I have been with my husband for over years, married for one year. Together we have two small children and one on the way but as of lately I cannot deal with the stress anymore. I keep thinking that the addiction will get better and one day he will change ans become a better person. He does things like spend all his money on his addiction, spend more time with his friends gettting high than with his own family. I pay all the bills in the house and I am the main caregiver for the children even though we are together. Just today he got over 2700 dollars and has been gone all day while me and the kids have been here waiting on him to come back and get us since 9 this morning. He steals from me, lies to me and has become so very selfish. All he can think about is getting high and how to get over on people to get high. I just dont know what to do anymore and I dont have the strength to keep crying everday.
19 Jan 2012
Hello, can you convince him enter rehab? Perhaps stage an intervention?
I can only tell what I would in your position, I believe if you have made it clear to him what his doing is harming you and your children and if he does'nt enter recovery immediatly you need to leave. I would'nt entertain any thoughts of a reunion until he is a rehab facility or taking the steps. God Bless you and your family. -K
19 Jan 2012
Drug addiction becomes a family disease. It affects everyone involved. While you can't force your husband into recovery unless he wants it, you can tell him the alternatives, but be prepared to follow through. Idle threats will only make the problem worse. I recommend you seek some help from an organization like Narcotics Anonymous. They have a sister group called Nar Anon which is for loved ones of the addicted. You can google Nar anon and find meetings near your location. Once you have a support system you'll be able to make wiser decisions as to what you should do. Remember you and those children come first. God bless you and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
19 Jan 2012
I totally agree with what laurie has to say. Your children & you have to come first. Here you are pregnant, & other children at home with you & he's out spending all the money you need to live on being selfish etc... A person on drugs has to make the decision himself that he is an addict & wants to change. Threats don't work. They might for a short itme, but then he'll be sneaking behind your back to do these things. You need to take action & have a plan in place for you & your children. I am surprised that being with him for years that knowing he was an addict you decided to marry him anyway. I'm sure you thought it would help & make a difference. An addict must make that choice decision for themselves, & added pressure usually doesn't work. Maybe losing all he has will turn him around. It's possible, but not probable.
Most addicts have to hit bottom before they can admit that it's a problem Apparently he hasn't hit bottom because you are putting up with it, alone & crying your heart out. Honey, it not fair to you, your, children & the one you are carrying now. The added stress on your pregnancy is not good for you or this baby. PLEASE do the right thing for yourself & this baby coming & your other children. Mke a plan & stick to it. Don't let empty promises change your plan until you see progress if it comes to that. I wish you the very best...
19 Jan 2012
Run, don't walk to your nearest center for women, and they will help you get you of (and fully understand the implications of) this mess. I have seen this up close and personal as my sister raised her four boys and her husband used all their money (even stealing from the children) for 18 years to support his cocaine habit. She lost everything because she "couldn't be mean to him" and "cause it wasn't his fault". They lost 4 businesses, their house, cars, insurance, trust of friends and neighbors, herself respect. I know I am taking the hardline here, but you are still young, as are your kids. You deserve better, your kids deserve better! How long has he been an addict, did he hide it before your marriage? Has he made ay attempt to get clean and take responsiblity for his family? if he won't seriously try, save yourself a world of hurt and get out of this situation now! My God Bless and keep you and your little ones, Harmony
22 Jan 2012
It's time to put you and your kids first. You are the mother of these children and they count on you to provide a safe and comfortable home. It's time for you to take a stand and tell him to get help or you are ending your relationship. Take a stand your family depends on you and this decision. You yourself get help for support through all this. Of course people here will be a strong support for you. But you need a place for yourself and your kids that feel safe too. Take care and keep us posted o.k. if you want.
22 Mar 2012
I have been in a 2o year realationship with my husband and have been waiting for him to change and stop using drugs and he is still using i wish i would have gottin out years ago we have 3 grown kids now and i feel like i should have left him when there were small and not put them through hell we have gone to NA I have threatened to leave take the kids i have thrown him out i have cheated i have tried everything to change him and it dont work what i have learned you can not change a person and drugs are way more powerfull than we are he has to want to stop using you or the kids can not make him stop i have been through hell because i choose to stay married i have wanted out for years but hung in there hoping he will stop and he does for a while but always returnes to lying and not coming home spending money we dont have making me provide what he should be doing you and your kids deserve better than that we dont want our children to grow up to be addicts or attract addicts try to offer him help and if he wants it than support him in every way and if he dont want help get out
5 Sep 2012
I came to this website because I have the same problem and I don't know how to handle it. My whole family except for my brothers are advising me to leave him and take my two kids. My two brothers want me to try for him to go to rehab and if it doesn't work, then I will leave. We had a long talk last night and I told him how much he is hurting us. He decided that he will go to rehab and try to work things out. I don't know. Im really stressed out. His mom is even attacking me saying that I turned my back on him because I left with my kids to visit family over the weekend because all I needed was time away. She even went and picked up the divorce papers so we can get divorced. What should I do?
6 Jun 2014
I can tell you exactly what to do, Leave. Don't wait til your too old to find someone else. That is were I am now. They never change and you will constantly be living a life of misery wondering when is he going to crumble again. They do and they look for any reason to. There is something wrong with these people from the get go. They were not raised in a loving home with both parents that why the seek out the drug to soothe themselves. These people don't know how to love or feel they are hollow and empty and only know how to manipulate and use you. Believe I know. They will eventually make you soo physically, mentally ill that you will start to think your wrong, you're crazy. I beg you if I can help others then maybe it would help me. Find someone whole who deserves your love. No real normal person who loves you would make you hurt and suffer like this.
18 Mar 2015
im having a same problem, i have 5 kids and we've been together for 16 years, i don't know what to do anymore, it's hard for me to move out because i still love him, hes doing drugs when he's at work, I've talked to him so many times to please stop, and it looks like he's getting worse, everytime i tried to talk to him about it he just turned his back and ignore my advice, he's been doing it for 7 years now, and im struggling and i can't afford a place of my own with my five children, i cant leave without them, everything comes out if his mouth is all lies, i work full time as a janitor and have side jobs trying to put food on our table and support my kids for all the school programs they are involved in, i cried everyday, i just don't know what to do anymore and I totally understand how you feel, it hurts so much,
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