Hi.I have just found out my husband is a drug addict. I found him injecting himself in the arm in the bathroom at our home. I think its methamphetamine by evidence I found. (white powder, distilled water,small syringe.
We are both young ,not yet 30. been together 6 years.
we have been trying for 2 years to have a baby but after many tests, he has a problem with his sperm count. I am in shock and so sad that he has been doing this whilst we have been trying to fall pregnant. What if i had fallen pregnant with a child with a disability? I have had this "perfect marriage" for 3 years now, so inlove with this man, and to find out he has been injecting himself is just too much for me. Putting the puzzle together, I think he has been doing it for 2-3 years. he says its only been 1 year. we have worked hard to build a life together with dreams. he has an amazing job that pays well but we have been struggling financially for a long time. looking through our bank statements it is clear where all the money is going. 15 thousand dollars in 6 months,gone. He works in the mining industry so he said the drug was Duramine-which is a legalised form of speed-weight loss tablet that people use to stay awake. I dont believe it as he has lied, everything he says is a lie, and i have been so naiive. I asked him yesterday "why did you do it?" he said "I dont know... maybe because I could get away with it."
I have booked him in to see a doctor who will hopefully recomend he see a psychiatrist. Its important that I add this- when I met my husband 6 years ago he was snorting speed recreationally along with smoking pot. He was very thin and when i met him we met in a club. it was love at first sight, moved in 2 months later and he proposed 1 year later. I said to him, I will not accept drugs in my life, so its either me or the drugs. he chose me and left that life behind him. we moved towns, started fresh and i think he didnt do drugs for 2 years after that. he looked healthy, exercised alot and was fit.we were so happy. lately his personality has changed so much. he has put on weight, he looks "dirty", has a smelly breath, has alot of wind, eats junk food, stays up all night tweaking and playing tv games. has thrown a few tantrums lately, throwing things, and over reacting to things. he has become abit parranoid with dirt- washed his hands alot, has had hallucinations etc. What do i do from here? he said he will do anything, but when i mentioned rehab he refused. he says he can do it on his own. i think he is in denial... for him to have done it under my nose for all this time, i feel so betrayed. please can someone advise me of what to do? thank you
What to do- husband a drug addict?
- Posted:
- 11 May 2011 by needsamiracle
- Topics:
- methamphetamine, pregnancy, addiction
Responses (11)
12 May 2011
Hey needsamiracle,
You need to take care of you and let your husband suffer the natural consequences of his behavior. I recommend Narcotics Anonymous or the sister program, Nar anon, for the loved ones of the addicted. You can google "Nar anon" and read about the program and locate meetings near you. They will help you learn how to deal with the addiction and sort out what you are to do now.
12 May 2011
i was married to an alcoholic, and darlin there is nothing you can do, i mean NOTHING. until they want help it's a no win situation, i know this is harsh but that is how it is, my now ex-husband because of his addiction comitted suicide because he couldn't handle it, but everybody in his life tried to help him but there is nothing you can do to help them, he even tried rehab 4 times, didn't work he couldn't accept not drinking anymore. Either hang in there or leave, but you NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE ANY. really i'm sorry to be so harsh but that is a addict's life.
Thank you for your comment. I will give him one chance. If he relapses i will have to leave. I know this will not be easy. I am sorry to hear about your ex husband, that is so sad. hy husband admitted to using drugs for 10 months. I was looking through photos on my computer and i saw needle marks on his arms in every photo back 2 years ago. So sad... it has made me realise how serious this really is... thanks for your comment. its so good to feel I have support, even from a stranger.
12 May 2011
Hey there,
I'm sorry to hear the situation you are in,it's a tough place for you but believe me when i say you are at nothing until your husband admits he has a problem and wants to get professional help-himself!! You my friend will have to look out for yourself at this time in your life,if he's going to choose drugs,get out of there because as you said already he's started throwing tantrums and i know you dont want to hear it but it will get worse,he'll start laying the blame on you and try to make you feel guilty for him wanting to use or that its your fault and everything that comes with that,believe me pet,the best thing you can do is leave him at it as someone else said,i know you love him but you'll end up the one been damaged in the long run,it's not taking the easy way out but you need to think of yourself and hopefully he will realise that losing you is'nt worth it and will agree to a program.
