Since I last wrote, my dr had some action on his referral to a pain clinic and I went in for a first orientation meeting. He's keeping doses on all my meds the same (oxycontin, clonazapam, zolpidem). In the meantime and all along these last few months, there are huge anxiety increases which makes me feel withdrawals even more. I'm so afraid the pain clinic is going to take me off my medication and I'm so very tired of feeling sick each day as I wait for my next dose. I'm more afraid of the withdrawals. Does anyone know if pain clinics use other meds besides Suboxone to help withdrawal symptoms? The doctor who was treating my pain had me on that for a year but I developed serious side effects. I keep reading how the anxiety feeds this monster, the withdrawals, and I can even see if in myself. I will need something for pain (osteoarthritis in the knees and neck, neck now starting to really both me more).

It's wonderful to have a place like this to just dump the stuff in my gut. I do talk to friends and my daughter, but people get burned out on this and two people have already stopped calling. Also, I had to ask one girl to keep her own details of her similar experiences to a minimum; explained to her as kindly as I could that it made me feel worse. This can sure be a lonely and dark place--I struggle to get out every day, and to make sure I walk my dog several times a day. Struggle with things like grocery shopping, bank deposits, oil change on the car (today, I got lost!).

I mentioned before that I talked to the methadone clinic and they gave me the impression they wouldn't take me because of the chronic pain issues. It's a small clinic so I don't think they'll forget that, if I went there again. One member, mpvt, suggested I go back there and not mention it. My next pain clinic appt for evaluation isn't for ten days. Maybe waiting to see what the pain clinic recommends is not a bad idea.

Thanks every one of you out there!