Been a great night as my sister stopped in with her three sons I'm a man that loves children I spend alot of volunteer time working around kids. It started with my own son and as he grew everyone thought I was so good at what I did that they did not want me to stop ... They wanted me working with thier child but as much as I love it it has really been getting to me ... With this bad habit I have I did not want to continue because down inside I felt bad about it ... But again things have changed this past week ... If you remember my story about my EMT friend and his addiction after his son and how I said that would never be me ... The truth is I had become very much like him... I wonder if any of you are like me now looking back at the past and seeing how bad you were messing up. And now on your clean time you find every reason in the world that will help you to stay off the pills. I have thought of many and they have all aided in my time staying clean... Everything from how it would kill my Mom if she found out ... To stuff that I don't think would ever admit but find myself doing so now ...So that if I ever slip all of you will know and can remind me of it and get me back on track...I don't plan on slipping but addiction is a powerful thing and it is a struggle and if I ever did I would not be the first ... But knwoing now that I have the worst part behind me makes and keeps me pretty strong ...
Hey Tam and H/p thanks for the good words ... Yep the checks are some nice icing on the cake ... I remember thinking that when I got them I would spend a few hundred to stock myself up on pills ... Now that is out the window ... But I have opted to repay someone that has stood by me since I started my clean time .. She brought me everything and anything I needed when I was going through wd... Like many of your words her words have lifted me to where I'm at now as well as her actions... You see my GF is a huge Chris Dougherty fan (Of AI fame) and she would give anything to go see him. He is coming to Atlanta in April and before she could get tickets they sold out ... Now they are like close to 200.00 to buy a pair ... That is a bit out of her reach with some of the things she has got going on now ... So I went online and bought a pair tonight they should be here in time for her birthday next week... I know I will never be able to repay her or any of you for all of the help I recieved .. But then my money is no longer tied up and I know this will mean the world to her ... But I'm sure she would tell me that me being clean is what means the most to her... LOL!!! Of course 200.00 to see a American Idol is far to high for me ... But it is not about me now we have spent alot of time worrying about me of late... Now it is about her..
Lyds ... thanks ... Yes I am proud of myself every minute of clean time I spend the smile on my face reminds me of that. I have come to realize we are all human and we make mistakes. I sure made a bad one here even though I thought I knew better and it could never happen to me.But I've worked and suffered hard to get control of my life back . I did that with the help of all of you and my GF... I am very proud even if at times I still kick myself for being so stupid ...
Keep up those workouts ... You sound awesome ... And thanks
Baby steps ... Your an Angel I could never begin to tell you how much your posts and support have meant to me .. You are totaly awesome when I first started reading the boards your old posts reached out to me ... And I decided to register and come online and attempt this. Now I see why they did you really care about everyone here and work very hard to help all of us out ... Thank you so very much ...Hey and stay safe on that bussiness trip we all need you so badly ...
To all of you ... Y'all are totaly awesome no matter where you are in getting off the pills , Staying clean or whatever ...every post you make reaches out to touch someone and help someone and maybe bring them back to one day closer of regaining control of thier lives... So please keep on posting I don't know if you have any idea of how much it helps people out there looking for help.. But if it helps any I'm living proof of what you people posting can do ...
Grimm and Junkie hope you guys are having good days and good things are happening in your lifes... Have not heard from you today so I hope you two check in soon...
Syd you were right cold turkey was the best way for me ...thank you...
I'm off to bed ... I've started sleeping again... It is not a good sleep yet but hey I'm asleep for several hours now ...