[Adria]

Hi everybody!
I am already 5 weeks without Celexa and I tapered it down slowly (I was on 20mg for 1 1/2 years, then 10mg for 7 weeks and 5mg for 3 weeks). I also discussed this with my therapist, of course. i had been taking it because I was under a lot of stress and pressure back then and felt just tense and a little anxious.
Right since the first day without any medication, I felt a bit weak and tired, freezing etc.
Then the next few days, my mood went down and since then it hasn't reallg gotten back to normal. I have had so many crying spells that last weeks, have had really bad anxiety at times (feeling a little detached from reality even sometimes) and feel just sad and depressed most of the time. This is different from my problems that got me on the medication. Feels worse! I tried to be patient, read so much about other people struggling with withdrawal and thought I'd give myself time..BUt to make things probably worse: I was out last weekend, and - I know this is stupid and beyond responsibility - had half an ecstasy pill. Things were fine, of course I was worried that I might feel even worse with a drug "hangover" the next day/days, but the next 3 days were normal. But since yesterday I am in such a bad mood. I feel tired, sometimes nauseous, no energy, don't want to anything, and the worst of all: I just think it will never go away!
I felt like I hit rock bottom today, just lying in bed, feeling anxious. Of course being on withdrawal, and then taking a drug that affects the Serotonin levels is very stupid, but can someone - without patronizing me -tell me if I feel so bad from the combination of withdrawal and after effects of the pill, or if this is just the normal up and down in withdrawing??? Anythng I can do?
I just wish I would be my normal self again!!
I really don't want to go back on Celexa again and I want to be strong enough to go thorugh this without any other tablets.
Can anyone help, does know what is going on in my brain ,give me advice or just cheer me up?
thank you!

[lil cuban]

I first got on anti-dep alomst ten years ago. I have tried several times to get off of them and it never has worked. I have come to accept that I need them, like a diabetic needs their insulin. Maybe your brain just doesnt make enough serotonin on its own. Is there a reason why you dont want to take them?

[Adria]

Thanks, lil cuban, for your answer, although this isn't exactly encouraging or what yuo want to hear in this situation. And I don't think that I will never be able to live without medication again! I have read a lot about withdrawal and it can be a tideous and long battle, but that doesn't mean that one is forced back on the medication.
I have even read experts' opinion that say that the assumption (some) people that suffer depression can't produce enough serotonin or don't have enough of it is actually not even rigth...
I am not a doctor and can't judge, but blaming everything on low serotonin and therefore taking ssri for the rest of one's life doesn't seem like a good solution to me!
What kind of withdrawal symptoms did you have that you had to get back on the meds again?

[lil cuban]

First of all I never blamed low sertonin I just offered that as a possibilty which is why I said "maybe." There are a lot of theories as to what causes depression and I never offered that as the answer. I also am not medical doctor and to be quite honest even a medical doctor cannot tell you for sure what is causing the depression. As of today there is no test that can positively concluded whether one suffers from many of the mental disorders that are out there. They just have to gather the symptoms and make an educated guess as to what you may have. There is no blood work or brain scan that can be done to rule out or in whether your brain produces enough of the chemicals it needs to function "normally. I was just sharing my own exp.

Depression does run in my family. My grandmother was very depressed and tried to take her life on several occasions and my moms cousin shot himself in the head. I started drinking at a young age as a way to self medicate myself. Neither one of my parents are alcoholic and their parents were not either.

I had several people in my life tell me that I did not need to be on the meds and made me feel bad for taking them. Specifically my ex who I was with for 5 years and had a MSW. In 2002 I took my last drink and a year later I decided to try and get of the pills again. After 2 mo I went back on. I also switched for an SSRI to Wellbutrin for about four mo. and then had to go back to SSRI because the depression was coming back. Thats when my phychatrist told me there are people who just do not produce enought serotonin and it seems to me you may be one of those people. Keep in mind I am giving you just a glimpse of what happen to me over ten years. I will be happy to share more if you are interested.

I realize there is a lot of conterversy around anti-dep. Some doctors do not even belive they work and until there is a test that can measure whether or not your brain produces the right amount of chemicals there will always be a debate. All I can do is share my exp. I hope it will help some and for others it may not be helpful, but the bottom line is this is my story of my exp. of being on and off meds for the past 10 years.

I still get depressed, but the episodes dont last as long, I rarely have days where I wish a semi-truck would crash into me on the way to work, I dont drink almost every night(have not drank since 2002) and I dont feel the need to sleep the day away. Did a pill do ass this? No, of course not. Its a combination of things, go to thearpy every week, yoga 2-3, and see psychatrist.