[musicman48]

Originally Posted by lily-b

Well I guess this is one reason I should probably look into joining some type of drug rehab meeting of some sort. This website is for use when you need random questions answered, yes there is support but not the kind I need. I keep checking in to see if I have gotten anything back from someone I posted to and I haven't, I know everyone is so busy and I am not upset, I've just come to the realization that I am in this battle pretty much on my own unless I do join a group.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me. I wish you the best to those of you who are struggling with an addiction as I am. These past two days have been difficult, but I will survive!

Lily-b

you are right about needing some other support systems like NA or family,God whatever.When my post was not answered after a few days when I was detoxing ,I would freak make a new post like..."HEY ROBERT" "Please look at my post etc." Robert and some others are not only responding to posts but are also answering peronally sent emails and it gets confusing at times for them and time consuming.Trust me ...Everyone here is rooting for you and want your posts responded to....We will all be awre now.Sorry ! Good luck to you on getting clean! You are at the roughest part of detox right now...Just hold on a few more days....You may need to watch a clock and take it 1/2 hour or 15 minutes at a time if you feel real bad...Just hold on.You are almost there.

[Mrs.Vic2many]

Originally Posted by MissMelissa23

Hi, I am very new to this so am not quite sure what to say. But here goes.. I am highly addicted to hydro i love the stuff it give me such great pleasure. But on the other hand I don't like it. It makes me an evil person and so grumpy all the time. But when the pill wears off i want more and more. I would probably overdoes if my husband would let me have them all. Lately i have not been wanting to take them. I know this don't sound like much but I take 5 10mg vikes a day. How should I detox? i have gone cold turkey before but don't want to do that this time. Thank you ahead of time!

Hi,
Wow I cant believe how much u sound like me.I started 7 years ago popping vic's just randomly after I had my wisdom teeth pulled...of course LOVED it.I got to a point where I only took one a day 5/500...Then started one in the day one at night.Then I had a breast aug. and was taking percs,then 7.5/750 then 10/325's.Now I take 4-7 10/325's a day.I wake up feeling like shi%$#@ ,then get excited to take my 1st one,then the day goes on.Its the hilite of my day.I really wanna stop.I want my life to not depend on the yellow pills.Its expensive,It is I am sure horrible for me.I never work out or take care of myself now.Just look forward to pills!I try to stop but the aches and pains I cant handle.I cant tell my husband.How can I get help? I have to take care of my son so I cant be sick for days either.I am a bit scared to do a rehab mainly because I dont want to be away from my 2 year old.He's my god send! What should I(we) do? I feel sad,I just wanna be a normal mom& wife.I dont drink or anything.I am just happy poppin pills!

[melinda7.5]

Hi MrsVic2many
Well you sound just like the rest of us around here...
Most of us started the same way you did.
Then the addiction grows into a nightmare you cant wake up from, mine lasted for three years.I tapered down off of all the pills I was taking and them just quit,I was sick for awhile but let me tell you I would never go back to that lifestyle...( NEVER )...It feels so good not to have to wake up and grab my purse and shove a bunch off pills down me so I can function.
You can also go the suboxone route allot of people have quit that way also
Let us know what you want to do.We would love to help any way we can.
Talk to you soon , Melinda

[Robert_325]

I have been watching for a post from you. All you did was comment on 11/10 and you haven't posted since then or asked any questions that I see. You didn't really ask for anything. I have posted over 40 times in the last two days. If someone needs something and asks I reply. Don't know what else to say. I am here. God bless.

[Mrs.Vic2many]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

Hi MrsVic2many
Well you sound just like the rest of us around here...
Most of us started the same way you did.
Then the addiction grows into a nightmare you cant wake up from, mine lasted for three years.I tapered down off of all the pills I was taking and them just quit,I was sick for awhile but let me tell you I would never go back to that lifestyle...( NEVER )...It feels so good not to have to wake up and grab my purse and shove a bunch off pills down me so I can function.
You can also go the suboxone route allot of people have quit that way also
Let us know what you want to do.We would love to help any way we can.
Talk to you soon , Melinda

maybe the suboxone is good? but How do i get it? I went to my dr. to confess when I was taking only 1 or 2 a day..and she was like"oh,your not addicted ,just stop taking them" I was hoping for better advice or help.It made me feel like maybe I was over reacting about being addicted to them so I kept taking them and I am in deep.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by Mrs.Vic2many

maybe the suboxone is good? but How do i get it? I went to my dr. to confess when I was taking only 1 or 2 a day..and she was like"oh,your not addicted ,just stop taking them" I was hoping for better advice or help.It made me feel like maybe I was over reacting about being addicted to them so I kept taking them and I am in deep.

