Well I am new to the forum thing but I thought I would see if this helps at all! I have been reading posts constantly for the last few days... Here we go. So it's the same story you all know so well..pills, pills, and more pills that lead to emptiness. Then I began my Suboxone treatment at the time I was so scared of pain pill withdrawal I was willing to try ANYTHING I could afford! So after searching online I found a Sub doctor like 2 miles away from my house all signs seemed to point me in that direction so I started at 4 - 2mg a day and I felt pretty good. So I slowly decreased over a year with my doctor and honestly I didn't think I would go through withdrawal that bad... HOLY SH#T I was wrong. So when I was on 1 mg a day for like a month I stopped. That was 7 days ago. I found it so helpful to come on the computer and read what other people were going through and today I feel good enough to share my story with you guys and hopefully give comfort to someone thinking about stopping and what they should expect. So here is my day by day experience from withdrawal.
Day 1. I am going to count this from the last dose I took which was a tiny crumb of a pill but I think our mental state has a lot to do with how we feel and when I took my last crumb I was so scared but I felt ok for the rest of the day. I mean I would think about it from time to time but no physical symptoms. Until I tried to go to bed. Haha. Yeah I tossed and turned all night. I took tylenol pm and trazadone and no sleep came. This brings us to day 2.
Day 2. Ok the physical withdrawals have begun and they are still manageable. I feel tired and I can't stop yawning, sneezing and feeling off. But today I am still able to do things like get out of bed. I really don't have much of an appetite but since the bathroom issues have started I am ok with that. I was scared to go to bed, and as it turned out that was for good reason. I did not sleep more then 2 hours this night. I took 2mg of Lunesta and all that did was make me more sick to my stomach since it left a horrible taste in my mouth. I will never take that shit again. Here comes day 3.
Day 3. HORRIBLE is really the only word that comes to mind. My husband had to go back to work today so that leaves me feeling like sh#t to take care of my 4 year old. God I love that kid, and I feel like such a horrible mother fir letting myself get here but that is another topic. Anyway today I can hardly stand up. I am in severe withdrawal mode. Sweating, tired but I can't sleep. My muscles are burning, and I can literally see the sweat coming off of my palms. Bathroom problems are in full swing so I tool 20mg of bentyl and that really helped with settling my stomach. The only other comfort I have found today is taking baths everytime my muscles start burning or I start to get the skin crawling feeling I take a bath. For as long and as hot as I can stand. THIS REALLY HELPED ME. I know some people have said that exercise is key in withdrawal but I am just not able to stand for more then 5 minutes at a time so I just can't. Sleep tonight was horrible again. I went from my couch to my bed to taking a bath. I took 2 tylenol pm and 2 muscle relaxers and I got about 4 hours of sleep.
Day 4 & 5. I'll combine them because they are both pretty much the same. I am feeling SO tired. But better wait is that a light at the end of the dark tunnel... Ok so I am tired and still running to the bathroom. My skin hurts and my bones ache but I feel like I am starting to feel so many new emotions I can't control my crying and racing thoughts about shit I haven't thought about in YEARS. Old boyfriends, old jobs, I mean I would be crying at commercials, but on the same token I laughed today. I mean I laughed. I laughed so hard my stomach muscles felt it. I honestly can say I can't remember the last time I felt like that. So I have been taking 37.5 mg of Effexor once a day and I think that is helping with my emotions but they were bound to come out sooner or later right. We can only supress for so long. Today I had to take my son to school. I felt like zombie walking him into the building and I was 30 minutes late picking him up. I can say that was the low point for me. I guess I was so tired I confused his pick up time and I had to go and sign him out of aftercare and I felt so guilty that I was in tears on the way home. Tonight I am going to take 12.5 mg of Ambien CR. I really need this sleep and I can't look at my bed without getting scared. So tonight I actually slept. I mean I did toss and turn a bit ut I got at least 6 hours of straight sleep. I am still taking regular baths to help with my muscle aches but these 2 days were by far the worst of this. Sorry if that is discouraging to those of you out there thinking about doing this but there is something that is telling me to keep strong. Maybe it is looking at my beautiful boy and smiling at him and laughing with him. A laugh that is not brought on my vicadin or oxys. I am smiling at him because I want to smile. I keep telling him how much I love him and how important he is to me and Mommy PROMISES that when she feels better I AM GOING TO BE THE BEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD. Don't get me worng my son was never neglected but I am just going through a roller coaster of emotions.
Day 6. Since I got some sleep last night I actually feel better today. Most of my withdrawals are manageable. The worst is the fatigue and bathroom problems. So I spend most of today making attmepts to get up and get things done around my house. Imagine if you will a 4 year old & a 36 year old man who are used to have ME a stay at home mom do everything from cooking to cleaning to laundry and homework and just about everything else under the son being out of commission for a week. Well needless to say my house is a mess. The dishes are piled up and it looks like my house threw up. So I made a strong effort to clean up a bit and I was able to. Ok I had to sit down every few minutes but I did it. I took my son to school went to Starbucks for a while and had some coffee. That wasn't the est idea for my stomach but hey you live and learn! So today over all I would say I am at about 60% back to normal just tired.
That brings me to day 7 today. I took another ambien last night. I can't have another sleepless night it would kill me. But I woke up today and I feel really good. Still weak and tired but. No more sweating no more cramps. I feel hungry and I made a nice breakfast for my son (who is eating right now giving me a chance to type this out.) I think I may have made it past the worst. There is a light I see it I can feel it. I mean I woke up at like 6 in the morning but that's ok. I went to bed at 10 and I only remember waking up once to go potty! I really think today is the best so far. I am meeting a friend for lunch then I am going to go food shopping. Aaahhh the joys of being a stay at home mom! But I really feel like I can do this! I will keep posting and let you know how I am doing and if anyone has anything to share please do so. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
Just remember that it is hard to do but YOU CAN DO IT! Yes the withdrawal SUCKS but it is only temporary. I haven't been without pain pills or suboxone for the last 4 years. But today is my 7th day sober. Wow I made it a week. Tonight I plan on going to an n/a meeting and I have an appointment with a therapist next week. So I'll let you know how that goes also. Stay strong.