I copied his URL from the suboxin website, it is a loctor of dr's qualified to treat with buprenorphine [suboxin]

http://buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/bwns_locator/index.html

below is also suboxin ebsite

http://www.suboxone.com/Suboxone/home.htm

Thanks so much Thunder.

Hi Thunder and Everyone Else: Thunder, do you feel like the psychological dependence is as bad as the physical? I congratulate you in cutting down. It's great that you have a spouse to keep you on track. I've written a previous post in this topic and also the explanation of my situation in another drug forum on this website #3589 Titled, 'Percocet Addiction' I was taking 5 to 6 Darvocet 100's a day for about 6 to 9 months, at least, and for 3.5 years prior to that about 3 - 4 a day. Actually, a lot more when out of the country on trips during that 3.5 year prior time frame. More like 8 pills a day when on yearly one month trips overseas. I am a homemaker, no children. I went to see a pain management specialist for Chronic Fatigue Immune Disfunction Syndrome, which makes you feel like you have a bad virus every day. Aside from that I have horrible intense pain related to endometriosis and adhesions from numerous surgeries related to the endometriosis in my 20's. The doctor prescribed Methodose/Methadone to me for the pain 2 weeks ago and directed me to take 3 pills per day. I guess that I'm suppose to take this for the rest of my life? I'm only 33 years old. I went through withdrawl symptoms with bad leg cramps for about 5 days even while taking the Methadone. I guess that I had the leg cramps b/c I stopped taking the Darvocet cold turkey. I'm suprised that I had such bad leg cramps while being on the Methadone. I'm a small person so the amount of pills that I was originally taking was substantial compared to a medium size woman or man. I was so determined to quite the Darvocet 100's. I had already started to taper off of them before I went to the pain management doctor. Now, I'm going to get addicted to a stronger pain killer? I wonder if the withdrawls from this are going to be less severe since this is a medication also given to help people kick opiate pain killer addiction. I've already caught myself abusing the Methadose, Methadone, whatever, over the past 5 days or so. Luckily, it makes me tired so the more that I take the more tired I become which isn't too fun. I think that I am more psycologically addicted to pain killers than physically. I totally know what your saying about traveling and worrying about running out of pills. I was prescribed the Darvocet by a doctor in another state, where we spend a half of our time, so I have to have it sent overnight Fed-Ex when I want it from my pharmacy there. I'm a well educated individual (not such a good speller though!) so please don't try to physcoanalize me and say anything about looking deeper into my personality to see why I am psychologically addicted to pain killers. I guess that it's always been 'my friend' when it comes to pain. I took Vicodin off/on all through my 20's for numerous surgeries for the endometriosis. I am a VERY happy individual and I'm very happy to have my life where it is, so pychologically I don't know why I am addicted to pain killers. Also, I am a Christian and pray about this. It's amazing what kind of answers I've received from God after praying and then reading my Bible. I write the passages, in a journal, that really touch me so that I can refer back to them immediately when I need to. I can't tell any of this to my husband. The support that I have is from God and this drug forum. I think that this forum has helped me quite a bit, which to all, thank you, I know that I'm not alone as a homemaker dealing with this.

Whats up Everyone,
IJust stopped taking Oxycotin in April. I was sniffing 400mg a day. That is = to 10 40mg a day. I also took 40 HP Vic(stonger then ES VIC's a day) I checked myself into a detox center and declined any methodone. The next day I checked myslef out and then became the worse 2 weeks of my life. Dieing would of been alot easier. The withdrawl is ridicuolous. It is worse then Heroin. I Would be allowed to take Ambien which is a sleeping pill. I would take 30-40mg and still wouldnt sleep. I was clean until lately and just relapsed. Not with Oxycontin but with Vics and Percoect. It didnt get very bad. I messed up for about 3 weeks the first time and then just recenly about 1 week. I am a drug adict and it sucks so bad.
The physicl part you think is so hard but little do you know after the physical comes the toughest part and thats the mental. ANyway I am on my 2nd day of recovery and hope I can make it forever.
Peace,
Stetter

Hi, I have been on percocet 5mg once maybe twice in a day for the past 4 years. I want to stop taking them, I am scare of what is going to happen to my body when I do stop, I have been clean for 24 hours, I am having anixaty, dont want to sleep, but I dont have the urge to take a pill, I just want to stop and take no more, should I break them in half, for a couple of days, what? I am lost! My doctor gives them to me for pain from artheritis and my artheritis doesnt hurt, i am not in pain, just addicted to the buzz of a percocet. What should I do? Is it ok to just stop cold turkey.... I know that where I am mentally I can stop. I am just scare about what I will go through...Someone thata has been throught this please help me. Thank you

