[morticia]

hi all I just want to say all of you are doing GREAT keep up the good work ! i too am an addict especially to vics and perks. i quit cold turkey bout 2 months ago and i feel great! therer is hope this forum is a great supprt i have gotten alot of comfort and encouragem,ent i went throgh hell the first week but then it got easier.


if anyone is interseted i have a post on my story in "featured drugs" 5 days clean.
if your interseted

i wish all of you my best yall are in my thoughts and prayes keep up the good work


there is light at the end of the tunnel and also there is life after pills. once the w/d is over yor gonna feel so much better believe me
best wishes to yall!


luv n hugs
Morticia[:I]

[outdrlvr]

Abbey, I promised Id respond this morning.
I had a very rough night with restless legs, and this morning they were aching, but I do feel my strength and energy returning.
I beleive some natural supplements I've been taking have eased some of the withdrawal symptoms, mostly for my mood - l-tyrosene, kelp, and nettle tea. Maybe it's placebo, I don't know, but I've also started losing weight, and the constant food cravings are gone. I now find myself eating when hungry, not when craving.
It's so nice to feel my body coming back.
So that's me, Day 7, each day will be a little easier.
Still freezing cold, it's sunny out, and Im wrapped in a blanket as I write this.
I hope you find the strength to ditch this addiction. It really does fool you into thinking your life is so much better while taking the meds. It isn't. Gradually I was losing interest in life, including my love for getting outdoors.
Im in the same position as justaguy (and you are doing fantastic btw, sounds like your life is coming together again too!), I don't have any of these things available to me. Nor do I have the desire to go chasing them.
I could get a couple pills from a friend, but then what? Start this all over again, I think not.
I wont give up, and I'll do my best to support those going through this.
Morticia, I read your story, you're an inspiration! You've been through a lot more than I have. Good work, you must feel strong now!

All I can say is thankyou, to those who've responded to me, the support here really helps a lot.
Abbey, we're here for you too... hang in there.

Hugs

[abey042000]

hello outdr, and justaguy,
I accidently replied under your day 7 post. If you get a chance to read that would be great.

Justaguy~
How you doin? I want to hear from you! I miss ya!

[justaguyfromct2k5]

Hello Abey, Outdrlvr, everyone else....

I was away for about 6 days.....3 of them in Florida on business/pleasure.

I am now 16 days clean. Although my withdrawl is for the most part over, I am now trying to get back into physical shape. Mentally, there are times I am very glad that I have no access to any more pills as boredom, some depression, wanting to feel happy and personable, would surely weaken my willpower and I think I would give into temptation if given the chance.

How are all of you doing? I have a ton of work to catch up on so I cannot write at length. I hope and pray that I hear you all are clean and fighting the battle. Keep me posted.

[abey042000]

Hey, justaguy!

Thought u dropped out on us. Anyways, i done backslide and am back on day 2 detox ct. When will this ever end, is what i keep asking myself.
I am so proud of you. That's absolutely wonderful. I knew you could do it, so why dont i think i can? I think the hardest part, is having to learn how to function and live without them. I'm a shy person unless i have popped a few pills. Its harder to take my kids outside and everytghing. i hope to hear from you and once again i am so happy for you.

[Angela H]

Abey~
Hey girl! I'm right there with ya, sista. When will it ever end?
It amazes me how fast it sucks you back in. I was doing well with the weaning/tapering, but was able to get a hold of some and WHAM! There you are right back again! I am so sick of this! I want my life back! Sometimes the pain of the thought of living without them makes me wanna cry. Why is this happening?

[abey042000]

Angela~
Thanks for replying to my post! Yes, it is so hard to break the chain! I'm on day 3 of ct, and well lets just say, my mind is tryin g to conjour something up to get my fix. Every corner is exhausted now, except for the ER at the hosp. but i hvae my two kiddos and no way will i take them with me. (Try acting like your in severe pain, while chasing kids) YEAH RIGHT! So how are u feelin' today? Do u still have pills left? Sometimes, i wake up in the morning and i'll cry if i'm on my last days worth or if i'm out like now cuz i hate to face the days with no drugs. I have to force myself just to take my kiddos outside to play. I hope one day i can break this, so i dont keep putting my kids and hubby threw the ringer every month. There's only 1 week out of every month that I have pills from my RX. Supposed to last me a month supply only last me a week, so somethings gotta give. I hope to hear from you soon, i'll be looking for your post.

