[NikNak1]

I will post daily as of now and report how I am doing. Robert can you advise me when to reduce again and by how much. Is cutting the dose by half a good idea when the time comes.

[NikNak1]

Still at 1mg. Feeling a bit lost with it all today...oh my ever changing moods.


.

[RubyDean]

Try to stick with it, I am sure tomorrow you will feel better. When we push thru these bumps in the road, it really helps us reach our goal. If you still feel bad tomorrow, talk to Robert. He has a thread on "need to talk' to ask questions, since he has been real busy lately. he might not see you over here fast enough. I think you will be fine, but if not he may ask you to take a tiny sliver tomorrow, but try to work it out.
All the will.

[NikNak1]

Thanks Ruby.

[NikNak1]

Feeling a lot better today. Still sitting at 1mg.

[NikNak1]

I think it's time to reduce again as I have been on 1mg for a week now. so tomorrow I will cut down to .25 and see how I go from there. I know it's silly but I suddenly feel quite scared about it but I have to get this ******** out of my body, I want to be clean.

[Robert_325]

NikNak .... I couldn't agree more. I've just been waiting for you to say you were ready. This is the last drop until you start skipping days. But you only drop to .5mg not down to 25mg. That's too low. Even at .5mg if you start skipping days it's two weeks and you're clean if you follow the numbers. That is very cool. You're almost done. God bless.

[NikNak1]

Robert .5 makes perfect sense. For some reason I keep thinking of 1mg as 1 tablet and end up confusing myself. Anyway, I started the lower dose today and got through ok. My tummy has been a little unsettled and I feel a bit tired but I did go out shopping for 4 hours today so I can not complain.

[NikNak1]

I have not been here for a while, yet again I let things get in the way. I go through times when I just shut myself away from everyone and everything. The truth is I am a ******** person. I have been prescribed Temazepam for years but I don't take them regularly because I tend to take them all at once. Anyway I was sitting here feeling low when I suddenly had a huge desire to get high. The children were away with family for a week and I just thought who cares. I knew I had the Temazepam in the cupboard and what started out as just a few to take the edge off of things ended up in a 3 day binge where I consumed a massive 110 20mgs. If I am honest this has been happening more frequently since stopping the pain killers. I know I'll die soon if I don't do something about it, it gets worse every month. I have told myself that I will phone my GP and tell her that I no longer need them. I know once I have done this that it is highly unlikely that I will ever get them again as I only get them because I have been prescribed them for over twenty years. My friends who dabble tell me I would be crazy to give up my script but I know I have to. I suffer from anxiety and so one or two occasionally can really help me out but this is just not possible for me anymore. I am on an awful come down at the moment, my own shadow scares me, I drank a bottle of gin yesterday just to calm my nerves. I just don't get why I find it so hard to stay straight. I have everything to lose. I am so ashamed of myself. If it's not one thing it's another. My whole life is one big cover up. Not sure why I am writing this here, I just want to be normal, why all the demons?
Robert if you read this and are still willing to offer your help I'm taking .5 of Subutex daily and still want to go ahead with stopping. I did miss two and a half days through all the madness, then I started to feel unwell. I have been back at .5 for two days. It might not sound like it but I want to be clean more than anything.

[Robert_325]

I'll help you. Just get with me tomorrow. I'm about to crash. God bless.

[NikNak1]

Thanks Robert, you are a diamond

[NikNak1]

I am still taking .5, will wait for your instruction as to what to do next. I'm feeling a lot better today, can't beleive I've been so stupid. Anyways, I am off food shopping now so wiil check back here in a couple of hours. Also, do you think it will be difficult for me to stop Subs now because of the amount of time I have been on them. Wish I would have followed your advice the first time round...hey ho. Hope you and yours are well.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by NikNak1

I am still taking .5, will wait for your instruction as to what to do next. I'm feeling a lot better today, can't beleive I've been so stupid. Anyways, I am off food shopping now so wiil check back here in a couple of hours. Also, do you think it will be difficult for me to stop Subs now because of the amount of time I have been on them. Wish I would have followed your advice the first time round...hey ho. Hope you and yours are well.

Sorry I missed your post this morning. Glad to see you back and ready to move forward.

We are all a little different. It's impossible to say for sure how you'll do until you move forward but I would go ahead with the standard taper plan, see how it works at this point for you, then make adjustments if necessary if you have problems. But I would surely not expect problems. Anticipate success and your odds will be better.

