[pkjapan29]

I AM A FORMER PRO BASEBALL PLAYER AND WAS JUST COMPLETEING THE POLICE ACADEMY IN 2003 WHEN I WAS IN A NEAR FATAL AUTO ACCIDENT.I DAMAGE MY SIPINE SO OVER TIME I BECAME UP A TOLERANCE FOR THE PAIN MEDICATION. I WAS TAKING 50 VICODIN ES AND 30 SOMA PER DAY.
I KNEW I WA GETTING OUT OF CONTROL SO I STOPPED.WELL,I WENT INTO SEVERE WITHDRALS.SO I LOOKED IN THE PHONE BOOK AND SAW AN AD ABOUT DRUG ABUSE HELP THAT NEAR BY. SO I STARTED TREATMENT AT THE AEGIS CLINIC.OCT 2005 I STARTED AT 40MG TO JAN 2008 I WAS AT 187MG.AND EVERYONE OF THOSE DAYS THE MEDICATION DID NOT HOLD ME TILL THE NEXT DAY.NOW HAVING WITHDRALS EVERYDAY FOR 3 YEARS AND NO ANSWERS I NEARLY COMMITED SUICIDE.
SO SOUGHT OUT OTHER DR FOR HELP. I SAW 3 PAIN MANAGEMENT DR"s AND ALL OF THEM WERE STUNNED AT THE DOSE I WAS ON.
I HAVE HAD A HISTORY OF DRUGS,THE 3 YEARS AT THE CLINIC I NEVER FAILED A DRUG TEST.I WANTED TO BE CLEAN AND THE CLINIC KEPT OVERPRESCRIBING METHADONE.
MY FIANCE LEFT ME IN 2006 BECAUSE SHE HAD TO TAKE ME TO THE ER ONE NIGHT I HAD BAD WITHDRALS.SHE DIDNT WANT TO MARRY A JUNKIE SHE SAID TO ME AND MOVE OUT THE NEXT DAY.I WAS DEVESTATED.
IN JAN 08 I WAS A PA AT THIS CLINIC TELLING HIM WHATS IS GOING ON WITH ME.I WAS DESPERATE.HE ASKED ME WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I USED?
I WAS FURIOUS.HE DID NOT EVEN OPEN MY CHART TO READ MY HISTORY BEFORE MAKING THESE COMMENTS.I WAS FRUSTERATED WITH THS CLINIC.
HE GAVE ME 3 DIAGNOSIS IN 5 MINUTE.1-MY DISABILITIES ARE CAUSING THE EARLY WITHDRAWLS 2-I AM ALLERGIC TO METHADONE 3-I AM NOT AN ADDICTED TO PILLS ANYMORE. SO PROCEEDS TO DROP MY DOSE 100MG THAT DAY. I WAS SHOCKED. HE STATED "IF YOU GET SICK JUST CALL 911"
HE WANTED TO CHECK MY BP BUT THE CLINIC HAD NON WORKING EQUIPTMENT.
THE NEXT DAY I HAD TO MOST SEVERE WITHDRAWLS WITH CHEST PAIN.I WAS WALKING TO THE KITHCHEN TO GET A KNIFE TO COMMIT SUICIDE BY I HAD COLLAPSED BEFORE I GOT THERE.NEXT THING I REMBER I WAS IN AN AMBULANCE WITH LIGHTS GOING AND SIREN SCREAMING.I WAS IN TERRIBLE SHAPE.
THE ER DR COULD NOT BELIEVE A DR WOULD DROP THE DOSE SO MUCH.
I LOST 3 LITER OF FLUID AND A ILLREGULAR HEART BEAT.
THEN I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ADRENAL FATIGUE FROM THE METHADONE.
I REFUSED TO GO BACK TO THAT CLINIC SO I SAW A DR WHOM WAS VERY COMPASSIONATE AND HELPED ME.I WAS PUT ON CLONODINE AND SUBOZONE FOR A MONTH AND ALL IS MUCH BETTER BESIDE THE ADENAL FATIGUE THAT CAUSE BRUTAL ANXIETY AND FATIGUE.
I WENT IN THE CLINIC AS A FORMER PRO ATHLETE 5'11" 220lbs AND VERY MUSCULAR AS A CATCHER. TO 175lbs WITH SEVERE MUSCLE ATHROPHY.
PEOPLE,METHADONE IS NOT THE ANSWER TO GET OFF OPIATES. THESE CLINICS OVER PRESCRIBE PATIENTS TO KEEP THEM IN NEED OF METHADONE.THEY BILL INSURANCE AND YOU LINE UP IN LINE LIKE A CATTLE CALL FOR YOUR MORNING FIX OF METHADONE. DO NOT LET THE DR KEEP RAISING YOUR DOSE.AND THE TREATMENT I RECIEVED COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.
I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGIAN.
I AM IN THE PROCESS OF FILING A CIVIL SUIT AGAINST THE PA,FILING COMPLAINTS WITH THE DEA,MEDICARE,MEDI-CAL,CALIFORNIA MEDICAL BOARD AND DEPT OF CONSUMER AFFAIRS.
ALL OF THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED,
ANYONE OUT THERE HAD THEIR DOSE DROPPED THAT MUCH BY A DR. NOT GOING TO JAIL AND DETOXING BUT A DR DELIBERATLY DROPPING A PATIENT 100 MG IN A DAY?
LOOK INTO SUBOXZONE IT WORKS.METHADONE IS DANGEROUS AND YOU WILL BE MISS TREATED.
GOODLUCK

