[notEVERlookingBACK]

hey all

DAY 3 PART 2

ok ok... today was kind of bizarre. in the morning i was very optimistic and like i said i tried to run on the treadmill. I DID IT! and it felt amazing when i was done. i walked at a fast pace for 1/4 of a mile. ran for 1/2 mile then walked another 1/2 mile. the crazy thing wasnt the fact that i was so exhausted. it was the fact that my lungs were taking in so much more air. it was like "whoa" when i was done. like i said before i was running on the treadmill the last month and a half and i was at the point before quitting sunday that i was running a mile 4 to 5 times a week. im sure this is playing a part in my recovery but im not exactly sure where.

i did alot of things outside today though i was still feeling like junk. this is the deal people. you can either sit inside and rot and be pissed at the world of you can go and do stuff and work through this. its all about passing the time. i had to force myself to eat at 6pm. i didnt eat all day until then. i had diarrhea today and it was like water and bile. sorry for being so descriptive but i want you all to know the truth. so overall today seemed much like yesterday but not quite as bad. this is such a weird transition i swear. i smell better, hear better, taste better and all around everything is changing. one other thing i noticed today was the fact my pupils were way bigger than i had seen them in so long. i was looking at myself in the mirror and at first i could notice hat was different til i seen my pupils. that is something you cant get away from when you are drugs like these no matter what. its the key to anyone wondering if you are. so yeah i was tired yet again but not as tired as yesterday. its kind of like a rollercoaster in turns of the ups and downs of feeling somewhat human and like a piece of sh*t. to all of you considering this. JUST DO IT! it gets better and though you sit there and think "IS THIS EVER GOING TO END" it will and then like i said many times before in this diary "its the last time you will ever have to go through this." i will never f*ck with that sh*t again. i hate it for making me like this. i havent had any cravings because im done with it. i have pains and one major grudge with myself for being so dumb in the first place. cuz whatever the reason for you are that stuff oxys, percs, heroin... realize you are going to pay and pay big and you can save alot of people with the knowledge you have. even if you save one person from going down this road think of how lucky person is because of you. i WISH i had a person that did that for me. i truly had no clue til the first time i went into withdrawl how bad it was going to be and at that point you are so in shock you dont quit because your scared. so tonight will be the end of day 3 (thank god). tomarrow i will try to do much more and work it out of my system through the liquids and exercise and stretching. stretching helps alot. so overall today kind of sucked but time went by pretty fast with all i did. stomach is mess. and i honestly felt better today than yesterday.

until tomarrow my friends

from the land of the misfortunate i bid you farwell to then.....