Wishing you all the best,my thoughts and prayers are with you.
4 Jun 2011
Hey sweetie... I have lived with a meth addict for 12 years... married to him for 28... divorced him 2 years ago and still love him... hurts me so much to see what he has done to himself... he smokes it... I caught him 12 years ago and he kept saying he was quitting... I threw him out and he got in trouble with the law and now has 2 felony's for shooting a gun at another drug addict... he is on probation... but i doubt he will make it 3 years without going back to jail... I got him into Church and he was saved and Baptized and he still does meth... it chips away at their self esteem as well as yours because you just want to know why am I not enough... we own a successful business together but if it wasn't for me we would have lost everything by now... I have covered for him and lied for him... with each passing year it gets worse and if you stay you will lose everything... mostly yourself... please do not bring children into this marriage...
Hey duhbuglady
So sorry to hear your story but comment put very well across.
I admire your determination and truthfulness in your story,hopefully this woman will take the advice,it's so true what you said,easier said than done i know especially when you love someone but better off out of there then to get dragged down with him!!
Hope you are living a good life now,and making up for the years you have lost out on,you have put up with so much,i wish you the best,you must be a great person.
Hi duhbuglady22
Thanks so much for your answer. Its so true... my husband sounds alot like yours! I`m sorry for what you all went through, I am the type of person to have done the same -to stick by my husband and try to help, but my husband is in too deep. He has been injecting meth every other day for 2 years now. so he says. but he admits to injecting before i met him 6 years ago! so if he has been doing it that long, i dont think he can change. He is so selfish, always puts himself first... I have left him, it has been the hardest 2 weeks of my llife, but i know in my heart i made the right decision. He is not the person he was a few years ago, the drugs have changed him... I have to keep telling myself that everytime I get sad. I want to have children and be happy with another healthy fun person.. I am just glad i found out now and not later.. Thank you for your answer... I hope you are well and happy and that you find your soul mate soon ;)
5 Jun 2011
Hiya there
Just reading back on the posts and wondered how you are doing??Did you make up your mind as what to do reguarding your husband.I do hope you are well my dear and you've made the decision that is right for you!!
Try let me know how things are with you,noone is here to judge just hoping your doing ok.I wish you well!!
Take care
Hi puckiemull
Awh sweetie,I'm sorry to hear you've been going through so much,i was worried when we didnt hear from you what was going on,but i'm glad you made a desicion and in my opinion you made the right one,i know its not easy and i can only imagine what you must be going through the last few weeks and how tough this must have been on you to finally get him to leave.
I am proud of you for doing so as you deserve so much better,i do agree that if he wanted help then maybe after alot of time and effort from his side then maybe,but still he is not making any effort and as i said to you before the guilt and blame he is laying on you is just an addicts way of making himself feel better for what they are doing.
3 Jul 2011
Thank you guys for your message..it made me cry..it gave me hope..God is really good... I dont share my problem with anyone..I am an orphan and my brother who is a police officer is quite busy..i hav a sister overseas but she has her own problems too..what you said was true..i can not help him... im in too so much pain now because im emotionally attached to him again... guess i nver stopped loving him..but i hav to lovemyselg now and the kids..i dont know how to tell him to stop calling and texting..he knows where we live... its my house..he might come visit anytime..he will never admit..he is in denial.. i dont see marks for injection so i guess he is smoking..i hav never seen him use drugs..i only see signs and changes in his behaviour..if i tel him he is no longer welcome to visit, will he agree..he is very insensitive..i dont think he wud persist..he know he can not live without drugs but he can live without me,,he has done it for 13 years...