I am a 25 year addict and I can tell you all that are trying to kick the pills that after you do stop taking them(which has a very low success rate if you do it by yourself) then you have a mental problem to deal with.You must remember that the reason you started to abuse your pills was for the euphoric effect.These people are right when they say to go to a pain spec or subox or even methadone.Just remember that methadone is a long term treatment where sub isn't.I have been on methadone for 3 years now and for me it saved my life.I used to take 120 percocets in a day,I was taking demerol for over 10 years(500mgs every 3 hrs), by the time I got some help I was taking 3000mgs of morphine/day and believe me after 5 years or so of abusing narcotics you lose thier euphoric effect.I could take 25 percocets and I would hardly feel a thing.What happened to me was after about 5-6 years I just curled upon the couch and didn't move much for the next 15 years (except to get more pills of course).It is a terrible life to lead and I encourage all of you to seek help.......If anyone has any questions, I'd be happy to try and answer them for you........Have a good day.....Dave

lots of great advice so far -- except I would disagree with the ones that say try to do it on your own. If you (or your friend I guess) can do it, then god bless her -- I was addicted to Hydro for about 6 or 8 months, and would order some codeine from overseas pharmacies when my supply began to run short; I didn't get the same "euphoric effect" I enjoyed from the hydro, but it did keep the withdrawls away (they're chemically related - both opiates, hydro a synthetic one and codeine a natural one derived from opium).

How'd I stop? Well, I'm also an alcoholic, and was already involved in AA, and had been off of alcohol for almost two years, so I talked to my sponsor about it, flushed the remaining hydros and dealt with the psychological/spiritual aspect of it using the principles I learned through the steps of AA. My physical withdrawal wasn't too bad (8 months isn't too long a habit), but I also used muscle relaxants to curb the withdrawal effects. I've never heard of that being a prescribed or suggested method, and don't know if it's even supposed to do any good, but it seemed to help me quite a bit -- didn't take anything for the first day but water and gatorade, but the second day I felt like a train had run me over, so tried some of the muscle relaxants (and also Aleve - to this day I still think that's a miraculous pain reliever), and they really seemed to help me - maybe it was a placebo effect? I dunno... I had had a bunch of Flexerils prescribed for a back injury (which is how I started the hydros - had them prescribed for a legitimate severe back injury, and then was off to the races -- ended up finding a doctor in Texas who would prescribe over-the-phone, who actually later was brought up on charges and had his medical liscense taken away for at least a few years) -- but somehow it seemed to me the muscle relaxants -- it was actually both Flexerils and something called Robaxin I think (methocarbomal if I remember correctly) that helped ease some of the withdrawal symptoms - like the aches and pains parts of it. The sweats, the hot/cold flashes, the naseau - there was nothing that could be done for that except to just wait it out and deal with it - unless I had checked into a detox or gone to a doctor to get some different meds, which I chose not to do (at the time I thought the only drugs they'd be able to prescribe to help me would also be addicting -- stuff like librium for example, but I don't know for sure if that was the case then or is still the case now - this is going back about 6 years). Because of my connection within the recovory community where I was living, I would sometimes call people up in the middle of the night when things got really bad, and they actually answered the phone and helped me get through those tough times.

The biggest thing that helped me during that time was the support from the folks I had already had lots of contact with in the recovery rooms. If she also has an alcohol problem, suggest AA meetings. If she's purely a hydro addict, find some GOOD NA meetings and use the support and the program of action (i.e. a sponsor taking her through the 12 steps) they offer there. There will be people at these meetings that have gone through the same things (and more probably) your friend has, and will be more than happy to offer their assistance (9 times out of 10 at least).

Or she can just try the cold-turkey method and deal with 3-5 days of hellish withdrawal. Or she can do that other thing that was suggested - the subonex or whatever it was called. Not a bad idea I guess, it sounds like people have had decent luck with it. I'd never heard of it, but their website makes it sound like a pretty decent idea.

As for the expense? Have her calculate how much she'd spend on another 3-6 months of hydros, and I'll bet any doctor's treatments she can find will be either equal to or probably less than another 6 months of hydro abuse.

