I know this is somewhat of a weird question..but, I am very upset... last time I got pregnant, I had been trying for 6 years and had surgery and everything. My twin sister was already 3 months pregnant on her first try... I knew she was pregnant before I found out I was pregnant, and was very jealous... so our daughers are 6 wks apart..now, after 6 years, she is pregnant again, and I know there is no way I can get pregnant again... I can't carry a baby, I have endometriosis, and know surgery would have to be done again, and I am 37 and can't wait another 6 years, plus HBP, and other med cond I have would make it impossible for me to carry it, raise it, and take care of my daughter, which I can barely do that now, with the baby... I am happy to be an aunt again, but, what do I do with these feelings that I have... I am angry at god, I am angry at her {which I know is wrong and feel guilty about that}... and I am angry that my body is forever tainted and can't do what I want it to do. I don't want to be a b@@@h, and I can't go around my family and act that way, I am trying to focus on my neice, because she will need her aunt and cousin now. but, very hard..does any one else feel this way... I have very little support for my med cond anyway, my husband is never here, my sister tells me if I am in pain, to get my fat a++ up and exercise..my mom, who has fibro and alot of the same conditions, says she has no sympathy for me because she lived for years without any meds, and was called a hypochondriac for 25 years... and I know i will get NONE now... I feel more alone than ever... I know my feelings are wrong, but how do I fix it... Need advice..I feel like such a selfish b+++ h right now, and don't want to... HELP PLEASE!
Just found out my twin sister is pregnant... I am very happy and upset at the same time, how to cope
- Posted:
- 17 Feb 2010 by chronicpainhurts
- Topics:
- high blood pressure, endometriosis, osteoarthritis, pain, fibromyalgia, muscle pain, sciatica
Responses (9)
17 Feb 2010
You could be like me and never got pregnat I was luckly enough to adopt the most beautiful baby in the world who is now 23 years old and loved by so many people in this world. I know your pain to a point but you experieced one thing that alot of mothers have not... Birth... Be happy with what god gave you. I am sorry your family is not there for you get couseling,your moms right, I have fibro too. Please don't feel like a b*@! (h we all react didferent hope you find a good doctor. I'll pray for your feeling and your sisters healthy pregnancy.
17 Feb 2010
You need to focus on the child you have and realize what a miracle it is to have her. You could be childless.
My wife is a fraternal twin so I kind of get were you're coming from. You should try and become involved with this pregnancy and share with your sister the joy of becoming a Aunt and for her a Mom.
So you can't have another child, that's the facts and you need to focus this energy you are feeling into good energy. It's not fair to you and everyone else if you harbor these feelings.
So look at your child and think, what would I do without you. This is what is important in your life. You have a child, think of the women out there that can't have a baby. My sister wanted babies since I can remember. She even became a pediatric nurse. She had two tubular pregnancies and lost both tubes. They ended up adopting 2 great boys who they love dearly. So look how lucky and blessed you really are... I hope you get involved a bit with your sisters pregnancy and have a ball... Dave
17 Feb 2010
Just be happy for her. You do not know why God gave her another child and not you. Believe me I met a child the other day who is a teen and her mother died. Her mother was a single parent who had breast cancer. Thank God there was a family who could not have any more children heard of this child needing a home. Up and adopted her. The girl and the family are so happy together. Now I am kind of jealous yet so happy, the girl is polite, honest, and volunteers time to others. WOW!! a complete package. I wish I had a home I could give a child. I just know if God wants it to happen for me someday it will happen.
It is like the saying: There is always a rainbow after the storm. You just need to look.
I send a big hug to you
Is there a reason why your family hasn't come to help you when you needed them? I really do wish you peace and happiness, because I've dealt with inner turmoil and it's a silent killer. I will definitely keep you in my prayers and hope that things will turn around for the best for you. I may have read the other posts kinda fast, but one question comes to mind, "Why do you want to have another child with a man you don't want to be married to anymore?"