I didn't remember you until I just read all of your old posts. Now I remember you posting about six months ago. You posted and then kind of disappeared. I wondered what happened to you. But the main thing is that you are back and still alive and well ... or alive and keeping it out of the ditches at least.

I was going to suggest that you simply cold turkey and deal with it. After seeing that you have been struggling for six plus years and for whatever reason you can't share it with your husband then perhaps the subutex/suboxone route might be the best alternative. I really don't advocate using the subs for everyone even though I am working with several people on it most all the time. I even used it myself. But I still think doing the detox cold turkey is the best thing to do if you can swing it. It's not my place to judge anyone however so if you can't do the cold turkey then the subs are the next best route to take I believe.

I don't know how much information you have about suboxone. There are a ton of threads on this forum about it. You can also go to www.suboxone.com. It's a good information source on suboxone or subutex. I suggest you do some reading there and on the forum and then ask any questions you have. The web site shows you how to enter your zip code and they will pull up a list of all the suboxone certified drs in your area. Do some reading and then ask any questions that come to mind. I am always available if I can help. Will be gone for a while but will be back in a few hours. God bless.

[Mrs.Vic2many]

Originally Posted by Robert_325

I didn't remember you until I just read all of your old posts. Now I remember you posting about six months ago. You posted and then kind of disappeared. I wondered what happened to you. But the main thing is that you are back and still alive and well ... or alive and keeping it out of the ditches at least.

I was going to suggest that you simply cold turkey and deal with it. After seeing that you have been struggling for six plus years and for whatever reason you can't share it with your husband then perhaps the subutex/suboxone route might be the best alternative. I really don't advocate using the subs for everyone even though I am working with several people on it most all the time. I even used it myself. But I still think doing the detox cold turkey is the best thing to do if you can swing it. It's not my place to judge anyone however so if you can't do the cold turkey then the subs are the next best route to take I believe.

I don't know how much information you have about suboxone. There are a ton of threads on this forum about it. You can also go to www.suboxone.com. It's a good information source on suboxone or subutex. I suggest you do some reading there and on the forum and then ask any questions you have. The web site shows you how to enter your zip code and they will pull up a list of all the suboxone certified drs in your area. Do some reading and then ask any questions that come to mind. I am always available if I can help. Will be gone for a while but will be back in a few hours. God bless.

You are so sweet.I really appreciate the help.Will my OBGYN give suboxone to Me? I will read up on it more though.I am afraid to tell my husband because we are going through some rough times.I am afraid he'll look at me and see me as a gross week woman for this and since he has no idea how it feels,he will not understand why its such a big deal to just quit...I really have nobody to tell this too in my life except ya'll...My mom wont understand or I am just afraid to tell her.I guess I gotta stop procastinating and just quit already..I wish I didnt have to do it alone.Maybe I am a baby,but I just wanna be taken care of...Wish me luck...Will I be so bad off withdrawling that I cant care for my 2 year old?? Thats what I am scared of

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by Mrs.Vic2many

You are so sweet.I really appreciate the help.Will my OBGYN give suboxone to Me? I will read up on it more though.I am afraid to tell my husband because we are going through some rough times.I am afraid he'll look at me and see me as a gross week woman for this and since he has no idea how it feels,he will not understand why its such a big deal to just quit...I really have nobody to tell this too in my life except ya'll...My mom wont understand or I am just afraid to tell her.I guess I gotta stop procastinating and just quit already..I wish I didnt have to do it alone.Maybe I am a baby,but I just wanna be taken care of...Wish me luck...Will I be so bad off withdrawling that I cant care for my 2 year old?? Thats what I am scared of

Drs have to be certified for subutex/suboxone to prescribe it. Don't know if your OBGYN is on the list or not. Go to www.suboxone.com for information. You will see on the home page that you can enter your zip code and a list will come up of all drs in your area who are authorized to RX subs.

