i dont know...i will beat it soon

[shybaybe2003]

im just rambling here. I read alot of posts here, and i understand so much what people are going thru with their addictions. I also understand what the family goes thru since my own mother was an alcoholic. I wanna get clean. I havent used narcositcs in a while, but i usse other rx drugs to get the same effect. I just feel i cant feel good unless i have something in my system. I am on antidepressants, but i just abuse so many things i know it has interfered with any relief the antidepressant may have given me. I feel right now if i had access to vics, or demerol or orher narcotics i would take it. I hate feeling like that. when i stop one drug, i start another. i thought i could abuse lyrica and ultram and quit when i want to and be fine since their not narcotics. I even was abusing lomotil cuz i new it was chemically related to demerol. really pathetic. I want to stop everything. I have stopped the lomotil. but i am afraid to stop the other stuff, but i will have to anyway since i will be out. i am a mother of a two year old, and although i have always been able to care for him, so far my drug use hasent affected that, i know if i keep on the same road, it will affect him eventually. i feel so strongly that i want to quit everything, but when i do i feel so depressed and anxious, and i get hot flashes, then i have night sweats. UGH! i am going to stop though. I am going to call my doc and say no more lyrica or tramadol. He knows i am an addict. I have went to all the hospitals here, We have 5 of them, and i usually cant get narcotics from them cuz they check the records and see i go to ER's to much. I just want some advice on how i can quit, and still be happy. Just so you know, i have like 60 lyrica left/ their 50mg, but i take like 12 at a time. When i am out, i get w/d's. I should prob taper off them, but i am not sure how. I just want all of this to end, so i can live my life the its supposed to be, for me and my child. please don't judge me, cuz even with all the ******** i have said, I am a good mom.

[doc.rose]

Welcome to the forum shebaybe! Could you go to your doctor and ask him/her to help you with getting off of your meds? I wasn't sure if Lyrica was the only drug you are on right now. Go see your doc. if that is not an option, you could taper off using the pills you have left and follow up by attending NA meetings. Or, you could just go cold turkey and use the Thomas Recipe to help with your withdrawal symptoms. Good luck and let us know how we can support you through this time.

[Catrina]

Hi Shybaby,

Wow! Where to start? Huh? I have abused narcotics for a very long time with a few clean periods over the past fifteen or so years. I am in recovery since 1/16/10. I know your feeling about having to take something, anything! It's the chase. You have several issues all going on at once and I'm not sure it's a good idea or even safe for you to try cold turkey.

Your doctor already knows your addictions so at least that won't be news. He/she should be supportive of your decision to get clean and should offer you support and help. If he/she doesn't, then you need a new doctor. Some of the things you're taking may not be safe to just stop so you may need to taper and your doctor can help you with that plan. It takes alot of motivation and self control to taper. Is there anyone you can confide in and trust to hold your meds and dispense at appropriate times? I, myself, am a gobbler and unless someone were to hold meds for me, even though I'd start with all good intentions I could never stick to a proper taper. It was always, oh well, after this refill, then I'll start. And then I'd just start again with the same promises to myself that I'd never keep.

You can do this but I think that you'll need some help. Support you can find here but I really believe that you're going to need some in-person support. We'll share our experiences and comfort you as best we can. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You're important to us!

Peace,

Cat

[Soobie]

Hi Shybaybe, no judgements here. I've abused almost everything including lomotil, for the same reasons you do.
Lyrica and tramadol are not meds to cold turkey off of, especially when taken together-and with antidepressants- because the potential for seizures is high. Please talk to your doctor-any doctor-but an addiction would be best. You need a safe taper plan and close supervision to do this right.
You sound like your tolerance for discomfort is low and anxiety is high. I've been there. You'll need help with withdrawal symptoms or you'll be in worse shape later.
After your're stable, then your depression and anxiety can be assessed and addressed appropriately. One thing at a time. Slow and steady. Breathe.
You asked for help. That's awesome. We're here to help, but please call your doctor and make a real plan. {{hug}} Post soon, OK?