You should drop to .375 mg per day considering how long you've been at .5mg. You shouldn't have any problems of any significance though.

I would take a 2mg piece and crush it to powder. Divide it into four .5mg lines which you can divide up very easily into whatever dose you need to get to. Stay at .375mg for four days and let's see how you feel at that point. Just put your dose on a sharply creased piece of paper and pour it under your tongue.

Let us know how it's going as you go through this stage. After four days depending how you feel you can either begin the day-skipping process or reduce once more down to .25mg. Just stay in touch and we'll go from there. You're very close to being done either way! God bless.

[RubyDean]

NikNak, keep up the strength to make progress and get to the end. In my experience, I feel much better when I stay on my current dose, make each drop, and stick with it. When I go back up or take too much I end up feeling worse the next day. When I got under .5mg, I would divide the 2mg in 4 equal piles, and then I would divide the 2mg in 5 equal piles (.4mg) or divide it in 6 equal piles (.33mg), and then 8 equal piles is .25mg.
Hope you have a good week. I am trying hard too, so we can keep posting about it.

[NikNak1]

Thanks Robert, no worries. I will lower my dose as of tomorrow and keep you informed as to how I am doing
Hi there Ruby, how is it going for you? I'm going to give this taper my all and do my best not to let the fear get the better of me...that's what happens with me, I panick about going into w/d and end up staying stuck. Gonna get my A into G.

[NikNak1]

Hi Robert. I did quite a bit of reading on here yesterday. I did not realise that you had so much trouble with your knee. I feel awful asking for your help knowing that you have all that to deal with. I don't think I have ever met such an unselfish person, how on earth do you do it? If we could all be a bit more like you, this world would be a much nicer place. Wishing you health and happiness
Lowered dose today. Crushed up the sub to divide it as oppose to chopping it...man, I had to hide in the bathroom and do it, how would I explain it to my 9 year old? Felt like I was chopping coke and reminded me of the early days when wizz went up the nose.

[RubyDean]

NikNak, i really think you are doing good. 1mg is such an accomplishment. Yes, we all know what making our dosages reminds us of, but just fold a piece of paper, scoop it up and pour it in your mouth. It actually is better IMO, cause it disolves quicker than the big chunks. The important thing is keeping the dosages accurate, and you are doing good at that. When you get to .75mg it gets confusing, but not really . You just divide the 2mg quarter into 4 equal piles (.50mg each), then just split one of those in half (.25 each) and make a .75. You get it. I tend to make up my doses for the next few days when the kids are not around and I have time to make them accurate, and that way they are all ready for the next few days. Keep up the good work.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by NikNak1

Hi Robert. I did quite a bit of reading on here yesterday. I did not realise that you had so much trouble with your knee. I feel awful asking for your help knowing that you have all that to deal with. I don't think I have ever met such an unselfish person, how on earth do you do it? If we could all be a bit more like you, this world would be a much nicer place. Wishing you health and happiness.
Lowered dose today. Crushed up the sub to divide it as oppose to chopping it...man, I had to hide in the bathroom and do it, how would I explain it to my 9 year old? Felt like I was chopping coke and reminded me of the early days when wizz went up the nose.

NikNak ... Yeah I've already had five knee operations in the past. If I worried about all my conditions I would never post on here. I just try to let it go and focus on more productive things. I appreciate your thoughtful comments but I'm okay.

I know that crushing the subs can be kind of a trigger for some people and for a long time I refused to make that suggestion. But it's just so difficult at really low doses to be accurate. How do you cut a piece that is .375mg without crushing it? I couldn't be that accurate. Another forum member came up with that idea of crushing it and after some thinking about it I realized they were right! It makes sense and it works.

Hang in there. God bless.

[NikNak1]

I am so lethargic today, I just have no energy. I woke up at 5am and could not get back to sleep and I have not stopped yawning all day, I mean it has been excessive. The hardest part for me today was not being able to carry out what I had planned due to being so tired. If I'm honest I am mildly OCD, I can not stand my place not being cleaned and dusted daily (I KNOW I NEED TO GET A LIFE). My kids and fiance call me the dust inspector, I just can't help it. I hate the thought of an unanounced visitor incase I have not finished the housework...I have been known to hide behind the curtain in the past. We tried getting a cleaner in a while ago, but it was no good I had to clean before she got here incase she thought I was dirty LOL. Anyway, once I decided to give in and just go with the tiredness things were not so difficult. I had to cancel helping my son's school out this afternoon and I hate letting people down but it was either increase the Sub or rest and I chose the latter. So day two at .375mg. It's early evening here, let's see what tomorrow brings. I agree about crushing the Sub , it is better than trying to cut it, Ive got two more days worth ready.