The NEXT trick though, once she's done with the phsycial symptoms, is the psychological addiction -- she's been taking these pills for a while and is not used to dealing with regular life issues without pills in her system. Which, again, points right back to groups like NA. Or maybe simply a psychologist/psychiatrist. But be sure if she goes that route that they're specialists in addiction recovery. Almost no one who becomes addicted to some substance can quit on their own and be done with it "for good" without getting some "outside help" to help deal with the underlying reasons she began abusing the pills in the first place. I DO say "almost no one" because I know there are people who do it -- I know some myself. But they are few and far between -- 99 times out of 100 when an addict tries to go it alone they can't stay clean. Probably more like 999 out of 1000 actually.

There's also a drug called Naltrexone that, if taken, will counter the effects of any opiates injested into the body (kind of like the antabuse that used to be the common prescription for alcoholics). If she takes the Naltrexone (it's non-addicting, non-narcotic, and I don't remember the side effects but I didn't experience any -- it has also been tried for alcoholics with mixed results, so I tried it on one of my attempts to quit drinking), then if she takes any hydros it won't have any effect on her whatsoever. But that of course necessitates she actually TAKE the Naltrexone. When I was trying to quit alcohol my doctor suggested Antabuse, but I told him it wouldn't do any good b/c if I wanted to drink that day I just wouldn't take the Antabuse. Same thing with the Naltrexone -- if she decided she wanted to use hydro that day, she could just make the decision to NOT take the Naltrexone.

It all depends on how willing she is to quit, and what lengths she's willing to go to to stay quit. There's not much you can do for her but be there for support and encouragement. If she's really close to you and is still battling the addiction, you yourself may want to look into a group like Al-Anon (is there a similar group for families/friends of drug addicts? if not you'd probably be welcomed into al-anon meetings anyway). That'll help YOU understand your role in her recovery (or lack thereof), and give you a support group in case she hasn't quit or doesn't stay clean.

Oh, one last thing -- unless she's been taking HUGE amounts of hydro for a long period of time, methedone may not be the best "fix." It IS another opiate, and though will be given to her in controlled dosages so she can't abuse it, at some point she'll have to deal with at least minor withdrawal -- even tapering off methadone I've heard is hard. I've even had people tell me that it was harder to get off methadone than it was to get off of heroin. But I'm not talking from personal experience here. I just know that methadone is a very powerful opiate, and for hydro addiction (again, unless it is VERY extreme) most doctors would probably not suggest that route. And I'd personally be weary of a doctor who did suggest that route, just b/c of the horror stories I've heard from people trying to get off of methadone.

Since that time I have been prescribed hydros, percocets, and codeine, when they were appropriate. I now know that I am not qualified to handle them myself -- give me control of the bottle of pills and they'll be abused, that's a given fact. So I would give them to someone else to dispense to me as needed -- IF needed. I would first try a non-narcotic pain reliever (at first it was Advil or Tylenol, until I found amazing pain relieving results from Aleve), and if that didn't do the trick in a couple of hours I would have whoever was holding my meds for me give me ONE. I have to be very careful, as being previously addicted to the stuff it would be VERY easy to get addicted again, so if I want to avoid that, I HAVE to have someone else in control of the medication for me, and dispense it to me - as needed, as prescribed. I've never had the problem where following the directions on the bottle for how much to take and how often DIDN'T do what it was supposed to do -- relieve the pain I was in. And in taking it as prescribed, I barely got any of the euphoria that I did when abusing them. It was there partly, but it mostly just did what it was supposed to do -- kill the pain.

Just some rambling thoughs... hope they've been helpful...

-gsw

she can take her hydro up until the day before.She should be in the first stages of withdrawl by the next day.I don't see the point in stopping 3 weeks before and going through all the unnessary withdrawl, she doesn't need to do that......Good luck and let us know how she is.......Dave

P.S. It's great that you will be there with her, she is going to need you......Dave

I have currently come off of a shlew of pain meds. Vicoden, ultracet, ultram, you name it I have taken it. I am having a really hard time. I have flu like symptoms, chills, shakes, cold- hot. I have body aches everywhere. I am emotional and edgy. I also work in the medical field which isn't helpfull. It has been about three - five years of covering up chronic pelvic pain. :( I am feeling the pain worse then ever, although I have decided that I will beat both the addiction and I will find a way to manage the pain. Does any one have any tips of natural herbs that I can take to help. I would also like to say to every one else that is going thrue this to hang in there, this is really tough but we will get through it together. You can always talk with me about it I will be there for you. [8)];)

Much Love
Libery
One Planet One Tribe

I also need to continue working while I am going through this. Does any one have any suggestions on how I can best do this.