[justaguyfromct2k5]

Day 18 and still going strong. But no accolades here please. I am lucky I have zero access to pills. If I did, I would probably use them. So although I am clean, my mind is dirty with thoughts of using. I just don't have access to them anymore like I used to. The thoughts of using again will surely diminish once I train my mind to seek the same results that the pills gave me, but through natural methods. I am working out at the gym 4 days of the week now and will soon bring it back up to 5 which is where I left off.

I know how you and Angela are both struggling with the on-again, off-again thing. The only way to stay clean is to divorce yourself completely from being able to get your hands on more pills. So long as you have access to pills, you will continue to use them. So you know what you have to do, you just need to find the strength to get thru 4 or 5 days and believe me, it gets a little easier each day after that. You have to really want to prevent yourself from getting the pills. If you can't do that, you won't get clean. So long as there is a method for you to get your pills, you will continue in the same pattern. Using a month's supply in one week. I know. I have been there. And very recently.

I'm sure one day I will be tested. Hopefully not for a long time. I tell you right now, if I had some pills, I don't know whether I would be able to walk away from them. I miss there effects. I just have to find a natural way to obtain those same effects.


Anyways, you all take care. I will think of you and pray for you to find the strength to quit. Doing it yourself is tough. Get to a doctor and they can prescribe drugs (opiate blockers, etc.) to help get you off the pills. It's too hard to quit without some kind of help. I'm sure you all know this already.

Have a good weekend. Be strong, be clean!

[outdrlvr]

I hear you justaguy - Im in the same boat. Back to exercising regularly now, with strength I never thought I'd have without the pills!
And yet, still thinking about them constantly, I still have that half pill left, and it gives me strength to say it's still there...
It's so nice to be free of the drugs, I just wish I didn't miss that feeling so much.

Keeping busy, connecting with friends (only a chosen few of my friends know this about me), has kept my mind off the pills a fair amount.
But days like today when Im super tired because I've done too much this week has left me desiring that rush and then the pain go away, I have chronic pain and my back acts up now and then.
I'll stay strong, I don't want to go back to living on the things, having my energy and motivation sucked dry.

Abey, listen to this, you need another solution, or to cut yourself off these things, else you will continue to suffer three weeks out of each month - that's no fun when you have little ones around...

[justaguyfromct2k5]

OK. Haven't posted in awhile. Been incredibly busy.

Outdrlvr....how you doing? Still hanging in there??

And Abey..where you been sweetie? Everything OK?

I'm doing OK. Still f'in thinking of the pills, but so far so good.

[abey042000]

Hey there Justaguy!
I'm glad to see you havent forgot about us. I think of you often and still keep u in my prayers as well. I am so proud of you...staying clean. I can believe now when peoplpe say that the physical part is the easiest, its the mental thats hard to beat. I know that with you having no connections, kind of keep u hangin' in there huh? Thats a good thing though, as sometimes those cravings can be so strong sometimes. Well, about me..I am not clean anylonger, BUT I went to my neuro doctor and told her everything!!! How my addiction ended up but yet still have severe chronic pain. For now, she gave me 10mgs of percs along with ultram. I did have someone put these pills up for me and they hand them out to me only as directed. I have decided that no matter how bad my pain gets, I'm only gonna take what I'm prescr. for. I have stuck to that! The doctor also got me an appt. with a pain spec. in 2 weeks to see what he thinks and she'd think he may give me something stronger to help control the pain, but yet time-released so that it will last longer and I wont get the "feeling" from them. I never really cared bout that part anyways, it was always just to alleviate my pain. But of course that leads us to addiction. I will keep you in my thoughts and you'll have to stop back in sooner, dont be gone so long.

[outdrlvr]

Justaguy~

well Im not thrilled, but Im content... so to speak.
I went back on the sustained release morphine. Having been clean for almost three weeks I definitely can feel how strong they are, and that they work for my pain. They don't leave me fogged up, but rahter able to live my life the way I need to.
I wish I could be free of meds... any kind of substance that comes in powder (yes even what you'd find at the 'alternative medicine' store) - but I may just have to accept that might not be reality for me.
we'll see. I have one month's supply of these, then I can go in and get more (doc gave me three months, but my med plan pays for one month at a time, saves me money, so I opted for that).
So far I've taken less than prescribed dose per day, and feeling as strong as I do currently I intend to keep it that way.
Still, Im not thrilled with myself - maybe I'll be stronger with myself in the future.

Nice to hear from you, and I hope you're keeping well

[patmamma]

Hi to all of you on this post!
I have followed your stories, and have gained strength through them, I feel it is only fair to write and say, hi!

