Thank you for your reply, oxymoron (i really do NOT want to call you that!). I really do appreciate your feedback. Perhaps you are right. I could be in a denial state where I am looking for justification to use these pills. Perhaps not. I don't really know anymore. It has been well over two years and I've not really grown too much of a tolerance because I have this strange procedure of taking a certain amt one day, then lowering the next, etc. it is very strange I know.
We are a society of addicts - of food, cigarettes, alcohol. So many things. When they are prescribed by a doc, we call it medication. My mom is bipolar/schizophrenic. She takes fourteen different "medications" a day (including others for physcial conditions) that keep her "normal" and honestly these medications do help. Without question. At one point when her medication wasn't regulated or she just wasn't on it, she was violent. She hallucinated frequently, smoked four packs of cigs a day, and was just mean and crazy. The condition has been present since my early childhood with different degrees of severity, but has been under control for about four solid years now. I thank her docs AND her medication. Bringing this up you might think that I am suffering from one of those illnesses because they can be genetic, but hers were basically induced by regression and poor therapy. My grandparents put her in YPI (Yale psych in ct) for getting caught smoking pot (sigh) and they did all sorts of weird experiments on her there that left her completely messed up.I just wanted to make it clear that I don't suffer from any of her symptoms... Anyway, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that drugs, um medications, are sometimes needed. If a person takes something daily prescribed by a doc for the rest of their life and leads a perfectly normal life, are they an addict? It is a fine line trying to separate what the law and media try to feed us and what actually works for us. Again, this could be the addict in me, but I think it is perfectly logical. I wish I could talk to a doc that has performed opiate depression treatment before and see the progress of a patient. We assume it is all bad because that is what we are taught...I understand that there are true addicts that increase dosages. That can be an absolutely deadly game. And I really do wish the best for you in the future. I can't imagine the pain you are enduring withdrawing from that many oxys a day. It is painful w/ just my 40 mg or less a day. I pray that you can kick your habit. If it is effecting your finances and your home life, it should be stopped....this may sound crazy, but when I do not have my pills, it effects my family. Again it was like this before I ever started taking them. I used to be a moderate drinker back then, but once I had a child, I quit drinking. Maybe a beer here or there, but that's it.
I know I've probably made some of you on this board angry with my defensive words about opiates. I do apologize, but I want you all to understand that I am NOT in recovery right now and honestly I don't really think I WANT to be. Of course I know that something is wrong with what I am doing - that is part of why I started posting. Perhaps I will begin to learn that I am really addicted as I continue to communicate on here. I just want you all to understand that I am new to all of this. If I hadn't experienced withdrawal, I probably never would've suspected any problem at all. Good luck, oxymoron and everyone. I really do hope that you reach your goals. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG AGAIN  |