Worse than me. I.am so deeply depressed. I don't know how to handle it. I have got myself in a bit of a mess and can't climb out. Since I got sick a few years ago and couldn't hang out or watch their kids, my friends have turned their backs on me. Maybe I am boring, but I just need someo.e to talk to.
I dont mean to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, because I know people out there have it?
- 22 Sep 2011 by annatfultz
- klonopin, pals, valium, xanax, xanax xr, depression, drug dependence, post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, insomnia, panic disorder, nausea/vomiting, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, clonazepam, addiction, anxiety and stress, nervous
22 Sep 2011
Hi sweet Dixie,
I am so very sorry you are feeling blue, and don't even go there with the "I know people have it worse" thang!! It's all relative gurl.
You have us to talk to and we won't turn our backs on you unlike your "friends"!!
Are you on meds for depression (sorry, but I cannot see as I'm answering, what meds you are taking) or are you trying to "pull yourself up by your own boot straps" sort of deal? Perhaps the 'done isn't helping? I need to research it some to really understand what you are going through there.
I know that your mum is dealing with breast cancer and that must be taking a toll on you my dear friend.
Is there any way you could see a therapist? I realise that money is tight for everyone right now, but this is of paramount importance! An investment in YOU. What could be more important Dixie?
Once in a while we need to let our hair down and just feel what we are feeling (IF that makes any sense) and let everyone in our lives just fend for themselves. They can all do just fine without you trying to fix things for them!
You are, as ever, in my prayers darlin' and will continue to be.
Just let us know if there is anything you need.
Love you and don't lose hope, for it is the best of things!!
22 Sep 2011
Oh Dixie, you have so much on your plate right now, don't compare yourself to others. Nobody has walked a day in your shoes. I agree with Lara, honey. You do need to talk to someone. The best way to get over depression studies have found is to take antidepressants and talk therapy. There are programs out there to help people.
The other thing that I really want to impress upon you is that unfortunately chronic pain and illness loses friends. If you look at all the questionaires about chronic pain and illness, they ask about your social life. You lose your friends because you never know if you will be "up" to going out with the girls, or going out with your kids, significant other, etc. I feel that my children lost out on their childhood because they used to have this great "supermom", and after I got hit, I was in bed all the time. Heck, I'm STILL in bed all the time. My husband and I have no social life, or friends. They have all gone on to new friends. A few will still talk to me on the phone, but that's all. I really try to keep up my few friends, but it doesn't work with me. I am simply not reliable. To be honest, when I am out with them, I can hardly wait to get home and back to bed! I'm not saying that is the answer, I'm just saying that I understand completely. With your mom sick also, your plate is full.
Maybe you could go to a church or fellowship, or if you do, people will help out if you need it. I do know one thing. There is no such thing as a friend who abandons you in your time of need. Your not boring, and you do have an entire family here for you whatever time of day or night. I really feel for you. I KNOW what you are going through. I've been there, and I'm still there. I understand. Ellen
22 Sep 2011
Hi Dixie which I though has been Anna for the past year , lol. Please call me its Erica , Pm me, email me facebook me, answer my chats when I'm on and you wont feel alone too much. You said you have my number. Don't be afraid to use it, If you lost it PM me and I'll give it to you again. I feel alone too mostly all the time. You know I have 1 friend and hes not even a true one and my 2 cats. Please we can help each other out ok.
22 Sep 2011
Lara, SLbasket, Ellen, and Erica, thank u so much for your responses. Sometimes it just helps to hear that I have u guys, and please know y'all have me too. I don't have kids of my own, which I want, but not til I can be the mommie they need. As some of u know before o got so sick I worked at a daycare and babysat since I was old enuf. I felt like children were my calling, and now that I am not my "friends" free sitter I learned they don't deserve the title, "friends". I used have our girls night, but as Ellen described about wanting to get home to her bed, that's how I was the last time I went out. I just don't have it in me. Ellen a lot of what u described about yourself is a lot of what I go thru. My Aunt reached out to hubby and i at the beginning of the year and helped us clean our debt up, and now helps me with my budget, but I had to promise we would not take another loan out.
We appreciate her so Much, but we.both hate taking money from others. We got in a bind with our car this.summer and took out 2 loans. I didn't tell my Aunt and now it is coming back to bite us in the butt. I didn't tell her cuz I didn't want her to feel she had to loan it to us. Now hubby is back to one job (got laid off other) and we cant pay these loans. If i tell Aunt she won't be able to trust us. I am not a bad person just stubborn. I won't tell Mom cuz she needs no.Stress. so I needed to get it off my chest. And i know u all know the situation with mom, so I am just down and don't know what to do. I really messed up. Thanks for being here for me .