Outdrlvr, I especially noticed your posts as you, like myself, are very active outdoors. I mountain and road bike race, and find that to be a key to my getting off of a 4 year run of taking percocets from various operations, and accidents. I noticed on one post you felt like you were much stronger physically, I thought that as well, I am now on day 12...I hope I am not imagining it!

You sound like a very strong person, you can have faith in that to pull you through any situation.

I look forward to posting with you all,
Patmamma[:I]

[abey042000]

Patmamma~
Congrats on your sobriety. You must be a very strong person. As you've read, I have tried to clean myself several times, but keep going back. Although I do have severe chronic pain as well, I think that's what kept me going back, as the euphoria didnt do much for me. I hope u keep coming back, because sounds like u could be an inspiration to us here as well.

[outdrlvr]

patmamma ~

You're right, Im highly active outdoors, be it backpacking, dayhiking, skiing, or snowshoeing.

When I was on day 4 of my withdrawal I went backpacking, for two nights with an understanding friend. I found my energy levels weren't bad, but the excruciating aches in my joints (knees and ankles) kept me bouncing around. I took diazepam (tiny, tiny chunks of a pill at a time) so I could sleep. I didn't want the restlessness in a sleeping bag.
On our way home after two wonderful nights we stopped at a hot springs for a much needed soak.
The outdoors is my anti-depressant (I don't take any other meds other than for pain), and when I cant get out backpacking I go swimming instead. That also helps the endorphines kick in.
That really helped a lot to keep my mind off the withdrawal, I didn't want the pills, so no problems there - but just to be free from pain.
Now Im finding I have much more strength - Im exhausted this week because I've had so much to get done, with late nights and early mornings, on the go all day... but this is more like myself.
Typical overachiever, Im not happy unless I get a lot of things done in a day. When im outdoors thats the only place I can 'relax'...
You're doing awesome! No you aren't imagining the strength, your body is healing and you'll continue to feel the benefits from that.
Keep up the good work, you're an inspiration to others..

[patmamma]

Hey guys, nice to talk to you!

abey, I know I am strong, but the key is that I dont have the chronic pain to deal with as well, or I KNOW I wouldnt even be starting this process, I would convince myself that If I do what the dr. says I should, then its ok to take pills for the rest of my life. I cant begin to explain my awe in you outdrlvr and many others I have seen through the chat.....I cant even be compared, because you all are the amazing ones! To see that it is hard on your body and look for an alternative, just mind blowing!

I hope, however, that in my case I can hope to inspire you in some way. I am still suffering from minor whiplash issues from my road cycling crash in the fall, (My front wheel dropped into a slot in a cattle guard, stopped the bike dead, and flipped my forward on to my lower face, breaking 4 teeth and killing about 5 others. Teeth were hanging and broken and I suffered a concusion as well as whiplash. My spine is still trying to re-align completely)....so what do I do? I go mtn. biking, not just mtn biking but racing and catching air, etc. I do it to myself! So I have been taking small doses of ibuprofen. I had been told that it is processed through the kidney, I donated a kidney to my dad 4 years ago, (how this pill thing started), so I am being really careful not to take too much.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. I cant wait to hear from you all, have a GREAT day!
Patmamma

[outdrlvr]

Ouch patmamma!!!!!

don't be hard on yourself, you had a valid reason for taking the painkillers, and as you've probably read many of the stories here you see it's easy for anyone to become dependent.
I find the worst is when I beat myself up over this, Im incredibly hard on myself. Lately I have tried to be more forgiving of myself.
For my life hasn't fallen apart, I have managed to maintain everything functionally, just when I started to see myself losing my will to get out backpacking I became horrified.... I can't lose that, it's something I cling to that keeps my sanity.
Im not really proud of myself for going back to the doc for the sustained release tabs, but they do help with my chronic back pain - I have a strained ligament in my back from lifting my late hubby in and out of his wheelchair for 13 years, that might never heal. I manage it with the meds, attitude, and lifestyle.
The minute I start taking extra I will cut myself off (I've already proved to myself that I can say no... if you read my thread "Day 7, you'll see my story there), and go through withdrawal again just for the reminder.
For now Im managing well.

Nice to talk to you too patmamma, and I hope you manage to stay strong, wow.... Im in awe of you to be honest, to be able to get back on that bike again after an accident like that, not to mention having given up a kidney.... our bodies can be strong when we need them!

[outdrlvr]

Oh... and one more thing - patmamma...

be careful with those ibuprofen. They are anti inflammatories - I took prescription anti inflammatories for years, which caused me to become anemic, hence the start of the morphine to control my pain.
Today I can't even take an aspirin, my body rebels, I retain fluid like crazy, and become tired and out of breath, with those symptoms that's how I found out I was anemic.

