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Chronic Pain + Addiction. Looking for cure and considering methadone???
Chronic Pain + Addiction. Looking for cure and considering methadone???
Hi, my names Josh and I'm 21 years old although I physically feel as if I am 70...
Ever since I was in my mid-teens I have had bad pain in my back. I never could get any medical assessment, however, due to my mother shrugging it off as an excuse to vet out of doing something or that I was just trying to get attention.
When I was 18, after experimenting with other opiates looking for relief, I discovered dried poppy pods: the same pods that opium is harvested from. I could buy a box of 200 pods for $80 online. For the first time in my life I was addicted. It quickly took over my life and, seeing that my entire life would soon collapse around me, I checked myself in to rehab.
I relapsed soon after I turned 19, workinng longer hours causing me to have to stand and walk much more than I did when I was in school and therefor causing my pain to grow worse. But by this time I had also started having pain In my shoulders, neck, arms (especially forearms, wrists, and hands), legs, (especially ankles), and even my testicles. There literally wasn't a single part of me that didn't ache by the end of the day. I was no longer covered by my parents insurance anymore, and couldn't get any through my job, but this pain had to stop so I saved up hundreds of dollars to go to the doctor to get checked out. It took me forever to save up enough money to finally have enough to afford an examination, and I was SOOO nervous about what I would find out about the cause of my pain, yet excited too, hoping that there would be a cure for whatever the cause was. I hadn't even thought of the fact that, due to checking myself in to rehab the year prior, I would be forever labled a junky and forced to depend on Memphis thugs for my healthcare instead of licensed doctors. The doctor did a quick examination and told me I looked perfectly healthy but could have some tests done if I had thousands of dollars to spend. And so I was sent home with no relief, advice, or anything other than an empty wallet and a near-empty bank account. Then came Relapse #1.
After about a year of this I was to the point of my tolerance developing so that I could no longer afford to find relief at such small dosages, and that marked the period in which I first became desperate enough to stick a syringe into my own vein and inject myself with heroin. Now I was in a completely different ballfield. I had never felt anything like it. Within a matter of 5 seconds what used to barely relieve my pain did much more than that; I was in heaven on earth. But for a significantly shorter amount of time. And dilauded's rush was even more euphoric, but lasted even shorter: 20-30 minutes max. My tolerance skyrocketed and again my life started crumbling.
This time, around my 20th birthday, I tried the suboxone approach. This was incredibly expensive but I was able to afford that first initial huge induction fee thanks to a significant tax return check. I was put on 8mg 3x a day, which was incredibly expensive being uninsured (I don't think insurance would pay for it tuten anyways) and didn't help my pain at all, it merely postponed my withdrawals, and so for the next 6 months I tapered myself down using a 2 month supply.
Around my 21st birthday I had relapsed once again. The pain in my testicals grew much worse, and with the financial aid of my grandparents (they must want great grandchildren...) I had an ultrasound done and was diagnosed with a vericocele in which I had to have surgery on. So they knock me up and slice open my abdomen to pull my testical up by the main vein leading from it, and had the vein tied off and then tucked back in. When I awoke I was given two very weak shots of dilaudid and sent home with a prescription for FIFTEEN 5mg perocets!!! That lasted me about a day and a half, and then for the next two weeks I suffered in bed, unable to do anything at all about it due to the vein feeling like it was ripping inside me any time I made any kind of movement that increased bloodflow to my abdomen. This meant no laughing, sneezing, coughing, sitting up, walking, talking above a whisper, or pooping. Two weeks without taking a dump because my grandparents, whose care I had no option but to be under, were so paranoid and suspicious that they wouldn't even give me more than 2 ibuprofen per 4 hours! They tried take the percocet from me but by the time they did I had already taken the majority of them and I quickly finished the 3 left. As soon as I was able to drive without blacking out from the pain, I went and got some oxycontins.
OC80's and heroin kept me functional until about this past December (about 8 months, the surgery was the beginning of May 2010), and after discovering an even more euphoric pain killer known by many and experienced by few, Opana (oxymorphone) I started IVing again due getting them cheap and the small amount it took to give me a rush 20x more euphoric than heroin or dilaudid and relief that lasted much longer than either. I then started back on the subutex, but also had the joy of all that pain returning. I lost my job right before I started the subutex, and my whole body hurt so bad that I could barely get out of bed to look for a job, but luckily my parents insurance started covering me again at the beginning of this year. Towards the beginning of february, not only did my body ache (mostly my left side for some reason, and especially my lower back, left thigh, and neck) but I started getting a headache that grew worse and worse. Soon my head was hurting so bad that I was puking and crying and could barely stand, and I became desperate, thinking that if I called for help they would pass it off as an attempt to "score". So I dug through drawers and cabinets until I found a 15mg morphine pill. I knew it wouldn't do much at all since my subutex would block most of it, especially being just a measly 15mg, but I was desperate so I mixed it up in a spoon, straining away the wax rlthat supposedly (aka "doesn't) make them "abuse proof" and IVing it. No use. My headache continued to grow to hurt so bad that I thought I must be having an aneurism and I called 911 and was rushed to the emergency room.
