Tee6759

Im a 52 yr old woman who has battled depression for most of her life. As a child, all I ever wanted was my mother's love. I was never good enough... read more

Im a 52 yr old woman who has battled depression for most of her life. As a child, all I ever wanted was my mother's love. I was never good enough to get it without fighting for it over my sister, who is 5 years younger than me. I was always the evil child, the druggie....the drunk, or whatever my mom felt at the time. As life came along, I married right outta high school to get away from her. That was my mistake. Back in the late 70's, domestic violence wasnt heard of, not like today anyway. Beaten and broken, I came back home a year later. I fell into the drug and pill scene to escape her wrath once more. She always blamed me, took my sister's side over me, regardless of who was right or wrong. Soon after, I moved out. I met and married a wonderful man 8 years later, and life settled down. A couple years later, my folks separated. Things went downhill fast. I was accused of everything under the sun, because I would not take my mother's side in the divorce. I stayed neutral, I loved them both, but I was not going to turn on my father just to please her. She pulled more stunts than a circus has peanuts. I got to the point that I knew just how much medication to take and how much to drink to put me into oblivion. Big mistake. I realized that it was not worth it to let her get to me this much, and after a year or so, I got my act together. I sought help, and my doctor placed me on depression medication and got me counselling. Every time I saw her, tho, she wanted me to have a drink with her. I'd politely refuse because of the medication, but she was insistent. I'd refuse again, stating the medication as the reason, and it would end up in a big fight, with me storming off and not returning for a weeks at a time. When my husband and I found out we were going to have a child, I was concerned how she would behave. After all, my folks were now divorced. Things were not so civil, if you can imagine. Well, my life took a different turn. I had a beautiful daughter now to cherish! The years have flown to the present time. Unfortunately, my mother's attitude is still stuck in the past. She has seen fit to continue her displeasure onto her only granddaughter, since she knows I will no longer tolerate her attitude. My depression and anxiety came about because of what she was trying to do to my child. I got very upset and let her know how wrong she was. You would think it might change, but it never has. I try hard to bolster my daughter's spirits, and help her understand it is NEVER her fault. Perhaps that is the added stress on the rest of my body. My mother has always told me there is never anything wrong with me, its all in my head. I am just trying to get sympathy and attention. Yes, I just love attention so much, I call the rescue squad to have myself taken to the hospital and spend 3 days there for all that was just diagnosed this past June. Its amazing how much stress your own family members can put you through. Should they read this, I dont know that I would even care. I have told her as much, politely as I could, to her face, and yet it still hasnt sunk in in over 30 years now. All I can do is cope the best I can, and deal with my health issues as they come about. The gastroparesis is my main concern right now. They are going to place a stomach pacemaker as soon as the manufacturer gets one available. Anticipated date is late October or early November, last we heard. My hope is to find others in these support groups who are dealing with some of the issues like I am, and together we can make for a brighter tomorrow. Thanks for allowing me to join your corner of the world and sharing my story. Have a better day and a brighter tomorrrow!