have a problem but the fact I hide it and am worrying means I guess I do, as I think other people who enjoy it would judge me. I still want to believe I'm ok though. I feel bad as it was always a social thing but now if I'm drunk I can do it on my own (I often work weekends and have days off in the week so there's noone about late, sure if it was a weekend I could find someone to join me). I hate that once the idea is in my head I have to do it. Hope I can be like many of you and resist in the future, I don't want to become a daily user. I always regret using at the end of the night when it's finished. I don't know. I wish I could go back to doing it every now and then, which I did without a problem for many years. Hopefully if my friends stick to their guns I will join them.