Here we go......

[hkyjon33]

Well, here we go....im contimplating my last dose of tappering (ive been dropping a dose every other day and today is my last 4 pills (vicodin 5/500). Its been 21 hrs w/o vics and im wondering should i split my 4 or take it as my notmal dose. I was using 10-12 A day for morphin Wds this wk (day 6 and feel better on such a bad decission,lots have read my post). Will this dose just prolongthe WDs? and ive taken about 40 5/500 vics in the past 5 days (1st 2 days of morph i stuck it out.) ive been a binge and purge for the last year and everyday user for another year wih about 8-12 5/500 (dependingon the pain). Ive detox off these b4 but thats when i was taking 5-6 es and i didnt know what to do when the RLS came.... The sweats are starting now... the RLS stage of the morphine was last night and the night b4. I took 8 5/500 yesterday and at 3pm pacific (in 3 hrs) it will be a full 24 hrs.. what do i have to expect if i have already gone through such bad WDs w/ morph are the vic WSs gonna be a little better since i havealready detoxed? (threw up most of the pills taken due tto morph WDs) I was clean for 2-2 1/2 weeks of vics but took some morph in themean time cause iwasnt rdy to go through WDs. Now i am and this last wk showed me that i am. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Im in a good mind set right now and im rdy to get off this junk. I need to be the husband that my wife married and the christian i know i can be as well. These pills r just holding my life back. So to sum it up, should i just junk those last 4 pills and go on with it or tapper the last dose (this was the last does of my schedualed and rapid tapper) The sweats r here and im thinking is should just detox...am i doing myslef a diservice to take these last 4? any nfo would be great. imma do the thomas recipie cause i cant afford suboxone and im afraid imma get addicted (i hve a bad addictive personality. How many days of WDs am i expecting? the full week or slightly lower cause the morph WD...thanks again and to update, im not going the methadone route. thats just gonna screw me up.

[melinda7.5]

Hi hky
I would like to share my story with you.I was taking oxy along with vics
Then i did the taper and quit the oxy,I to was very sick,then i stayed on the vics for awhile till i got stable (20 tens a day)then i tapered of of them and was down to 2 fives a day.then i found this forum and robert talk me into not taking my last vics.Best thing i ever did i was sick for about a week, then i was very tired for about 3 more days.but 1 month later im so happy I look back and cant beleive that was me.Its like my soul was riped right out of the devils own hands and just givin back to me.(thanks robert).
So YESSSSSS,fluse those vics right down the toilet.and please let me know if you do,you can do it.I really excited to hear from you again,please keep us posted

[hkyjon33]

Hi hky
I would like to share my story with you.I was taking oxy along with vics
Then i did the taper and quit the oxy,I to was very sick,then i stayed on the vics for awhile till i got stable (20 tens a day)then i tapered of of them and was down to 2 fives a day.then i found this forum and robert talk me into not taking my last vics.Best thing i ever did i was sick for about a week, then i was very tired for about 3 more days.but 1 month later im so happy I look back and cant beleive that was me.Its like my soul was riped right out of the devils own hands and just givin back to me.(thanks robert).
So YESSSSSS,fluse those vics right down the toilet.and please let me know if you do,you can do it.I really excited to hear from you again,please keep us posted