I can't tell you that you won't be sick for a week or so if you cold turkey. But then it will be over. If you got the flu you would survive and so would your child. Think about that before you make a decision. God bless.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by Mrs.Vic2many

You are so sweet.I really appreciate the help.Will my OBGYN give suboxone to Me? I will read up on it more though.I am afraid to tell my husband because we are going through some rough times.I am afraid he'll look at me and see me as a gross week woman for this and since he has no idea how it feels,he will not understand why its such a big deal to just quit...I really have nobody to tell this too in my life except ya'll...My mom wont understand or I am just afraid to tell her.I guess I gotta stop procastinating and just quit already..I wish I didn't have to do it alone.Maybe I am a baby,but I just wanna be taken care of...Wish me luck...Will I be so bad off withdrawling that I cant care for my 2 year old?? Thats what I am scared of

Hi Mrs.Vic2many
You can do this,I know its hard I went through it to.You will be able to take tare of your baby...But why don't you tell your mom you have the flu and could she watch the baby for you.Then just tell them it was the worst flu you ever had in your life it will buy you some time to get through the worst of this.the faster you do this he faster it will all be behind you.
I will be praying for you,let us know if we can help.
Talk to you soon ,Melinda

[Mrs.Vic2many]

So...I am scared.Its so hard in my mind to wrap around my brain that its bad for me.It seems like it makes sense if I have pain why not take all pain away with a pain killer rather than barely any of it with a tylonol or advil..its hard.in the evening I feel so strong to quit,then morning my head kills me and I am achy and anxious and I just get back into my frame of mind that I will quit soon but not today.I tried to tell my husband the other nite.but I cant get the words out! and in the back of my mind I kept thinking"then he'll tell me to go get all my pills and give them to him and it'll be real I will have to quit and deal with pain"...I am so ashamed.He knows I take pills but he thinks like twice a week or maybe 1 a day.He has no idea its at the point of 5-9 or so a day 10mg hydro.I just need a little more info please.Its so easy to just keep on but not cheap...or healthy...uhg! So tell me whats gonna happen to me worst case scenerio and how many days.Sometimes I wish I could be like in the show :intervention: where people gang up on me and I have no choice and get the major help of a rehab.But isnt rehab soooo expensive? My mom has such a busy life.My only hope is to confess all to my husband and pray he'll be there for me.He loves me but treats me like I am a silly teenager sometimes...scared

[Mrs.Vic2many]

Originally Posted by lily-b

Hi Everyone, I am new to this form. Funny to say, but even though I have not and will not meet any of you in person, but I am addicted to Vicodin I know that I do not take as much as some users do, which is only 5-6 per day of 750's or 500's, whichever ones I have at the time, but the problem is that I need them or shall I say want them everyday. I have to have one first thing in the morning to get me going, then a half of one a little bit after that, then one when I leave work and 2 to 3 when it's getting close to bed time. I have it all scheduled out, like it is part of a routine, like brushing my teeth. It began when my dentist gave me valium for a jaw issue (TMJ), 10mg of valium before bedtime, I did this for 1 1/2 years. I was so naive that after my prescription was out I thought to just stop taking it. I had no idea that I my body was physically addicted to it, OMG that was when all my aches and pains and total hell begun! The withdrawal from that was the most terrible episode I have ever been through in my life. I literally thought I was going to die, the anxiety, the pains were the worst. So I was then given vicodin to help with the pain, so I basically went from one drug to another. Now I am dealing with the fear of having to come off of this! Yes, I do love how this drug makes me feel ~ I can't believe I am writing this, but at the same time it feels healing in a way. I could never tell my husband or any of my friends, I live with this secret and it's time to stop. I am so afraid of withdrawing from it CT, will my body freak out? Could I have convulsions? I have so many questions but no one to turn to. Is it easier to come off of it slowly or is that just a waste of time and you eventually go back on it. I need to stop this, I have a beautiful family and I know that this has taken control over me and not the other way around...even though it is only a few a day, it's 1 more than I need period. If there is anyone out there who has any advice to help me come off of this please respond with words of hope, truth and encouragement!!!
I pray for God to help me because I know that I am not strong enough to do this on my own. I am helpless and not in control...He is.
Thank you for listening to my story, as I am sure many of you have heard before.....
Lily-B