[melinda7.5]

Hi NikNak
I'm sorry you not feeling to well today,, I hope it will get better when it levels out...
But I have to tell you...LOL...I have a cleaning business and if you only new how many people clean before we come that was just to funny for me...
I bet your house looks great !!!
Keep up the good work
Talk to you later, Melinda

[NikNak1]

Thanks Melinda. LOL, LOL, so I'm not the only nutter on the planet.

[melinda7.5]

no I always work harder for the people that pick up before I come...
The ones I say UGAH at are the one that dont do dishes for two days before I get there
I hope you feel better today...
Melinda

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by NikNak1

I am so lethargic today, I just have no energy. I woke up at 5am and could not get back to sleep and I have not stopped yawning all day, I mean it has been excessive. The hardest part for me today was not being able to carry out what I had planned due to being so tired. If I'm honest I am mildly OCD, I can not stand my place not being cleaned and dusted daily (I KNOW I NEED TO GET A LIFE). My kids and fiance call me the dust inspector, I just can't help it. I hate the thought of an unanounced visitor incase I have not finished the housework...I have been known to hide behind the curtain in the past. We tried getting a cleaner in a while ago, but it was no good I had to clean before she got here incase she thought I was dirty LOL. Anyway, once I decided to give in and just go with the tiredness things were not so difficult. I had to cancel helping my son's school out this afternoon and I hate letting people down but it was either increase the Sub or rest and I chose the latter. So day two at .375mg. It's early evening here, let's see what tomorrow brings. I agree about crushing the Sub , it is better than trying to cut it, Ive got two more days worth ready.

The OCD thing does make this more difficult. But honestly most addicts are OCD to a certain point at least in my experience. I am a total fruitcake when it comes to OCD stuff. I am a prime number freak if you can believe that one. If I clap my hands at a concert I have to do it 5, 7,11, 13 times, etc. I CAN NOT eat two cookies. I have to eat 3,5, 7, etc. I find myself dividing things that I can't do in prime numbers and then add the times I figured it to MAKE IT work out to a prime number for my OCD problems.

That is just one of the mild symptoms I have. I can't step on a sidewalk line. That one drives me nuts! I will only allow a phone to ring 3,5,7 times ... etc. Even after all these years clean I am still obsessed with doing things the same old ways due to OCD.

I used to have problems chewing on my mustache. I would pull the hairs out until I finally had to shave it off. I'm a nutcase on the OCD things so don't feel like the lone ranger. I finally beat the mustache thing and have had my same mustache/goatee for a couple years now. Took me 57 years to be able to do that. Thanks to God some of my compulsions are improving.

Hang in there at the .375mg. I'm happy that the crushing thing has helped you like so many others. Don't hesitate to post anytime you find your head spinning. Let me know what I can do to help you. WE are all here for you in anyway we can be a help.

Remember that you only have to do this ONE TIME if you do it correctly. You can do it and you're almost there! Be proud of yourself and be strong. When all else fails I find it helpful to humbly ask God for mercy and direction. God bless.

[NikNak1]

The last couple of days have been a real rollercoaster ride for me. Went to bed on Wednesday night still feeling tired/restless, yawning etc. Managed to get to sleep however I woke up at 2am, but the strangest thing was I felt elated, I was singing all these feel good songs and feeling really positive despite feeling tired. I had that MPeople song going round in my head and I just could not help but sing... Moving on up, moving on out, time to break free, nothing can stop me...(don't ask me why). Anyway I went back to bed at 5 30am and when I woke at seven I was in a cold sweat and was sneezing rather a lot. I took my morning dose and then by 7 30am I was singing in the shower:. It continued all the way to my son's school, singing along to the radio in the car. I have to laugh coz when I looked over my shoulder at him, he was there tapping his hands in time to the rhythm ...I love my boy. Unfortunately it was not to last and by 1pm, I was again feeling tired, restless and really frustrated. This continued throughout the afternoon and by evening the sneezing returned and I was aware of a mild aching in my body. I went to bed but just could not keep still, I was just so fed up and frustrated...I knew I would not be able to sleep and I started to worry about how I would make it through the next day without any. Despite what I said about Temazepam, I wished I had a few, not to abuse, just so that I could get some sleep. I remembered what Robert had said in his last post about asking God for mercy...now I would consider myself a bit spiritual but I am not an over religious person, but there I was on my knees and praying. Twenty minutes later, I went into the kitchen and thought I would have a cup of tea, I never drink tea...and there under a box of Earl Gray was a blister pack of temazepam. There were four left in the pack. I had no idea that they were even there...I have a special place I keep my medication and it certainly is not under a box of tea bags...Think of it as you will. I had a wonderful sleep and although I felt a little odd on waking, I was fine after today’s dose of sub. It's midday here and I am still feeling ok...not super amazing but I'm smiling.