22 Sep 2011
Anna Darling! You are not alone please know this to be tried and true! I am 38 and 8 years ago I got sick, I lost my job, my family, friends... It is a hard road and Gosh, I wish to give you hugs! ..Just reading your post made me tear up. I am not a tough woman and wear my heart on my sleeve, Would help anyone in need as this is how I wished to be treated sadly the wrong ones have come into my life throughout the years and have taught me a lesson I wasen't wanting to learn. My question is if you couldn't watch their children and they are holding this against you how close are they really to you? I never can understand people whom think about what they can get out of people for their own selfish acts. It is hard may-be to do because you are feeling so down but know my thoughts are with you and I will add you to my prayers tonight, I agree we all need friends... I have learned to live without them. If they were not here for my bad times why would they care about my good.
... before my housefire last year had a Dog I loved for 9 years he knew an awful lot about my life that know one knew..lol, not sure if you have animals but wow they do amazing things for people who are not feeling up to par. Please feel free to privitely message me if you would like to chat a bit more one on one. Hang in there Girl!! I am in prayer for you to have better and brighter days ahead! Huggs XXxx
22 Sep 2011
Hi Anna/Dixie - Just wanted to say that many of us relate to the depression. It can be so debilitating. Try not to beat yourself up on top of it! If you really believe you're "boring" (many think that, too), here's a possible suggestion... what do you find interesting to discuss with someone? You say you love kids. Are there some books you can check out at library or things you can read/do that would make you feel like you were helping yourself to be more "interesting?" Sometimes, I feel like I'm being lazy, watching too much TV, so I try to read articles or watch History/Nat Geo, or play a "word" card game so I feel like I'm learning something. Or even take a walk, look at nature. Sounds silly, but then we're not thinking about how bad our troubles are. It often works for me, even when I'm depressed. I know I sound boring if I talk about my problems to others who don't have them.
That's why I save it for the right people.
Kinda sounds like you're mad at yourself for being dishonest about the loans. I think you'd feel so much better if you fessed up, since your auntie was so helpful... what a Godsend... tell your aunt how hard it is for you to discuss, but that you don't want to be untruthful, and that you might have to take another loan. She may help you with funds, so you can pay it off without really filling in the details. Its much better than her finding out the truth from someone else. Honesty, or lack of, weighs very heavy on me with physical & mental pain! Good luck! You're always so helpful to others, so know that you are exactly where and how God wants you to be... helps me... xo
22 Sep 2011
Every now and then in the pursuit of happiness one must pause and just be happy! I do not know you but I can tell you, you are not at all alone. I feel compelled right now perhaps to make me feel better to write to you. I hope you take what I say for what it is worth, these are just my feelings and my remedies that I try and no, I am not always successful. I do try though and that is what counts. Depression is a horrible feeling I know. You can have lots of people around you and feel, oh so alone. It is so hard for others to understand. Many people think one way and you feel another. They do not want to know really what is so depressing, you can't even put it into words because you do not understand it yourself. You know you are dealing with hardships and perhaps others have it worse. But, deep down, in spite of all that, you just want to be happy, to be able to make others happy and proud of you.
Not being able to make others happy is one of the biggest reasons why I get depressed. This comes without even knowing it. I am scared to reach out. This causes stress without knowing it. It effects your mind and your entire body more then people realize. Wonderful people here have offered their emails and stuff but I am scared or worried to contact them and I am not even sure why. I know I have a gift and sometimes that gift when I want to be personal stays hidden. I am sad and no one could understand why. I talk often about the pursuit of happiness. About every now and then in the pursuit of happiness one must pause and just be happy!
It is the missing happiness in our lives that have us stressed and depressed.
Ah the elusive pursuit of happiness. Everyone wants it, some have it, and others had it, then they lost it. That is me sometimes. Not on the outside as much as inside of me. The occasional person can’t remember what it is.
There are some keys I try to use regularly to gain perspective and minimize my stress when times are tough. I did not invent these, I have read them and learned them over time. What I do more then anything is share them with people if I think they can be helpful. So please try to;
1. Recognize the things you love, whatever puts a smile on your face, and plan to have them in your life. Even if you work extra hours to provide for your family, all work and no play is not the way to live. Rick Foster writes an article about things he’s learned from grandmother. He writes about how his beautiful grandma made time to go dancing and to the beach every week and she was happier for doing so.
2. Be thankful and keep a gratitude journal. A simple practice that has been known through the ages, even mentioned in the bible, and yet so many of us forget to be thankful for what we have, instead focusing on all we don’t have. The act of gratitude can immediately draw you away from feeling hopeless and helpless to loving and thankful. Start writing your list and I know you’ll be surprised at how much you have to be thankful for. You may not feel you have anything but you do. First thing I can write is my friends here, without even knowing me, they offer up their support. What a wonderful gift to have and be thankful for.
3. Be generous, with your time, money and love. Enjoy the feeling you get from putting a smile on someone else’s face…it’ll put a smile on yours.
Just taking the time to try to help people here is generous and more helpful then most of us realize.