I cant beleve that i didnt find this place earlier. Iv talked to Robert rite b4 ike and he helped me out a lot. Im pretty sure im not gonna take this last dose. im already 21 hrs clean, y waste that. U and Robert are truly angels in disguise. Just reading some of your posts and his helped me through the morphine. Does it matter if i tappered the vic while detoxing from the morphine (which i stopped cold turkey after short term use)? kinda feels like imma go through another week of hell rite after this week. Im a little frightened that will happen and i dont want another week like this one. i know Vic WD are nothing comparred to morph but i am still worried. i sat inthe shower puking non stop for abot 3-4 days. I couldnt eat, drink, lay down, stand up, all i did was stay in the shower and puke and make myself puke. Ive never experianced something like that and dont want to go throgh that again. Thats what truly got me rdy for this. The whole time im in the shower, im thinking *what the hell did i do?!?!?! how did i come so far?!!?!* Lots of crying, reading, typing. I detoxed about a month ago for 6 daays but relapsed due to being in the hospital with a migraine so i know i can do it. Im just hopeing that it just the sweats, runs and RLS.... I can deal with that but if im already experiancing RLS, will i again on day 4 (usually when i get it) Im guessing yes b/c iveput anoter opiate i my body that it needs to exscreate. I hate to be graphinc but the runs have started as well. that usually doesnt happen until day 2 or 3 for me but within 22 hrs, i feel like im already on day 2 (thats what made me not wanna take the pills). How long did you stay on the vics after the oxy ? i used 10-12 ms contin 60mg over almost 2 wks and no vics (expeince some WDs from no vics) and ive only been on thevics again for 5 days and all days were lower than my dose b4 the morphine. Im hopping to do this the rite way so i dont relapse (lots of times gotto day 4 and went to dr for script cause i dont want my wife knowing im detoxing). I know im an addict but im not gonna go rob,stel,cheat to get pills but still knowim physiclly and mentlly addited. I was anorexic for 2 year in my teenage yrs (lost 100 pounds in a liitle over a summer) so i know that i am mentally stong to take this on but 2 wks of this??!?! I dont wanna freak out my wife (she comes from a family that never took ANY type of pill and i come from a family that has every pill under the sun,no opiates though only blood preasue, axiaty, deppresion..things like that) I told her once and she flipped and i dont wanna do that again. Ive used the flu bit for 4 days now and i dont know if its gonna work for another week. I hate the feeling that i am hiding something from her. She is my better half and i dont wanna dissipoint her let alone haveher leave. She understands my condition but doesnt want me taking pills. I just know that imma not take these pills and just do it to it. I have to for myself. im sick and tired of being sick and tired and so is my wife. I WANT MY LIFE BACK and i knowthis is the only way to do it. Thanks again Mel and god bless

[melinda7.5]

Hi hky
21 hours clean is a long time to waste. when i stoped everything,I would just take it 15 min at a time,i would tell myself i can wait 15 min then i would do it again,I just let time pass. It works...I hid my withdrawls to I keep saying I think I got that flu back again.then i said i was week from the flu. LOL
amodium, keep that with that with you all the time,I bought the BIG bottles.
it will save you.I also keep posting to robert every couple hours to give me somthing to work for.every day you will get a little stronger.when you abel.
try to do a little work out even if it's a couple min.that will help get your endorfins working.are you working and trying to do this,I was.yikes...
I was taking 40 mg oxy and chewing them up,couldent even tell you how many towords the end ( to many) I stayed on vics for about 2 months and just keep going down every day. so i went thru hell for a long time. A week sounds like a long time to you now. but when you get thru it you will be back to your old self your mind will be in a good place,and it will be great Please trust me on this.
My family has alot of druggies in it to,my brother died from hep c.
if i can do anything at all please let me know,post all the time, let me and every one else here know how you are.there are many of us here that would love to help you. we have all been right where you are now.
you CAN do this.
Keep posting,God and all of are with you...

[hkyjon33]

