[Max31]

Nothing new here - just another addict writing to tell you about how he has pretty much ruined his life with painkiller addiction and wants desperately to quit. I'll start at the beginning. I had my wisdom teeth out about 5 years ago and they prescribed me the basic 5/325 Percocet to handle to pain. This is the first time in my life I was introduced to the drug. What can I say I loved the feeling I got from the pills. From that point on I would take the drug recreationally with friends when someone could get them. Which was maybe a couple times a month? No big deal and that lasted up until the past year or so. But almost overnight there seemed liked there was a huge influx of Perc suppliers’. Oh the joy! So I would purchase about 10 (10/325) pills and they would last me a couple weeks. Maybe even longer I was taken only 3 to 4 a week. No big deal still. All of a sudden one of my suppliers told me he ran out of the normal percs and that all he had were these 30mg roxycontins. This was about 6 months ago. I was king of nervous about taking them at first but I tried them and experienced the same high (Obviously because they contain the same drug as percs) and I was hooked. Problem was that no longer was it a recreational hobby I did a couple days a week. I started taking the ******************** every day, and I was hooked. For the past 2 months or so I have been on the roxycontin 30's every day. Usually just 1 a day but everyday. Let me tell you I live for the pills. I have sacrificed a lot. My friends, my family, my wife has separated and took our 2 year old son, I have lost the money I spent on the drugs plus the money I have spent foolishly while being "high" on the pills. Its a miracle I still have a job but that wont last long when they find out that I don’t do ********************, I just watch the clock until five so that I can go home and pop a pill. Bottom line is I want to quit (like everyone else here) but I don’t know how to do it by myself. I don’t know if I am past the point where I can do it cold turkey, I always tell myself okay after this week I will quit, I think I have been telling myself that for the past month. I don’t have health insurance so going through a doctor is not an option. I pray for the power to wean myself off this drug. Any advice or help is much appreciated, thank you!

[melinda7.5]

Hi Max
I got a story just like yours,I was addicted to oxycontin,percs and vics.
I was able to wean off of them.it took me awhile.but i di it...
Im about 45 days clean now.It feels really good...
I doesent take long to put your life back together,after you get off all the drugs.we would love to help you thru this if that is what you choose to do.
I told myself the same things that you are,and keep telling yourself that.
let us know how we can help...

[nixon08]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I was in the same boat. I started low and eventually escalated to over 160 mg of Oxycontin per day. Then I moved on to pure heroin. Thankfully I never shot up, but I was still in pretty bad shape for about 6 years.

Look man, if you honestly don't have insurance (even though you can ALWAYS find insurance someway or another - my gf lost her job from drugs and went to rehab and had to find a month to month insurance company to help pay), then you at least need to find an NA or AA meeting to attend. I would honestly recommend AA. I started with NA but I felt AA was much more "real", and had a much higher rate of success. Plus, almost every one of my friends from AA went through painkillers to get where they are today. It's strange! But no, AA is not only for alcoholoics. You simply replace the word "alcohol" with whatever your D.O.C. is, and after a while you'll realize that it's all the same thing. You're an addict and you are addicted to everything, whether you've touched it or not.

So, first of all, find a meeting. Google "Alcoholics Anonymous" and "where & when" to find one in your area. Those who are sponsoring will raise their hands. You need a sponsor to get you working on the steps. This is not something you can do alone. I tried a million times. I tried EVERYTHING BUT going to meetings, and nothing worked. Now I have 3 months clean. Life could not be better, I'm telling you.

So find a meeting, ask for help. You are an addict which means you have a natural inability to ask for help. You think that you can do everything on your own, your own way. This would be nice if it were true, but it's not. You must admit to yourself that you are powerless over the pills. You have to be able to ask for help, just as you are doing right now (good job by the way! - it sounds like you do realize you are an addict, and like they say, that's the first step towards recovery).

Once you find a meeting and ask for help, others will guide you along the way. Recovering addicts LOVE to share their stories and they LOVE helping others get better. All you need to do ask for help and others (I promise) will reach out to you.

