Tee6759It may seem silly, I've been waiting for this day for months. The implantation of my stomach pacemaker is now less than 3 weeks away. I'm so nervous as this is a life altering change for me. I do ok helping others with their troubles. It makes me forget all my own troubles. I focus on others to forget my depression, GAD, GERD, hiatal hernia, fibromyalgia, and gastroparesis which is a paralyzed stomach. They're still unable to determine what caused me to suffer this illness. The attacks are more frequent and crippling now. It makes it difficult for me to be here as much as I want to be, regardless of how some may feel about my return. I'm not here to make waves with anyone, only to help others based on my knowledge and 25 years as an EMT on my local vol rescue squad. I love you all for the support I've received and should I get a lil spacey, please understand I have a great deal on my mind and in my heart.
In search of peace n serenity,
Tee
Littlebea...
Anonymous 
handydon
Anonymous 31 Oct 2011
strmcliff...
pledge
Jillynnie
puckiemull
Candbeseen
pup6767
I love that saying, LB. Priv mail it to me do I don't forget it and I can print it off. Thank you tor all your encouragement!
Love,
Tee
Hi there tee... I was just sitting here, looking through the tid-bits of our site... and up popped your message. I have been fighting the usual "weekend blues" (ya know when the whole world is finishing up their weekend activities, and u r still laying in bed, same spot as friday nights parking place in the covers) and yet again fighting back the usual tears and log jam, in my brain of the anxiety avalanche to come when I turn out the light. All the things I repeat over and over, every night... missing my kids, our past family life, and just being able to smile, and mean it. But as usual, I just couldn't flush that garbage down, and though, I can usually let my mind get lost in concentrating on this little group we have, a few tears kept itching my face... until I got your post. Then those tears switched from being about MY worries, and shifted to my heart worrying for how you must feel right now.
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I can now re-focus on Thinking about how and what I can say (in addition to the beautiful words from LB) that might just be a sliver of hope to give to you. But I now have also just remembered, that when I first entered this group, about a month ago, and in quite deep dispare at the time as well, YOU were one of the first beautiful people to take the time, and sent me your kind message to make me feel better.
AND IT DID! I didn't think at the time, as to how another group of people could affect each other in such a positive way, as to REALLY help each other, but this group does! I guess because we all are suffering in ways that other people, even folks with "common" diseases, don't recognise, or "see" as legitimate and excruciatingly painful illnesses, that we must deal with. And that kind of isolates this/us to be a group that has turned out to be so helpful in words, that even our own relatives cannot conjure up, to help us. But somehow, all of you wonderful people always have some special, uplifting and kind words, that seem to be almost, correographed better than our psych's have available. Thats 'cause we all generally feel the same way... getting better... at least a little bit better than yesterday... or even an hour ago... and hoping that our friends... can get/feel better too !! Cause when they do... I know for me... it gives me a little respite... from my own junk! And the happiness I get from you and the others, if for just one minute, takes my mind off the demons spinning in my mind 24/7... and that, is priceless! That being said, you are and have been, and always will be the strong one, with the wisdom to show us the way the light is shining out through the other side of our dark tunnel, and will be the first one through! Right now if you need a hand for balance, you may not have seen us, but we were holding on to you, without you looking all along!! The road you are on is not easy for sure, but anything I/we can do or say to make it ... if just for a second even... just a bit easier for you... shout out, and we will hold your hand tighter than ever, so you don't fall... cause we are going to have to follow what you are going through soon, and your courage and experience will once again help guide us all the rest of the way!! Wow... you are really the strong one ... with 3 weeks to go... sounds like everything is ready for you finally! And the start of feeling better once again! I will wish for your rainbow to be the brightest, you have ever seen, upon waking up after the surgery! All the warmest thoughts for you Tee, and we'll be hanging out here thinkin of you. All the very Bestest ... and Thank You!! for all that YOU ARE!! Don
Don,
what a very kind and caring response. You truly are such a great member of the DC family!
big hugs to you!
~Jillynnie
Thanks so much Jilly... it's just that you all inspire me... and my heart really goes out for tee... as the feelings are similar to flashbacks I get remembering the anticipation of surgeries coming up... and even though they turned out well... just the thoughts of the process... seemed new and anxious each time... so I'll share your hug with tee... and say a prayer for her quick recovery... she is so strong... I bet she bounces back fast !! We'll all be holding her hand in our thoughts all the way, just like she does for everyone all the time.
You all are soo kind, wonderful friends, and this place reminds me of my special place I could hide in, (a treehouse way up high in our old oak.. I made when I was little) and I could just think, or talk to special friends... about my panic attacks... that I had cause my family was a mess... I'd be soooo scared. And I just thought of how tee feels... man... I wish she had an oak tree to sit in!!
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Thanks So Much to you All... you are contagious ... & I hope you are hanging in there Tee !! All the Best Thoughts & Prayers for you! Don