Traumatic childhood any advise? I kno this is long but plz take time2 read and HELP!?

There's a saying among the 12-step recovery groups that goes, "Trace it, Face it, Erase it" - and it applies to dealing with issues from our pasts. We can't get move forward with our lives, until we deal with the past - then leave it in the past. I realize you've been through a lot - and you need the help of a professional to look at it boldly, in the eye - feel the feelings (that you've probably been trying to avoid for years) - and then, let it all go. The more we carry of abuse from our pasts, the more we continue to allow ourselves to be victimized. That man has no idea that you are still struggling with what he did - you are the only one feeling that pain. You don't deserve to be stuck with that, and you owe it to yourself - and your future - to take on the process of overcoming it. I do know - I've been there - just the thought of my childhood used to bring on enormous emotions...

Expand this post...

and for a long time, I didn't completely understand why. I had avoided dealing with it so long, I couldn't even identify what happened. It took work to get past it - but I promise you, from the bottom of my heart - it is WORTH it! The past no longer has any control on me. I no longer turn to drugs or alcohol to mask the pain. I no longer struggle with repressed rage.

The pathway out begins with getting clean and sober AND working with a counselor to talk out what's happened in your past that you don't want to take into your future. Use NA or AA - any 12-step program, and their 12 steps are the path OUT of the past - and into a healthy, happier future. You CAN do this. It takes more energy to stuff those memories and feelings down than it takes to undergo the process of uncovering them and becoming free of them.

Don't allow the past to keep you feeling like a victim. Don't use the past to justify why you're "stuck" in life - it doesn't have to! Many, many others have walked in similar shoes, myself included - and we've emerged from that nightmare so much stronger, so much happier, so much more at ease in the world. We're capable of healthy relationships now, where, in the past, there was always chaos and turmoil. My entire perspective on life has changed.

A psychiatrist may help somewhat, but oftentimes, their answers come in another medication to mask the underlying issues. They are MD's, and usually don't devote a lot of time to talk therapy. A counselor or social worker will take the time you truly need to get this stuff out into the open, and deal with it. God bless you in your journey.

I am sorry that you have had such a hard time beginning in your childhood. I agree with the previous poster, you need to get rid of the self medication (drugs and alcohol) so that you can face these demons that are very strong and can run our lives if we dont do something about them.

Expand this post...

I grew up in an abusive home being sexually and physically abused by almost all the males in the family. It hurts to talk about it because I spent years thinking if I could just be good enough that they would say those three words that I wanted to hear "I am sorry" but I finally had to realize that I was never going to hear it from any of them. I went looking for a great counselor and finally found one that helps me deal with those issues. I am afraid of the dark, can't stand anyone to touch me when I am in certain frames of mind, but the most important thing is that I am working on this issue of abuse and realize that I could not do anything to stop it, I just wasn't big enough, loud enough or loved enough (in the right way) for them to stop.
I take psych meds being diagnosed with Bipolar, BPD, ADHD, PTSD, and several others thrown in the mix. Medication helps but the biggest thing that helps is getting this out of my system.
There were several things that I did that helped. In getting a new counselor, I wrote out what happened like I was writing my life history so that she knew what I was dealing with but I wouldn't be expected to spill everything in one session, I journal every day even if it is to say that I had a great day. Having a relationship with my fiance is very difficult. I fall into Pull him in so that I can let him get close and then get scared because he is too close and knows too much about me and push him away.
But to sum it up, get sober, get a great counselor and have plenty of tissues,
Wishing you the best,
Anita