The next thing is to find a way to get yourself onto suboxone. You need to do this, it doesn't sound like you have a choice. You're going to have to shell out the money for a doctor's visit, and you're going to have to shell out the cash for the prescription if you don't have insurance. Can you find the money? If you can't, you need to find a way to get the money. If you can afford your habit, you can afford to get off of it. Don't complain about finances because I (and every other addict you'll meet) was in just as bad of a financial situation, I'm sure. Every addict is.

Anyways, go find a meeting - look online. Ask for help, and post on this board when you do.

Good luck!

[nixon08]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

Hi Max
I got a story just like yours,I was addicted to oxycontin,percs and vics.
I was able to wean off of them.it took me awhile.but i di it...
Im about 45 days clean now.It feels really good...
I doesent take long to put your life back together,after you get off all the drugs.we would love to help you thru this if that is what you choose to do.
I told myself the same things that you are,and keep telling yourself that.
let us know how we can help...

Congrats on your 45 days Melinda. That is so great! Now, what are YOU doing to STAY clean? What will you do if something horrible were to happen, would you be able to deal with the emotional stress without the pills? I hope so, because a relapse for you would not be a good thing. I would also recommend finding some outside help for you, because honestly staying clean is the hardest part. Yes you have 45 days clean, but I promise you, if you slip up, it's going to take a lot less than 45 days to get right back to where you were before.

Remember, the only thing separating you now from you then is one tiny slip up. One bad day, or one accident. One drink. One whatever. Please think about attending meetings. I'm not some crazy AA or NA activist pushing the program, I'm an addict who tried everything else, relapsed too many times to count, reached the bottom of my worst bottom and finally gave it all up to the power of AA before getting and staying clean. I wish you would consider it too.

Good luck.

[melinda7.5]

Hi nixon
thank you,I will be fine...I have a dear friend that helped me thru this...
and i will never forget him,I will always have a special place in my heart for him and will allways keep him with me no matter what...

[nixon08]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

Hi nixon
thank you,I will be fine...I have a dear friend that helped me thru this...
and i will never forget him,I will always have a special place in my heart for him and will allways keep him with me no matter what...

I hope you will be fine. You know, it just hurts to see others struggle with this because I went through it myself. And I'm still new to clean time, only 3 months. I never, ever want to go back to that horrible horrible place. Good luck to you. I hope you never have to go through what I went through in order to stay clean.

[Max31]

hey thank you for the advice. I am in the process of trying to get some health insurance so i can go to an in or outpatient substance abuse facility. I am also going to try some recommended dosing techniques for weening myself off the roxy. I wont lie right now im just doing the same as always popping a pill every night right now. Guess its going to take some real effort on my part. Thanks for everyones post and I will keep you updated.

[nixon08]

Originally Posted by Max31

hey thank you for the advice. I am in the process of trying to get some health insurance so i can go to an in or outpatient substance abuse facility. I am also going to try some recommended dosing techniques for weening myself off the roxy. I wont lie right now im just doing the same as always popping a pill every night right now. Guess its going to take some real effort on my part. Thanks for everyones post and I will keep you updated.

Not to sound cliche' but you've got to put something in to get something out. You can't do it on your own though. I'm not a religious person at all, I don't go to church or anything but completing the 2nd and 3rd steps made a world of difference for me. If you aren't familiar, step 2 states that you much come to beleive in a power (higher, aka God) greater than yourself, and basically ask for help.

When I first heard this, I almost threw up. I hated praying, and I wanted nothing to do with "God". They say fake it til you make it, and I did, at first. I was like f-it, "Howard Stern is my higher power". It was funny and all, for a few days but it's weird how things changed and I really have to admit, I had a bonefied "spiritual awakening". Sounds dumb, I know, but it happened.

I was basically like "Ok, so I've tried EVERYTHING else, and nothing has worked. I can't go on living like this anymore, I just can't. Screw it, if there is a God, please help me - I'll do whatever I need to do if you just show me some kind of sign" and things happened. Not immediately recognizable things like bright lights or moving furniture or crazy dreams, but subtle things, like advice from people and postive changes, etc.

