I had met my boyfriend on the internet 8 months ago but he was friends with some people I know. I had lost my boyfriend of 15yrs 4yrs earlier to a heart attack. I Was kinda ready to open myself up again. Well we met and things were great. He told me he was on methadone and has hep c. Of course it wasn't right away. I cried since my brother was also an addict and had just finished treatment for hep c. My brother is doing well thank god. Well the BF after a month lost his job. Since I wouldn't pay for the clinic he kicked methadone. It was hard and I was also off my meds for depression. He relapsed once in 4 months. He had been on it for 5yrs and used before he met me. He started when he was 15 he is now 28. he started going to a dr got put on lithium,paxil,welburtin and colnapin.I got back on my meds He was still smoking pot which I also smoked I thought it was better than heroin.I also sometimes take zanax for anxity and perks for pain I have stage 4 endo I would hide my pills from him. He never lied to me. The whole time he was not working and I would pay for everything. He said he was looking but just put in apps and never follow through. Well about 2wks ago he tells me he is using again.The same day he got a call he found a job. I was beside myself. Before this I found out that while useing my car to look for a job while I was at work he was getting drugs. I did nag him to get a job since I was runing up credit cards and everything else. I do have my own problems with my family and he would say he couldn't deal with it. We would fight breakup then b back in a day or two. I aked him to goto meetings and goto detox he said no to both. He was gonna do it his way. He had been to many rehabs and was even clean for a yr once. I tried helping by giving him things so he wouldn't get sick.One day I said he couldn't use my car and he flipped out took my keys and left to get it. He can be a monster when he's sick. Yesterday I was suppose to pick him up to goto work. Called no answer then called his mom he was gone. Finally he picked up the phone and said he couldn't talk and didn't need a ride. I called his mom and she said he said he was going for bloodwork and something else but she couldn't say because he didn't want to worry me.His parents have no idea what is going on. I picked him up from work went in the house he was already in his room said hello to everyone and went to the bathroom. Went into his room and I couldn't find him. He was in the other bathroom. I looked where he kept his needles gone! So I just left. I called his mom and said I was sorry for not saying goodbye. He called and I wouldn't pick up the phone. The first two messages were kinda where are you honey. He called about 15 times finally he got nasty. Calling me all kinds of names telling me I would never find a man that loves me as much as he does. I replied with I know what u are doing. He said he threw everything away and I was scum for leaving while he was trying to kick. Finally he told me "your dead to me". I love him so much and I would move the earth for him but I can't enable him. I don't know what to do I don't wanna bury another love of my life. I am having sx next wk and he was gonna take me. Not now. I don't wanna lose him. I just don't know what to do. I even sent him a message saying I could drop off a pill today so he wouldn't b sick. God help me and him. What do I do?
1 Jul 2010
Now here you are god bless you:( just listening to your post made me cry i cant imagine how you feel or what you are going through but let me tell you this you got heart girl. Even when this man was going through addiction you stuck by him and for him to tell you that you are dead to him he was just trying to get to you but dont let it. You did all you can for an addict and its hard to stay by their side. The next thing you know your going to be the dead one cause you kept him by your side. You met him over the internet you dont know him that well and you dont know what he is capable of he might be keeping things from you that you dont know about. What if for instance he goes out there and share's needles with someone with HIV that is the last thing you need. When he is kicking what if instead of taking your keys he takes your life addiction to herion is a scary thing and your not in the right frame of mind.
What if he thinks your his ex he has been wanting to kill and he turns that ex into you. There is to much complication with this situation and you need to get yourself out of that. In your post you sound like your at the end of your rope on this one. Get yourself out of that depressed state of mind you dont need him putting you through that. I remember getting phone calls like that him telling me i would never find someone like him and blah blah blah i laugh now that i think about it cause i actually believed his crap. When i left that man that you are speaking about i grew stronger and i felt it was a lesson ive learned through life never to put myself in that situation again. Everytime i see him cause he is my babys daddy he cries to me all the time telling me he has changed and has learned from his mistakes i even have my own mother telling me he has changed. Well i am a better person now and ive learned from that mistake cause he was the mistake all along. I feel like i live now not just inside but outside and thats no bullshit. Everytime he hit me in the stomach with his words and his fists it made me a stronger person. Dont let him beat you down your better than that he just says those hateful heartless words cause he is hurting inside. You can always talk to me in private if you want im adding you to my buddy(friend)list if thats okay with you. You can talk to me anytime im outtie michelle:)
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