I'm feeling very down and alone. I have gone through this every October for the last 20 years. I lost 2 of the most important people in my life during this month. My grandpa passed 20 years ago on the second from cancer (I was a complete mess yesterday) and my uncle passed 17 years ago on the 26th due to complications from MS. And to top it off my birthday is the 25th. My father was a very abusive alcoholic my whole life. My uncle and my grandpa were wonderful to me. They stepped up and filled the fatherly role that my own father didn't. I was young when they passed (9 and 12) but the pain never goes away. I miss them more than words can ever describe. I'm just hoping for some supportive words and a little love to get me through this rough month. Thank you all for being there. Key.
3 Oct 2012
I will.always try.yo help someone in need.Its important to remember the triggers of P.T.S.D.
so you can manage the situations that may arise.For me as an example,the other day I heard a siren from a passing fire truck.That noise brought me right back to the day when the ambulance came for my girlfriend that was murdered.Sounds,smells,sights and many other things can't trigger an emotional response from the body,sometimes unconsciously.Recognizing these "triggers" ·will help you learn how to cope better.The month of February is a bad one in particular for me.I do understand how bad knowing when a particular time is coming causes unwanted anxiety and stress.Don't suppress the feelings but embrace them and find solutions through talking to a professional in that field.I have a saying that I was taught by a friend that learned this in the military,it's called:intelligence over emotion=success.Another helpful practice is called:M.B.O,or manage by objective.
Stay strong in the"bad" times,they Will pass and you will be able to cope better soon enough.Many peoples depression kicks in during the holidays in general.I also suggest doing some research on P.T.S.D. it will empower you to cope,it has for myself.I'm sure you'll get a lot Of support here.
I have a entire web page on P.T.S.D. but have troubles finding ways to post links into it,I will try again,and if I'm still unable,I will come back and post the link in the comment section.
3 Oct 2012
Hello my friend,
I am so very sorry, and I really wish you the best, but I am living a similar situation at the moment today is my daughters B-Day (she truns 12), she is in London, I am in South America, and today my Grandmother died 13 years ago, who was like a mother to me.
You are not alone, I seldom share my personal life, but I wanted to let you know, and we must be strong, and keep on fighting, never struggling Key I also had an abusive father (not sexually) but he was and is a violent man, also an alcoholic... I am not competing with you or anyone at all, I am only sharing segments of my life with you because you deserve it.
God bless you,
3 Oct 2012
Don't think I have ever had the pleasure of chatting with u, but sounds like we have more in common then u will ever no, although, it is not in my profile, but if u would ever like to pq me I have no problem at all cause I am going through the same thing, my sister passed last month sept 4th would be 2yrs she has been gone, she came to see me and passed on my couch which tramatized me beyond belief for we were severely close, oct 9th is her birthday, so trust me, I feel for you for I am hurting so bad myself right now cause even though it' been to yrs. like u said the pain never goes away, also my mom was an alcoholic and I was sexually abused from 11-14 due to the fact that she wasn't there for me she would run away and drink and months later come back just to do it all over again... Sorry this is about u though but I just thought I'd let u no your not alone u have a friend in me to talk to that's only if u would like me to add u as a friend, just pq me if u want to talk, I no what u are going through and am so sorry u are hurting right now, I wish we both could give each other a hug for comfort, hope that didn't sound funny!!lol Anyway, I have been under mh for yrs for ptsd because of sex abuse and my childhood, not to mention that right before I was being sexually abused, I was almost raped, but someone walked were I was at thank GOD and saved my life cause the person said they were going to kill me afterward cause I seen there face... It helps sometimes noing that u are not alone and that there is someone out there that u can talk to that walked kind of in the same shoes if u will and no's what u are going through... like I said didn't have the pleasure to get the chance to no u as I have only been on this site since August, and it's funny how all the things I am reading are helping me cope and I hope u pq me and we can become friends in case u need someone to talk to!! People try and tell me it gets better with time, excuse me but bs, cause I was 10 on my first abuse, and it's only been 2yrs since I had to see my sister passed away on my couch, and I still cry every second of the day thinking about her... but when I do I try to think of all the good things we did together and the fact that she is with GOD no and no more suffering for her, it gives me a little comment, but a little is better then none... Sorry for the biography, but my profile doesn't put a dent in what my like was and has been like, I try and take it one day at a time and boy do I pray alot... As I said, I will wait for u to pq me before I add u as a friend for I see I add some people and they don't add me so basically I only want the real deal if u no what I mean!! MY HEART AND SOUL GOES OUT TO YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED, BUT JUST NO YOUR NOT ALONE AND DON'T HAVE TO BE!!