Robert...your last post made me smile. I'm into symmetry myself, so I guess I am more of a 2, 4, 6 person. Thanks so much for the kind words.

[NikNak1]

just an update...It's 7 15 pm and I am still feeling ok. My energy is not 100% and I have some Mild bone pain but nothing to write home about, I still got everything done I needed to today. This is my fourth day on .375 so things are on the up from now on...right Robert? well untill the next reduction anyway.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by NikNak1

just an update...It's 7 15 pm and I am still feeling ok. My energy is not 100% and I have some Mild bone pain but nothing to write home about, I still got everything done I needed to today. This is my fourth day on .375 so things are on the up from now on...right Robert? well untill the next reduction anyway.

You're rolling now. You're SOOO close to having this wrapped up. When you drop again is based on how you feel if you are ready.

You can always take ibuprofen or aleve for that bone or body pain. It's very common and the OTC meds won't hurt you.

Let me know when you feel that you're ready to take it down again. I'm here for you if I can help you in any way. God bless.

[NikNak1]

Hi there Robert. In my second to last post I talked about taking Temazepam for sleep. I was wondering if it was a good idea to get one last script just to see me through the sleepless nights. If you think it is ok, I will give them to my fiance (he has never touched a single drug in his life) who will administer them if and when. It's 4am here, been awake since 2.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by NikNak1

Hi there Robert. In my second to last post I talked about taking Temazepam for sleep. I was wondering if it was a good idea to get one last script just to see me through the sleepless nights. If you think it is ok, I will give them to my fiance (he has never touched a single drug in his life) who will administer them if and when. It's 4am here, been awake since 2.

Hey kiddo! I can feel for you. It's SOOOO hard to do this with NO sleep at all. I'm really impressed that you hit your knees. I'm not going to be corny and say that God put those temazepam there, we both know better than that. But I think you deserve a break and a little sleep.

I don't know what mg temazepam you have. They come in 15mg and 30mg in the USA. But I think you should take a dose of temazepam and go to bed. Get yourself some sleep girl. You deserve it plus it will help give you a good attitude tomorrow.

Keep us posted how you're doing tomorrow. I'm proud of you for humbling yourself and saying a prayer. That will never hurt you. Go get some sleep and talk to us tomorrow. We'll talk then about doing the script. God bless.

[NikNak1]

Hi Robert. Yeah, I know God did not put them there, that would have been me the other week when I was off my face but it was just weird that I found them when I did. They come in ten and twenty mg here and I get prescribed 40mg a day and collect that script monthly. I have been using Temazepam for nearly twenty years now, never daily and only for a few days a month at the most, so I have no problem when I am out (well, I have trouble for the first couple of days but nothing after that). Thing is, 40mg seems to do absolutely nothing for me. Doctor says that my liver has got so use to the drug over the years that it will never have the effect it used to in the early days. The other night I needed 80mg to get to sleep. It did not make me drowsy at all but it calmed me, stopped all the restlessness and ultimately I fell asleep, so I am guessing if I do put in another script that I should stick with that dose? I have no desire to abuse this drug anymore, I just want to be clean but I know there is a lot of work to be done and I should not take any chances which is I why I am going to give the stuff to my partner to look after. I can not get any until Monday now but if I am having trouble on Monday night at least I'll be able to sleep. Apart from feeling tired I am not feeling to bad today.

[Robert_325]

Temazepam is a strange benzo. It's a really old medication and unlike other benzos it's specifically designed as a sleep aid rather than an anti-anxiety medication. Temazepam also is strange in that if you use it regularly at any dose it seems to stop working effectively after about three days. But if you take it just occasionally it works pretty well for sleep. I wouldn't be afraid of it after hearing how often you take it. Just be very careful. I'm assuming you're in the UK???? Best of luck to you and I'm really proud of the progress you've made. God bless.