... friend I would reach out an addiction specialist for much needed help. Well I called about 20 of these specialist and so got about 10 return calls. Of these calls 6 of them said they didn't take my insurance or went taking new patients. The other 4 said they couldnt work with me because I was an addictive users so it wouldn't be productive but they would see me once I went to detox and they told me I had to detox before any specialist could meet w/ me which actually made sense to me. So I called the mental health clinicans with my tufts health plan and they told me to detox at norcap in norwood, ma so I called them and told them I was an active drug abuser and then she asked me what drug it was so I told her and she said "oh hmm I am not sure what that is and now that i rethink this you can wean yourself down" and I got mad so I said "don't u think if I could simply do that I would" she said well I really don't know this med I am going to talk to our nurse practitioner about this and call u back well after a hour I called her back and she said ummm yeah I told to the people here and they said you really should just go to a NA group. She said we really only work with people who have addictions such as cocaine or heroin. Again I got mad and said so let me get this right you will not even assess me because I don't have a needle dangling out of my arm and u don't even know what provigil is!! She h/u on me!!! I was crushed!!! I cried badly! So then I tried calling my therapist and she left for the day... figures. I called my insurance again & told them what happened so she told me to call norwood hospital and they also dismissed the exact same way norcap did so I h/u and bawled so bad again but this to I worked myself into a panic attack and vomited and worked myself into a serious nervous breakdown. Then I called my PCP because I didnt know who else to call. They said they would love to help but its not their speciality which I really understand really. It was awful that day it was literally my worse fears coming true which was being dismissed when I finally got the courage to reach out to the mental health community so it tore me apart when i was dismissed. Next day I met with my therapist and she called the crisis hotline and get back to me she did and arranged with my local er that I go there to be assessed mentally and physically due--- physically due to stopping cold turkey they want to monitored my heart thoroughly. Also, I have started telling my family out of necessity as this wknd is fathers day and i have to tell my dad why i am absent and he is not the person to not be extremely noisey about why you can't come to this "HUGE" celebration in his honor as a father (fucking bad dad). So my mom called last night and said I sounded tired and then quickly followed it up w/up "are u on drugs"??? So I seized the moment knowing it would end badly because I have the family from hell. Anyway, I told her everything she yesed me to death each time she sounded more and more pissed. So finally I said so what do you think because u sound mad!!! She said nope its whatever. Then she said I have to gather my thoughts about this and pick up your sick grandmother so not only do I have to deal with your poor grandmother now I am going to have worry about you so I stifled my sobs and said ok and we said bye and h/u so I quickly before hubby could see grabbed a steak knife and went into bathroom and cut my leg apart bad, bad, badly very very close to needing stitches. So I am holding my breath to go to er tomorrow and having them dismiss me again because its only provigil and stress over my dad and sis's reaction to this because they will stalk me to get an answer meaning they will call me nonstop at home on my cell my friends my hubby the ER my the therapist and so on so my hands are tired just scared and nauseous about everything :( :(