I have lived much longer than I ever expected to, and I believe in that worn out saying; "If I knew I was gonna live this long I would have taken better care of myself!" I've been through a lot... read more
I have lived much longer than I ever expected to, and I believe in that worn out saying; "If I knew I was gonna live this long I would have taken better care of myself!"
I've been through a lot in my life, both with life itself and especially with drugs, street and prescription. I started at 12 sniffing gasoline then on and up from there. I would list everything I’ve either abused or have been prescribed but it would be a very long list containing alcohol, LSD, street drugs and prescribed drugs; pain meds, anxiety and psychotropic, muscle relaxers, anti-psychotics, barbiturates, amphetamines, crank (not crack), weed, hash, DMT, Cocaine, Heroin and everything in-between.
It would be much more efficient to say this; I have done everything, and I mean everything except sniff glue or smoke crack, and whatever the substance, I would always do much more of it than anyone else would or could. I have a very high tolerance to these substances and to pain, both which proved to be a curse later on in life.
I am blessed to have survived again with the only 2 exceptions; sniffing glue (understandable considering how I started with gasoline) and smoking crack, which became popular long after I came to my senses.
That was then, this is now. I survived a horrible full-year long withdrawal mess in 2005 when I abruptly stopped taking all the 13 prescribed meds I was on, which included 260mg of Methadone daily (worse than heroin withdrawal). Been on and/or abused, Xanax, Percocet, Ativan, Flexeril, Valium and every other benzodiazepine, Remeron, Topamax, Gabatril, Gabapentin, Hydrocodone, Oxycodone, the list goes on. In fact, one Dr. called me "The Miracle Man" just for the Methadone part of that. It took almost 3-years to really recover. I came out of that with RLS and my eyes will never be the same when it comes to sensitivity to light. It's was 2012, 7 years later and I still felt the after effects of this hideous hell ride.
In 2008 diagnosed with Stage 3 Malignant Melanoma, which to the amazement of every Dr. involved, miraculously did not metastasize. I have as the MRI reads “completely disintegrated” discs L5 through S1 (bone-on-bone) and Spinal Stenosis. Last July 16th, 2013 I was told the discs in my T-Spine are also weakening, pushing out to the sides. I live in constant, extreme pain. No relief, matter not if I sit, stand, lie on my back, I drag this pain around as if I were chained to a dead body
Also in my past I have had psychotic episodes, suicidal tendencies including 3 attempts which landed me in the psyche ward, cutting which started at a young age, and a plethora of other experiences I'd rather not list here.
I will only post responses I believe will help, and from what I read here on this site I can indeed help a lot for those who need it. I do not read any responses that may precede my own before or after I post.
Some of my responses have been labeled cruel, judgmental and even evil by some, my response to that is simple; If the truth hurts, then let it hurt. I refuse to enable or coddle when abuse is obvious. We are not your fellow druggies here, and when it comes to addiction, my little corner is all about pointing you to cease the game you play in your own world that is doing nothing to lead you to being clean and sober.
I have lived the life of an addict and still label myself as such for once you are, you are. I was therefore I am. I am a big believer in Recovery, the fact that I came through what I have done is all the proof needed. I have no compassion for people who abuse and/or sell their prescriptions and/or support the street drug trade because of how difficult all that has made it on those of us who have a legitimate need for pain medication, and because this illegal traffic is screwing up our youth, many of whom have barely tasted life.
I'm sorry if you're reading this because something I said sounded judgmental or may have offended you. What I have done with drugs in my time would have killed most people, and I came through a trial few could relate to. Does that make me a better than you? NO. Does it equip me to help those who believe they have no hope or camouflage their addictions? Yes.
Update; 01/10/2014: Due to the new health "care" act I was deemed no longer eligible to get this expensive med at a discount, and denied my ongoing prescription to OxyContin 400mgs every 12 hours. For breakthrough pain, Oxycodone IR 15mgs up to 15 a day (prescribed) cut off. Thank you health uncare act. Withdrawal here we go again. What’s worse, thanks to all the abusers out there, the DEA is unable to curb the street trade which includes folks selling their prescriptions, so, they are intimidating the Doctors who write these prescriptions, and many are simply not writing them anymore, even for model non-abuse patients with horrible pharmacology like myself.
While a blessing to chronic pain sufferers (when not abused) withdrawal from this or any "contin" (for contin-uous release) stuff is a nightmare if not handled correctly (this high dose needs a minimum of 7-9-months, Doctor assisted). So, here we go again. Since January 2014, now almost May 1st 2014 I am beginning to see some light, but this is attributed to my past experiences going through much worse withdrawal.
I urge you not to stop any long-term medication abruptly; it takes a whole lot longer than you may know to get off without major discomfort.
I am here to help with advice based on my own experiences with one goal in mind; to offer help and hope to those who may believe there is no hope, and sometimes, many times that help is simply steering you to your physician because when it comes to physical abnormalities, be it a lump, and infection, a missed period, etc. because in those cases the best a forum can offer is a well-intended best educated guess, and some things simply need the attention of a hands-on physician (regardless of cost). There is also a lot of self-medicating going on out there in the form of not following the instructions on the bottle(s).
Most often all we need is the right direction and some compassion from others who have lived through worse times. I believe I have been through the worst of times, and I'm still here. If I made it, anyone can.
There’s much more to my story, but that’s enough for now. 09/01/2014, just reread this, my meds are all gone and I am in hell again, but I will not allow that to change any of my stances on helping, admonishing, encouraging and offering hope.
Answers/Comments written by balbanese
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