hi everyone, brand new to the site and as i see, like many of you, i've come to admit to myself that I am addicted to
percocet. I've been using on and off (mostly on) for the past year or so. I have to admit, i love percs, it's like i am this super human version of myself with limitless energy, spunk, frienliness, i'm unstoppable. However, this superhuman woman also has this deep dark haunting secret which is ruining her health, her life and her relationships. A couple months back i actually went off cold turkey, was the worst thing i've ever gone through and then one day thought it would be okay to take some percs for "some fun", needless to say here I am, back at square one, scared to death of quitting. I just started my own business so needless to say this is not going to be easy because i don't have even one day off, it's only myself and my fiance working there, and we're both coming off. For some reason he is perfectly fine though, i don't get it because i literally feel like i'm dying. I'm a wreck physically and i just feel like crying non-stop, all i do is laze around and mope and complain and sleep. i miss the old me if you know what i mean. I feel like i will never be myself again. When i do things without percs everything seems so depressing and i find myself asking "is this what life is like withouth percs? is this what i have to look forward to?" I'm currently tapering off, however not working out too well because now my dealer is out and i usually go to him daily as opposed to stashing for the week. I was so scared of going cold turkey because im the type that just gets syptoms so so horribly. My fiance just started training for this UFC type fighting and has so much energy, is super confident and excited about quitting, seems like he's just so far ahead of me i will never catch up and i'm just left behind, alone and withdrawing. I'm afraid he just looks at me now like some drug addict because all he says to me is "just don't focus on it". To me that just makes no sense becasue i can barely focus on anything else. I wish I could be like him adn i don't understand it because we were both doing the same amount. I think at one point we were up to 240mg each a day and now i'm down (day 1 of tapering) to between 40 and 60 mg per day. Am i tapering too quickly? i'm feeling super ****ty so i'm thinking i may be. I've had a couple of friends tell me to go to the methodone clinic, and that's pretty much what i have some questions about. First of all, i am completely embarassed and scared to see someone I know. Secondly i see these people still taking their methodone drink 3 months later, is this normal? would anyone here recommend going to the methodone clinic? what is it like? how does it feel? are there withdrawal symptoms from that? some advice would be great. I copied the Thomas recipe however I don't have access to any of the
xanax type meds listed first, does it still work well without them?
looking forward to getting to know all of you, support is so important and it's nice to know there are people out there as ****ed up as i am feeling just as lonely. It will be nice to talk to people without hearing "just don't focus on it".
Nice to meet you all.
Yours Truly,
Blue Jeans