I became addicted to oxy's at age 24 my sister was getting them for free.I was always tired and I could get so much done while on them&in all thoses D.A.R.E. speeches that said you would be an addict if you did anything in as little as one use, so after trying everything from pot to
cocaine, meth ect. with no addiction I didnt think I could become addicted, so young and dumb! well after about 6 months I went out of town while gone I came down with what I thought was the flu I went home after a week as soon as i got back I did oxy and magically my flu was gone it finally dawned on me that I had become addicted to oxys! I was doing a few 80mg pills a day snorting them. so instead of doing what could have very well saved me from this hell and quit c/t I continued to use. Keeping up with my young sons, be that fun involved mother I never had, was my crazy rationalzation of continueing my drug use. I continued for another 2years then my sisters got caught stealing extra pills&they cut her off right then and there.SO from there on out we had to pay for the pills which I didnt have the $ so I tried to quit I got so ill it scared the ******************** out of me all the while my kids father knew nothing of what I was doing I felt that I had to keep this up afraid to lose everything so I paid I took on a part-time job and lied about my wages to buy pills eventually he confronted me about what was going on he recieved a text while he had my cell phone saying "hey girl I got your 4's in" and he knew the lingo so the gig was up. he smokes pot but we had decieded no other drugs once I became pregnant with our 2nd son I agreed. He demanded I quit and took the car, the cell, my bank card, and took a week off work to help me get through the w/d after that week I was still very sick actually I was worse than the 1st couple days. I knew nothing about w/d then and thought it was going to last much longer so we had heard of MMT and we decided I should try that since he couldnt take anymore time off&didnt really know how to care for our household he normally worked I took care of everything else so it was very difficult for him. so I started MMT with every intention of curing myself of this awful situation I put my family & I in. I did everything they said, counceling, groups, increasing my dose to insane levels(my highest was 150mg) I had a great councelor for a short time they fired her? after that I realilized that they had no intention of me ever leaving, all my request to down dose were meet with severe discouragement or just an outright NO so I started to play their games I would miss days so they legally had to down dose me and in turn they took away my take-home I had work so hard for I passed every UA I ever took there until I threatened them with calling the
methadone watchdog then suddenly I had a dirty UA! I got tired of the games so I tried a hospital detox which turned out to be a horrible experience they tried to use methadone to get me off methadone???I went back to methadone after 3days in detox & when I got to 15mg I quit. this all took 3 years my oxy addiction was 2 and a half years! well I got sick 1000x worse than my oc w/d so I decided to try a taper using vics that didnt work I would always take too much and its getting very expensive I feel very emarassed that I wasted $15,000.00 on methadone GUILT&SHAME for not being able to contol myself enough to taper I am soooo very depressed and my nerves are shot thinking of my useless life I am nothing but a burden on my family and I see no way out of this. I have thought about suboxene but I'm scared of another MMT like experince I know If I can get some hope it will turn out O.K. I would give it everything I have got my life is at stake I just dont know what to do next? can anyone help with some advice PLEASE!!!
advice needed Im desprate 
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