I am the proud owner of PTSD. It evolved into generalized anxiety, obsession, agorophobia and major depressive disorder. I have had symptoms since I was 5, but did not want to face up to the reality... read more
I am the proud owner of PTSD. It evolved into generalized anxiety, obsession, agorophobia and major depressive disorder. I have had symptoms since I was 5, but did not want to face up to the reality that something was very wrong with me, until my 30s (repression ??? ) By the time I had made the connection, I had 3 children, had married an alcoholic that chiseled my condition in stone, could barely get out of bed, move, stay awake or breath. My depression was so severe that crying would have been such a welcome relief, but I couldn't.Was suicidal for many years, thought I could beat my condition by working hard (3 jobs at the same time, at times) but instead of getting better, I was getting worse. It was not until I accepted my disorder for what it was, embraced it, respected it, and understood that I would have to live with it, I did not actually feel integrated as a whole. Today it is clear to me, that I must work around it and not against it. I am in the process of taking steps in my life to meet the needs of my condition, while focusing on what I love to do. I love astrology, have been studying it for the last 5 years. I worked as a certified nursing assistant up until 5 years ago, when my stress levels where off the scale and decided that I could no longer do it. A year later, I was in surgery for a ruptured disk in my lower back, and now have 2 herniated disks in my neck. I also have occipital neuralgia, cervicalgia, for which I suffer from chronic migraine headaches, vomitting, nausea, stiff neck, pain that worsens with stress obviously due to cramped muscles, knots, etc. I take xanax (very low dosage, 0.5 daily), seraquil ( I am soooo ready to toss this one because I cannot afford to gain weight with a crapped out back like mine) effexor (300 mg daily) and nerve blockers (lyrica) for my neck problems. I still have relapses of depression. Life is definetely a school, to many of us a hellish high school that never ends. I was born in Madison, Wisconsin, adopted and raised in South America.Left to South America when I was five, returned to the United States when I was 19 and have lived here ever since. I am a jewish convert, cabalist, and love and respect spirituality. God is my Guide.read less
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