[mpvt]

You've had a rough ride that's for sure but it's the clinic and people who were treating you fault and not methadone.
You were never stabilized on methadone and that's got to be very frustrating as you never fully benifitted from the drug.
187mgs a day for a addict\chronic pain patient isn't out of the ordinary at all.I was at 400mgs a day and stayed there for 4 years.
Had you been stabilized you would not have had all these problems that you went through.
This isn't your fault and unfortunately it happens all to often...I hope your pain is under control and your leading a productive life as we all deserve.......Dave

[leelee]

I totally understand what you went through w/ the pain,then the pills,and on to the next crisis...METHADONE.
But I just have to tell you.....I have been on opiates mostly my whole life....from 18 until I went to prison.It was in that 4 and a half years in the penetentiary that I realized,I got some REAL health/mental problems.Even after the 1st 2 years my mind was STILL scrambled as f I were going through years of withdrawals and mass confusion,and unbearable headaches that made me barf.Maybe Bipolar...maybe not...but the racing thoughts kept mentally feeling like my brain was nothing but scrambled eggs inside.Even my motor skills were off balance all the time.So after my release,I went STRAIGHT to an addictionologist....he basically said "No doubt,your chemically unbalanced"...well...duhhhh...I could have told him THAT myself.So back to trying a multitude,it seemed of different anti-depressants.No luck there.After SOOOO many days of my attacks,and walking around feeling like I'd rather be dead than feel that way...I went to the methadone clinic.That was 7 years ago,and I know it's not the answer for everyone...but I lead what I feel is a normal life now.No headaches.No confusion,or endless babbling cuz I can't get my thoughts straight....But you would THINK that after 4 1/2 years clean,I would have all the toxins out of my system and feel OK....Not so in my case.I was just as crazy and suicidal inside those prison walls as I was out.....At my clinic,it's HARD as heck to get an increase in your dose.I feel no drowsiness or side effects like that New York HBO special on methadone,where the people were nodding off as if they were on heroine.I just feel leveled out.Not every day is a good day....but at least I'm not sitting in a bathroom for hours on end trying to find a burnt vein because I've screwed them all up so badly....only because I couldn't handle the craziness I felt without SOME sort of opiate use.I would even break bones on my body to get hydrocodone...just to feel "normal"(whatever that is).I overdosed and nearly died taking other meds to kill the withdrawals from opiates......so being regulated correctly on methadone,I'm sad to say..has saved my life for the last 7 years,and I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt,I'd be back in prison had it not been for methadone.
But what that doctor did to you was flat out WRONG.Your lucky to be alive.I understand your feelings toward methadone....I don't disagree...but in MY case....I have NEVER been so stable in my entire life.
Take Care,
L.L.

[leelee]

I HAVE considered suboxine.....but have made a ton of calls to 1-800 #'s ,doctors all over etc....and can't find a doctor that will treat you w/ suboxine.I am really tired of paying $70 a week,and heard that suboxine just MAY be another route...but then again,I suppose being on methadone as opposed to working for free in the pen for the state of Texas,may be my only option....if I KNEW another route,God knows I would take it.The thought of living the rest of my life on methadone ERKS me...but I feel I have no choice.It's either methadone,or crazy/suicidal/homicidle even.I know me better than anyone,and I know what I feel like off of any kind of chemical.I'm a total nut.
If anyone can give ME another option that has the same effect as far as clearing my thoughts...I'm all for it.

[chelebelle]

I just started a methadone clinic last week in Asheville, NC. I was told by a woman who runs other clinics in NC to be in the early stages of withdrawal, and when I went into this clinic I'm at now, they thought I was freaking crazy because all I had was a tiny bit of methadone in my system from the weekend prior that I had taken to help me feel better, because I was going thru withdrawals so bad that I was afraid I might try suicide....and I have a 10 month old daughter. Wait...let me back up....

I have been on opiates since I was 15, I am now 21. I moved to a place called Middlesboro, KY...and a doctor there prescribed me lorsets because I waited tables & he said I needed them. Well, he kept me on them until this time last year, when he found out I was pregnant. My father also had cancer the whole year prior to my script being taken away, and my mother would hand me his pills like candy. He died on my 20th birthday, August 26th. My mother ran off back to my homestate of Indiana at which time I found out she was having a "telephone affair" with my father's best friend up there. I was 6 month pregnant at this point. After my doc jerked my script, I had to find a place to get my drugs because I was so scared if I went thru the withdrawals, that I would lose my baby - and I had nothing left...I couldn't lose her. Her father and I have been together for 3 years now, and we are getting married this spring, and he is the only person who has ALWAYS stuck by my side. Well, like I was saying, I started doing OC's because it was much easier for me to snort a tiny but of powder than it was a huge pile, and I had alrady rotted out my sinuses due to snorting about 30 lorsets a day while my dad was ill & still alive. I ended up starting to take methadone that I got from some elderly friends of ours, and they have always been really good to me about making sure I was okay and whatnot and while I was pregnant, if I did not have the money, they would give me a 10mg pill here and there just so I didn't start withdrawals.