Thank you so much Mel. You talked me off the ledge. i held them in my hand and told myself im not gonna take em!!!!! And so on an impulse, i flushed em and it feels so good to say that! I kinda broke down this morrning after readingyour post. Its so nice to realize that im not the only one (so clicie (spelling)) but this site really does help. .... it takes my mind off everything and give me a little of knowledge on what im going through and whats aroundthe corner. Im about to go buy immondium cause it feels like day 2 or 3 already with the hot/cold sweats and te bathrom issues (all my 2-3 day symptoms) which hopefully means that i have been excreting a lot of the vics through bathroom/pulling the trigger (ie making yourself vomit), and vomiting regularly. Im hoping that the worst of it ive been through already with the morphine and the script of vic that lasted 5 days was just a rapid tapper for the morph WDs and all i have to deal with are the sweats/bathroom and no throwing up (ive done to much of that in 6 days ive ost seriously 10 lbs in 6 days (no eating a puking is a solid diet, everyone should try it!!!! sarcasim helps lol) but ithink that is wishfull thinking. im tyring to smile, trying to play badmittin, wii, anything that is up and about. i want to sweat this out and not ******************** it out. imma hit the steam room tonight at my gym and really work up a sweat and hopefully that will help.
Thank god i am NOT working right now. Thats y i made this decession when i did. I have the time off, the will and the suport of beautiful people such as yourself and Robert (glad to hear he and his mother are doing fine. I met the guy a couple days ago (as well as you) and i already feel closer to you guys than most my friends (most just sit around smoking pot and just critisize u instead of helping) Its almost like a N/A on-line (im thinking about going to a couple classes cause i know this sounds selfish and sedistic but itmight help hearing people worse off than me with herion, oxy, patch, perc. I know that at my worst point i was takingabout 60mg of vicodin (i think i did my math right, no more than 12 a day but mainly 8-10 5/500s a day binge/purge couple days of WDs then script came through. I was a little bit ahead of my script bout 3-4 days so i know my bodies reaction to those days and they aint NEARLY as bad as the "Morphine week" (thats what imma call it now lol) that i just went through. Thank you so much Mel. Most peeps (even my CHILDHOD FRIENDS) just bat an eye at this and you dont even know me and you have takin time outta your day to help me and i cant thank you enough but i nowthe Lord will. I have become a very spiritual person over the past 4 months (been born again since 5 yrs old kinda strayed from the flock and now back on path) And ive aready stopped drinking, smoking, cut down the pot smoking which usually helps the WDs but actually hurt my stomache this time and could smoke during "Morphine week". This is my last vice. I know i can do it especally with this sites help. Ive never felt so strong while detox and Thanks again for tlking me ff my ledgeand not wasting that 21 hrs.... its 24+ now so bring it on....im rdy !!! Thanks again and go bless you.

[melinda7.5]

Ok Im going to cry now. ( GOOD CRY ) You really have made it !!!
I felt the same way when I quit,You dont have to thank me.this has just made my day,Im walking on cloud nine.I will cheer you on all the way.Ill be checking back on you at least once an hour,so if you need anything Ill be here,and I know about the friends,all of mine got mad at me for quitting,
but ha,look at me now it really feels good.and your going to be there to...
and yes there are alot of people on here that are like my best friends and i have never met them.Im so proud of you,that was a big deal flushing those vics... ILL talk to ya soon

[sisterwin2]

very nice move on the flushing... you were only prolonging your agony there. Now remember what you can do to help .....

take many hot baths.. put epsine salt in the bath...

Drink gateraid for the electralytes... if you can eat .... eat a banana for the potassium.

Dont break and get more pills now... you have almost 24hours behind you


Good luck.

[hkyjon33]

very nice move on the flushing... you were only prolonging your agony there. Now remember what you can do to help .....

take many hot baths.. put epsine salt in the bath...

Drink gateraid for the electralytes... if you can eat .... eat a banana for the potassium.

Dont break and get more pills now... you have almost 24hours behind you


Good luck.

Thanks for the suport sis ... im onhr 28 andim onmy way to knotts ... im getting some imodium and potasium and some epsom salt and im on my way to clean WOOOWHOOOOO ... it feels so great to say that ... ive never been in this mindset when detoxing and its all the suport i get from here.. thanks again and lets see how those rides are gonna treat my stomach. WOOOWHOOO!!!!! IM SO FREAKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW I COULD CRY!!!!! like mel, good tears =). I got some ativan .5 (from mom haha she gave me some cause i have chronic depression/anxiety so she wants me on somethig and thats what she, my sisters and my dad take so she wants me on itlol) for thomas recipie for the rest of the way.

[sisterwin2]

You go ...................... keep posting and let us know how your doing..


dont forget the hot baths...

will be looking forward to reading you post.

Sister

[melinda7.5]

hi hky
just wanted to let you know, Ill be back to check on you in the morning...
have a good night.

