[Faery Megan]

Hi Everyone,

First off, hello to all. I just found you tonight. I'm a 34-year-old married mom of two toddlers, living in AZ.

I have chronic (& unexplained) pain and have for 9 years now. I've been to dozens of drs and specialists, had so many tests and drugs... they don't know what "it" is, so one dr says it's fibromyalgia, another says myofacial pain syndrome, another says thoracic outlet syndrome. I know of of several diagnoses it's *not* LOL, and yes, I have found myself wishing they would just FIND out why I hurt so bad. Waiting for the MS test to come back, I almost wished that were it (please, I mean no disrespect to MS sufferers), just so I could have a diagnosis and move on from there. It may be brought on by the 6 or so fender-benders I've been in over the years. Who knows

So of course I end up in pain management and this is what I'm on: the 12-hour release oxycontin, 2 pills a.m. and 2 pills p.m.; soma 4X a day; and oxycodone (I think it's .5 mg. -- it's the little blue pill that's equal to 3.5 percocets) up tp 4X a day for breakthrough pain.

Everyone is on my case about these meds. My husband says I'm a different person and not toward the positive, I gather. Family & friend gossip that I'm a junkie, etc.

Here is my dilemma: But I'm not in PAIN anymore, folks. It doesn't hurt and as you all know, what I would have given some days, before I got the big guns, just for a little relief... am I a junkie? I know my body is physically dependent, and yes I think I am psychologically addicted too. I usually take all 4 oxys whether or not I'm in pain. But I no longer sit and bawl because I hurt so bad! So does one just resign oneself to being on these forever, because it improves the quality of my life? Is my life really improved when I sweat when I take them and act "different" and climb the walls when I don't? That if I am having a really bad pain day and I take a lot that I slur or nod out -- is this me being a junkie or just the side effects of treating chronic pain?

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for your replies.

[kyhomegirl]

I cant say I'm in pain, cause I'm not. And it makes me feel so bad for people (like you) who are, and need pills to make them feel better. My sister in law has ms and she still hates pills. She doesnt understand how people get addicted to them. I know this because I've seen her med cabinet its FULL of everything from a year ago and some even longer. My hubby was in a car wreck and was on loritab 10s and hated them. Then made him tired and sick. Then theres me I love them, cant imagine being without them. I'm so lucky I have a great hubby, 3 great kids, and am lucky to be healthy, when theres people out there that really need pain meds, I dunno makes me feel bad. But if you are really in pain, then dont feel bad for taking them. You are NOT a junkie.