Lily,
I already said this but we are so the same in this vic boat.i only have one friend who knows how in deep i am.and she enables me.My husband will kill me.I am so scared of feeling sick caus of WD.I almost wish someone knew and could intervention me and send me to rehab...but I couldnt bare being away from my 2 year old.I jjust feel that hydro makes everything better.I am still tryin to figure out how and when to quit.How are you doin?

[Mrs.Vic2many]

Originally Posted by Mrs.Vic2many

Lily,
I already said this but we are so the same in this vic boat.i only have one friend who knows how in deep i am.and she enables me.My husband will kill me.I am so scared of feeling sick caus of WD.I almost wish someone knew and could intervention me and send me to rehab...but I couldnt bare being away from my 2 year old.I jjust feel that hydro makes everything better.I am still tryin to figure out how and when to quit.How are you doin?

Oh Lily...I forgot to ask.how many do you take a day and how strong?

[lily-b]

Hi Everyone, I am back! I think I was just overly stressed and wanted a quick and easy answer and it wasn't coming soon enough. So this is my story since my last post:

I went to see my psych dr. about 6 weeks ago, I told him about my addiction. He was all excited and had told me about a drug called "Suboxone", the miracle drug, and how I could just stop taking my v's and never feel any type of withdrawal whatsoever. Wow, this seemed to good to be true. I did a little bit of research, and had doubts, but my dr. seemed overly eager (big red FLAG), and wanted to have me start this treatment. So finally on 1/15/09 I took my last V at 8pm (per dr.s orders), he said that by 9am the next day I should be in withdrawals and that is when I would start my first dose of Suboxone! 10am came around, everything seemed so unorganized, but I still followed what the dr. was instructing. He gave me 1/2 of an orange colored cross shaped pill, and within an hour I felt like $hit, for some reason I just new it wasn't from coming off the V's, it felt totally different. I was extremely tired (lethargic to be exact), very dizzy, itchy and very nauseated, which in turn became severe vomitting. They placed me in a room with a bed (this is a day detox treatment). I tried taking a nap but the side effects from the Suboxone was not good. Then approx. 4 hours later he gave me a 1/4 of the Suboxone, again I began to feel the nausea, itchy skin, lethargic and general ill feeling. I was asked to go grab a bite to eat. I left and came back with nothing, I was not hungry one bit. Then by 4pm I was given another 1/4 pill, and I still was not feeling any better. Let me get this out for the record. According to my psych. he had told me that once I took a dose I would feel wonderful as if I was not going through any withdrawals. I actually feel that I was overmedicated and the dr. did not see that. I had never been itchy like that, and I had no idea why that was happening. The dr. and his staff had told me it was all a part of the "detox", I say BS! At around 5pm he told me it was time for me to go home. And I have to tell you, it was by the Grace of God that I made it home safely, not to mention not hurting anyone else on the road. I had to concentrate on everything, I was so lethargic and did not know if I could continue my drive home, I wanted to pull over and just pass out. I called my husband (who I ended up sharing my story of my addiction with that day in the morning, I could no longer keep my secret from him...and that was such a load lifted from my conscious and heart!). The next morning I took a 1/4 dose of the Suboxone as instructed, and by 1pm I called my dr. and told him that something was not right, I again told him how I could not keep any food down (it had now been over 24 hours), how tired I was, the itching all over my body, etc. He then says "well stop taking it, and just go ahead and take the Serequel that I had given you". If any of you know, Serequel is for Psychosis (that is not my diagnois). That was when I lost faith in my dr. and as of then he was no longer my dr. He put my life in danger first of all placing me behind the wheel. Then by asking me to take a medication that had nothing to do with my addiction. So I went without medication, did not eat and tried the best I could to keep water and 2 crackers down for 3 days straight. I was fortunate enough to stay in bed for those days.