[hkyjon33]

hi hky
just wanted to let you know, Ill be back to check on you in the morning...
have a good night.

Awsome thank you.. have a great night as well. i got the ingredients for the thomas rec. All i know is i wont ever go back to pepto .. immodium is the poop!!!(see what i did there hahaha) anyway ... . starting recipie as we speak. ill keep you all posted ...probably more often then not cause it takes my mind of the shivers. no pills since 2:45 pst yesterday ... good nigt and god bless

[hkyjon33]

You go ...................... keep posting and let us know how your doing..


dont forget the hot baths...

will be looking forward to reading you post.

Sister

Thanks as well to you sis. i just got back from knotts and experienced my 1st roller coaster clean AND IT WAS ACTULLY FUN !!! i know imma start feeling poopy in the middle of the night or later tonight but im enjoying howi feeling... kinda euphoric buzz but no vic in me...weird lol....anyway .. imma be up for a while and i got the ingredents for thomas recipie so im raren to go. i know i sound way to happy to be in WDs but these arnt my 1st and I KNOW THEY ARE MY LAST WOOWHOO ive neve felt this strong and its tanks to this site.... thanks again and ill keep everyone posted. God bless you all...

[hkyjon33]

Alright i just took a couple ativain (ive used these b4 dr wanted me on xanax at 13 and i said hell no and my mom gives me an ativan or 2 everytime she see me cause i do have anxiety BUT just ride em out... im not all about those SSUI and benzos = no bueno and iwas 13 for f#^k sake!!!) so i horde em until i RELLY NEED them (now as a good time as any)... ok, sleepy talking ..... anyway goodnight to 34 hrs here comes the great night of bed karate.... how many melitonin can u take with adivan? im only taking 1 or 1.5mg of ativan IF nessiary and 2 3mg melitonin .. is that ok? i checked interactor and nothing came up just some oral caffine with the meletonin so i think im cool. Anyway ill check back when i wake up in about anhour or so LoL....actually getting sleepy good night and god bless everyone =)

[melinda7.5]

Good morning hky
you sound so good,really makes me happy for you!
I was like you, this site gave me all the power i needed to
get thru anything.did you sleep good?
If you dont see me on here much today,Ill be here tonight,i have been out of town and will be flying home today,please keep posting ,there will be somone here if you need anything.Hold tight it will be over soon and you will have your life back,talk to ya soon,

[hkyjon33]

hello everyone .. well goin on hr #46 and feeling pretty good. i sleeped better than ne other night in a week so thats good.... i hope you make it home safe Mel but God protects his angels so you should be fine. thinking about takin Melitonin/simply sleep all day (as dircted of course) so i can sleep the day away.... ill keep everyone posted .. buddy called last night andi told him whats going on and he offered me some vics and I TURNED EM DOWN!!! thats a 1st in a while. its almost enojyable what im going through at this point b/c i see how unclear and foggy brained i have been and i cant wait to get back to my normal self for once in a Loooong time. I really hope this thread helps someone through what they are going through and thats why im going by hrs and not days. i want peeps to undertand what they are gonna go through to get off this poison. Well simply sleep kickin in and gunna smoke some kush so that should be the topper =p (i have my medical card). my apitite is here w/o smoking which is weird cause i normaly get my appitite back at 72 hrs... it feels like im 24hrs a head of my normal WDs b/c of the :Morph week:. I think i got a lot of it out and since i was off the vics for 2 weeks and only took about 40 in the past 5 days so it almost feels like i rapidly tappered (oh do i hope so). Well, just ramblin now... sleepy time... ill check up here in an hr or so (thats usually my sleeping patern anyway). Good luck everyone who is going through their trials and tribulations and i hope that peeps can read this ad i can help someone just like i got so much help from others. God bless u all.

[hkyjon33]

Well im exactly at the 48 hr mark ... 24 more and i should be done with the physical worst. The immodium REALLY helps. Ive been taken pepto and that never touched the stomache and the runs... well i will keep everyone posted ... have great days and god bless...