After the drug screening came back they saw that little tiny amount of morphine and automatically called it a drug overdose and became instantly rude people. My doctor was a complete ***hole and wouldn't let me get two word out without cutting me off, until he put something in my IV that knocked me out. I awoke the next morning with my head still hurting extremely bad. I asked for some ADVIL and was denied it until the doctor came in, insisting that it was a drug overdose even though I hadn't taken anything but my normal daily subutex until About two hours AFTER my headache starts hurting worse than normal. I told him about how my whole body had been huritng 24/7 for the past few years, some days worse than others but still every day, and I demanded tests be run, so I had an MRI, CAT scans, EKGs, xrays,and blood cultures done. They all came back "just fine" and I was sent home dismissed as a pathetic junky once again.
I'm now living with my parents again, in huge debt because of my unemployment and this last hospital visit, still taking subutex and still hurting too bad to do much of anything.
I've lost most of my friends because I hurt too bad to go out and have fun, I continue to fall deeper into debt becase I cannot work, and my family is getting more and more angry at me because the think Im faking all this as an excuse to be lazy. Why in the world they think I would throw away every enjoyable thing in my life just to lay around the house all day beats the he'll out of me, but it hurts me emotionally just as bad as my body hurts physically. I have already lost my job, apartment, friends, and dignity. Iwojt be able to stand losing them too. The only thing I can think to do right now is to go to a GP to see if they can atleast recommend me to a neurologist or pain specialist, and to try and switch my subutex for methadone, since my subutex provides me no relief whatsoever, and actually makes my headaches WORSE, in addition to being very expensive even with insurance.
I already see a psychologist weekly (except he's out of town now until mid-mar h) and a psychiatrist every month. The psyhiatrist has me taking the subutex, 10mg Dexedrine spansules 2x daily for add, and 30mg remeron nightly for depression and anxiety.
So I have a few questions:
First; can my psychiatrist prescribe methadone that I can go to a pharmacy to get? I wNt to ask him to switch me from my subutex if he can, but if he can't, what then?
Can a GP who isn't authorized to prescribe subutex prescribe methadone to take it's place? I'm going to see one anyways to try and find a cause for my pains, but are they even going to CONSIDER switchig meif I ask, or will it just make them not take me seriously?
I'm already in tons of debt so I can't afford makig abunch of doctors visits all for nothing... But I HAVE to find a way to stop this pain or else I'll never be able to work anymore. I'll be turning 22 in April, I'm too young to be feeling like this! And every doctor agrees and just thinks I'm trying to get drugs! So does my family! I could get drugs MUCH more pleasurable both easier AND for alot less money on the street, why would I put myself through all this just for some weak pain pills ? J don't even want pills at all, I just want to find out what's wrong so that maybe I can find a solution, and find an alternative to keep me both off of street drugs and relieved of my pain enough to work again. There are a couple of methadone clinics in Memphis but I'm living 30 miles away from the nearest one now, so I couldn't afford to go every single day just for that, and they wouldn't be able tk help find a solution anyways.
What should I do? I'm conpletely lost at this point and losing hope fast..
Have you tried Gabapentin(Neurontin)? I've been using it for nerve related back pain and one of the other uses of it is to dampen withdraw symptoms of opiods.
Last edited by ddcmod; 11-24-2011 at 11:10 PM.
Been there, STILL there.
My friend, it looks like you just wrote a chapter out of MY book of life, well.... about everything EXCEPT the part about your ball's hurting, although sometimes I hurt so bad I thought they'd fall off.
I've done all of the above.... I've been on mthdne 4 different times over the years. I've been on Suboxone, to get off OC's, Roxy's, Mthdne, etc. I've been going thru this since i was 13 years old, and Im 48 now.
I agree with you on the part about everyone thinking you're just lying about your pain... I went thru the same ordeal with my family. Im STILL going thru it, even now. I end up having wo get my pain med's off the street, NOT to get ''high'', but just to lessen my pain. Doctor appointments cost money, and prescriptions aren't cheap either. Methadone has helped me more than any other thing out there. There ARE Doctors that write Methadone prescriptions for pain management, THANK GOODNESS, you just have to find one in your area. I personally know there are some in Atlanta. Just don't be like some other people and abuse it, and please don't mix it with Xanax....
Believe me, it will help. m
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