Now I caution anyone who takes them, be it prescription strength or OTC - they work, but not good for long term pain management.

Have a great day!

[patmamma]

outdrlvr,
I am taking two a day, they are 200mg. I hate drugs period! I cant take aspirin, (kidney), and I swear Tylenol doesnt even work for me. Maybe it would now that I am not using percocets. I am guessing that this neck thing is short term, (it comes and goes, based on the rides I am doing), but if not, I have a script to go to the physical therapist. I will do that. I am a little nervous to do it though, that can make pain worse! Is advil the same thing? I am right now going to drink an emergen-C. If anyone out there has not heard of them, they are small packets sold at the convenience store which have anywhere from 500mg-1000mg of vitamin C, along with the equivalent to a multi-vitamin in a powder you pour water over and drink. They give me a huge boost of energy, and I feel like they are cleansing me. I also drink a cleansing tea, and one day did the epsom salt in the jacuzzi jetted tub, I dont know if that helps, but any excuse to relax in a tub, I am all over it!

[outdrlvr]

oooohhh yes..... those emergen c packs are great! I use them often when Im backpacking.
I've been to the point of close to dehydration (where I couldn't even down water because I was nauseous), and one drink with one of those little packs of powder turned me right around.

Epsom salts! Im all over that too - they're great for soaking away aches and pains!

The ibuprofen/advil is an anti inflammatory, for me it does the same thing as aspirin, causes me to become very tired, and retain excessive water.
I guess really all drugs are bad, but it comes down to which one is the lesser of the evils on your body.

whats the cleansing tea you're drinking? I love herbal teas, I try to stay away from caffeine my body wont tolerate it too well.

[patmamma]

It is called Peach Detox....imagine that....cleansing tonic with organic dandelion. It has Ginger, black pepper and long pepper in it, I dont know, it sounds gross, but it is really good, and cafienne free! It is by a company called Yogi Tea, and is organic.

I took my two ibuprofens earlier today, and have felt great all day! It is around 3pm, this used to be the worst time of day for me, I just hit the wall, and always, always, took a percocet 5.

I just cannot believe that chapter in my life is ending! I cant believe I made it through the tough physical w/d. I need to not get hurt right now!

I still am not out of the woods, I still even occasionally think of the pills, but that will pass.

Patmamma

[outdrlvr]

Yogi tea! yes, that company is one of my faves!
Im going to have a look for this tea now...
I've been drinking ginger tea for the last few weeks, ginger is good for improving blood circulation I was told, and well with my perpetual cold hands and feet I needed it.
Much improved now.

Glad to hear you're doing so well!

[patmamma]

Outdrlvr,
Have you ever tried kava kava? I thought I would give it a whirl for my occasional tension. I find that although I am doing pretty well, i still get a little testy. I think herbal is a good thing, I just dont want to think it is completely innocent just cause its herbal. Today is the first day however, that I have not gotten occasional chills and being sweaty. I am so sick of that little gem of a side effect. Man, it seems like my body has really worked this **** out.....but even after the end of day 12, still a couple side effects of w/d[}]. hmmm, maybe I really attached to this.

Patmamma

[outdrlvr]

Patmamma ~

No, never tried kava kava... although I did take l-tyrosine, and kelp when I was going through my withdrawal, I believe that helped keep my spirits high, as usually I would get super depressed even if I had to go two days without pills.
And, to be completely honest I find it a comfort to hear you still have some withdrawal symptoms after 12 days, I thought I was going nuts when almost two weeks had gone by and I still had some symptoms (sweats and chills mainly).
I read everywhere that 5-10 days was the norm.... so imagine my frustration!
Im feeling really calm though, but I might end up trying kava kava over the next three weeks, my mom is coming to stay, and in my tiny place it's not easy!
I love my mom, but living with her can be trying at times ha!
IM still taking kelp, although with these herbal things who knows what they do, without clinical studies how d'you find out the benefits/side effects?
I no longer have the cold hands and feet, nor am I nearly as tired as I was. I think a lot of my problems can be blamed on the OTC codeine I was taking.... seriously, handfuls of pills to get a buzz off the codeine in them, which meant a high dose of acetaminophen, which I know is hard on the liver.
I know the dilaudids were also a problem.
My doctor has told me my weight gain is a problem for my body - Im in super shape, I can haul up 3000ft with no problems.... but my heart is working too hard with this extra weight.
Weight piled on after surgery last september, so now its food that Im battling with. Doc said 1200 calories/day max, Id rather work off the extra weight in exercise! It has been rather stubborn... sigh.

ack... when will it all ever end and I'll have no problems to deal with??