[melinda7.5]

Hi hky
48 hrs,Your doing so good,you have got this down,be very proud of your self.
on my 4thh day off everything people were offering me drugs also,but i told them no ,they dont want you off of them,couse then they might have to look at themselvs.so hold strong you are there.
talk to ya soon

[melinda7.5]

Hi hky
I think your only sapose to take 3 mg of melatonin dailey.LOL

[hkyjon33]

Hi hky
I think your only sapose to take 3 mg of melatonin dailey.LOL

LOL i think i took 9mg b4 bed 6 mg when i woke up so OPPS ... wont be doing that .... 53 hrs exactly almost ... woott... buddy hit me up and offered me norco for the pain and i turnedhim down ... STRIKE TWO BEOTCHES HAHAAHA lol .... i feel so energetic for some reason ... but that comes and goes in stages (as usual). Did ya get home Ok mel ? looks like ya did lol. Anyway ill check back in to write somthing pretty soon cause i feel the sweats comin on prety good and imma jump in the shower. God bless ya all =)

[melinda7.5]

HI hky
I got home and had to leave again,I have been burning the candle at both ends latley,
i think the energetic feelings are coming from knowing you are free
of the nightmare and all will be good.
that happend to me.It was better than any drug.
keep up the good work,talk to you in the morning

[hkyjon33]

:
Have a good night Mel, imma bout to take some ativan/melitonin/kush and passout myself. Sweats r comming in pretty good right now (come in giant rushes now but thats cool) but thats pretty much it. Immodium is awsome (never goin back to pepto!!!) i only had to take it agressivly yesterday and just 1 pill today and usually im through my 2nd bottle of pepto by now and still no releif... APITITE IS BACK and OMG food TASTES sooooo good.... did anyone else experiance that? where food tastes so much better not on piankilers or is i just me ? I know im being to optomisitic and the worst is right around the corner with the dreaded 72 hr mark ... had 1 craving today (which is bad) but it only lasted like 2 seconds. I dont know if its just me but ive been wathching The Cleaner on A&E (love that show) and it opens my eyes to things (i honestly and truly beleive that the reason i wanted to quit is watching that show and the episode where the suburban wife was Oxy'ed out with her circle of friends and she broke her own hand of pills and forgot her kids. That really stuck with me cause i could relate on a smaler scale but i didnt want to become that and i knew thats where it was going to go). One thing that i am proud of is that i havnt climbed the ladder and told all drs NO to anything stronger than Vics especally with them trying to get me on "healthier alternative to vic" like the patches and percs and oxy's . Drs didnt like the asprin intake but knew i needed something so they even offered me a morphine drip (ya healthier my a$$!!! just get ya hooked on stronger stuff with no asprin). Anyways, imma shut up now, Good night all and god bless... ill check in with ya guys tommarow and tell ya how everything is.

[melinda7.5]

Good morning hky
how are ya doing !!! you still sound great.
you asked about food tasting better, I think everything gets better.
we had a funny thread going on about that.
Ill have to watch the tv show your talking about.
I like to watch intervenshion(spelling sorry).its a good one to.
Im so proud of you man,
I have to go to work today,but ill be thinking about you all day.
and ill chek on you when i get home.

[hkyjon33]

Well i am actually getting sleep but we will c about that tonight and the rest of the week. I woke up to hot/cold tingles but they seem to be subsiding. The Cleaner is actually on b4 intervention (im almost positive...it gets recorded on tivo and i never watch live tv unless its simpsons at 6pm and 730p or ANY sporting event so i never really know the times haha) Im telling you that i seriously could not have been doing this good with out you guys (mel, sis, Robert, and any others who have read my postings). I feel like a lion aposed a lamb like all the other detoxes. 3 hrs until the big 72 and things should get a little wacky then i am guessing but i sure hope not cause i just want this nightmare to end. Almost 2 weeks of this is taking its toll on me and my wife but i know i can stay strong. Im on the home stretch and have to continue with that moto. Have a good day at wrk today Mel andill talk to ya later =)

[melinda7.5]

Hi hky
I have Been thinking about you.how are you feeling?
did you tell your wife your going thru w/d yet or does she still think you have the flu.I cant wait for robert to get back and see how good you are doing.
He is going to be very happy for you.You really are doing great...
Not to much longer and it will start to get better and you will start feeling stronger,get back at me when you get a chance....