18 Feb 2010
I am so sorry you are going through this tough time. I hate going to counseling but if you have no family support or friends or even your husband to talk to it may help. Call your infertility doc and find if there are any support groups. God wanted you to have 1 little girl for a reason that you may not see right now. With you medical history your body God and you pulled off something that was natured tried to cheat you of. I know it is hard to hear but you have been blessed and too bad your mother was such a martyr that she chose to live in pain all these years I do not know why she feels that you should do the same. No my friend there is medication to help you through this you need to take advantage of it to help stop the pain and bring you back to the person you used to be. I am sorry but I say screw them all and stop trying to get them to listen or help it is obvious they are not interested and are too involved in themselves. YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR LITTLE GIRL.
Thanks to you all, and I don't want to have another child with this man I am married too, thanks for bringing that to my attention... I do want another child but, not with him... my family does not support me because they think since I have always been self sufficient, that i REALLY don't need them like I say..before my diagnosis, I never asked for help, and when I all of a sudden started asking for it, they I guess were confused... they think I am just blowing smoke up their but about my illness, and don't want to bend over backwards, I guess... I have never been mean to them, never was rude, or the black sheep or anything..my sister was... she partied constantly, drinking and druging, and I was the one who went to college, got a degree, and moved out on my own and was self supported... my sister moved in with a man, a nice man, but she has never held a real job in her life, she is 37 and has no med cond I know of...
I will keep you in my prayers
21 Feb 2010
You should be grateful and thank God that he created you and he gave you a child. You have to understand some problems in life are beyond the scope of the human's mind. So pray about your problems and let go of them. Let God take care of you. Get involved in your sister's life. God will reward you.
21 Feb 2010
doesn't it seem like other peoples lives at times seem so much better than our own. the only person who can make our life better is ourselves. try not to find reasons to keep yourself from living a full life. all we need to be happy is to use the things god gave us. they are there for the taking. find your happyness in the people around you. if you can't meet new people. the pursuit of happiness is an ongoing adventure. if your not happy then you must look harder. happy people are out there. meet some and borough some of there's. if you live your life in that manner, jealously slowly turns to acceptance.
16 May 2010
chronic hun i know how you feel i have been in your shoes i am still there i wish with all my heart i could have another baby but i know god just is not ready for me to do that and yes i know it is hard to swallow the news that your sister is yet again having another baby we are sometimes handed the cards of life that we do not want and yes i have been there and done that but i have learned to look up and say ok im not going to let this hurt my heart it sounds to me as if you are letting things get to you too much,look at what you have and what you dont have and think about it you said your self you dont think you can handle another child to carry and raise along with your daughter now! that right there tells a story big time.
15 Jul 2010
i understand your issue but, at the same time you must be happy for her, she is your blood sister, and although the baby would not come from your womb because of circumstances, i really think it is a happy, joyful moment in your family so just embrace that fact, ride with that thought, and guess what you would still be a major factor in his/her life... those other thoughts do come, and they should immediately go... change them in a positive way towards your sister and to her baby auntie while she is blessed so are you, another addition into the family, look at it another way, try to be happy about it, before the thoughts turn into jeolous actions, that are not warranted, you simply feel a loss thats all, but you do gain in a different way, and besides god allows and dissallows things in our lives, and our paths, be grateful for what you do have...
1 Jun 2011
I think that you should not try to supress your true feelings - it is not healthy to pretend your reality is not true. Instead, maybe you could embrace your feelings and try to be easier on yourself. Scr@w guilt. And as far as support, maybe there is support group out there you could join. Cultivate people outside of your family who can be there for you in times of trouble.
I see a therapist, and one day he pointed out that when I am particularly anxious, I always call my family members - but they have never done anything but make me feel worse, and yet I call them everytime. But no more, because he is right - why turn to people when II am in need, who have never been there for me, people who are constitutionally incapable of giving me suppport, and actually only make me feel much worse?