3 Oct 2012
Hello key28. Its is not easy to feel a loss. Time heals .Yet however the hurt can be felt for a lifetime. You've good company. We all feel in our own worlds your pain because we all identify. Best of wishes and you've a birthday, thats special and a reason to celebrate. Bye bye now, be well and blow out the candles, we all will share a piece of your birthday cake.pledge
3 Oct 2012
Dear Key, I can relate to your pain as I have also lost loved ones at an early age. I have PTSD from childhood trauma and a long history of abuse. I have been in therapy for a long time and I was involved in a group called "Reconciliation" at one of the programs I attended. In this group I learned that I had the choice to stay a "victim" and relive he trauma over and over, a "survivor"- no longer letting the trauma have power over me, and then a "thriver"--someone who uses their trauma and recovery to empower themselves and help others by sharing their experience. Losing those 2 very important people in your life must have caused you alot of pain. I have learned to celebrate the lives of my loved ones by doing something special on their birthdays or other important dates when we shared special memories. I stopped giving power to the "death dates" and began to embrace the blessings I had by having hem in my life when I did.
I am also a firm believer that the spirit lives on and at times manifests itself by putting new people and things in your life that bring joy. However, I must allow myself to be open to that joy and realize that my loved ones would not want any memories of them to be painful. Twenty years is a long time to continue to allow your sadness to control you. I made a memorial website for my Mom and I add something to it on her birthday and other holidays but I do not recognize the day she died. I think she would like that better. Anyway, I hope some of my ideas are helpful to you and can maybe ease some of your pain. I wish you the best in finding a way to celebrate the lives of those you love! If you would like to PQ me, feel free, I would love to hear from you! Lisa Z.
3 Oct 2012
Some pain does not go away. I lost my baby sister (10 years younger) in March of 2005 and it still hurts around my birthday every year. She passed the day before.
The Fall of 2008 was especially difficult as well. In August I lost the best friend I ever had. For 37 years we supported each other through everything. Then in September I lost my father-in-law. Normally that would not be that big deal but we just met him in 1999 and he was closer to me than my own father. Finally, on Thanksgiving day we lost my father. Both died from pancreatic cancer after having prostate cancer.
I know that time is supposed to heal these things, but sometimes time is an ugly evil pain-in-the-butt that won't let go. At times I am where you are now, but then I remember that where they are now, they no longer feel pain and they can still see and pray for me and my family.
There is hope. I remember that and know that it will all be OK.
4 Oct 2012
Sorry to hear about your loss! It is never easy getting through and getting news about this! I went through Cancer last year and am fine now but found out my mother in law who is 90 has colon Cancer and kidney cancer. She was always a women who was very independent and I can see her going down very quickly lately. Thank God she has a family that is there for her at this time of need. Do you have anyone who you can talk to at this time of need? It would be good if you could also share this with a personal friend of doctor who could be there for you at this time. Of course you can also come here for that. But it is nice to have a real person you can meet.
