[no_more_tram]

I am hooked on Tramadol again, I have been through detox Twice in the last year. I was in a Suboxone Program and took the Suboxone for about 3 months, I got off them and stayed clean for about a week. I made an appt. with a previous doctor I had seen for my back injury( who gave me Tramadol) and reason for my appt, was anxiety/depression, and I also updated him on my back situation. So...he says "I see I gave you Tramadol last time and has that helped with yout pain?" And like an idiot and addict I told him yes, so he gave me a script for 120. which was to last an entire month. I have to take anyhwere from 8-15 at a time in order to get ANY pain relief. Anyhow since then I have been to another doc who's given me Tramadol, and have been to the ER/prompt cares 3 times in the last week. Why or why did I start this again??? I thought I was so strong, but once the doc mentioned it, I had the urge and the quezy stomach. I currently have enough tramadol to laast me till tommorrow. Honestly when I don't take it, my pain level is BAD, and that's what prompt me to want to take it for the relief. To make a long story short I have been to a few pain clinics, with no help! And I have a decision to make about getting a fusion. I just don't know what to do, it would be sooo much more wasy if I didn't have the chronic pain, but I do and that damn pain is what makes the process of stopping so hard. Anyways, I am upset with myself for starting back on this again, I have two kids to care for, and a boyfriend who would not be able to take it if he knew about this pill ordeal. I thought for sure, when I went to detox the second time, that I wouldn't let this happen and I wad clean for 3 months while taking the suboxone, and the suboxone even helped with the pain some, but again I don't want to have to go through the withdrawals that I did with the suboxone which are much worse than the tramadol. Sorry for blabbing, and although I am not expecting sympathy I would like someone/anyone to please say something positive to me. Thanks so much to whoever reads this!!

[kindwon]

You really need to get your back problems taken care of. If you have nagging pain you are going to be tempted to take pain pills. I have had back problems too and I finally fell alright after my 4th surgery. I don't know if that's what you need but find somehow to make it at least tolerable. Go back on subs if you can. If they helped with the pain they would be good. At least you wouldn't dig yourself into a big hole of more and more.

[MaisieC]

So how many pills have you been taking daily? I'm concerned about your quitting the trams cold turkey at a high dose; that can be a dangerous thing to do.

[no_more_tram]

Originally Posted by MaisieC

So how many pills have you been taking daily? I'm concerned about your quitting the trams cold turkey at a high dose; that can be a dangerous thing to do.

Anywhere from 8-15 at a time!! And usually I make it last all day so that I have enough for the next day or so forth. Today I took 12, and I have 8 left for tommorrow until I get a refill, so should I taper myself then. At this current time I have not even been taking the Trams for a month.

[MaisieC]

Originally Posted by no_more_tram

Anywhere from 8-15 at a time!! And usually I make it last all day so that I have enough for the next day or so forth. Today I took 12, and I have 8 left for tommorrow until I get a refill, so should I taper myself then. At this current time I have not even been taking the Trams for a month.

Hm, I'm confused. What do you mean when you say you haven't been taking the trams for a month? Oh, I get it...you fell off the wagon less than a month ago, right?

So you CAN get refill by Tuesday? That's good. I think you're right to start a taper.

OK, less than a month, but that's plenty of time to get dependent again. You know the more times you mess up and use again, the quicker the habit comes back. It's like you've got a "head start" on dependency. Once you've been addicted, you're not like a normal person anymore. I think you and I are pretty similar in that using for even a couple of days is going to put us right back at square one, unfortunately.

So it seems like you have two things to deal with: the chronic pain and the addiction. I was never a pain patient myself, so I'm afraid I can't be of much help with that. There are other people here who can suggest some things to you. I will tell you, though, that when I was addicted to trams I had pain that I never had before or since. Some days I could hardly walk my feet hurt so much, and that was caused by the trams. So they might be a double-edged sword for you with respect to the pain.

What are the issues regarding the surgery? Does the doctor think it would resolve your pain? If so, why not do it?

The thing is, you have now totally and completely proven to yourself that you cannot use pain meds without abusing them. There is no turning back from this. You've been going around and around with this for a while, and you totally see it now, right? (It took me years to see it in myself, so I'm not judging you...I'm just saying.) You can't take pills "as prescribed," because you're an addict.

Are you still going to meetings? I think meetings are going to be critically important to you right now. You've got to stay honest with yourself, you know?

Do you need a taper schedule for the trams? Do you think you can do it? Or do you have somebody to hold your pills for you?

Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. Hang in there and take care,

Maisie

[no_more_tram]

Originally Posted by MaisieC

Hm, I'm confused. What do you mean when you say you haven't been taking the trams for a month? Oh, I get it...you fell off the wagon less than a month ago, right?

So you CAN get refill by Tuesday? That's good. I think you're right to start a taper.

