equinox14

I seem to have been born with a melancholic streak. Mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was five. I started therapy when I was nine. I started... read more

I seem to have been born with a melancholic streak. Mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was five. I started therapy when I was nine. I started psychiatric medicine when I was sixteen. I have been on cocktails of psych meds, been in hospitals - for self-injury, for severe depression, for suicidal thinking... I am now 33 years old and I feel so weary. Last November, I found God and that radically changed my life for the better. A Christian is not free from strife (in fact, sometimes I think faith makes us struggle more, but in good ways), but I have to say that my faith is the best "medicine" I've ever taken. It is natural, it is loving, it is always there for me, with no side effects. I am in the process of weaning off my four medicines to see who I am beneath all these drugs. It's been 18 years. I was a child when they put me on that stuff (which I think is a crime) and now I am a woman, grown and completely different. I want to see if I can tolerate life without the meds. I'm currently going through withdrawal from one medicine in particular and having a hard, hard time. But I keep going. My husband of two years keeps me going. My three step-children keep me going. My faith keeps me going. As far as hobbies, I am a writer - a poet and personal essayist. I have two books of poetry out (actually, the second is coming out next year). I write poetry about my life, my suffering, mostly. It's all autobiographical. That's how I work through the depression. I also find that I can minister to others through them relating to my poetry. It has become a balm for me and for others. I consider my gift of poetry not my own, but a gift given to me by God. I work with adults with disabilities - cognitive, emotional, developmental, physical. I assist them at their places of employment (often doing the simplest of tasks, which is the most they can do) and taking them to places of recreation such as the bowling alley, the YMCA, or the library. I am also involved with people with Alzheimer's Disease. I minister to them through classic poetry and together, we delight in the beauty of words and often times, a memory or two will surface for them. I feel so old in terms of suffering... but so new in terms of just getting my life on track. I want to be a help to people here. I won't push my own faith or ideas onto people, but I long to be a friend and supporter to the afflicted. I would love to gain new friendships. Bless you all. And just something to think about... Jesus suffered incredibly on the cross. He was scared, depressed, anxious, angry, so many feelings. Feelings are not bad. YOU are not bad. I pray you find peace. Bless you.