Post aytime beabeau,
We are all here for you,if your husband can just let you and your kids go as easy as all that then ye are all better off without him.You have to be strong girl and try build that self esteem back up,you are worth more then that and keep telling yourself so.
You can get through this and over him and move on,find someone who will love and respect you like you deserve!
I wish you all the best,let us know how things go!
Take care
Dear Beaubeau,
I am just so grateful I did not have children with my husband. It makes it all so much harder. I know this is hard but when you are a parent, it’s the highest calling we will ever have. Our number one job is to protect our children. Your husband is a very bad role model for your two boys and they are better off not being exposed to his lifestyle. Have your boys been in contact with your husband over the last13 years?
“The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior unless they walk out of their history.”-Dr.Phil
5 Jul 2011
Guys thank you im crying again i cancelled my hearing i feel weak i need time to grieve i know i have to let him go..i already did that..im just feeling the grief... yes God sends people with wisdom to shield us from further harm.. I will be ok..God is with me... I want to have a new start... thank you for those encouraging and truthful words... i have never heard it before from others... thank you God bless you you have good soul... i thank God for you
8 Nov 2011
Just checking in to see how Babeau was doing. Everyone gave her such good advice! I just hope she has been able to tap into her inner strength and with God's help build a "fortress" for herself and her kids. (Last message was in June.)
Babeau, I hope you are well and have been able to let him go.
"Run" truly IS the best advice. (Though sometimes we must crawl away first... )
*hugs*
Hi Daveprime thank you so much for asking how I have been... yes I got the best advice..life-changing and eye-opener... Im free now... I feel so free so light and so thankful..I told my hubby he is a ver bad raw model to my teen sons and that I want him out of mY life for good... in fact even if he stops, I still don't want him..coz no one can beat meth.I don't hav the energy emotions time and resources to be with him when he relapses..life is short and I want to be happY and healthy..God has to make me see how bad and hopeless he is to make me end my hopes and unanswered questions.. I filed divorce though we call it annulment here and I don't think of him at all..if ever I think of him I just felt relieved I left him right away and I did not allow him destroy us.. I am forever grateful to needs miracle and puckiemull and all the advices I read in this forum... you guys saved my life..you are angles of God..thank you for the kind and truthful words...
8 Nov 2011
Needs a miracle, I hope things have been ?okay? for you as well. It is always a life-shaking experience when we found out the one we have chosen to build a life with has become a shadow of their former selves.
I hope that you are doing well, and have been able to continue on with the wonderful (Though oh so hard) choices you have made!
*Hugs*
12 Nov 2011
I have been a user in past. Went to rehab, na, aa, hit rock bottom then went to prison, and my sister lost her legs while we were using heroin and meth. The person themselves have to be ready and its hard for me to tell you to do this because i cant do it with my friends and family who still use but tough love does help. You cant tell them to choose you or drugs because they do love you but there is always a reason someone uses. Like for me death of father at young age then I quit when i went to military and stacked PTSD on top of it for an example. They have to find problem while sober to why they use and talk it out I use church as my group therapy(na, aa, rehab, and anything used to quit involve a spiritual start). But relapses do happen and be there for him tell him you just need to learn from mistake(whatever trigger maybe) and like for me if i do I go to church immediately following. I hope this helps.
I believe only God can free you and cut your chains..but relapses will still be there right? The devil won't let you go easy..you reli have to ask and want God to rescue and cleanse you
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Hello Needsamiracle,
I can't offer you any better advice than Laurie Shay did, she has laid it out open and honest I just want to let you know that you are in my prayers as well as your husband, I am a supportive friend but I will also tell you there are a lot of special people on this site,
Laurie is a very special person and will help (as she said) in any way possible!