[patmamma]

outdrlvr,
I think that day is not far off that this too shall pass....I say that to myself two or three times a day. I look at some posts from months ago, there are people feeling good, getting better, or maybe they are already better....it will happen for us, I just believe it takes diligence. I really cant spell worth a darn, so bear with me.

I absolutly still have strange moments, both physically and mentally, I also thought that I was somehow just really screwed up. I didnt ever take so many pills per day, but I did it for a long time, so I guess I might as well of taken many many. All that time I thought I was being so careful, so smart about my usage....HA!

I just think of the rule of thumb, three weeks and you have developed a habbit, (someone told me that, and now, I will believe anything positive), so if I can just get to three weeks, I hope that is true. Most of my problems are that there is a habbit here, and all habbits take time to reverse.

I am rambling. Sorry. Well, my 12th day is almost done, that much closer. Tonight I feel like I am a fortune cookie....ha ha
Patmamma

[patmamma]

Oh, all that rambling, and I forgot to say that Kava Kava seems okay, I think it kinda helped to calm me down. I dont know, i am used to some drug making a huge difference, I guess I just have to get used to not being into instant gratification.
Patmamma

[mpvt]

deleted

[shfug]

Well hello to all,

I am new to this or any forum, but I have been following your guys since I stumbled on to this site.

I have been on percocet for about 10 months now due to a couple surgeries. I feel I have developed a liking for these pills. The last perscription that I was given, was the one I was supposed to use to wean myself down so that I could go off of them.

I of course didn't do that and I called the office last week in hopes of getting another perscription to last until July 18th (my next appointment). The doc was on vacation and they don't have the authority to call in the percocets, so they called me in a script of vicodin. Never had those before, but noticed that they are not as strong, so I've taken more of them to make up for it. I don't think I needed to to that either, at least for the pain. That's what also kind of led me to stumble on this web site.

Anyway, in two days I will know if I'm going to be allowed another perscription of percocets. If not, I will have no more pills left, and like justaguy, I will be forced to detox. I am a bit scared about going through all the symptoms that I've read about with you guys.

I was going to be straight up front with the doc on Tuesday, and tell him that I didn't do by the plan of the last perscription, and that if he doesn't allow me anymore, that I'll just have to go through it. I also want to tell him that I have travel plans to go see my family in 1 1/2 weeks and that I feel like I would rather go through all of this when I get back because it's not going to be very good timing at all. I don't want to be totally sick during my vacation.

What do you guys think? If he won't perscribe anymore, do you think I'll be feeling at all human after 11 days of no pills at all? I leave on July 31st.

I've never been addicted to anything. I don't smoke, I only drink alcohol about twice per year, and only maybe 3 coctails each time. I do admit to really liking these pills. I do still have pain, but I have wondered if the pain is exaggerated during the withdrawl period, because I feel so bad after a certain amount of time without the pills.

I've been taking the "big boys" Percocet 10/650.
My husband says I should wean off, but I have my little secret going on, and I know that I must just cut it off. Just hope I don't have to until I get back from my family visit.

Just wanted to get some of this off my chest. Sorry if I rambled too much. Shfug

[TOOLONG]

I am wired on percocet/morphine for over a year. Steal it, lie for it, do whatever I have to do to get it.. My doctor has disowned me, so I paid a private clinic and they have now cut me off. My wife (who has chronic pain) keeps her's in a locked safe but I know where the key is. I now take 10-12 percs a day.

I went to detox centre yesterday to talk about the withdraw I can expect and didn't get a straight answer.

I stopped using for a few hours in March and felt like ****, like I was getting a bad flu, two percs fixed that. I now take one in the middle of the night and two before my feet hit the floor.

My backpain is the reason I started. This morning I was going to stop but I felt pain like I hadn't in a year so I took two. They don't give a buzz just take the pain away. So I want to take two more for the good feeling, but haven't.

I started to get blurry vision a month ago and am worried about overdosing.

I had a cocaine, pill and alcohol problem and was 15 years sober through AA. This addiction snook up on me but can't go back to AA because it's not a drink problem.

I am telling my wife today...I need to do something. I hope she will help me wean off them.

How long is the withdrawl from 12 a day? Or what's the best wean plan?

How do I deal with my back pain?

Thanks

[mpvt]

What province are you in,I'm in Ontario???Buprenorphene (subutex) is now suppposed to be available and you are a perfect canadate for it.Phone your local addiction crisis centre or whatever they are calling it and ask about buprenorphene.let me know how you make out.Good luck and hang in there.....Dave