[hkyjon33]

Heya Mel, how was work ?
i appreciate the thoughts and the kind words u always have. Its really a moral boost everytime i read a new post. Ya, i did tell my wife and she was actually understanding (some what). We fought about it, she told me i told her this wouldnt happen, you shouldnt have been on em for so long,i told you so, all that stuff, but she realizes how hard it is to deal with my headaches (ive passed out due to pain standing up in front of her 1nce and she came home from work to me face down on the floor (i dont know how long i was out, it musta been a while cause she called an ambulance cause i wouldnt wakeup). This was allBEFORE i started taking Vic and now she sees me today and im better in that regard of not passing out and with the pain and junk but kinda she is kinda dissipointed in me for letting it get like this and having to go through wd's (i always told her im in control, and if i can stop a human instinct like eating when i was anorexic for a year or so i can control anything that my body does. Always told her mind over matter). Im going through a cry spell right now cause im outta work and cant make bills and i feel im dragging her down with me. I know i gotta control my emotions and this i all normal but i cant stop the tears from flowing at this point and i knew once i hit this point, it was gonna be difficult hidding it and it felt like a 1,000,000,000,000 lb weight on myself because she is my everything and my better half, and hiding something this big just killed me. I was sooo afraid of being left, and then saying F-it and relapsing. A lot of the tears were for that and she caught me crying and i just told her to "sit down, we needto talk". Well, she said she would do anything nessisary for me to stay clean and some of me doesnt belive that. she gives me the cold shoulder latly but that will pass with time (shes mad as well as i am that i dont have a job yet and its been a couple months but work is hard to find epecally if im going through this.)
As for me, i gotta say that this is the lowest ive felt so far but that is to be expected but im deffinatly not running to get pills to combat it. I have the starting points (trigger points so to speak) of a really good migrine so i am pretty worried about that. I sleep really good now, but i know that will change tonight cause i got no ativan left but thats ok. According to the recipie, i should be off em today or tommarow anyway so thats cool. Ive been taking TONS of potassium gluconate so RLS doesnt set in to bad but i have to be honest, i do miss "the fuzzies" a little bit but i combat that with playing Mike Tyson Punch Out on my Wii (MUST HAVE GAME FOR EVERY GAMER!!! hahaha)and im about to start smoking this J i rolled so i should be fine. I had a friend come over last night that went through the same thing and he tryed to hand me 3 5mg methadone and told me "just take 2 today skip tommrow and 1 after that AND THATS IT!!" He was in the program and his life changed for the better as soon as he took them he said but im afriad thats gonna delay the WDs (he is trying to reasure me that Methadone was made to combat WDs but i got that advice from u and robert and sis not to take em so i didnt take them from him). They were 3 that he had left from his detox (been clean off anytype of pill for 2 months and when he 1st got in he was on 80-90mgs of methadone and tappered all the way down to clean.) I have taken them before (just 2 once b4) for otherr WDs when i wasnt rdy to stop and just needed to get by until next script and they made me feel 3000Xs better with no"fuzzieness" but all those times i wasnt trying to quit, just get by tothe next script and im afriad that i might jeperdize my 71 1/2 hrs (time is moving a bit slower now). Well im off tosmoke real quick and shower and ill be back on. i know today im gonna be on here for a while cause the emotional part is really kicking in. Ill talk to ya little later. God bless =)

[melinda7.5]

Hi hky
Im really glad you told your wife.
I know you feel bad about stuff right now.BUT,you have to fix yourself before you can take care of anyone,wife, kids...ect...
It wont take long, buy next month you will be out kicken ass and takin names...I cant beleave what i have done with by business and social life in such a short time.and you sound alot like i did when i did this.
Ill be back,going tanning with my daughter,and cooking dinner for the man.LOL

