[shybaybe2003]

well, i gave in and got some vis from a hospital. I was surprised they gave it to me. I was 10 days clean. I wasnt having any physical withdrawels, I was actually feelinhg fine. WHY would I do this? I guess I just dont want to quit bad enough. The logical part of me is saying...what the hell is wrong with you?? But my other part is saying..its just vics. Its a long story. I know i need help. I notified my doc I got vics from the hospital. Im trying to get some from him too, but i know he wont give me any, cuz I am the one who told him about my addcition in the first place. Maybe part of me told him so he could help me..who knows. I am seeing s shrink who knows nothing about my addiction issues. I am going to see a therapist too I have decided. I am just so confused now. The Rx was only for 16 pills. Ill be done with them today. I got it last night, I only have 10 pills left. I dont want to hear any anger or judgement, just advice.

[Airhead1]

Being dead honest if you do not want to quit you are not going to. I am in day 3 cold turkey and it sux. But i know not matter how much i feel like ******** i wont give in. I know I am not going to be able to sleep right for weeks to come but I do not care...i hate these pills. The only way to cut these things out of your life is if you want to...its ALL mental.

[mitchigan]

Throw the pills away now. You probably DO want to quit or you wouldn't be posting this. You probably want someone to tell you you're an idiot... ok, you're an idiot...lol. A lot of people fall off the horse, just get back on! Do you really want to go back to those days of using? Or back to the first 4-5 days of quitting? So you made a mistake, it happens, just start again asap or you will be right back where you were and have to start all over again. 10 days is great! I think you can continue with your cold turkey and do this!

[Sue13]

What you have done is not unusual, in fact it is mostly the case. To learn to live without the stuff is the trick, and that requires change in your life and practice. I wish it were easier, but that is what taking the pills is all about isn't it: making life easier.

To me the anticipation of running out of the pills was the worst. I would start out happily with 100 (for 25 days) and think: "I can make THIS last!" 10 days into it I was already faced with an unwelcome taper, usually followed with a "oh the hell with it!" binge of taking the last of them. Then the conniving to get more: "I lost them. I left them in NYC. etc." I seem like a substantial person so that worked for a while, till the diligent pharmacists started not filling them even though I had script, and my main Dr. got wise.

Well, I don't have to tell this story anymore because I am willing to bet most people know it.

Back on the wagon train, Shybaybe!
Sue

[money_chick]

As a chronic relapser, I have to ask you- why? Think hard about this. Were you scared? Were you stressed? What triggered the compulsion?

You have to identify that first. You are the onky one who can. I know my triggers, and sometimes I give in. I had 4 monts clean when I relasped last month and I came here and told everyone, and jumped back off. So far, so good, but the 'want' is still there.

Most of all, keep trying.

[icandoitin08]

Originally Posted by shybaybe2003

well, i gave in and got some vis from a hospital. I was surprised they gave it to me. I was 10 days clean. I wasnt having any physical withdrawels, I was actually feelinhg fine. WHY would I do this? I guess I just dont want to quit bad enough. The logical part of me is saying...what the hell is wrong with you?? But my other part is saying..its just vics. Its a long story. I know i need help. I notified my doc I got vics from the hospital. Im trying to get some from him too, but i know he wont give me any, cuz I am the one who told him about my addcition in the first place. Maybe part of me told him so he could help me..who knows. I am seeing s shrink who knows nothing about my addiction issues. I am going to see a therapist too I have decided. I am just so confused now. The Rx was only for 16 pills. Ill be done with them today. I got it last night, I only have 10 pills left. I dont want to hear any anger or judgement, just advice.

Sorry to hear that you fell...

I fell several times but I got up the 8th time and now I am clean 93 days from hydro. Keep reading posts here to help you stay on track. You need to be honest with your shrink 100% otherwise the shrink can not help you. I don't know how long you have been abusing or your age etc... But I do know that nothing good will come from abusing drugs. A lady posted today about her 21 year old nephew that died from lortab (hydro). You liver can only take so much Tylenol before it turns toxic. Stop now, you have 10 days in, throw out the pills and don't go to the hospital. Did you go to the ER? I am guessing you told them you got hurt and were in pain?

If you are 10 days off and feeling good then why go back through it again? You can do this! If I can anyone can I was taking up to 30 pills a day, for me it was do or die.
Cheryl

[mitchigan]

Yeah, what she said...lol!!

[Sue13]

Shybabe, I am just wondering how it is going? As posted above, we have (mostly) all had relapses. I went through w/d a number of times, and just as things were starting to feel normal, I managed to convince some Dr. or other to get pills for me.

The agony just starts all over again. I had an awful day yesterday, but this morning is alright, and I got to wake up with the satisfaction that at least I didn't medicate myself yesterday.

About the Tylenol, Cheryl is so right. Next week I am going to the Dr. for a physical, and I hope the results are good. I certainly tried hard enough to bring myself to a slow death...

Sue

[MaisieC]

You relapsed because you're an addict and you're not all that committed to staying clean. I don't mean to be harsh, but I've done the same kind of thing in the past, and that was the reason for me. I agree it's important to understand what your triggers are, but it really sounds to me--from this post and from some of your earlier ones--that you're not really convinced you need to be off the drug. You used again because you wanted to. If that's the truth, it's good to know it. It's hard to quit using, and it's even harder if you're not 100% behind the decision to stay quit. I don't know of anything to tell you to change how you feel in this regard; you'll get there if and when you're ready. Hang in and take care.

[shybaybe2003]

I want to WANT to quit if hat makes sense. I dont know. Whatever,

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by shybaybe2003

I want to WANT to quit if that makes sense. I dont know. Whatever,

I told you the same thing before that Maisie just told you and you told me to back off. But I'm going to post again now anyway.

You want to be able to get high when you want to without the negative side effects of addiction. Until getting clean is the most important thing in your life you won't change anything. Not trying to be cruel but that is reality. You can't have it both ways or most all of us would be still be using when we felt like it. This deal with addiction doesn't work like that. You don't get the luxury of getting it the way you want it. It's all or nothing with life or death as the ultimate consequence. God bless.