huge methedone small xanax problem

[monstermommy]

Ive not seen any stories similar to mine and Id like to know of any others in similar situations.I have been off of methedone(210mgs)for 2 years come feb 8th.I was in jail the first eight days but was so screwed up on xanax I slept most of the time,it wasnt until I was released I was so weak and shaky I almost collapsed.It seems I didnt have any energy for a year or more(totally clean)and I will never go back to a clinic I wasted 14 yearsdoing the methedone shuffle(it does effect your brain)At times I feel its still not totally gone from my system.Lately I dream of using heroin again-thats how I got on methedone.And my neighbor gave me a suboxyn and I took it.How stupid can I be?I got the opiate buzz but I feel lost and on the brink.Im 42 years old and too old to do this to myself.Any advice out there

[monstermommy]

is there anybody out there?is there anyone at home?

[tamara02]

Hi,Sweetie: Monstermommy What a name,lol,Boy 14 years on methadone?240 mgs a day,I was on methadone for like 2 yrs @90-95 mgs daily ,went to a clinic,hated that,but 11$ aday was alot cheaper than my 100$ a day hydro habit,the meth worked fine for a while ,then It was the opposite,I detoxed of it very slowly ,It was still horrible w/d's quitting the nethadone,so I started my d.o.c. to help w/ the pain and w/d's.went up to abt. 20 /10 mg loracet daily after a while ,I lost all the energy these lil devil pills,where suppost to give me,I had to take 20 pills just to lift my head off my pillow.then I just got so tired constsntly looking for hydros,making sure I had enough for the next day,100$ a day just to feel normal,that's Crazy,So I did some research and found a sub dr,you have to be in a lil bit of withdrawal before you take your 1st dose or you can go into full blown withdrawal.anyways ,The sub ,gave me my life back,I barely ever think abt my lil devil pills,Quitting the hydro addiction was like such a burden lifted off my shoulders,no more drug hunting,loved it I'm omn my 3rd month and started a taper,16mgs daily for 3 months,then 8mgs for 3 months ,then we'll see how its doing,if you would like to check out some info on it go to :www.suboxone.com,they will find a dr in your area ,that you can go to ,dr's must be licensed to prescribe this med.I can't wait til I am 100% drug free,the S*H*I*T* just ruins you life and you age prematurely,Anyways please go to the General discussion board and click on the featured painkiller addiction,There are a few wonderful people there that will be able to help you andmake you feel alot better,just knowing you are not alone,Hope to see you there,love and prayers tamm,hurry over there and post you story,you will definately get some great advice and encouragement,Tammy Ps The mental part is also difficult ,you will definately need a support ststem,and this forum is wonderful,or also check out the a/a/or N/A meetings inyour area,the people are truly caring and wonderful,you dont have to get up and say anything,if you do not want to,just go a few times and check it out ,my N/A meeting is the painkiller addiction forum,these people will keep you in line,They are honest and I dont know what I would of done w/out them,Tamm Take one day at a time....

[mpvt]

Hang in there Monster and keep yourself busy.As you know you can't take an opiate here and there as your addiction will flare up on you.Man if you can cold turkey off 210mg of methadone then you can get by this.Try and remember how ****py life was when you were actively abusing and then think how good your life is now.You can't afford to go backwards just forward.Do whatever you have to to get your mind off using.Hang in there,you can do this.....Dave

[gqblu]

youch! Monstermommy your life sounds like mine!

Hope you are still clean, I am but can totally relate about wanting more opiates. Every couple months or so I have the same dream and these irrational, unnecessary cravings. BTW, I had a pretty bad xanax problem too, now that was no fun to quit either!

Well, as mpvt says think about how much better your life is clean. Go to a meeting or whatever works for you. Addiction is a lonely problem, sometimes it helps to see/talk to people in the same boat.

Wish words could help!

Take good care

[lexapoo]

i feel your pain! though i can't imagine the w/drawal off 210mg cold-turkey. i'm currently detoxing - have been on mmt for 8yrs, former iv heroin user & i'm 32 - now at 4mg methadone. it's been a slow process, but i think that's the key: SLOW! i drop 1mg at a time, one per month at most. a lot of the anxiety of coming off opiates is physiological, but the anticipatory anxiety is real & intense. i just started taking lexapro a month ago to control my anxiety. have you tried any non-addictive anti-anxiety meds? i suppose the desire to be opiated will always be with us, but maybe there's a way to supress the anxiety that makes us want the calm of opiates.