[ARTIST658]

Hey Shybaybe - how are you doing? I just wanted to let you know you have someone else reading along with your thread, and keeping you in prayer. There's NO judgements here, as many (if not most!) of us have been in your shoes. Addiction is a disease - not a sign of lack of character or willpower. I hope you'll return to post.

God bless,
Ruth

[shybaybe2003]

My medical doctor wouldn't prescribe me anything to help with anything, not that i know of anything he could prescribe. And i have no choice but to quit cold turkey, i am going to be out of everything like, tomorrow. I just hate being this way. I hate always having the craving to feel "high, or better". Funny thing is, i never really liked the feeling pot gave me. The only reason i never got into harder stuff, like oxy's and percs, is because i never had access to them. But hell, i just went to the hospital yesterday and got a morphine shot, and a Rx for 20 vics. My tolerance is so high, I took 10 vics today, in a space of an hour, and just feel mildy buzzed. 5of them at one time did absolutely nothing to me. I woke up feeling edgy, and half sick. I guess I am preparing myself for tuesday. I have 16 lyrica left, which i am trying to conserve. I have to go somewhere important monday, and i cant be in the throes of withdrawals when i go. pathetic. So my quit date is tuesday, although I wont be taking anything but 6 lyrica tomorrow. I finished my vics today. So that gives me 2 days to prepare to kick this thing for good. I am planning on calling M.d and telling him to put me on neurontin instead of lyrica- no highs with neurontin, even in large doses. BTW, im taking lyrica for back pain, as with tramadol. And I am going to stop tramadol too. have too, be out. I hate this so much. I would rather have diabetes then this. I would rather be 50 pounds overweight than this. And I always do this too myself. I will be feeling fine, then i have to start back up. In the past year, i have not went even a month, prob not even 2 weeks, without something. Oh yeah, i also take norflex, a muscle relaxant. I just started that recently. your not supposed to chew it because it is extended relief, but i chew it anyway. If i dont, it wont providre me with any relief at all, although truthfully i chew it so i can get the relaxing benefit of it. I still got three of those left. So far i can go off those with no problem, but its prob another drug ill get addicted to somehow, since i cant take meds the way i am supposed too. its pathetic really.

[Catrina]

Hi Shybaybe,

I just read your post--twice. The following is only my opinion. I'm not judging you and the only thing I'm an expert at is being an addict. I know alot about that.

When I read your post, I felt the panic that you are feeling right now. I have been there--alot. The terror of being down on pills and not knowing where you're going to get the next batch. That anxiety always built for me and even though the wise thing to do would have been to make what I had last as long as I could, the anxiety would push me to take more. I'd tell myself, "may as well take as much as I need to at least get some benefit from them and then when I'm done, I'll just be done". As soon as I'd take that last one, the panic would set in again and I'd be wishing I'd have saved at least one. Over and over it goes and so goes addiction.

First off, I was surprised to read that your doctor wouldn't help you. Have you asked for help from him before and then failed to get clean? Other than that I can't think of a reason why he wouldn't prescribe a few xanax or valium for just 3 days to get you thru the worst part.

I've been exactly where you are right now more times than I care to count and again, what I'm going to say is not to be construed as judgemental, just my experience and opinion. You have to be ready to get clean. You need to dig down deep and be motivated, really motivated. You have to want it more than just about anything else right now. Deciding to get clean cannot be based upon the number of pills you have left. In fact, I found that the best way is to plan on getting clean BEFORE you're almost out. I went cold turkey this past January. When I took my last pill, I wasn't scared. I was relieved and excited. I knew I was in for a ride (been there before) but I was prepared. I cleared my calendar. It's not fun but survivable and the reward just a few days later makes it all worth it. My family is planning a vacation for which we are leaving next week. For the first time in a very long time I'm not already stocking up on my supply of pills, rationing them so I'll have enough to get through.

Take a deep breath and think this through. Make a plan. Get excited! Getting clean is terrifying but once I made my mind up that I was going to do it, I was actually looking forward to it. I know that sounds crazy but it's the truth. You and I are not only addicted to pills, we're addicted to the action of taking them. It's a habit and it can be broken if you really want to do it.

Keep reading and posting. Within the posts here you will find hope.

Cat