4. Acknowledge that life doesn’t always go as planned and make the choice to be flexible. I know you feel you let your aunt down and it has you stressed. But, that is life. We do not mean to let people down and if we were the ones let down our personalities and compassion would allow us to forgive, even if it is not right away. Better yet, getting it out in the open will in itself make the stress a little less.
5. Talk to the people who are positive. Make the conscious choice to regularly spend time with people who motivate, enthuse and make you laugh.
6. When you’re in the dumps and life seems bleak ask yourself two questions: What can I do that will make me worse than I am now? Drinking, crawling up in a dark place crying or telling yourself you’re a failure? Avoid these things. We have all been there. Secondly, What can I do that will make me feel better than I do right now? Dressing up, eating your favorite foods, watching an episode of a comedy that you like or an old movie that makes you laugh? Indulge in these things.
7. And lastly “Always look on the bright side of life.” There is good. Remember, sure we are not much but we are all we got.
You are not alone many people have reached out and want to help you. Let them. Open yourself up. I hope just one of my suggestions might help you through this troubled time that in ym heart I know you are strong enough to get through. You know it too.
My sincere best thoughts to you!
22 Sep 2011
Girl you sound just like the rest of us! I don't think there are too many of us that have really close friends anymore because they just don't understand. Always too busy etc... If you don't feel good enough to do what they want then eventually they kind of just drop you. Been there, done that, & can truthfully say that most of us on here are all in the same boat. So you do have friends, and ones with the same problems that you have. Hang in there & give us a shout anytime you are feeling down. This site has been a godsend for me, & I have made so many friends since last January, & I can honestly say they are true friends, & they do understand...
22 Sep 2011
Hello, Anna. I know the feeling of not having 'friends'. I have always been the type of person that had always been there for others but it seems that when I needed support or someone just to talk with, I was just left in the dust. Please understand that it's okay to feel down and blue about what you've been going through and your overwhelming problems with your mother. I, myself spend a lot time alone and long for someone to talk to and not be alone through long, lonely nights with my terminal illness and system-wide pain. I know it's difficult and am very depressed too. I hate to say it, but I just wish that God would take me peacefully in my sleep a lot of times. Sorry. However, we're all here for a reason (As a lot may say), and I try to keep a positive outlook on life, try to keep my head up, thinking that the future may hold something good for me and other people going through a lot of turmoil and loneliness like myself.
So you try to hang in there, be good and try to take care of yourself and your mother the best that you can. I am here if you need to talk. Have a great day! Later.
23 Sep 2011
I say the same thing to myself... there are people going through worse things than I could ever emagine. This helps to put things a little more in perspective. I do have a lot to be grateful for and I can't forget about that. I was told to make a gratitude list a long time ago. Try it. I know... you still have your depression to deal with and I'm not try to make light of it. I'm struggling with depression and I plan to force myself to strart using the exercise facilities at the recreation center in my neighborhood. Take some baby steps and do something you enjoy. Meds might help a little for awhile but I believe there is really something beneficial about exercise and activity in regards to your mental health. It's not easy to pull yourself out of a rut especially if you have no support system. Just keep talking about it on this site and draw strength, encouragement and get information that can help you get better. We are social creatures and we need each other.
26 Sep 2011
I think it takes courage to admit you are feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! So many of us have the right to feel this way-- I would rather feel sorry for myself than to have people feel sorry for me. I was rejected by my family way back in the mid 70's when I was diagnosed the first time. I tried so hard to be like everyone else. It was easier for people to blame the medications, the "quacks," my refusal to socialize when I was immersed in bouts of depression. My friends loved my mania periods even though they, nor me, realized that horrible depression would follow. When I got on disability my goal was to get off it. Therapy would involve dwelling on my past. I realized about 10 years ago I missed a lot of "todays." Having a disease/illness is a lonely place to be, for no one really understands the struggles unless they have been there.
Even something like cancer--I know I cant even begin to understand what a person goes through! Since I was diagnosed 34 years ago, I have seen improved medications, have had all sorts of therapies, yet continue to feel such loneliness and isolation. This is a wonderful place to share and care for one another! Thanks... Julie
26 Oct 2011
well then your in the rite place here where you belong, we are all your friends and want to support eachother, not many really know how we feel, or what we go thru, and that is why this site is my support system, i look forward to chatting with my friends here every day and nite, ive got get advice from many friends here, dont give up, try journaling and therpy its helped me and still helps. are you on any medication for depression, im on prozac 40mg and xanax .5 mg 3 times a day for the worse anxiety and panic, whats also helped me was educating myslelf on my illnesses, and its all real and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. try and find a support group meeting in your town and make friends there, that is where you will find support and friends, hope this helps and hope you feel better
7 Nov 2011
Im 31 and going thro similar feelings. I used to be an alcoholic and I was EVERYONES friend. I quit drinking 2 yrs ago and it was like where did everyone e go? I have an amazing Fiancee and 2 kids im very thankful for and STILL feel the same way u r even knowing I shouldn't be. If you ever need to talk im here for you. Hugs!
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