OK, less than a month, but that's plenty of time to get dependent again. You know the more times you mess up and use again, the quicker the habit comes back. It's like you've got a "head start" on dependency. Once you've been addicted, you're not like a normal person anymore. I think you and I are pretty similar in that using for even a couple of days is going to put us right back at square one, unfortunately.

So it seems like you have two things to deal with: the chronic pain and the addiction. I was never a pain patient myself, so I'm afraid I can't be of much help with that. There are other people here who can suggest some things to you. I will tell you, though, that when I was addicted to trams I had pain that I never had before or since. Some days I could hardly walk my feet hurt so much, and that was caused by the trams. So they might be a double-edged sword for you with respect to the pain.

What are the issues regarding the surgery? Does the doctor think it would resolve your pain? If so, why not do it?

The thing is, you have now totally and completely proven to yourself that you cannot use pain meds without abusing them. There is no turning back from this. You've been going around and around with this for a while, and you totally see it now, right? (It took me years to see it in myself, so I'm not judging you...I'm just saying.) You can't take pills "as prescribed," because you're an addict.

Are you still going to meetings? I think meetings are going to be critically important to you right now. You've got to stay honest with yourself, you know?

Do you need a taper schedule for the trams? Do you think you can do it? Or do you have somebody to hold your pills for you?

Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. Hang in there and take care,

Maisie

This time round I have been taking the Trams less than a month. And I agree with EVERYTHING you are saying. I would think I would need to taper, would you suggest that. If so, could you possibly tell me what or how to do that. May I ask how much you took of the Trams, and what you did to get off. Thanks so much for hearing me out, and responding. I appreciate it VERY much. Please let me know.

[MaisieC]

Hi,

Oh boy, how many trams was I doing? I don't remember! A lot! Probably 12-15 a day. That was after I discovered trams, having run through darvocet, percocet, tylenol with codeine, vicodin, you name it. I started it all self-medicating for depression. Pain pills are definitely my drug of choice, and I shudder to think how much junk I have put into my body over the years. Ugh.

Just so you know...you're not alone.

So here is a taper schedule that some people have used successfully:

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/725

You can adapt it according to your own current dosage. The thing is to go slow but steady; you don't want to drop off this drug abruptly because that can cause seizures in some people.

I took it very slow at the end, even cutting the pills into quarters at the very end of the taper.

The hardest thing for me to overcome over the whole course of my addiction was the tendency to BS myself, which I guess is the hallmark of all addicts. I don't even remember how many times I told myself "ok, well, I can control it this time; this time will be different; I won't use it every day, etc." I just finally got so damn sick of myself and I couldn't hide from myself anymore. It was hard to quit because I still wanted the drug, and I still have unexpected cravings that leave me feeling really dismayed...but the bottom line was that I wanted to be clean more than I wanted to start the whole circus all over again. And I know if I start again it will be exactly the same as every other time, and I don't want that again.

I read your last series of posts a couple of weeks ago, where you talked about taking the trams as directed, and I thought, "oh boy, I've been there." I didn't post then because I figured you had to do what you had to do. But I think maybe you're in a different place now.

Anyhow, please keep posting. Please let me know how I can help.

Take care, and hang in there,

Maisie

[Bailey46]

Hi NMT

I am really sorry you backslid. I can only imagine how hard it was sitting there at the Drs and him basically giving you what you worked so hard to get off of.

Yes yes yes, we should ( I say we as I've done same thing many times ) be stonger and simply say no, I need a different approach to the pain issue than pain pills. I also think the Drs shouldn't be so hasty to write out prescriptions for something so addicting. It's a no win situation.

The tricky part is you do have legit pain issues and you do need to find relief before you tackle this again, or you may end up in the same situation your in right now?

Let me ask you or anyone that has an opinion about this...

Would it be easier to taper of the pain pills vs doing the subs?


I wish you the best NMT in your journey to the other side!

[MaisieC]

Originally Posted by Bailey46

Hi NMT

I am really sorry you backslid. I can only imagine how hard it was sitting there at the Drs and him basically giving you what you worked so hard to get off of.

Yes yes yes, we should ( I say we as I've done same thing many times ) be stonger and simply say no, I need a different approach to the pain issue than pain pills. I also think the Drs shouldn't be so hasty to write out prescriptions for something so addicting. It's a no win situation.

The tricky part is you do have legit pain issues and you do need to find relief before you tackle this again, or you may end up in the same situation your in right now?

Let me ask you or anyone that has an opinion about this...

Would it be easier to taper of the pain pills vs doing the subs?


I wish you the best NMT in your journey to the other side!

I think the really complicated thing is that you have to deal with the pain control issue at the same time as dealing with the addiction. They're very often intertwined. People with chronic pain often find that their actual pain level is less than they thought once they get off the pills, because the pills kind of "reset" your expectations. So you kind of have to address both issues at once and do your best to hang in throughout the process.

In my opinion, if you can taper off the pills successfully, you shouldn't do subs. You'll have to taper off the subs anyhow. But some people find it completely impossible to taper off their med, and suboxone is a really good transitional tool in that case.