4 Oct 2012
Honey, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I had a similar situation like you did. My father was a horrible alcoholic. If he wasn't drunk on alcohol, which was almost every day, he would take a handful of pills and get a high that way. We would have to leave home for a week at a time due to him binge drinking. And OMG... you couldn't be around him when he was drunk. He was physically abusive sober, I can't imagine it if he were drunk. But my mom managed to get us away from him when he was that way. I had an uncle named Lee, who took care of me and was like a father figure to me. My sister had cancer for a year, and they let my mother stay in the room with her the whole year. My aunt and uncle Lee took care of me that year, and through the summers. They lived on a bunch of land and had a dairy farm. I remember him carrying all over the place with him. He died of cancer when I was pregnant at 21. My mother also died when I was 21. My sister who had the cancer died when I was 12, and my father died when I was 25. All of my grandparents are not living wither. Oh, girl. I have the same experience on the days they died. And grief is a different kind of pain that is one of the worse pain you can have. My mother was my best friend, and she was gone and never saw her three grandson's. I wish she were alive to have been a part of their lives. I used to not handle it very well. I would get extremely intoxicated on those day's so I didn't feel any pain. Now that I've been sober over six yr.s I have had to handle it sober. I'll be honest, I cry a lot sometimes, and can't handle the memories. but the memories are all I have. What has helped me is knowing I'll see them again one day. It's hard to fathom that, but it's true, and that help's me more than anything. I have learned through counseling to make the day's they passed away, a day full of the good memories I had with them. I still, and always will hurt more than anybody knows, but I want to encourage you to try and remember the good things about them when you start feeling that hurt and pain. It won't be easy, but you have to be strong, or you will emotionally damage yourself. You know I'm here for you always. And I expect a call from you, or I'll be calling you. :) I just wanted to let you know that there so many people that go through, or are going through the same pain and grief. I'm so glad you wrote in and asked for help. That was a great step for you. We're here, and we love you more than anything. bye bye girlfriend. Will talk to you soon. We can cry over each other's pain. lol. No... seriously. You're Friend, Ruthie
4 Oct 2012
I lost my grandfather 2 cancer then a yr later lost my grandmother 2 cancer. Its hard & I miss them both. I try 2 remember the good times when I get sad & think their in a much better place. Since they've died my family has fallen apart. No# will have anything 2 do w me including my mom. I have no family. I have my dad & stepmom but never get 2 c or talk 2 them much. Its just me, my kids, & my boyfriend but he's not home mych he's a truck driver. I have no friends what so ever so Im very close 2 my kids they get me through alot. The pain never goes away but neither do the memories u have cherrish & share those thats what they wud've wanted u 2 do not 2 b sad. So think of a good memory that makes u smile or giggle 2 put u in a good mood. & happy early birthday tooooo yoouuu!!! :)
4 Oct 2012
Dearest Key, I wasn't going to respond to your question because I myself have been quite ill lately, & wondering about my own mortality, but in thinking more about this I very much can sympathize with you over the loss of two very important people in your life. I think everyone can. We all begin dying the moment we are born. That doesnt change the fact that the ones we leave behind have to deal with losing us. I have lost so many people in my life, & it's not easy to go through. My suggestionf for you is to try to turn the month of October into a month of celebration of the time you did have with the loved ones you lost instead of a month of grieving. Make your own birthday a big celebration for the time you gave to your uncle & grandfather & made their lives happy to live in helping you. I totally understand what you have been through too. I myself had a horrible childhood , but have learned to put it all aside & enjoy each day as it comes to me.
