Larsy1966

Hi. I was on subutex for 2 years and was down to 2mgs. per day when I saw my new psychiatrist. She put me in the hospital immediately and I stayed... read more

Hi. I was on subutex for 2 years and was down to 2mgs. per day when I saw my new psychiatrist. She put me in the hospital immediately and I stayed for 11 days. They took me off the subutex cold turkey and I thought I was going to die. Now it is 2 months later and I'm still not doing very well. My story is very long and I do want to share it but I need to go pick my mother up now so I will just write what happened yesterday. I broke down to my mother and had to tell her that when I got home from the hospital I was still so sick and my family just doesn't understand exactly how horrible this is. I can't blame them because only someone else who has been through this understands. I was still nauseous on day 17 and I found some old suboxone that I had when I first started taking this med. I took a whole 2 mg. pill and my nausea went away and I was able to actually function (get some things done around the house, etc.). I didn't take it again for maybe a week. I was so glad my nausea was gone but still had severe anxiety and no mood because my receptors were so used to being controlled by the med. that now I feel blank, like I just can't enjoy anything and I wonder how long it's going to take for my endorphins to start working again. I wish I would have never touched the suboxone after the first pill I took after detox. I promised myself that I was so relieved that the nausea went away and that I had to do this but there was Thanksgiving, b-day's, Christmas, etc. and I just couldn't handle it so I snuck pills (sometimes taking 1 mg of suboxone and sometimes taking a 1/2 mg.) and then I got scared that I went overboard and would have to go through the whole detox again and I couldn't tell anyone because we just spent $10,000.00 for me to get better. I finally told my mother yesterday who was so understanding but if anyone in my family finds out what I did the will be so disappointed in me and my husband may even leave me so I have to get through this. My mom and I went straight to my psychiatrist and I told her what I had been doing and how hard it was to keep this a secret. I thought she was going to put me back in the hospital and I knew I would never go. She put me back on the clonodine (.1 mg. twice per day) and instead of taking the neurontin (500 mgs) only at night she put me on that too during the day. I also take 3 mgs of klonopin per day and 30 mgs of paxil and she just gave me a prescription for zoloft (50 mgs) but I haven't tried it yet. I feel like my life is ruined and I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I know if I can try and be patient and not be so hard on myself I will get better but these stories I've read where people have paws for 1-2 years scare the heck out of me. I just want to feel normal again. I will write more later but I'm late so I have to go but would love to hear from anyone who is going through this and Rob I really appreciate everything I have read that you have written. I honestly believe these doctors don't know what they are doing when they give this drug to people for more than a few months and then when you try to get off the med the doctor just says "you'll be fine. It's all in your head. Stay off the internet". I hope soon that they will realize what is happening to all these people who have been on subs for too long and figure out how to detox these people so they don't have to go through what I and so many other's have been through. GOD Bless. Larsy1966