Thank You,
Liberty
ONE PLANET ONE TRIBE.

Hello. I would love to know of any herbal treatments, too - especially anything for energy that doesn't feel like caffeine. I just got through a month long treatment of Methodone for Darvocet withdrawl and pain management. It helped me but I still had bad leg cramps for a few days from withdrawl but not enough to keep me from sleeping at night because the Methodose made me so sleepy. When I'd wake up from the leg cramps I could go back to sleep fairly soon. I think that the Methodose really did help me to cut back on my Darvocet. I'm back on the Darvocet but only 2 pills per day, which is great. One word of caution for anyone who abrubtly stops the Methodone - DEPRESSION. I take a lot of anti-depressants but I still got very depressed and stayed that way for at least a week. All in all, I'm glad that I took it to help me cut back on the Darvocet - so I hope that this information may help someone else. I have to take something for pain and Advil isn't enough. Thank you all for writing because now I am more aware of the danger of taking too many pain pills - all of your entries helped me to face the fact that I was heading down a bad road. Even though I have pain, dealing with the physcological side is still an issue but it's better than before the Methodose. Again, I hope that this information helps anyone else contemplating taking Methodose.

Doggy, hi i am new to all this, but i feel for your friend, because i am going through the same thing right now!!! It is very hard one of the hardest thing i have to do. Tell your friend to hang in there!!!!!!!! I don't know how long the withdrawal takes but i hope it isn't much longer it is the worst. I keep asking myself how i got here.I Hate I Hate this feeling, the pain ,the sleepless nights, the hot flash. I hope someone can answer your qustion, because I would really like to know too!!!!!!!!! Good Luck

Cookie00234

I am throwin' you some support Cookie. I am going through the same stuff myself. I have been clean for about 6 days now, and it has been one of the toughest things I have done in my life. keep movin' forward, the sunshine is coming.:D

I am here for you if you need.[8)]

Liberty
ONE PLANET ONE TRIBE

Hello all! This is my first post and hopefully not my last. THUNDER, please know that I will be praying for you daily as I hope you and all other christians that read this will do for me. I am a 36 single father from SC who has lost almost everything but my life and my daughter due to pain killers. Wednesday, November 3, 2004 began my road to this site and to the place I am today. My bout with pain killers began long before last wednesday. In 1997, I had bilateral carpal tunnell surgery and was first introduced to Lortab. Then in 1999 I had surgery on my left knee. Again Lortab. Then in 2002 I had surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder which caused me a lot of pain for 2 or 3 months after the surgery and my doctor kept giving me lortab. After he released me from his care, I began to want codeine more and more and found a place outside the US to buy it from. That became more difficult to get and I found tramadol or ultram was much easier to get although I had to take 3 times as much tramadol to get the same effect. I went from taking a few pills per day to as many as 40 or 50 on some days. I had taken approx 40 last wednesday. I was playing hangman with my 9 year old daughter when I all of a sudden awoke with my mother standing over me trying to get me to wake up. I had had my 5th seizure in a little over a year. It has taken 5 seizures and my mother finding all of my pill bottles at my house to get me to this point. I am in my 6th day without any pills. My first seizure happened last august when I took my daughter to register for the 2nd grade. We went through registration and as I was leaving, my ex wife was taking my daughter because I had to work. I remember opening my ex's passenger door and kissing my daughter and that is all I remember. I climbed in my truck, started it, put it in drive and drove straight ahead hitting a tree and narrowly missing a house across the street. I awoke in the ER with my daughter sitting on the bed beside me scared to death that her daddy was going to die. If anything can explain the power of pain killers, I think this will. I love my daughter more than life itself and I still could not quit after that episode. In case you are wondering, her name is Sydney, which will explain my username. Recently, I had another seizure in my kitchen and she found me. We were by ourselves. Imagine her fear only being 9. I had fell and hit my face on my counter tops and was bleeding from my mouth. That brings me to last wednesday and then on to today. I am still struggling with withdrawls but trust me they are improving everyday. Having my mother aware of my problem is helping me alot. I have no doubt that my seizures were being caused by the tramadol. And just from thinking about the past year and a few months, God has shown me that he had his hand on me and my daughter the entire time. I think about my first seizure. I could have very easily ran over someone. I could have wrecked having a seizure at anytime with my daughter in the truck. Being a single dad, there could have been a fire at home when I was cooking or ironing or any household accident. I am extremely ashamed of myself for putting my daughter and family through all of this and that is something I am dealing with. I have decided to ask for God's help to pull me through that. I do no deserve his help nor do I deserve another chance at life or being a dad, but as any christian will tell you, we do not deserve anything that God gives us. I have found that listening to contemporary christian and praise music helps alot. I get emotional listening to some songs because it makes me realize just how fortunate I am to be alive right now. I have been taking immodium because one of my withdrawl symptoms is very painful stomach and diarea. But today is tuesday Nov. 9 and I have not needed an immodium despite eating the nastiest hot dog I have ever had earlier today. I have to go now to pick up my wonderful gift of a daughter. I am excited and I am struggling but I am taking it one step at a time and with God's help and support from friends on this site and my family, I AM GOING TO MAKE IT!!!!!!!! Good luck to all! I will pray for you and please let me know if I can help any of you. KT!;)

