Why do I research so much on my condition and overdose?

Hi Passionfruit,

I know you probably don't remember me but I answered your question about Neurosis back in Oct. It's nice to see you here again. I just saw that you responded back to me too in Oct, but somehow I was never sent an email telling me that you responded. You caught my interest and attention because I haven't heard of anyone with a conversion neurosis in a long time. I see you said a neurologist gave you that diagnosis. Anyway I friended you back in Oct, and I was hoping you would friend me back.

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So now I just read your latest post. I think you answered your own question. You research suicide so much because you don't really want to die. That's good. I'm glad for that. The world would be a very boring place without you. Believe it or not, a person like you helps give me a reason to be here too. I also get depressed a lot. I think the reason you do so much research on your condition is because you want to understand yourself. A lot of people do that. I did it too. When I was 20 I went to collage to study psychology because of a few reasons. Yes I wanted to become a doctor so I could help other people. But I also wanted to understand why I'm weird myself. While I was in collage doing this, I met many other students who all said the same thing as me. They studied psychology to learn to understand themselves. I never made it to finish to become a doc. That was a long time ago. Now I look for people online that I can help, and get to know. Tonight I found you.

You said you had figured out your diagnosis before you get it. That's very good. You must be very smart. Do you live alone or with other people? I know what it means to be lonely and wish you had someone to speak to. It's not a nice thing at all. Is that one of the reasons you try to kill yourself, because you need someone to talk to? What about all the self help groups? Are they groups you go to in person, or online groups?

I feel really bad I never came back to your question last time I answered you. I really do. I made sure that doesn't happen again this time. I made myself a note, right next to my computer with your name on it, Passionfruit. I like that name your choose. I bet you're a creative person, because that name just sounds like you have to be creative just to think of it.

It's almost 3:30 in the morning where I am. I think I better have a snack and go to sleep. I'll be back here tomorrow. Take care sweetie,

Thor