well as a child me my brother and my mom were all physically, emotionally, and verbally abused for few years by her boyfriend at the time. I cant go into detail wat happened bc its hard for me 2talk about and hate re-living it, but these are just very very few things that i expierienced, both me and my brother were beaten regulary by those plastic bowling pins then got sent 2 the corner and if we moved, cried anything we wld get beaten again told 2 "shut up else ill give u something 2cry about"/ i wld get made to watch scary gorey movies when i was 3 still cant watch "CANDYMAN" by the way and im 23yrs old!/ me and my brother were forced to watch him beat the crap out of our mother everyday! Thats not even all the shit ive been through, yes my mother and us finally got out of there after she i guess just got sick of us bein beat on and her and she finally stood up and beat the shit out of him for self defense and shes the one who got sent 2 jail (very messed up right?) We got into a safehouse after years of him making her feel like she was worthless and nobody would ever want her with 3kids (sister was baby at time)- But now 2 this day i hate showing any emotion that has to do with crying, i have such bad trust issues with any guy which is hard bc i finally found someone i can trust but i still accuse him of stuff, i get bad anger problems that i kno isnt me, im a drug and alcohol addict bc i wanted to numb all the pain and never think of my past, i jump everytime i hear loud noise, im paranoid, when i sleep my dreams end up makin me re- live it the parts i do remember of my dreams i wake up screaming, crying or both at same time, my boyfriend tells me i wake him up hitting him and yelling and screaming as if i was doing it to him but he realizes im still sleeping he says its like im attacking someone in my dream. One thing i will never do is ever hit my daughter refuse to! Its been so hard for me bc of this stuff this guy did so many mental issues, i just started slowly talkin bout it with my psychiatrist but still cant get into alot of dtails bc i just dont kno why please can anybody give me advise? would GRATELY appreciate it!
Traumatic childhood any advise? I kno this is long but plz take time2 read and HELP!?
- 8 Apr 2011 by Saraj2009
- depression, bipolar disorder, psychiatric disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, insomnia, opiate dependence, panic disorder, sleep disorders, anxiety and stress
8 Apr 2011
There's a saying among the 12-step recovery groups that goes, "Trace it, Face it, Erase it" - and it applies to dealing with issues from our pasts. We can't get move forward with our lives, until we deal with the past - then leave it in the past. I realize you've been through a lot - and you need the help of a professional to look at it boldly, in the eye - feel the feelings (that you've probably been trying to avoid for years) - and then, let it all go. The more we carry of abuse from our pasts, the more we continue to allow ourselves to be victimized. That man has no idea that you are still struggling with what he did - you are the only one feeling that pain. You don't deserve to be stuck with that, and you owe it to yourself - and your future - to take on the process of overcoming it. I do know - I've been there - just the thought of my childhood used to bring on enormous emotions...
and for a long time, I didn't completely understand why. I had avoided dealing with it so long, I couldn't even identify what happened. It took work to get past it - but I promise you, from the bottom of my heart - it is WORTH it! The past no longer has any control on me. I no longer turn to drugs or alcohol to mask the pain. I no longer struggle with repressed rage.
The pathway out begins with getting clean and sober AND working with a counselor to talk out what's happened in your past that you don't want to take into your future. Use NA or AA - any 12-step program, and their 12 steps are the path OUT of the past - and into a healthy, happier future. You CAN do this. It takes more energy to stuff those memories and feelings down than it takes to undergo the process of uncovering them and becoming free of them.
Don't allow the past to keep you feeling like a victim. Don't use the past to justify why you're "stuck" in life - it doesn't have to! Many, many others have walked in similar shoes, myself included - and we've emerged from that nightmare so much stronger, so much happier, so much more at ease in the world. We're capable of healthy relationships now, where, in the past, there was always chaos and turmoil. My entire perspective on life has changed.
A psychiatrist may help somewhat, but oftentimes, their answers come in another medication to mask the underlying issues. They are MD's, and usually don't devote a lot of time to talk therapy. A counselor or social worker will take the time you truly need to get this stuff out into the open, and deal with it. God bless you in your journey.
8 Apr 2011
I am sorry that you have had such a hard time beginning in your childhood. I agree with the previous poster, you need to get rid of the self medication (drugs and alcohol) so that you can face these demons that are very strong and can run our lives if we dont do something about them.
I grew up in an abusive home being sexually and physically abused by almost all the males in the family. It hurts to talk about it because I spent years thinking if I could just be good enough that they would say those three words that I wanted to hear "I am sorry" but I finally had to realize that I was never going to hear it from any of them. I went looking for a great counselor and finally found one that helps me deal with those issues. I am afraid of the dark, can't stand anyone to touch me when I am in certain frames of mind, but the most important thing is that I am working on this issue of abuse and realize that I could not do anything to stop it, I just wasn't big enough, loud enough or loved enough (in the right way) for them to stop.
I take psych meds being diagnosed with Bipolar, BPD, ADHD, PTSD, and several others thrown in the mix. Medication helps but the biggest thing that helps is getting this out of my system.
There were several things that I did that helped. In getting a new counselor, I wrote out what happened like I was writing my life history so that she knew what I was dealing with but I wouldn't be expected to spill everything in one session, I journal every day even if it is to say that I had a great day. Having a relationship with my fiance is very difficult. I fall into Pull him in so that I can let him get close and then get scared because he is too close and knows too much about me and push him away.
But to sum it up, get sober, get a great counselor and have plenty of tissues,
Wishing you the best,
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