I had reached the end of the line though - I can't speak for you or anyone else.

[melinda7.5]

Hey Max
I just wanted to tell ya to keep posting and let us know how you are doing!
we will be praying for you, Melinda

[ohwhat2do]

Okay this is my first time writing and not just reading.

Max/Melinda/Nixon....i'm in the same situation you all have described. I'm scared. I never thought I would have let myself get to this point. I thought I had control. The sad thing is I like myself better on the pills but I feel so guilty and I know that they're leading me down the pathway of destruction. I am a christian and week after week I feel like they're talking to me. It is sad. I have spent thousands (it is sickening) on this habit...and truth is...i can't afford this monetarily, emotionally, physically...in anyway.

I too thought I would have the ability to quit cold turkey but I'm finding it hard to even "taper down". It is impossible for me. I tell myself - this time I will use the pills i bought to taper down, but instead i find mmyself taking two, three at a time. Although i have not mentioned my D.O.C. as you call it is oxy 80s....and SAME EXACT story...i had a root canal and discovered that I liked the hydros. Well, not quite, my father passed away three years ago of prostate cancer and being his youngest daughter of 3 (22 at the time) i did not know how to handle and deal with this loss of my best friend. I was heartbroken - but mainly broken. I was fortuante (at the time) to have painkillers as a leg a crutch to get me thru without to much attention. That has been my biggest problem...getting by without people knowing that I have problem...i always hated to be seen grieving bc i knew my mom was in more pain. I wish i would have just grieved as normal people would. Well, the pk's ran out thankfully and i was not willing to pursue them at that time. That was three years ago. Last sept, i had a root canal and after this...i had the money, and the energy to pursue this evil. It is sad to think it started with a root canal and some hydros. Then when i was taking to many of those in one day to be healthy a friend suggested 80's...they said, cut in 4ths...cut em in halves, take the whole thing. That was my journey. I've never been a fan of snorting....bc to me it felt better to chew, lasted longer...but now i find myself chewing 2, 3...5 in a day. That is sick. I disgust myself. I dontknow how to stop. It scares me...i have a great career - just got a huge raise...and is sh0ould have a house, a husband..but instead i have nothing and it is because of this habit. It has scared me so bad that i've started to reach out to my family. My mom and "dad" (brother who has been my dad after my fathers death(my parents were in their 70s and i was in my 20s...so literally grandparents)) anyhoo too much irrelevant detail.

so...help me? what have you all done to come clean? I can't lose my job and i really can't file with my insurance because of my small business setting. I prcess claims and i cant afford to have my claims exposed. It scares me to death to think that getting help may actually bring more negative then i have brought to myself. It scares me enough not to quit...but i desperately need to.

Please help me too...i need it. I would love to hear anything you all have to say. Any suggestions. I looked into the intravenous detox methods...waisman?? and another. 16k for one and 6700 for another...i dont have that in one given week....maybe collectively after months but could never afford it jus outright. I know that would be the best. also...hynosis...anyone tried this method? I will try anything. Interestd to hear from you all.

[melinda7.5]

Hi ohwhat2do
I have been right where you are.and i will share my story with you.
my doctor had me taking oxycontin,percs, vics,klonopin and soma all at the same time.I was chewing up my oxys to.I did the taper,first i quit the oxy first then i went to percs,then i was taking just vics,but alot of them,
I did a slow taper on them,I have been clean now for over 45 days now.

I know Robert will be on here soon,If you listen to anyone on here, listen to him,he is the best there is...

we would be happy to help you anyway we can,Please let us know how we can help.
I know its scary right now,but it will be ok.there are alot of options out there for you.
talk to you soon melinda

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by ohwhat2do

Okay this is my first time writing and not just reading.