Thank you for your answer Laurie, I did read the articles you mentioned and they were very helpful. My husband admitted to injecting Meth... so thats the first step. I found used needles and drug packaging which I confronted him about. He says what he did was bad but that he can switch it on and off like he pleases. He believes he is on control of the drug and not the otherway around.He will not go to NA or one of those programmes. He said he has kicked the habbit on his own. I gave him a week whereby I stood by his side and sent him to the doctor- to get a referal to a psychiatrist. After the week had gone by and I saw that he was not making an effort on his part I left him. It has been 2 weeks since I have seen him. I told him I want a seperation with the end result being a divorce. He is a mess, cries all the time, he is living with his mum. He wants to prove to me that he has stopped, but i guess only time will tell. A week ago i found disturbing porn on my computer...
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incestuous and young girls. He was also engaging in cybersex and filming himself. He has also been involved with another woman, not sure if he has slept with her but they have definately been involved he calls her all the time, late at night. I think the drugs has made him do these things, he would never have possibly done this on his own. I think he is too far gone and I am so scared of drug induced skitzophrenia.Because he is needling, i feel he is in too deep.
Dearest Needsamiracle,
I am so sorry that you have had to go through all this. I feel you have done the right things. Not enabling your husband is extremely important. Tough love is hard but critical. The important thing now is for you to take care of yourself and not let this drag you down. Stay strong in knowing that the decisions you have made are really what is best for the both of you.
I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to, keep in touch,
Laurie
My husband also has the same problem. I have found syringes and perscription pills. We have 3 kids together and I really don't know what to do anymore. I have no Idea how much he takes a day or for how long, he won't admit he's doing anything, but I have also found text messages in his phone where he is texting other people for meds. I am scared for him and me and my kids. He has also gained alot of weight, looks at porn, sleeps alot, and is very anti social. He just isn't the same anymore. Please tell me what I should do.
Dear Nicky
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I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your children. Can I ask how long have you known? What does your husband do for work- what industry is he in? This can say a lot and might determine what drug he is using.
My advice is to find out exactly what he is using and how much, how often and for how long he has been using. Find out as much as you can about this situation- read up articles on others’ stories- especially with children involved. This will really help you to decide what to do- as you will have a better understanding of what the drugs do to families and what the recovery rate is. Your husband will probably lie so you will have to find this all out on your own. They will lie straight to your face to protect the drugs. I really hope he is not injecting- but you say there are syringes…?
Yes you can try and get him help- send him to rehab, he HAS TO GET HELP. He will say he can get off it on his own-but that is not true. Believe me.
Your number ONE DUTY as a mother is to protect your children now. That comes first. You cannot live with 3 small children in a house with a man that’s using drugs. Their father is being so irresponsible – but you have to be strong now and protect your children and yourself. Read up the rest of the blogs on this site and also check out www.methproject.org
Watch “intervention” episodes- they are real life stories of people who take drugs daily. Usually on the BIO channel.
You are going to have to watch the money- he mustn’t get access to money, make sure you start preparing if you do have to leave- put some money aside for you and your kids if you have to end up leaving, do you have help from family members? See support groups in your area- Alanon, phone the drug information center and talk to them on the phone- they are very helpful and they are able to help you determine what drug it could be by the packaging you have found etc. you have to be clever now- take photos of the syringes and pills you have found. Get your information together- hide it. If things do turn ugly- this is evidence you will need in court to get custody of the children. Trust me- you are not dealing with your husband anymore- you are dealing with the DRUGS. The drugs come first over anything and anyone. You need to prepare yourself.. The fact that he is using and he has kids shows you that he has ALREADY put the drugs first. How old are your kids? I am so sorry you are going through this… I really am. You have to think with your head now- not your heart. You have be clever and look out for yourself and your kids. I am sure you love your husband very much and you can get him help… but you have to look out for you and your kids first. I really hope he will take help and give up the drugs, but the recovery rate is not very good- once they start injecting… that is the worst form.. My husband is still injecting after I left him. He moved on quite easily because he has his DRUGS and his porn…and its interesting how “they” change and the things they “do” to get the drugs. I am here for you- and I am praying for you all. Wishing you the best of luck- be strong and you will get through this. Xxx