what about methodone for weaning yourself off ? Doesnt that work?

Lydia,
I am not sure about methodone or suboxone. Thankfully, I have been forced into quitting cold turkey and tomorrow will be my 7th day without any pain killer. Today was one of the best days I have had in a long time. I have physically been tired and can still feel some withdrawls. But, mentally, I have had a very happy day that has shown me a lot of hope for the future. But I do know that different people will have to use different methods to quit. I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help!

KT!

Dude, you are a stud and a warrior to kick this on your own, especially after that high of Ultram levels. I will most definitely be praying for you and your little one. I too am a Dad and an addict, so I know how much it sucks looking at your kids and feeling like you've let them down.

God Bless,

Mike
:)

Mike

Hi there. How's everyone doing? For now, just call me Jayson. I'm well-known on the Internet and would like to keep my real name quiet for now. I have several chronic back conditions, that I've been told I'll have to live with. They give me 120 Percocet per month, the equivalent of 4 a day. Only problem is, I like to take 8 a day. That's not as much as a lot of you, but I'm still wondering if I'm addicted. I can go a couple days without taking anything if I have to, but I usually don't. I feel like I can do anything when I'm on the pills. My mood doesn't change when I'm on them, but I feel like I can do anything socially that I want to when I do take them. I don't like to go out where there will be lots of people unless I take a few percs before I leave. I wonder if these are the warning signs that I might be dependent...can anyone shed light?

PS: My grandfather was an alcoholic, so I have an addictive personalty gene.

Hey Jayson, I am glad you came here to discuss your situation.
I completely understand your situation. I just recently went cold turkey from my pills (It has been 13 days) :D. One of the signs of addiction in my opinion happens when we depend on something outside of ourselves to make us feel better through daily life. I have been through 3 abdominal surgeries and am working on healing both scar tissue adhesions and endometriosis. I realized after about a year I was addicted when I was taking the pills ( Ultram, Ultacet and Vicoden) for life other than my pain. When I decided to quite, I went through withdrawals physically, psychologically, and emotionally. I thought when I was on the pills full time up to 4 a day I could do anything; they actually seemed to keep my mood steady and balanced. I realized that actually pain medication is somewhat a sedative, in that most things that would happen in daily life whether good or bad I felt basically neutral instead of having reactions. Ever since I have been off of the pills, I feel more alive, intuitive, alert, and even more capable to walk through life with positivity and confidence. I did not realize that I kept myself in an illusion or haze with the pills of false happiness which was actually less than my sober life. My suggestion is to follow your gut feelings about this. It sounds like your true self is speaking to you, that is why you are here. You may think you have control of your situation, and you just may. Let this run through your mind. " Can I go through a week without, can I go to work or any social function without the pills?" If you ask these questions without denial your true self will answer. Then the next step is to do it. ;)

Liberty ( My real name) [:I]
ONE PLANET ONE TRIBE

Hi! I wish you the best, but I must say for the record that no two people are the same, and for my migraines only Darvocet N100 works for me. But thats not the major problem here, I think I would try to find a new doctor that has better understanding! GOD BLESS!:)

Thanks for helping, Liberty. What made me realize there was a problem, was that in addition to my Percs, I was taking my wife's vicodin, too. I'm on day three of cold turkey, aside from the craving of them, I'm okay. Now, another question. Percocet is literally the ONLY thing that helps my back. I've tried every other medicine, it seems, whether script or OTC...nothing. I HATED OxyContin. It gave me god awful hangovers the next day. My back and neck conditions are chronic, no chance I'll ever be out of pain. What am I supposed to do when I'm hurting so bad I can't see straight? I don't want to drink my pain away or smoke pot, I feel stuck.

