kwoodisonSince I last wrote, my dr had some action on his referral to a pain clinic and I went in for a first orientation meeting. He's keeping doses on all my meds the same (oxycontin, clonazapam, zolpidem). In the meantime and all along these last few months, there are huge anxiety increases which makes me feel withdrawals even more. I'm so afraid the pain clinic is going to take me off my medication and I'm so very tired of feeling sick each day as I wait for my next dose. I'm more afraid of the withdrawals. Does anyone know if pain clinics use other meds besides Suboxone to help withdrawal symptoms? The doctor who was treating my pain had me on that for a year but I developed serious side effects. I keep reading how the anxiety feeds this monster, the withdrawals, and I can even see if in myself. I will need something for pain (osteoarthritis in the knees and neck, neck now starting to really both me more).
It's wonderful to have a place like this to just dump the stuff in my gut. I do talk to friends and my daughter, but people get burned out on this and two people have already stopped calling. Also, I had to ask one girl to keep her own details of her similar experiences to a minimum; explained to her as kindly as I could that it made me feel worse. This can sure be a lonely and dark place--I struggle to get out every day, and to make sure I walk my dog several times a day. Struggle with things like grocery shopping, bank deposits, oil change on the car (today, I got lost!).
I mentioned before that I talked to the methadone clinic and they gave me the impression they wouldn't take me because of the chronic pain issues. It's a small clinic so I don't think they'll forget that, if I went there again. One member, mpvt, suggested I go back there and not mention it. My next pain clinic appt for evaluation isn't for ten days. Maybe waiting to see what the pain clinic recommends is not a bad idea.
Thanks every one of you out there!
johnnythu...
I have not run out, yet, but it looks like that will occur within a few days since I signed a contract with my primary just recently. I just have withdrawal symptoms every day (anxiety, stomach tightness, sweating, goosebumps, runny nose, increase in pain from 2 to 4 or 5, full blown foot cramps every evening where my toes point in all different directions) beginning about six hours after the dose, and I need to wait 8 hours between, as prescribed. I'm going to be a few short this month, and I was 2 short on the 60 mg. last month but the doc didn't make me go into withdrawals. But I've been on something addictive for nine years now and managed to be about 90% compliant, until this month.
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As for my tolerance, I was managed by an addiction doc after detoxing with Clonidine and Clonazapam from 2 yrs of hydrocodone (8 pills a day, the prescribed dose, but not prescribed after a couple months) I'm sure it's huge because of Suboxone. I first took 300 mg. Tramadol for six years, then Subutex (then Suboxone 32 mg total/day for 10 months when insuruance saw my record as an addict and later sent another letter that Suboxone wasn't for pain). I also developed a reaction in my mouth and now have swallowing problems--probably a combination of my meds and not just Suboxone. Then in Dec 2009 he reluctantly put me on 240 mg. a day of oxicodone--he died with cancer four months after that and my primary doc took over as we had discussed it.
It became quickly obvious that he didn't understand addiction, tolerances, withdrawals or much at all about narcotics. We discussed what to change to for pain control and he agreed methadone was something that might work as he had a few patients on it; but now I realize that they too probably take just a minimum.
As for my real pain level, my addict brain gets in the way as I'm beginning to understand it does with all chronic pain patients. I do know that my knees are bone-on-bone and when pain meds are not sufficient, I can barely stand when I get out of bed and walk with a cane at times. Ocassionally it feels like a floater gets stuck in a knee joint and it's excruciating for a few minutes--can't even move, like someone kicked the wind out of me. Also, when the weather changes warm to cold, warm to hot), my arthritis pain goes up even when medicated. I also have a bone spur in my neck that hasn't even been addressed beyond the initial MRI in 1991 when I had pain in my neck and arm and tingling and numbness. Ironically, it's well under control even when my knee pain is not. At least it was until the taper got me to 200 mg--- now I have constant dull aching and usually a headache and have to rest my neck again something for relief. I have rods in both femurs from an MVA in the 70's and was told until recently that knee replacement wasn't an option. (I wonder now, at age 63, if that had something to do with my ago, as they wait as long as they can to avoid having to do it again).
I have a feeling that (if I hold out until the proposed pain clinic visit in 4-6 wks., a big IF), the docs are going to detox me down as far as they can to evaluate my true pain, which is reasonable. I was told at a detox hospital that the industry is really being closely watched ... doctors and pharmacies are warned for "over-prescribing" and licenses are being yanked. The pendulum on the whole mind set that we are under-medicated from the 1990's is swinging back the to other opposite extreme.
I hear there is a new medication in pain clinics called Embeda which is for pain control for osteoarthritis. It is morphine and naloxone or that opiate blocker. But they won't give it to me until I detox to 40 or 60 mg. -- whatever the number, it's just unthinkable to me.
So I keep coming back to methadone, on my own and not through the doctor. But I do not believe that it will manage the pain. The methadone clinic I visited to get info said they commonly dispense 80 mg. at this time. With the close scrutiny, who knows if or when that will change.
So many dead ends. So complicated. And I'm sure there's more I haven't gotten to in my history, so you can understand. I want to be off the narcotics but I don't believe I can or want to live with the pain. It's a choice, I suppose.
I'm getting apathetic now, in a bad way. That's why I'm here. I know there's hope, but I just don't have it. I know God is there, but I just can't make my connection. The drugs have a mind of their own, I agree with so many. Thank you so much for writing.
To answer how I take the 200 mg., it's three times a day - 80/60/60 mg. Time on oxy fourteen months now.