Max/Melinda/Nixon....i'm in the same situation you all have described. I'm scared. I never thought I would have let myself get to this point. I thought I had control. The sad thing is I like myself better on the pills but I feel so guilty and I know that they're leading me down the pathway of destruction. I am a christian and week after week I feel like they're talking to me. It is sad. I have spent thousands (it is sickening) on this habit...and truth is...i can't afford this monetarily, emotionally, physically...in anyway.

I too thought I would have the ability to quit cold turkey but I'm finding it hard to even "taper down". It is impossible for me. I tell myself - this time I will use the pills i bought to taper down, but instead i find mmyself taking two, three at a time. Although i have not mentioned my D.O.C. as you call it is oxy 80s....and SAME EXACT story...i had a root canal and discovered that I liked the hydros. Well, not quite, my father passed away three years ago of prostate cancer and being his youngest daughter of 3 (22 at the time) i did not know how to handle and deal with this loss of my best friend. I was heartbroken - but mainly broken. I was fortuante (at the time) to have painkillers as a leg a crutch to get me thru without to much attention. That has been my biggest problem...getting by without people knowing that I have problem...i always hated to be seen grieving bc i knew my mom was in more pain. I wish i would have just grieved as normal people would. Well, the pk's ran out thankfully and i was not willing to pursue them at that time. That was three years ago. Last sept, i had a root canal and after this...i had the money, and the energy to pursue this evil. It is sad to think it started with a root canal and some hydros. Then when i was taking to many of those in one day to be healthy a friend suggested 80's...they said, cut in 4ths...cut em in halves, take the whole thing. That was my journey. I've never been a fan of snorting....bc to me it felt better to chew, lasted longer...but now i find myself chewing 2, 3...5 in a day. That is sick. I disgust myself. I dontknow how to stop. It scares me...i have a great career - just got a huge raise...and is sh0ould have a house, a husband..but instead i have nothing and it is because of this habit. It has scared me so bad that i've started to reach out to my family. My mom and "dad" (brother who has been my dad after my fathers death(my parents were in their 70s and i was in my 20s...so literally grandparents)) anyhoo too much irrelevant detail.

so...help me? what have you all done to come clean? I can't lose my job and i really can't file with my insurance because of my small business setting. I prcess claims and i cant afford to have my claims exposed. It scares me to death to think that getting help may actually bring more negative then i have brought to myself. It scares me enough not to quit...but i desperately need to.

Please help me too...i need it. I would love to hear anything you all have to say. Any suggestions. I looked into the intravenous detox methods...waisman?? and another. 16k for one and 6700 for another...i dont have that in one given week....maybe collectively after months but could never afford it jus outright. I know that would be the best. also...hynosis...anyone tried this method? I will try anything. Interestd to hear from you all.

If you want to do this without going through the w/d symptoms and being sick the best route would be subutex. It's great for helping us to get clean. Then of course you have to work at staying clean. But based on what you say that would seem to be the most logical route for you. Are you familiar with subutex??? LOTS of people here have used it, are using it, etc. myself included. It just needs to be done properly. I would be happy to help you with that if you would like. You have your entire life ahead. Get this behind you and move on to bigger things. Doesn't mean you're a bad person, you just made some bad choices.

I am a Christian too. It's His grace that will get you through this if you are like me. All things are possible through Christ. This is really not a big deal for Him. Continue to have faith and humbly ask for help. We are here if we can help. God bless.

[ohwhat2do]

Thank you guys so much ....wow the support is amazing on here and I can actuall talk about it. I think that has been the hardest thing about all of this. Not having anyone who would understand!

Did you guys feel that way too. Like you had this selfish little secret that you didnt want to share with anyone. Then it turned into like the wicked step sister....an obligation that you couldn't share.

Interesting.

Anyhoo...thank you and I absolutely need all of you're help...as much as you're willing to give. Really.

So...what is subetex?? Is it similar to suboxone? I've heard so many negative things about subxone.I absolutely thing I need this also...i have a major mental fear of the w/d symptoms tha tI will fill and I must be honest and say that I have not gone without..for ONE day for...6 months. Yuck. It is the truth tho....so at one point can i go to the dr? After i've been w/o for a few days? do u still ween with this or is it a replacement?? Not entirely clear. Also, is it true that you can become addicted to t his as well?? I know you can't get high...but...tell me what you know please!!

