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Confession from a mom
I am 36 years old with children ages 9 and 16. I have been taking vicodin in various dosages for about 4 months or so and definitely abusing them, which I have realized. Before that, I was using Tramadol for pain off and on for about 9 months and was completely addicted, went through hell getting off of them, etc.
I am on day 3 of no vicodin after taking about 6-8 or more a day of the 10mg or 7.5 whatever I had my rx for at the time.
I have legitimate pain and started taking them for it, but it quickly went downhill and I was taking more and more and my doctors have begun to realize that I have a problem. I went through an rx for 90 of the 10mg in less than 12 days this last time and that's what woke me up to that I could either get more or just stop because clearly I am not in control.
My husband, who knows about the Tramadol, which I told him about after I quit, also knows I've taken Vicodin on a regular basis for my pain which is sort of recent, but does not realize that I have a very serious problem.
I am one of those suburban, holding a good job, well-respected "super moms" who no one would suspect has a problem like I have. I am also a healthcare professional and I am worried that my docs will turn me in because I work with patients, although I do not work in an environment where I have access to drugs.
Most of all, I don't feel like I've been living and the fact that I feel AWFUL since I stopped taking them tell me that I have a big problem.
I don't know where to go from here. I guess my pain cannot be managed with narcotics of any kind at this point, so we'll have to figure that out, but I am not willing to jeopardize my family, my job, my life to have the "energy" that hydrocodone gives me. I don't feel like an extreme "high" when I take them, I feel normal. Maybe I'm high and don't realize it. I don't know.
Anyway, had to get that out. Don't know what else to say, what questions to ask...maybe there are no words of wisdom but a nod and a hug at this point.
You were on day three yesterday, that is awesome! At this point you will be re-training you're brain. Basically... it is a habit. I hope you are doing well today.
Originally Posted by super_mom
I know what you are going through and how you feel. As time goes on you need more and more of the vicoden to "feel normal." I used to take a few and feel amazing, now I take anywhere from 12-10 percocet 10mg a day. I know I have a problem and when I dont have them I feel sick. I have been addicted for a over a year now and have been trying to stop for over a year. I would quit while your ahead. Addiction ruins everything around you. You feel like your not in control and your right, you are not. However, be grateful you have not gone to the point where you lost your job, are in debt and you are stealing and lying to get your next fix. That is the next step if you continue on the road you are on. It does not matter if you are a doctor, lawyer or work in a fast food restaraunt. Addiction does not discriminate. I live in the suberbs, come from a good family have a nice job and car. If I dont try and stop now I can easily lose all that. If I were you, I would post in the "need to talk" forum its right below this forum. Post your story and how you feel and you will get a tremendous amount of support. My story is on here if you would like to read it. I will pray for you and I will keep reading your posts.
Just words to support you...
I just wanted to give you some supporting words...I feel very much like you do in reading your post...it all starts out for managing pain and is all well and good...then tolerance happens and we start to ingest more and more just to keep from feeling that sick feeling. In the beginning the energy it gave us was amazing right...I haven't felt that in a LONG time...and I will honestly admit that I haven't taken my medications as prescribed in a LONG time...even still there is no energy, only what feels like the ability to function, but I don't even know if that is real or not...I spent most of my time watching the clock trying to 'pace' myself before ingesting another pill...2 hours, 3.5 hours...OMG...and gobbling them at the 4 hour mark. But never feeling that burst of energy anymore. I think there just comes a point when your body 'protests'...I feel like I'm at that point now...so I ruined my medication in front of friends yesterday and quit. I hope you can re-read your post today maybe and get some direction for yourself. I know none of our stories are the same but all of them have the same underlying theme...we became addicted...and the addiction has taken control of our lives and we are wasting years just trying to "feel" normal by taking things that numb our natural feelings. You are in my prayers today and I wish you peace. You are heard...post and let us know where you are today and that you are hanging in there!
I am also a wanna be "super mom" , kids 12 and 8. I struggle with alcohol, though. In the end addiction is addiction, and what is half of my struggle is the guilt from knowing I am not really the Mom I should be. I am on day two w/ o alcohol, but have spent a large portion of the last year sober. I plan to get on this forum daily to learn from others. Congratulations to you in your new sobriety!