I need help as soon as possible. My mom has had back pain for a long time and gets a prescription for pain meds (not sure which one she has been hiding it from me.) I have seen a slow but sure decline in my moms every day life. She has embarrassed me in front of my boyfriends family (by falling off chairs, nodding off, ect), she has lost two jobs, she thinks everyone is out to get her so has distanced herself from family members, falls asleep after half a drink in front of my whole family, and my dad is on the verge of divorcing her after 30 years. The list could go on and on. I finally freaked out after she was having a mood swing and made a family member of mine cry and she recently opened up to me (while she was on the pain pills) that she is addicted and needs help. She drinks all the time while she is taking the pain pills which I know is really bad for her liver. She will have one drink and I can just see it in her eyes, and then she gets belligerent and usually nods off. When she opened up to me she told me not tell anyone (my dad, sister, family members) but I feel so lost and alone about it and I need their help but I don't want to ruin the trust my mom has for me. I called her the next day after she opened up to me and she acted like nothing had happened. I told her that we need to go see the doctor the following Monday and she said "oh no I am just fine." I need to do something and quick, because I am afraid she is going to die. Should I call the pharmacy where she gets her pain meds and tell the pharmacist to not allow her to get her pills anymore? Is that even possible? Or should I call the doctor? Ugh I never thought I would find myself in this situation. My mother is a beautiful, smart, funny, intelligent person and it breaks my heart to see her going through such a horrible thing. I need help from someone who can tell me what steps I need to take. Thank you.
18 Jul 2011
I also was taking pain meds (no alcohol though) and nodded off just like your mum, and I was not abusing the meds either.
Her life sounds like it has lost any semblence of quality. The pain meds are sort of "stealing her soul" if you will.
You may want to call her physician and report her behaviour. Her doctor may be able to wean her off of the medication slowly, so as not to cause withdrawals from it, which are horrible.
It sounds as if she is possibly abusing an opiate pain medication.
She does indeed need help, and you also may want to confide in your father about this, believe me, the entire family already knows your mum is addicted!
She has made this quite apparent by her behaviour.
Best wishes and post again, let us know how it is going for you and your mum?
18 Jul 2011
SL is right. No one is in the dark about your moms problems. You are a very good girl for wanting to maintain her trust, but at this point, like Sweet said, the pain pills have become a worse crutch for her than what they are helping. When a Dr prescribes opioid medications it is always a "trial". Then it needs to be determined whether or not the pain pills are making the persons quality of life better. Are they able to do more? Are they able to participate in their lives better? Does the medication make it easier for her to do things she likes to do? The answers in your moms case are "No" the pain pills are making things worse. There are a few things you can do. Ashley, you do not say how old you are, especially if you are a minor, I would suggest you confide in your Dad and enlist his help.
One of you does need to have a frank conversation with the Dr who is prescribing the pills and let him/her know what your Mom's behavior is like and that she is mixing pills with alcohol. He probably already suspects she is having problems. Due to HIPPA laws, the Dr will not discuss much with you, but that does not mean he/she is not listening. Let the physician take it from there. You might ask the physician to maintain your confidentiality. The Dr can persue reducing her pain medications BUT my suspicions are that if your Mom doesnt realize her WHOLE family is concerned for her, she will just drop that Dr and move on to another. You all, as a family, probably need to confront her. She will probably get angry at first, then she may cry but all in all, she needs to be convinced that "her slip is showing" and no one is fooled into thinking she has control of her medicine. If she has admitted to you that she is having a problem and then she realizes the whole family is already aware she has a problem then perhaps she will be more likely to seek help to get off the meds. She may be frightened of detoxing, wondering how difficult it will be and wondering if her pain will be unbearable without the medications. Hopefully you can find her an addictions specialist who specializes in a person who has pain but is also addicted. They can address both issues. Let your mom know that you will ALL stand behind her and help her through this. She is mixing both alcohol and pain medications which is a VERY dangerous practice, not only for her liver but for the fact that she may go to sleep one day and never wake up! I think your mom is probably suffering from depression issues she may need to deal with too. Getting her involved down the road with something like AA or NA could be a good idea for your whole family so you can all learn what is going on and how best to help her and it will give you all support to help you that you are not alone in this kind of issue. It happens. It will be a hard road for all of you but you are doing the right thing to help your mom. She may not see it that way in the beginning but as she faces her demons and starts to beat them she will realize how you did this out of love. I wish you all the best and I hope your mom decides to get the help she needs so you can have your mom back.
18 Jul 2011
What I am about to say you already have the answers and to be honest so does you family, It's like having the elephant in the room it's the problem everyone tries to avoid it but thing s are so outrageious that it is no longer able to be hid.