I think you are in a similar situation. If you took the time to take care of yourself, by seeing a therapist or going to a support group, I think you would begin to heal and get the support you will probably never get from your family.
Be well,
Peg
Hey Tonka very well said. I agree she should take care of herself and the child she has. So many people can't have one and never know the feeling of being a mother. My daughter is 37 and would give anything for a child but its not going to happen. God has a plan for us all, there is a reason. Put your time into the child you have. And see a therapist, my family is the same way I can't call on them either.You have your life and your sister has her's, if you guys are close then just share this time with her but understand its her time and you have a beautiful child. Lord knows its very hard to raise one child now much less 2 or3. Hope things work out for you. Von
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I agree 100 % with MPVT, plus you really need to make peace with God. He does all things for a reason. I'm not trying to be rude, but how can you expect Him to bless you with another child when you don't appreciate what you have now? I've been where you are. I have 2 daughters and I wanted a son terribly, but my last pregnancy was such a disaster, I had 3 specialists advise me not to try again--PLUS, there's no guarantee that I would have a son. I was so obsessed with wanting another child, that I lost sight o what was important. Please take care of yourself and be there for your sister. She needs you more than you know.
I appriciate all of your true honesty... just, noone has ever been there for me... everyone is bending over backwards for her and I had to call a cab to bring me home from the hospital after my surgery, and noone was there during it. She wasn't even there for the birth of my daughter. I have had nurmerous dr appt, tons of pain, and noone ever drove me, or even has called to care how i was feeling. thats why i feel this way... yes, I love my family and my sister and my neice and I will love the new baby as well. but, I need someone here for me and I have noone. I have babysat my neice through many a flare, sickness {mine and hers}, and have helped everyone one out for anything..they always come to me when they need help..but, when I need help, never a soul has been there. My sister has only babysat my daughter once in 6 years, and I have watched my niece at least 1000 times...
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but, when I am sick and need my meds from the pharmacy, noone has ever done it! when I am diagnosed with something new, noone will talk to me or return my calls, but, as I said, If someone else needs something, I am ALWAYS there, no matter what..I feel like a doormat! but, if I dont' put up with some of it, I would never even see my family and my neice and daughter wouldn't be close like they are... I am angry that I can't have any more children... but, I am more mad that I need support and noone has been there, but my sister who is only 3 months pregnant, has tons of it... just not fair!
Have you sought out professional help??? You really need to have a professional who is not involved in your life to talk with. You cannot dwell on the past, look toward the future, whats done is done and you cannot change that.
You are very bitter and that is no way to live. It makes you hard to deal with and in the end it can kill you (Heart).
You have a husband who should be there for you, if he isn't then perhaps it's time to look at your future with this person. Nothing is going to change until you do something.
Hang in there and really try and see someone because life is to quick to be bitter and resentful... Dave
your right, dave, I need ot let it go..I am seeing a psychologist, which I have seen everyweek for years, she says that the way I am treated is wrong but I need to find peace from somewhere... my husband has never been there for me in 15 years and I have thought about divorce, but where would I go? My family won't take me and my daughter in, and the friends I do have all have familys and most have fibro, etc, so no help there... so where do I go? I know I basically am only here for my daughter now, and I don't want her to see her dad and me in a bad relationship..we don't argue, we are just never together..and my daughter thinks thats normal, which is horrible too.. my ideal thing is to leave my husband, find somewhere safe,clean, to go {I can;t work and not on disability YET} and try to find myself again... just stuck...
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I want to find a man who understands me and my daughthers needs, who is kind and gentle, and is here for us, and I can't get started on that until this situation is resolved... my family thinks I don't exist right now {usually not ever}but especially now because of my sister, so I know, once again, I am on my own... I have tried at least 30 anti~deppressents in 10 years and they either don't work or have way too many side effects, and since I have my daughter 24/7, I can't deal with too many side effects... I know I am the only one here for her. Where do I go from here?
You have too much time on your hands. Go out and volunteer at something. Then you can meet new people and develop new friends.