Yes, the day I lost my mother I do have a moment that I still pay her recognition for the short time we had together, but if I let myself dwell on it I would be a mess too. I try to remember the good times we had & know now she is in a better place, not in pain anymore, & would want me to continue living my life in a happy way. I truly believe this would have been your uncles & grandfathers wish too. I know they would not want to see you where you are today. In your profile you say you are 28 years old. Girl, you are just starting your life. You have a wonderful supportive husband too. You have it made my friend! I understand your disease too as my husband is also bipolar & is pretty much a recluse, but like I tell him, you have to get on with life no matter how hard it is. You need to get out more, & celebrate what you have, & not dwell on the past. it's hard I know believe me, but it's the only way you are ever going to get past this every year. We are always here to support our members which of course includes you. You have my deepest heartfelt sympathy for your losses, but you must move on with this. Have you talked with your psychiatrist about all of this too? It sounds like you have never properly grieved the loss of your uncle & grandfather properly, & your psychiatrist can help you do this. You will have other losses in your life since you are so young. It's just part of the life cycle. There is nothing we can do about it, other than to carry on. Celebrate that birthday you have coming up. Celebrate the life of you uncle & grandfather not the loss of them. I believe it is the only thing that is going to get you past this each & every year. I sincerely hope this has not offended you, but maybe in some small way helped a bit. Try your best to look on the brightside. It will get easier if you can do that. It's been what did you say 20 years? That's way too long to carry this around. Of course you miss them, & you will never forget their loving kindness towards you & you shouldn't, but remember it in a good way & what it did for you. Everyone of us has a story to tell about losing loved ones. It' hard, but we have to move forward. You cannot continue to live in the past. It is going to distroy you, & you have so much going for you at the present. Maybe it is time for you to start thinking about having those children to fill your life with love & happiness. I believe it could help you tremendously, & fill your life with joy. I am wishing you the best, and hoping you can get through this month with a smile insead of a tear...
5 Oct 2012
I feel so bad for not getting ahols of you, and calling you to see how you are doing. I think I'll do that tomorrow. I've been out of sorts myself lately. Sometimes you get so down, and so depressed over life, that you don't want to talk at all. but I kow it's good for you. It's like therapy. This may sound weird, but I feel a sort of loss for my 21 yr.old. I haven't lost him over death, but I've lost him in other ways. I've lost him to alcoholism, and having no relationship with him, because he's shut everyone out of his life. It breaks my heart. I don't know what to do sometimes. There is sooo much love in my heart for him, and I want just some kind of relationship with him. he used to tell me he loved me. I hardly get that anymore. It's not just me, but he wont have anything to do with me.There's a different kind of loss there, and its killing me. People tell you to just accept it. Their grown now, and they have to live thir lives now. My gosh..I know this. But my heart doesn't.if only he would allow me to hug him and say I love you. I really wanted to see how you were doing, and I kinda got way out there for a minute. I'm sorry. I do care about you, and how you are doing. I'm so sorry if I haven't been a good friend lately. I will make it up to you. I know how youre heart feels. I wish my mom was here to love on me. It's an ache in you're heart that doesn't just go away like some people thinks it should. I will get in touch with you soon. We can cry together, laugh together, or heck... sing to each other... I don't know. lol. lol. I'll warn you ahead of time. I didn't go to Hoolywood to try and make it as a singer. lol. Will talk to you soon, and hope you are feeling better, and have some kind of peace in you're heart today. Love, Ruthie
5 Oct 2012
Our Dear sweet Key!
Sometimes I have trouble knowing what to say, and this is one of them.
Your grandpa and uncle sound like they were really fine men. What were their names?
If you want love and support this month, you've got it. You're the easiest person to love in the world.
I'll be here, even if it takes a little time to respond. I love ya and I KNOW our other friends love you, also.
God bless you, Key. I pray this month is different. Amen.
A dozen roses,
6 Oct 2012
You are not alone. I have PTSD myself and it is hard to deal with alone. You have done the right thing by asking for support and I for one will have no problem with that.I have been through the abuse, death cycle (I lost my daughter from being 9 weeks preemie then 1 week to the day I lost my mom then the next Sunday was Mother's Day all on a Sunday one right after another). So hang in there keep reaching out and that is what will get you through. Feel free to read my page and it gives some of my issues so please feel free to ask away and I am now back on drugs.com so I will be around the site. Hang in there my friend and keep reaching out, I will be thinking of you during this month. marjorie zych
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