hi, i am new here. i can relate to the topic. I take 20-40 vicoprofen a day and about 3 or 4 valium at night. i am not proud of this at all. i am getting myself ready to fly out to california to go to rehab after christmas. the only way to get off the vicodin is to go to rehab. U cant taper off. if u have a bottle then chances are u WILL take them. Unless u have someone who will dispense them to you. I have been addicted for 4 years now. I am lucky i havent graduated to thebig guns like oxycontin or heroin. but that is what will end up happening if i dont stop now. it will never be easier. to get off those narcotics like oxy and heroin is a lot harder than vicodin. vicodin is actually not a very strong painkiller, but it sure seems like it judging from the pain we go thru w/out it. i was also wondering if anyone could give me a referral to a good rehab on the west coast? ill be back thanks-katie[8D]

Congratulations on cold turkey, I am so happy to hear you are taking your life back.;):D Chronic pain is a tough one. I completely understand your battle. For myself I realized I had to make a tough decision. I had to choose whether I was going to feed an addiction for the rest of my life, or take control despite the pain. Continuing pain meds. is a sinking hole of more problems and complications, Any pain killer even OTC has side effects that at first are just momentary although they can turn into even more problematic ailments and weakening the body making it more prone to dis-ease. (Something the docs won't talk about, I know I work with them.) I have been clean for a little over 2 weeks now. I am feeling allot better, as for the pain, it is testing me from time to time to see just how dedicated I am to keeping my hands of anything to escape. I have decided that I will win the war against the pain, I believe that our bodies are so strong and brilliant and that we have the ability to heal whatever the root problem of why the pain is happening. I am not necessarily talking about airy-fairy go float on a cloud, I am talking about facing every reason possible why the pain is happening - Beyond the Physical - I must admit this has not been easy, although it is rewarding. I have changed my diet to more natural foods and less junk and processed foods, I have started an exercise program, I have been paying attention to my thoughts and emotions around the pain. Most of all I have been studying everything I can about natural healing, and how to heal not just the physical body but the mental, emotional and spiritual bodies as well. I have been reading testimonials of individuals with serious chronic diseases and problems including chronic pain and I have read about how other people were able to completely heal themselves. It takes allot of research and discipline but it is worth it I am having less pain than I ever have now, even when I was on the pain meds the pain was worse, IRONIC isn't it. This is only my humble opinion and what is working for me. Follow whatever your truth is, if you pay close attention without denial, your body and higher self is always telling you the answers. I watched an independent film that has made a miraculous difference in my life. Go check out the website if your interested whatthebleep.com.
I am giving you all my support and I will be here for you if you need me.:D

Much Love, We don't have to suffer to be alive!!![8)]
ONE PLANET ONE TRIBE
Liberty

hi! i'm new to this forum and very glad i found it. i've been addicted to painkillers for six years. im 23 now. my addiction started off like many others. first it was lortabs, percocets, darvocets, oxycotin, and now now im battling my addiction to methadone. the doctor i was seeing had me on 120mg's a day. i have finally switched docs and im down to 80mg's a day. i just had a baby recently too. they kept me on methadone all through my pregnancy so they baby wouldn't have ceasers or go through withdrawl in my utero. when he was born they put him on phenobarbital for the withdrawls. it was the saddest thing seeing him go through that. the jerks and fussiness. he stayed in thr hospital for two and a half weeks. i hope my methadone usage during pregnancy doesnt effect his ability to learn things when he's older. is there anyone out there who has been through this? i put him in an early infant intervention program and he did great. he didnt qualify because he did everything he was suppose too. he's 2 months now and i really dont see any signs of learning disability, but it's still early yet to tell.

wifestyles, thanks for responding to my quote. i hope you do continue to use this forum for therapy. plus im new and hadn't made any new friends yet. i thought i was spelling seizures wrong. anyway they didn't put him on the phenobarbital for seizures, but because when he was in the nursury in the hospital they told me he was really unmanageable, fussy, and restless. he also had the jerks. the 2 and a half weeks he was there was the saddest time for me. they didnt have any rooms for me to stay plus i wasn't breast feeding, but i would come up there and sit with him 10 to 12 hours a day. everytime he's in my arms i want to cry because of all the stuff he went through when he was born. i didn't plan on the pregnancy and didn't find out until i was 3 months. by that time the docs said he was addicted, but would taper me down to a lower dose, but couldn't take me off the methadone. now i would do anything to be free of my dependency to methadone. i want to live a normal life without drugs, but i feel if i go cold turkey i won't be able to take care of my child, clean house, make formula, or anything. his father pretty much ditched us 2 weeks ago. i havent heard from him since. i have my family, but my child is my responsibility. so wifestyles, i know how it is to beat yourself up about your child. did you ever ask your doc about the ultram pill you took while you were pregnant. if you just took one i relly don't see how that would have caused it. i have read about ultram and i know it causes seizures, but im not a doc. does she have the kind of seizures where she shakes or stares off and doesn't respond to sight or sound? well, you hang in there with the withdrawls. once your body is normal again you'll feel a lot better. i have been there before. i went cold turkey coming off of 320mg's of oxycotin and i never want to go through that again. well hang in there. gotta go babies crying..

