[notEVERlookingBACK]

hey all

thanks for your comments and support. let start by answering dave. on the street here you can get subs pretty much anywhere, there are alot, so over all it is much cheaper and alot less work then going to a doc. though i dont recommend that for most people. i happen to be around it for a while before going on them. anyway they cost around $5 to $8 round here... at first they were $10 to $15.

DAY 2

so last night i typed my post and sent it at 2:35am and now it is 7pm. last night was pretty bad. i had the "crawling in your skin" feeling for much of the night until about 6 in the morning then it subsided. i actually slept on and off from 7 to 12 waking up every hour or so. my skin felt hot and it was very annoying. i kept stretching and yawning and literally felt like sh*t. between the hours of 3 and 6 i took 3 showers just to get my mind off stuff. i know that sounds retarded but at that time of the morning i couldnt think of anything that made the feeling go away except for water running over my skin. it worked for me. 30 minutes each. at 6 in the morning i looked like a prune. but whatever it takes right? like i said my motto is "this is the last time i will ever go through this again." todaywhen i finally got up from my twisting and turning after getting little sleep i took another 2 showers, fed the dog and felt very weak. VERY WEAK. no diarrhea yet. though i have been going to the bathroom much more and my stomach has turned quite a bit. i feel quezzy then i just think of other things and eventually it goes away. the mind is a powerful thing and i keep saying to myself "just do it and quit whining to yourself." i mean, i did this to myself in the first place right? we all had our fun and now its time to pay for it. though i havent had fun for along time and this isnt worth the little fun i had. this has got to be what hell is like. i swear. one important note to all of thinking that this is worse or just as bad quitting your drug of choice. its not nearly that bad. trust me. today i force myself to do 2 things physically... one is take the dog for a walk and earlier this afternoon i went to hit golf balls. YES IT HURT. and yes i was super exhausted. but i did it and it kept my mind busy for about an hour, which is good. i have been drinking alot of gatorade for electrolites. and i ate some soup, though i have no appetitie right now.

i will try to come back later tonight. thanks again for all your comments and if any of you have any questions, feel free to ask. i want this to help anyone wondering what they are going to go through. its the real deal people. but once its over, its over.

talk soon, stay strong.