Opiate Dependence - My husband is an addict. I am so lost. 10 years and 3 kids, a house, a buisness?

the man you see right now is a different man than who he was, I have never dealt with alcohol on a personal level but my father had 8 brother who were all alcoholic 2 used drugs with the alcohol, my father made the choice not to touch it and I followed in his footsteps, I recall how very angry and upset their wifes would be, each brother and his wife had large families and multiple responsibilities, it is a nightmare (was a nightmare for these women with family responsibilities and in one sense of the word my father's brothers were absent) not the same person and when they were home in the physical sense they were so into the drug and alcohol situation until they were not present then, it takes a lot of love and understanding and fighting to get through something like this and as one of my Aunts said I love my husband they were among the one's that made it work, it took the two of them I think she went and got counseling and then they had counseling together,

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it only seems like yesterday but things can get better and there is hope, I am so sorry you have this to go through but I really have faith that once you make up your mind that you love this man thiscan be worked out, I saw it firsthand and know it was hard but in the end it was worth it. take good care,

im so sorry your family has to go through this hell,i lost my wife and didnt see my kids for a long time over pills and heroin. i was married 12 years and flushed it all down the toilet. you have to let him know you love him and your going to be there if he wants to help himself, but trying to make him get better will never work he has to truely want it.and as hard as it may be youve got to stop making yourself crazy by asking him questions that you already know hes going to likely lie about anyway,all thats going to do is make you more miserable. i hate to say it but the only thing that worked for me was tuff love. i was told get your s@#$ together or dont come around anymore. i was also told that i was ruining my family and that they were no longer going to watch me destroy myself anymore. our bank accounts were closed and i was told to move out. this seems harsh and it is, but your kids cant see him this way and the fighting does serious damage to kids.

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if he has had this problem this long than it will take some drastic steps to help him take this seriously. he will either choose his family or to kill himself slowly with drugs. it sounds to me he loves his family and just needs help. but hes not going to stop until you put your foot down and youve got to be ready to back up what you say your going to do. you have got to fight to keep you family together and it wont be easy undoing years of addiction but doing nothing isnt a option if your serious about helping him. i went to countless rehabs just to shut my wife up only to get out and do the same thing over and over. it was just to make her feel better not to get me better. make him choose his path so you and your kids can live the life yall deserve. its not your fault but its on your lap its time to put his problem in his lap now. good luck, god bless

i ruined my marriage in a very similar way after years with my wife"high school sweetheart". you have to feel like he has cheated on you but w/ drugs in place of a woman and that is normal.the only things i can tell you are he has to feel like he has someone on his side. also understand he needs to be able to talk to you truthfully without feeling like you are going to leave him or like he was cheating on you,which is sort of how my wife reacted to finding out about my drug problems with pills. even if things don't work out w/ your marriage for your kids sake you will need to be there for him during his recovery, if he is serious about quiting. i can just about assure you a couple weeks in a detox unit will be great for him but that im afraid its only the first step. it took me three or four trips and months of inpatient rehab ,w/ an aftercare program to get it together, because of the length of time i had been on drugs (16+yrs).

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learning to change the way your mind has worked and loosing the bad friends after years of opiate abuse is a huge task and will take time. but if your willing to do what it takes and thats a lot when you have kids involved, than i think you guys will make it through this. it maybe possible that you catching him is the most wonderful thing that could happen to him. you may have just saved his life. God bless your family and best of luck,remember the worst thing you can do is push him away. hes really going to need you to stop.

lisaH, Try 25 years and three kids and two grandkids!!! I was the one doing the lying. I started taking pain meds for migraines and over the years I took more and more until they didn't relieve the pain anymore. I had a legal prescription, and it all started out innocently. However, one day I woke up and realized that I couldn't even function normally without the pills. I was so addicted I would go from doctor to doctor getting prescriptions. Silly me didn't realize they were all aware of the situation. They allowed me to continue and fill my prescriptions because I had a legitimate reason for taking them. But one day I just felt that enough is enough and I quit. I went through ten days of the most excruciating hell on earth. I went cold turkey, which was really stupid!!! Then a family member told me about Suboxone. I made an appointment to the clinic and started taking 8mg twice a day.

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It's been over a year now and I haven't ever gone back to the narcotic pain meds. It's a really long story, but the point of all this that I'm trying to get to is this- When I finally emerged from the cloud I had been under for the last 15years, I started to remember things. At first it would come to me in my dreams. And then I would start to remember things when I was awake. I said and did some truly awful things to myself and my family. I don't need anyone to be angry or mad at me because there is nothing they could say to me that would be worse than what I've felt about myself. I look back on certain situations and just cringe!!! Surely that wasn't me!! I would never do things like that!!! But I did! I would be so embarrassed and ashamed of myself that I would get severely depressed. I would think "How could you ever of done those things"? I WOULDN'T DO THOSE THINGS!!! It was the drug controlling my actions. It's not my family that has to forgive me. They already have. But I don't know if I will ever forgive myself. Whatever happens to you and your husband, he needs you now like never before in his life!!! You are his lifeline, and without you there isn't a lot of hope! That doesn't mean I'm saying to stay with him if he doesn't get clean. I'm just saying to try and find it in your heart to forgive him and help him through this. My doctor asked me "When did you fall out of love with your husband"? I was so angry with him for that, I told him that I never fell out of love with my husband. But now I understand what he meant. This addiction is so powerful, it's stronger than any of us. It controls your entire life and everything you do. Everyday when you get up, your entire day is focused on how much of the prescription do you have left? Do you need to go get more? How will I get more? Everybody in the family is effected by it! Everything would depend on how mom is feeling today. So like everybody has said, you and your kids need to get help also to help you understand just exactly what is controlling your husband right now, and what you can do about it. Sorry this is so long, but it's never easy trying to explain this to someone. good luck with all!! NIK

Hey Lisa, I really feel for you, I know what my wife has gone through with me, and I have seen it with many other families over the years. The wfe usually feels like she is living in her private hell and there is no one that will understand the feelings especially the fear. Glad to see you on here it is a wonderful place to find support. Has your husband been to any type treatment before other than detox?
Addiction is an extremely complicated disease that requires, not just one to cease use but a change of lifestyle. The one thing I do know is never tell an addict anything you're not willing to follow through.
The initial decision he will have to make is does he want to get better, The other part of that is you can get better regardless of what he does.

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The people on here have a wealth of insight into addiction and the pain it causes. There are support groups in the community you can use such as Alanon, Naranon and others. It is so very important to know that you are not by yourself and other people have had the same experiences as you and they got better and their lives got better. This is not the end of the world.
Please hang in there. The best thing you can do for your husband is take care of yourself regardless of how difficult it is to put yourself first. God Bless surfdog