pickles503I'm bipolar to the extreme. I'm agoraphobic to the extreme. I have ptsd. I'm afraid I'm losing it. I KNOW I am. I've been visiting my son for almost 8 mos. and will be leaving the 11th. I will not be with anyone else except my daughter and son, reason being, I'm so afraid of people and they don't seem to make any sense. I've humiliated everyone here and refused their offers for social events. Their all angry with me. Even my daughter and son. I've hurt everyone that I know on my kids side of the family. My kids are embarrassed because they wanted to be proud of their mother. However, instead they are disappointed in me. This is breaking my heart. I humiliated my ex in front of his family and friends by yelling at him. I don't want to see the future, but I have a pretty good idea what's ahead.
Hello, my drugs.com friends. I desperatly need your help?
- Posted:
- 8 Aug 2012 by pickles503
- Topics:
- bipolar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder
Responses (5)
balbanese8 Aug 2012
You only believe you "have a pretty good idea what's ahead" because you believe your imagination, which is colored by your preferences. You can choose to believe you know what's coming (because deep down you are creating it so it comes out as you imagined) or, you can accept you have absolutely no idea about the future by forgetting the past and welcoming the thousands of joyous moments that lie ahead.
Imagine your life if you could no longer give a testimony like the one above! You could say it would be boring, you could say it could be anxious, and you could say it could be wonderful, and then make it that way, the same way you make it what you believe it to be now.
Deep stuff. It's all in your hands. Hope this helps.
bumblebee908 Aug 2012
Dear pickles,
I know how you feel, and have been there myself, many many times. I have suffered from bipolar/major depression and PTSD for years and years. I, too have thought I was losing it at times. I had an extremely rough time going to my son's graduation. I almost didn't go right before the event. But I got over it real quick, because I knew I had to do it. It has been very embarrasing at times. We have mental problems, and can't help it, and noone can possibly understand that unless they have walked a mile in our shoes. It's unexplainable. Please don't think there is no hope... because there is. It may not seem like it, but there was for me. I had to just find the right medications to make me feel better. And you do too. This too shall pass. We all have our issues, and it isn't easy. Just hang in there, and remember you have to be strong for your family. They need you more than you think. I promise. Take care, and if you need to talk... I'm always here. Ruthie
pickles503
8 Aug 2012
Thank you, Ruthie. Your absolutely right. We all do have mental problems. It was brave of you to go to your sons graduation. It would be so great to be rid of these illnesses. I feel like I'm just spinning in circles. I haven't felt this way for many, many years. No one could possibly understand us. I've thought that for the last few years. I haven't had a medication in 20 years that has helped with agoraphobia. I'm weak. I lack your courage. I'm so happy that I have your support. Your words are comforting to me. I believe this is just what the Dr. ordered. Once again I thank you. I'm depending on you. Anna
bumblebee90
8 Aug 2012
Anna, I'm so glad I helped out in some way. And you can always count on me being here for you. It helps to have a friend who understand's. I'll try to cheer you up any way I can. However... I didn't sleep any in the last couple of nights, and I'm in a brain fog. lol. There's no telling what I might say right now. ha ha. So if I tell you to jump in a lake or something crazy..rest assured... I'm usually not like this. lol lol. Lack of sleep does strange things to you. ha ha. Hopefully a nap this afternoon will help out. I need something to help me out. lol My litte boy said... mommy, you don't look so good this morning. lol. You know when the little one says something you gotta be looking rough girl. Keep that chin up. Ruthie
Anonymous 13 Aug 2012
key288 Aug 2012
Pickles, your family may be temporarily hurt by your actions, but not having you at all is a pain that will be with them forever. I too have horrible anxiety and ptsd. I'm also bipolar but mainly depressed. I have been at my wits end and desperate too. You have to hang in there. I'm sure your family loves and needs you even though it may not feel like it right now. But, this too shall pass. There will be brighter days!! Love and prayers, Key.
pickles503
8 Aug 2012
Hi Key. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my plea for help. I'm so delighted that you took the time out of your busy schedule to comfort me. That's what I need. I pray your right about my family still loving me. Sounds like you've had your share of hard times, too. I look forward to the brighter days. Thank you for your prayers. That means a lot to me. Anna
key28
9 Aug 2012
You are so very welcome Anna! If we all stick together and support each other, we will make it through!!
pledge8 Aug 2012
Hello pickles. I'm not embarrassed to know you. You have your issues, problems and you know what? Thats ok. Life can be a you know what. You've a gift and I think you don't see it. Its humor. Often very dry. Since I've known you have always been able to bring me a smile or give me a chuckle. I am being straight with you--- Doctor "You'll live to be 60!" Patient "I am 60!" Doctor "See!. What did I tell you?"--- My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea--- The doctor gave a man 6 months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another 6 months--- :-0) bye bye now, pledge
Delila
8 Aug 2012
I love your reply! : )
pledge
8 Aug 2012
Delila you gave a great answer yourself. Insightfull as always. I hope you are doing well. Take care now, bye bye.
Delila8 Aug 2012
Hi, i understand where you are coming from. And i know what it is like to have done things you regret and having to live with the consequences. I dwell on these things far too much. Just remember that you can't change the past, but you can change your future. Everybody makes mistakes! You need to try to get past these thoughts of a bleak future. They will make your illnesses even harder to deal with. Try to take small steps to rebuild the relationships you want to get back. Explain that you were unwell and how much you have struggled with your Bipolar, agoraphobia and PTSD. Talk to your children and try to make them understand about the chemical imbalances and how sometimes, it isn't you talking or acting out, it is the illness that you can't always control.
deann0615
8 Aug 2012
Delila I couldn't have said it better. I am bipolar & bpd so to have do & said things to embarrass my family. I don't have many friends because I don't like people. So I don't have to worry about embarrassing them but I have had to sit my 12 year old son down & explain to him that I can't alway control my thought words or actions. It has helped him understand.
Delila
9 Aug 2012
I'm glad you had a talk with your son, and really happy it helped. I have BPD so i know what it is like to have acted out or such and to look back on it a couple of days later and hang my head in shame. It would be brilliant to have this under control 24 hours a day, but that is almost impossible for some/most people - including me!
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Thank you.
What I hear you saying is that my experience's are my imagination.
no, not at all, but in saying that you are once again turning things into what you want them to be. No matter.