I dont know, and one last thing. It is out of pocket for me...is it expensive??

[melinda7.5]

Hi Ohwhat2do
We are so glad you came back...
You came to the right place to get support.LOL
we have all gone thru what you are doing right now.
I dont know much about the sub meds.
but if you need support with anything,Im great at that.
I was the same as you I keep alot of stuff a secret.
Robert will be back on in awhile to answer you ?about subs.
keep posting and let us know how you are...
talk to ya soon,melinda

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by ohwhat2do

Thank you guys so much ....wow the support is amazing on here and I can actuall talk about it. I think that has been the hardest thing about all of this. Not having anyone who would understand!

Did you guys feel that way too. Like you had this selfish little secret that you didnt want to share with anyone. Then it turned into like the wicked step sister....an obligation that you couldn't share.

Interesting.

Anyhoo...thank you and I absolutely need all of you're help...as much as you're willing to give. Really.

So...what is subetex?? Is it similar to suboxone? I've heard so many negative things about subxone.I absolutely thing I need this also...i have a major mental fear of the w/d symptoms tha tI will fill and I must be honest and say that I have not gone without..for ONE day for...6 months. Yuck. It is the truth tho....so at one point can i go to the dr? After i've been w/o for a few days? do u still ween with this or is it a replacement?? Not entirely clear. Also, is it true that you can become addicted to t his as well?? I know you can't get high...but...tell me what you know please!!

I dont know, and one last thing. It is out of pocket for me...is it expensive??

First of all I don't bad mouth the Waismann Method but I don't recommend it. It's very expensive, at least $10K, and has a high relapse ratio. Takes too long to explain the entire process on this post. But just think about all of these "quick-fix" recoveries. If it worked everyone would do it, plus it just doesn't make sense. We spend a lifetime getting where we find ourselves at today and someone is going to wake us from our sleep and we will be over our opiate addiction??? It doesn't often work that way. I have to say though that the Waismann Method has worked for some. I would never tell someone to NOT try a recovery method. This is life and death. I wouldn't want to be responsible for convincing anyone to NOT try to get clean even if I don't agree with the method being used.

Both subutex and suboxone are made from buprenorphine. Subutex has no other primary ingredients, it's pure buprenorphine. But suboxone also has naloxone in it. The naloxone is used because it will put IV drug users into precipitated w/d if they inject the suboxone. That is the only difference in subutex and suboxone. So if you do not shoot dope you would likely do best with subutex. That is what I used.

Doesn't seem to be a logical reason to use suboxone that has an extra drug in it if I don't need it. In addition we have seen a few people come through this forum with some side effects obviously coming from the naloxone that we don't see listed in most places that explain how suboxone works. Subutex seems to be the best choice for those patients who are not currently nor have ever injected drugs, suboxone is the opiate addiction medication of choice for past IV drug users.

All that either drug does is get the patient past the opiate detox w/ds and stop cravings. Buprenorphine totally stops the w/d symptoms within minutes after taking it. The patient has to be in w/d before being inducted with subutex/suboxone but this only takes a matter of hours and the opiate w/d is over. Nothing like the detox horror stories of old.

We use subutex or suboxone to get past the opiate detox. Once that time goes by, from 3-6 weeks, we will then taper off the sub. Ideally a patient would begin subutex, become stabilized with the initial dosing, remain at the lowest effective dose for that person for about 2-3 weeks, then start to taper off and be off the subutex as well as the opiates within a 4-6 week period including the time to taper off. When this is done properly there are usually NO w/d symptoms, no dependency to the subutex, etc.

The most commonly discussed problems associated with buprenorphine use occur either when the patient is prescribed too high of a dose or has stayed on the medication for too long. There are exceptions to almost any rule regarding medications. But subutex/suboxone will pretty much do just as has been described. Let us know if we can help further. We provide support to lots of people with using and then getting off subutex/suboxone successfully. Good luck and God bless.