[hkyjon33]

Well 72 hrs exactly as the title says ... just thought i would put that into writing to cheer me up =)

[hkyjon33]

Well, i couldnt get myself outta the house today when my wife asked to go to knotts and it bummed her and i out. I knew today was gonna be tough and i think i mentally pshyced myself out and up to much and i cant relax and the tingles wont stop but i know that will pass if i just calm down. Thats why i thought i would jump on and let my fingers work out the tingles lol. Idont think im doing myself any favors by watching this touching story on ESPN E60 about this football team that lost everything in a tornado (jonesburg falcons) and i keep tearing up (im a little girl when it comes to emotional sports sories let alone touching stories in a whole)... When u see a whole town destroyed, 7 high school football players dig 6 graves for casualties of the storm (the town still digs em by hand), communitys comming together and rebuilding a football statium (it was in Iowa and if anyoneknows, friday night lights is NOTHING compared to what really goes on on Friday night for High school football. HS football is bigger than the NFL no joke) and a 70 year old coach sob over the emotions it really shows how little im going through compared to othrs like Robert with Ike and this example i just said. It almost felt like what im going through and the emotions. Not that think it is ANY WAY shape or form worse or even close to the same, it feels like i was hit by a tornado when i started this poison, stuck hiding in the my own personal tornado basement in the dark and just holding on, hoping my doors wont swing open and the storm sweep me away and making me one of its casualties. When it was done and the storm subsided andi made the desision to stop, my insides and i feel the way it looked after the tornado struck. Nothingness, carnage and mayham where ever and whatever it touched. Then sadness for everything that i have done and pain for what i have done, physical and mental torment that im going through. Than the rebuilding and the happiness (thats the stage i feel im going through). Rebuilding new things on the old tattered land that is myself. And like the community in Iowa came together and helped, i feel like this site and Mel, sis and Robert, my wife and the Lord is my community comming together to help fix me and build me back up again to what it was, if not better than what it was b4 the storm. I gain confadince with each passing second that i will be like the town that i described, stronger, happy again, something to cheer for and about. And like the town stuck by the storm, i want to be back to its normal everyday life and buisness as usual, never forgeting but never putting myself back into that moment.
Sounds chezzy i know but this is what helps and i know everyone understands. God bless anyone and everyone who has helped, posted,prayed, even spent time to read any of this thread(god bless all who dont as well =p). This struggle would not be in vein if even 1 person reads this thread and takes a good honest look at themselfs and gains the strength or knowledge to change. Or 1 person that looks at this and it helps them through and gives them the courage to go through this hell to make themselfs a better person because this DOES make you a better person. What doesnt kill me, makes me stronger and if im not dead yet and i felt so bad, imma be a damn strong person when this is done. =)

[melinda7.5]

Hi hky
I think things will turn around for you pretty quick,how are you doing?
Do ya have some anxiety going on.If you do worry its normal,Im a pro at panic disorder,I have had a couple bouts of that in my lifetime.let me know if you need some help with that.Your doing great dude,dont worry about not going out today,its like day 3 or 4 now?right,you will have plenty of time when you get well to take your wife where ever she wants to go.
talk to ya soon

[hkyjon33]

Hi hky
I think things will turn around for you pretty quick,how are you doing?
Do ya have some anxiety going on.If you do worry its normal,Im a pro at panic disorder,I have had a couple bouts of that in my lifetime.let me know if you need some help with that.Your doing great dude,dont worry about not going out today,its like day 3 or 4 now?right,you will have plenty of time when you get well to take your wife where ever she wants to go.
talk to ya soon

Yah some anxiety but im ok =) just letting my fingers type while i go through the ups and downs lol.... Take a look at the post on your ipod thread, i wrote that as right after i wrote that storm post so just typing put me in a better mood =) ... im about 3 1/2 in so im right on track with this ******************** lol .... im on the backend now and almost over half way there so no going back now lol... like swimming 1/2 way across the world and then swimming back because your tired =p