The good news is that today is day 5 of me being clean. I have no cravings, and am still waiting for some big withdrawal to take place, but maybe that big overdose of the Suboxone helped get it out of my system faster, or it took my mind off of coming off of the V, that I didn't take notice in anything else? Whatever the answer is, I am thankful most to God for getting me through this hell. Maybe this was the only way I could come off of it, being overdosed by the wrong medication that was apparently way to strong for my addiction or the dose was way to high for my tolderance level.

I realize now that when I look back, I wanted answers from everyone and yet the answer was within me, I had to be the one who chose to take the step, I have to be the one who makes the daily choice to stop trying to cover up my pain, both physical and mental. Deal with it all and not let pills be my answer, so much easier said than done, but for those of you who are trying to come off of it, this is truly the only answer. If you don't want it, and are not ready, it will not happen until you takethe first step. I was tired of being in control by the V's, it was no longer me in charge of the drug...and that scared me. I wasn't enjoying life, had no spirit or joy to to do anything, everything seemed like such a hassle. I wasn't me, and that is what I wanted back more than anything, to be a good Mom again and wife, and most of all be good to myself because if that isn't happening then I am no good for anyone else.....

Funny thing is that my physical pain is at least 1/2 of what is was when I was taking 6 to 7 V's per day. I am not a dr. but maybe the V's were making me feel more pain, or creating more pain. A vicious cycle that seemed never ending!

Does it seem to any of you that I have gone through the difficult part of coming off of it? There is little part in the back of my head that is telling me that the withdrawal hasn't begun yet, but I am hoping that is just the insecurity and fright that I have.

All I can say that even though my way was probably the wrong way (trying an easier way out), and a way that I will never forget, but maybe it will remind me on a daily basis of a place I never ever want to be again.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and if any of you have questions...please ask.
Lily-B

[lily-b]

Hi Robert, I am back and I replied somewhere in this post. Had to make the decision myself, I was making excuses and tried to cast the blame on others for me not getting any better...so sorry. I was just frustrated. I needed to be the one to make the right choices, along with the help from you all who have been here.
Lily-B

[lily-b]

Hello Mrs.Vic2many,

I was taking anywhere from 6-7 500 mg or 750mg V's per day, everyday. That is how my day started from the get go and when I went to bed. I know how you feel, I loved it and thought all was good when I was taking them, but you get to a point and it sounds like that is where you are headed, that you realize you want out. I know how hard it is no matter how many you take. I thought I wasn't a very bad addict because I didn't take as many as those who took 20 or more per day. But what I had to take a look at was that it was "my" addiction, and I could NOT go one day without them and I would freak if I thought I would not have one in the morning or in the evening (that is when I took the most (3 to 4) of my pills were taken after 5 pm.

Please ask me anything you need help with. I was ashamed to let my husband know, but when I decided to detox, I had to tell him, I needed him. I couldn't do it on my own. And boy what a relief it was to get that monkey off of my back.
Lily-B

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by lily-b

Hi Robert, I am back and I replied somewhere in this post. Had to make the decision myself, I was making excuses and tried to cast the blame on others for me not getting any better...so sorry. I was just frustrated. I needed to be the one to make the right choices, along with the help from you all who have been here.
Lily-B

Hi lily-b
Thank you,,,You just made my night, Im so happy for you..
It is funny how much pain we are in when we are on the pills and then when we stop alot of the pain is gone...or at least at a manageable level.
Im not really the sub person but I think you pretty much out of the woods.
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[lily-b]

Melinda7.5

I just wanted to make sure and let you know that I only took the Suboxone for 1 1/2 days, it wasn't the right thing for me either. It was way to strong, and the side effects from only taking 1/4 of a pill were even bad. That is when I decided to stop taking that as well and do it on my own. I never had any night sweats, but I think that would have happened by now, what I can say is that yesterday I did have a craving but I think that was because I was bored and didn't know or remember what to do with my time. So used to being on a V or 2 that normal life is akward right at this moment. I honestly feel that I will get a lot more done now. I took a lot of time brushing our two small dogs, then bathed them. Now to a normal non drug taking person that may seem small, but for me it was a big thing, lol. I had patience! Let's just pray that the worse is gone, and now what I really feel that I need is a good therapist to see maybe twice a month to discuss some issues and look into the real reason why I was taking the V's. That is my next step.

