How to help my brother

[paulwall159]

To make a long story short, my 16 year old step-brother has been using a handful of drugs. I did not know this because we havent been as close as we once were due to our parents being divorced 7 years ago. Im 25 and heard a few weeks ago that he had been in trouble for drugs. I talked to him today for the first time in a while and he said that his life was sad and he was a big disappointment. He admitted that it started with weed, and led to other drugs which i am unsure of at this point. I know he has been arrested 3 times, rehab 2 times, and kicked out of school all this year. I know he has made some bad decisions, and Im taking this upon myself to help him come clean and stay clean. He is very smart and athletic. Im trying to figure out the best route for me to take on getting him back to him old self. He claims to be clean now but I want to make sure he stays clean. Any help is appreciated.

Thanks in advance
Paul

[cheekysod]

hi paul.
your bro is lucky to have you i see.
if he really wants to stop, and you are prepared to help, he is already taking the first steps. many don't want to stop, or are in denial that there is even a problem.
I don't know how else to help, cept to say, he sounds a little down, and its really good he has you to talk to.
ask him what he was taking, and how long ago. that way we can tell if he is going to have withdrawls, or lucky, he may have only dabbled enough to get in trouble but not a habit.
good luck paul,
cheeky

[paulwall159]

Thanks. Im not expecting this to be easy, but maybe we can work through it since he has admitted he wants to be straight.

[cheekysod]

yeh mate, thats the hardest part, getting the addict to admit there is a problem, you are past the first hurdle at least. sounds like he trusts you, and that is good also.
good luck paul

[paulwall159]

Well we talked for a while last night and it seems he wants to stay clean. He feels as if he has let everyone down and lost everyones respect for him. Im sure there is some major depression that comes along with this. What is it that i can do for him to keep him headed in the right direction? And i want to possibly ask him about doing random drug test. But at the same time, i dont want to push him away thinking that i dont trust him.

[just_a_mom]

Paul,

Has your brother told you which drugs he is currently abusing? and in what amounts? Depending on what he is using, his withdrawl/detox might be different. Is he going to be living with you? or are you just going to be there for support via visits/calls/emails?

I am not sure I would do the drug screen - I'm not sure what you would accomplish with it. If he uses, and he really wants to be clean, then he would feel bad enough. If he uses and is not that committed, then I'm afraid you would just get an earful of "addict's excuses or denials". (We addicts are complete liars when actively addicted and not trying to get clean). Just my opinion - others may have very valid disagreement with me on that.

I am really in awe of your committment to help your brother, but please remember that he is the only one who can get clean. You can support him, but ultimately it comes down to him. He has to cut off his supply, go through withdrawls, deal with cravings, habits, etc. It is so hard. All that being said, I do think that having you there to talk to when things are bad or he relapses or he is stressed is invaluable. You're a good dude.

just a mom

[Psyched]

Hey Paul,
It's good to see a family member sticking up for an addict. I usually see the opposite in my line of work because most of my patients have burned ALL of their bridges. I do want to warn you that it is a long and tiring process and, as others have pointed out, he has to really want this for himself-not for everyone else.
Have you looked into helping him find a detox hospital or facility to work on his drug problems? If so, I want you to know how important it will be for you to keep any commitments that you make to him as far as visiting and tehrapy sessions go...most family members don't realize how important their presence is to patients in these types of programs.
I hope your brother will be able to get clean and stay that way. If for some reason it doesn't work out, you must not consider yourself a failure. Do what you can to help him and, if he asks you to be involved in any treatment, do so and ask lots of questions of the doctor. That way, you can educate yourself as well and learn how to best help your brother and ot end up enabling him in some way.
Again, I want to commend you for your efforts to help your brother and I hope he realizes how much of an asset it is for you to be there for him. Good luck to you both! Have a wonderful holiday season!