Your mom lives from one opiate prescription to the other, alcohol and pills don't mix it's taking her life, if this behavior continues one day she will have too much of one or the other and her liver (among other things won't continue to function) I agree with Sweetlemon it would be far better to discuss this with her doctor I am sure he'd much prefer treating her knowing the truth this way he knows the truth and can perhaps help her without her maybe fallinginto an emergency situation it sounds like your Dad has a fairly good idea that something is adding to her behavior or he wouldn't be contemplating divorce, It seems that she needs help and once it is recognized then she can at least look towards getting help in the future, if this continues and her doctor finds out either because an incident occoured due to taking too many pills or combining them with alcohol at that point the doctor may just decide he has his hands full and now that things are completely out of hand he would perhaps not tend to feel the empathy that he could if he has the information before the storm hits, I in no way am judging you, your family or your mother things have just gotten so out of hand unless a change is made it's like waiting for a bomb to go off, I have a 93 y/o momma and believe me I am trying to place myself in your shoes as to what in this world would I do if I had to cope with something ongoing like this and I can understand you not wanting to tell others about this but just ask yourself everybody already is suspect of the situation they are just waiting for the shoes to drop, (My momma's brother was in a very similar circumstance) she promised him nearly the same thing but when push came to shove she felt she had no other choice, a family doctor was already suspect, once his spouse knew she was able to give it a name and he really was upset with my mom but he had to make some changes, in the end because of long term problems he passed away but the two aren't the same he had an issue that already threatened his life I am just using this in order to try and give you something that was very similar, it helped and I know my momma felt better that she did tell, I just sincerely pray that God will give you the strength you need to allow you to get her the help that she desperately needs, I wish you all only the very best. feel free to let us know what happens, there are so many people on here that are concerned about people have compassion and understanding, so if you need further support please know we are here.
19 Jul 2011
Wow! Such excellent answers! Sorry, I forget which person said that if you talk to your Mom's doctor, she will just move on, but they are right. I also agree that you should make an appointment with your mother's doctor to find out what your options are. Bring your Dad with you too. In some places, it is legal to have her committed to rehab - that's where your Dad comes in. He can sign the papers to have her committed to rehab (when a person is a harm to themselves or other people) and she won't go easily - kicking and screaming is more like it.
What no one has said is WHY is she taking the pain meds? What is so wrong that she was prescribed them in the first place? Is it something that can be fixed by surgery?
You are a wonderful daughter and no matter what your mom screams at you when they are taking her away, remember - she loves you, she is scared, and I'll bet she knows her life is no picnic these days.
Be brave! You have many friends out here supporting you, so write us anytime you need to. We all need to stick together.
I send you a BIG hug!
4 Aug 2011
I'm a mom addicted too honey. I finally told my husband and then later my kids but only after two weeks into the withdrawl. They told me they knew and were hurt by my hiding it. It is an insidious thing and this is my third time trying to kick it. I have chronic muscle pain called fibromyalgia and I will never get better. the pain meds worked for a while but your mom is probably feeling worse as time goes on. It makes her brain not work correctly and it's not her fault!
I have been chastised and treated as a drug addict by doctors and friends, but it is part of it. I can't say I'm not hurt by it but I fault my doctor for allowing it to get so out of hand. My family dr. won't even speak to me because we were friends and I didn't tell them until I was in an acute situation and had them admit me to the hospital. ( I was working with another doctor to get off the drugs)
Your mom needs help and you may really push her to the edge by going to her dr. against her wishes. Find some information for her online and print it. Let her read it and make her own decisions. She needs a doctor who is specially educated in this stuff. It's a long and winding road but she will come around. Please just make sure you support her and have empathy. She doesn't know what she is doing. Really.
Good luck love,
4 Aug 2011
As the daughter of a father addicted to alcohol, and who has now been 19 years sober, I can tell you one thing for sure. No addict, no matter the substance, is going to go through recovery until THEY are ready, no matter what WE want. All my life I spent praying my dad would quit drinking, and I saw him forced into rehab more times than I can count, and it never took. He wasn't ready. When I was 16, his behavior reached critical. One last try, and I was giving up. But HE was finally ready, and the day I turned 17, and was 3 months pregnant, he had his last drink. He went to rehab and actually stuck to it. And I am PROUD to say that through his OWN hard work, this past June was his 19th AA Aniversary. He says we celebrate our birthday together. While I was waiting for this, I went to Alateen. And it helped ME deal and understand the addict. If your mother though, is at the point of endangering her life, there are a few things to consider.