This may be long so bare with me.

I am 25 years old and have been taking pain pills since I was 19. I have really been addicted for the past 3 years. The bad thing of my story though, is that I don't pay for mine. I steal them from my mom and grandmother. I had my wisdom teeth cut out when I was 19 and was prescribed Darvocet. I took some to get me thorugh the pain and then gave them to my mother. I didn't use again for probably 6 months when my mother started getting Ultram from her sister who is prescribed them along with Hydrocodone 7.5's. I would take 1 to work with me about 3 days a week. Then it started to be more and more. In that time my Mother had neck surgery and other ailments that she would get pain pills for. Her sister is prescribed pills forever through workmans comp. Both of my grandmothers are on Hydrocodone 7.5's also and Darvocet.

Well, I would start complaining to my mom that my back hurt just so she would give me pills. She would give me 1 or 2 and that would be it. I too think she is addicted and she gets very angry if she has to share her pills. She doesn't get pills anymore from the doctor and actually depends on her sister for them. I know the exact day every month when my mom gets them from her sister and I start looking through the house for them right then. (She hides them all through the house from me because I steal like 5 at a time from her). Well, I then got in trouble from her for taking them so I started visiting my grandmothers' more frequently and knew where they kept their pills. Out of 100 Hydro's my grandma had, I took 52 from her in 2 weeks and she only took 6 in that span. Needless to say she caught on and that was that.

From all of this, I know I am an addicted very bad. I don't take big doses like some people but I take Ultram, Darvocet, Hydrocodone, Soma, Percocet and that's about it. I've never went to Oxy's or anything real hard. The most I've ever taken in 1 day is 7 pills of Hydrocodone. Most of the time it is 2 to 4 pills. With me though, I have quit hanging out with my friends and my social life is non-existent. I too feel like I can take on anything if I'm using but I like to stay home and chill to music or something while I use instead of going out. If I do go out to a social gathering, I have to have a few pills. I work while I'm on them. I take them on an average of 5 to 6 days a week. It's more mental to me though than physical. Sure I have withdrawals after 2 days of not using but I always say I'm going to stop but when I know my mother has some pills, I have to get them. It's all mental just knowing I can find them when she hides them from me. And I always think they won't notice when I take the pills. She can only have 10 and I'll get 3 thinking she won't notice, when I know she counts them all the time. Like I said, the pills have mind control on me I think.

Back last year I started hurting in my lower right side and it only happens when I take a pill. I'm thinking it may be my liver but I don't know if after 3 years of daily usage that it could harm it that quick to where it would hurt. I'm scared to see a doctor afraid that it is liver damage. I have gone 5 days clean before to see if it helped the pain and it did. No pain at all and then I used again and the pain came back. It has also messed up my bowel movements. If I go eat a meal in public then I have to hurry home to use the restroom. It used to not be like that. I think that is also because of pill usage.

I keep telling myself that I can stop and I want to REALLY bad! One reason for my health and the other just to be clean. I have to do it without rehab though. I can't be off work to do that and plus I don't have the money. I always look at people in everyday life and think "that person isn't going through the hell I am with addiction. He doesn't need a pill to make him feel good and normal." I wish SOO much I could be back normal like I was and have friends again.

I am just asking for some of you to post how I can do it on my own with will power. That's the main thing for me is will power because it's all mental for me. I have no pains to be taking pills. I just take them for the "high." If you would like to e-mail me some thoughts that I can use in my everyday life to help me through this then I would greatly appreciate it. I just need some loving people to guide me on here and I thank whomever responds!