After I had my baby, both her daddy & I tried very, very hard to get off of pills. I was basically taking only methadone, and he was taking methadone when he could not afford or find the OC. He got a job offer at the end of July this past summer, making $20/hr in Asheville, and we jumped at the opportunity to get out of that drug world called Middlesboro....hell, more like all of Kentucky. So once we got here, we would make the 2 1/2 hour trip home every week and get a handfull of methadone to last us til we went back up. Well, our friends went thru a very tough spot (their prescribing doc had a massive heart attack) and they had to make do with lorsets for a whole month 1/2. At this period in time, we started withdrawing very very badly. Daniel (my partner) is a stronger person than I am, and could function in the world so-so when withdrawing. But me? Hell, you better not even LOOK at me! ((I also am very sure that I am bi-polar...or something, at least)) One day he was at work, and I was here with our 10 mo old daughter. I was iwthdrawing so bad that I started thinking about suicide. I absolutely do not want to leave this world, and I could NEVER leave my daughter & the love of my life to face this world alone. That day, instead of attempting suicide, I frantically searched the internet for Methadone Clinics. I found one, luckily, just 10 minutes from our house. The only downside was that it would be 2 weeks until I got in, so for those 2 weeks I went back and forth from home to the ER, desperately trying to get lorsets, so that I could at least cope with the withdrawal.

So now I'm back where I started. Like I was saying, I hardly had anything in my system when I started the clinic, and the doctor started me on 25mgs, with the option of increasing or decreasing by 5mgs daily for 30 days, or until I reached 90mgs. I have not yet stabilized, and that is the most important part of the clinic. I think that is the part that the starter of this thread missed - you MUST stabilize. Today is my 7th day in the clinic, and I am at 50mgs. I am going to decrease by 5mgs tomorrow, and then stabilize on 45mgs from that point. I do NOT want to go really high really fast, because I know that I will soon enough reach 90mgs and have to be increased even more. The upside to this clinic is that it is also a Methadone Detox Clinic. I have plans to start the detox process once I feel that I am able to come off the methadone without relapsing. I know that this will take a long time, and that is fine. You are only required to see your counselor twice a month for the first year, however, I see my counselor for 10-20 minutes daily, and then every Friday I spend 1-1/2 hours with him. I choose this because I know that part of overcoming my addiction requires me to overcome the issues I have pent up inside me. Such as: being angry for my father getting sick in the first place, angry for my father dying so quickly (he was diagnosed on my 19th birthday & died on my 20th birthday), my mother running off & abandoning me while I was pregnant (we moved to KY just my mom, dad, and me) I had no family besides the 2 of them whatsoever there, and when they left, that left me with only a baby in my belly. I will say this, my partner Daniel is one stand up man, because he has been there for me every step of the way - from just a few wks after we found out my dad had cancer, to this very day..... I have never gotten over my papaw dying, and a few other things that have occured in my lifetime (be it as short of a timeline as it is). You cannot think that you can do a clinic without doing counseling & groups -- you will either never make it through, the program will never truly benefit you, or you will just quit and go back to your old habits.

As for you, leelee, let me tell you a bit about Suboxin. You seem to think that $70/week is too expensive for you, am I correct? You need not go the Suboxin route, then. A friend of mine back home got one 8mg tablet every day, and a one month prescription was a roughly $600. And I got a laugh out of your 'crazy/suicidal/homicidal even' statement....that is so true, for me even. When I have withdrawn before, which has been plenty over the course of 5 years, I would find that I felt like I was very capable of committing murder. I am nowhere near that kind of person, but withdrawals can make you a very, very evil person. Hell, scratch the withdrawal statement --- addiction itself can cause you to be a very evil person. A very drastic type of person, who would do literally anything to get what you need. And yes, it is a matter of what you need, it's not simply a "want". And I don't have to explain that to anyone who suffers from addiction.

One thing I have noticed, however, is that methadone makes me very emotional. I don't know how exactly to explain it, but I become an extremely emotional person. I am extremely edgey and can be aggravated very quickly. Little things like my partner chewing w/ his mouth open can cause me to honestly freak out ~ not in a yelling @ him kind of way, but in a mental kind of "i am quackers...why do i feel this way....what is wrong w/ me" kind of way. Suboxin also is a blocker - it's also used to alcoholics. If they drink while taking it, it wil throw them into severe detox. But like I was sayin, unlike methadone, suboxin is a blocker.

Here is my question....does anyone know if I could be allergic to methadone? I am breaking out into basically a full-body rash...and the only thing that has changed is me being in the clinic.