What is she actually addicted to? The pills or the alcohol? You can have one addiction, and not the other. Or perhaps it is both. Only an addiction specialist can answer these questions. If I were in your shoes, I would speak with her doctor. As someone said, the dr cannot discuss her situation with you, but he/she can listen to you and take your concerns to heart. If her problem is above his ability, he/she can refer your mom to someone who can help her. This may be your only real choice here. But above all, she has to be ready to confront her problems head on. I wish you and your mom lots of love and prayer. She can get through this, as long as she's ready and prepared.
4 Aug 2011
Hi Ashley, all my friends have pretty much answered what you need to do in this situation. Not knowing your age is a problem. If you are old enough that you think your Mom might listen to you why not give it a try?Let her know that you can see she has a big problem taking medication & drinking with it. Also let her know that everyone in the family knows about it, & doesn't know what to do. Tell her you are so worried about getting up one morning & finding her overdosed or something ( which I believe you are) that you wanted to talk with her first before you have your Dad talk to her doctor. If her doctor knew she was drinking along with these pilss, he would never have prescribed them. Tell her you love her, & need her in your life, but sober from the pills & drinking. If this doesn't help you have no choice to inform you Mom's doctor about the situation. You should also talk to your Dad about this ,& how it is effecting you. Hope this helps you dear. Lert us know how things are moving along...
6 Aug 2011
Been thru the same thing... pain meds & alcohol (still drink but now established "rules" for myself. never on an empty stomach & never at family gatherings - not good, but better... ). I can tell you that until she finds a solution to her pain, your mom will continue to do what she's doing. I suggest a pain management doctor & that she tries "procedures" that these doctors do. Be careful though, as there are countless doctors out there who simply write prescriptions for narcotics simply to get their patients addicted so they keep coming back for refills. AGAIN, help her find a solution to her pain or this will not stop. I live this myself (physically/legally disabled with chronic back pain due to being rear-ended in a car accident). I wish you luck; also you I found joining a support group on this site will help (your mom as well)... good luck... :)
9 Aug 2011
Put her on Subuxon right away. Get the best doctor in your area and get it done. DO NOT LISTEN to the people who say you are just replacing a drug with another. It is not true, they are not even close to being the same. A good subuxon doctor will require therapy and also require her to be on the medication for about 9 months. This allows the receptors to rebuild themselves while she functions in everyday life. She will be happy while she rebuilds her life and finds out why she has become addicted. The medicine allows her to function without any withdraws from opiods. It is amazing!!
I have been addicted to oxycontin for years and nobody around me knew a thing. I decided to clean myself up and I am taking Subuxon. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I feel normal again and crave nothing other than life itself. My doctor plans on starting to wean me off at the 9 month mark and I should be off by the 12 month mark with little withdraw symptoms. A requirement is to mantain sessions with my therapist until i am off the subuxon completly but as your mom will find out, she will want to continue therapy sessions anyway because you really figure out a lot about yourself!!
Good luck to you and your family, there is also therapy sessions for family members going through this. You may want to check it out!! You will not feel alone anymore...
12 Aug 2011
i kust went through something almost like this.my sons girlfriend lives with us .she is addicted to roxycodone an methodone pillsan she also drinks alot(vodka)towo weeks ago she was lying in bed ... she had been in bed two days.which is nothing surprisiing but she started sweating BAD it was coming out of her like rain.and she fell down when she tried to get up.i didnt know if it was from the pills or the vodka... but i looked at her an her eyes had a glaze in them something ive never seen in anyones eyes.so we took her to the hospital,they admitted her for five days... her pancreas was eating its ownself ..because it didnt have anything to eat(later she told us she hadnt eaten in 4 days).an her liver is getting worse..we tried getting her help... but the minute she walked out the hospital she killed half a bottle of vodka AN SHOT UP THE PAIN MED THEY GAVE HER FOR HOME .My son is a religious man hes 27 shes 28 he(loves)her ive tried ... get your mother help ... thats all you can do is try THEY HAVE TO DO THE REST
2 Oct 2011
You are being the parent here and that's sno right!!! I went thru the same ordeal last year my mom has chronic back pain and the dr wrote her something new... She was always falling asleep and half the te she didn't know where she was. It scarede to death because she is my absolute best friend in the world!!! I tried to tell my family but it was like no one cared, so I decided I had to do something before she ended up dead. I went to the dr and nc he was the one writing the prescription he saw nothing wrong w it!!! Well I had an intervention on her... I called the police while she was messed up and told them she was a threat to herself. They went to her house took her to the hospital and she was admitted to rehab! She was mad but got over it once she realized what she was doing to herself. We are closier than ever and she thanks me today!!! Try to go to her dr if that doesn't work call police, please or you will regret it! I'll pray for ya!! Let me know what you do please!! Be strong for her and remember addiction is a diease. Beepoo
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