Thanks and much love,
Ronnie

Thank you for your response, I am sorry I didn't answer earlier but my husband came home and I had to hurry and get off of here. Already my son is snooping into what I am doing and asking "What site are you on?"
Your movie comment made me smile becuase I took my two kids to see The Incredibles last weekend and had to take a few pills... for me it just makes it all better. I worry about getting through the holidays without them, I couldn't imagine not enjoying the beauty of Fall without the pills.. I can't imagine getting through a work day without them. I basically am very mentally screwed.. you are right.
I can't write much now, every body is over my shoulder.. I SO hate that.
Thanks so much for understanding though.
Oh, what is Goldenseal? I don't know if I will still be welcome here but I took three pills today.. I am trying and I want to, but I do not know how. I hate them and love them way too much. I have never not had control over something this badly in my life. I have never felt like this about anything.
Thanks for listening.

Thanks so much for the welcome. I think after hiding this for 5+ years it is so hard to suddenly come out and talk openly about it.

I have to tell you that I am so envious of where you are right now. The thought that you can quit and you really believe that. I wish I could feel like that.. inside I know it's not worth it and it is ruining me, every part of me- but I still cannot ever imagine life without them. Even the times I have really tried to quit and even gone 3-4 days I always still tell myself that eventually I will be able to take them 'once in awhile'. Inside (and I hate to even acknowledge this) I KNOW I will never be able to be a recreational user. I read that post from a gal who gave pills to her husband to hold for her and take occasionally. Well along time ago I tried that and I was obsessed with finding them.. I searched the house and tore it apart up and down and then I stole my husband's key ring so I could unlock his truck and searched that as well. Then I went to his office and got him out of the room to go and get me something and I searched his drawers in his office.. It drove me nuts knowing he had 'my' pills and I wanted them back!!
What I always do (like every time I get a large quantity of pills) is tell myself that I am just going to hurry up and take them (and not ration them) because I know I will never be able to quit while I have pills.. so I take too many telling myself I am 'just getting rid of them so I can quit'. Then I get low and panic (as you said you did) and try and ration the last couple and then I end up calling the guy I get them from the day before I am completely at, or just showing up at his house- and I tell myself I will just get another supply but this time I will ration them and cut down and THAT'S how I will quit, because I can't do cold turkey.. then I have a large amount and it starts all over.
I do that every single time. Or I rationalize with myself and justify why I am taking them at this time, it is either "I have cramps or PMS" or "I have this big event I have to get through".. or even that I will wait till I get a bad flu and then quit. It's amazing how my mind will try and make it all okey dokey.
And I look like ****. I saw a gal in the grocery store that I haven't seen for years and I was so high.. I could almost read her mind thinking 'Geez, what happened to you, you look like hell".. I could see it in her eyes which made me even more nervous and flustered. I saw my reflection after I talked to her and I looked like a wild woman, I have heroin hair now (all thin and nasty) and my skin is always pasty and white with rings under my eyes.. I have gotten really skinny because I never want to eat when I take the pills because it interferes with me getting the high. I am losing myself. And I even justify that by thinking that when I quit (which of course I'm going to... eventually, haha) I will get pretty and my hair will grow back and it will all be okay.

Well I better quit this, I told my daughter we would go outside and make Christmas garland for the stair banisters in the house.
If anyone would like to email me please feel free.. I could use all the help and support and maybe most importantly understanding I can find.
Thanks so much.

I have been through this also, and let me tell you theres millions of others, she isnt the only one. It really depends on her. First of all is she perscribed this medication? Or does is she an abuser?
Secondly, I know for me it took almost 2 weeks for the physical sickness to wear and trust me, its alot worse than not sleeping and cold sweats :(. Cold turkey is hard but I feel its the way to go. I know others that are addicted to pain killers, go to methadone clinics,or go to their doctors to be put on something else to help them deal with it easier, but to me the answer isnt replacing one addiction for another, its really wanting to and doing it on your own.
I think your friend is lucky to have a friend like you that truly cares,she needs it.

hello all, my wife has an addiction to Hydrocodone...she just got arrested today for attempting to obtain and possesion of a controlled substance. She works in a doctors office and was calling in her own prescriptions. The worst part was my son was with her when it happened. Needless to say I have been on every website I can to find about addiction to pain killers. She has a serious problem with her hip and thats how she got started on them. She was seeing a pain management doctor and all he was good for was throwing more pills at her. I have no idea where to go or what to do. I want to help but dont know how. I just found out today she was being seen for addiction and they put her on subutex....guess it wasnt working. I feel so bad for her. Like I said she has some major problems with her hip and she will eventually need a complete hip replacement. So what is she going to do for the pain once she gets off of the hydrocodone. Does anyone know of any sites that can tell me how to help her atleast emotionally.