Lily-B

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by lily-b

Melinda7.5

I just wanted to make sure and let you know that I only took the Suboxone for 1 1/2 days, it wasn't the right thing for me either. It was way to strong, and the side effects from only taking 1/4 of a pill were even bad. That is when I decided to stop taking that as well and do it on my own. I never had any night sweats, but I think that would have happened by now, what I can say is that yesterday I did have a craving but I think that was because I was bored and didn't know or remember what to do with my time. So used to being on a V or 2 that normal life is akward right at this moment. I honestly feel that I will get a lot more done now. I took a lot of time brushing our two small dogs, then bathed them. Now to a normal non drug taking person that may seem small, but for me it was a big thing, lol. I had patience! Let's just pray that the worse is gone, and now what I really feel that I need is a good therapist to see maybe twice a month to discuss some issues and look into the real reason why I was taking the V's. That is my next step.

Lily-B

Hi Lily
You sound like your pretty smart,I think all of us take are pain meds for more than just pain.I did to.But I just got rid of all the junk in my life and things are allot better now and I can deal with just my pain.
Be kind to yourself you are doing great things right now...
It wont take you long till you relearn how to do things again without pills..
If I can do it anyone can..
Talk to you Later, Melinda

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by lily-b

Hello Mrs.Vic2many,

I was taking anywhere from 6-7 500 mg or 750mg V's per day, everyday. That is how my day started from the get go and when I went to bed. I know how you feel, I loved it and thought all was good when I was taking them, but you get to a point and it sounds like that is where you are headed, that you realize you want out. I know how hard it is no matter how many you take. I thought I wasn't a very bad addict because I didn't take as many as those who took 20 or more per day. But what I had to take a look at was that it was "my" addiction, and I could NOT go one day without them and I would freak if I thought I would not have one in the morning or in the evening (that is when I took the most (3 to 4) of my pills were taken after 5 pm.

Please ask me anything you need help with. I was ashamed to let my husband know, but when I decided to detox, I had to tell him, I needed him. I couldn't do it on my own. And boy what a relief it was to get that monkey off of my back.
Lily-B

Lily ... it's good to see you back posting again. And it's good to see you doing so well. I remember how you were struggling. It often takes a little time before we find what works for us individually. I'm happy for you. God bless.

[Sue13]

MrsVic2many,

I don't know why I haven't been on this thread, because I had the same problem: more and more Hydrocodone, with the bf having no idea. Apparently I wasn't much fun the last few months (because I was agonizing back and forth about the lies and trying to get more pills from my two Drs., one in NYC and one in MD. so I had lots of stuff and still ran out.

Where is there room for a life in all this!!! Finally we had a big fight and I fessed up (mostly) and started a taper (with the help of this site). He took the rest of the pills and all the script that I had and put it "in his care".

Well that was a mind game, because I knew I could find them since we are on a trip, so I finally took the last 1-1/2 pill I had, and told him to ditch the rest.

He, to my surprise, wanted to keep it "just in case" and I got so pi$$ed off that I said NOW!!! He did it. Much better.

It is now Day 6 and he has been, surprisingly, telling me daily how "proud" he is, and has been very understanding of the withdrawal process.

Thinking of you,
Sue

[mitchigan]

I think the time has come for you to be proud also!!!!!!!

[Sue13]

Originally Posted by mitchigan

I think the time has come for you to be proud also!!!!!!!

Mitchigan, Thanks so much!! I really do feel that way. I was up early this morning and replaying the awful last 6 months: the depression, throwing up, numerous attempts to quit, frantic efforts to get more pills, suicidal urges. the sweats, the chills from the devil...all this for that increasingly illusive "high". Hard to believe that we do these things to ourselves and think they help.

Thanks for your support and help,
Sue