I have been very unhappy and depressed. Have seen doctors and am taking Zoloft. Still I am thinking about ending it all. I would not do that to my family but still cannot stop thinking about it. I am a selfish person because I have alot to be hqppy about I wish I was a stronger person. I never thought my life would get to this point.
26 Sep 2011
Hey Bootzilla, where have you been, well I guess this explains it. I think the support I receive here is actually as strong as the medication in this type of instance. Please stay on here with us, we miss you and love your anwers you give. If you don't think the zoloft is doing enough, you know you have to tell the dr and I mean quick. I don't think you are selfish at all, I think you might have that danged anhedonia and a little talk therapy and some hope are what get rid of the anhedonia. It is the lack of feeling pleasure in any of the things you like to do, no spark, just flat line emotionally. You know we love you around here, and will do anything for you, you should know that. I don't know where sweetlemon is, and I have been thru the ringer a bit lately too, so I feel you on that. Changed jobs twice in 6 weeks, that thru me into a tizzy. I take 10 mgs generic prozac one day and 12.5 mgs of amitriptyline the next.
The fluoxetine seems to make me a bit calmer, the amitriptyline works more for physical pain and mood elevation. and I say on here, just to have people who care, and we care about you. I am saying some Big Prayers right now and hope you feel them, Patti
26 Sep 2011
Hi there booter46... I am hoping you find strength in my words, Feeling the way you do have you opened up to your family or friends, even strangers work in my opinion this is so important when feeling so low, having a shoulder to cry upon sometimes makes all the difference in the world. You posted here for a reason and there are so many here that are supportive, kind, caring... stay here for awhile and see if you feel comfortable enough to privitely message someone, to let it all out! I am also not a DR. but have been very sad in my day, what got me through it was support not from friends or family but from complete strangers seem they were more supportive to me. Please write us soon and hang in there Friend... please, stay in touch.
God Bless You
26 Sep 2011
I am so very sorry to learn how badly you are feeling! How long have you been on Zoloft? IF it has been over four weeks please PLEASE ask to switch meds? This one may not be the one that makes you feel better!
I may catch flack for that opinion but I just want the best for my Bootzilla!!
Tell your doc just what you've told us, and it will be OK, just hang in there buddy!! Your doc may change meds, or may not depending on how long you've been on Z.
You do have us and you really need a shoulder right now, and we are something if you don't want to tell your 'real' friends about how you are feeling, and I understand that.
You've helped so many ppl on this site, including me, so now you need some help!! Give it some time, and others will show up my friend, to help you out.
It matters not that you have a lot to be happy about, depression can smack all of us down at times. Sometimes it has nothing to do with life circumstances (sp) it just happens, ya know?
WE are here for you Booter!!! And WE love you!!!
26 Sep 2011
Dear Booter, It is time to really take a breath. Screw ending it, for sure I have been right there with you. I swear...
But, you have to give this whole process sometime. I know it is a shock to our system. I am scared too my friend. Depressed, every thing seems to have lost it's luster. Trust me, people care for you and need you. Shoot we'll all only here for a short time to begin with we do not need to go early on our own accord. You know you will feel better when you are making a difference or feel like you at least will be able to soon. I wrote to Annalutz last week and i will not repeat my 7 steps, she ws right where you are. It is as common as the cold. We feel less, not like failures but less then we are. Plus we look at the faces of people who think of us as we use to be, we think less of us as we use to be. We were happy made others happy. Not being able to make others happy is one of the biggest reasons why I get depressed. This comes without even knowing it. It makes you afraid to reach out. This causes stress and depression without knowing it. It effects your mind and your entire body more then people realize.
It is the missing happiness in our lives that have us stressed and depressed.. Everyone wants it, some have it, and others had it, then they lost it. The occasional person can’t remember what it is. Not even so much as screaming wow am I happy, no maybe it is just being content, satisfied either way it is why we feel like we do. Happiness is not sitting around the campfire singing Kumbya, though I recall it being fun years ago. I think Booter, it is grasping an understanding of why we are depressed and where do we go from here and why it takes so damn long. Stay patient my friend. You are so worth it. It will come a round I assure you.
you know many people are here for you.
26 Sep 2011
Hi Booter! We havent had the chance to speak much. I agree that you probably need to adjust your approach. Do you do any counselling right now? Sometimes just having a person who is willing to listen to you vent and perhaps turn your thinking in a different way can help. I know when I went through a really bad bout of depression when I was first married, so many years ago, I had a couselor who really helped me a lot! Mainly she would just listen. At first I just went in there and just cried but gradually we got to talking about things and she would help me change my perspective on some things and it really helped a lot. I ended up having to quit seeing her because my insurance changed but I still, to this day, find some of what she taught me very valuable. Try to focus more on those things you have to be happy about and focus on things you can change.
There is no good that can come of obsessing over things you cant change-you might as well bang your head on a rock! My mother used to always say "Your life is what you make it. If you focus only on unhappiness your life is unhappy" and this from a woman who had a truly horrible childhood. It amazes me she is as positive a person as she is but as she says she chooses to be that way. Also remember Tinkerbell!! "Think happy thoughts!" (are you smiling? I'm trying to get a smile?)It is a good adage to live by too really. I have to MAKE myself to not dwell on the negative. I know that it is easy to find yourself start thinking about bad things-a situation where you said or did something stupid, or a time when it seems that everyone is against you and you just sit and keep thinking about all the bad things and it just snowballs-before you know it you are wallowing deep and drowning in negativity. You have to make yourself stop that and start listing all the happy things-a time you made a joke that everyone laughed at, your childs little arms around you telling you that they love you, your dogs big soft eyes looking at you with unconditional love-whatever it is that makes you get the warm fuzzy feeling inside-dwell on that instead. Negative thinking is poison and it just keeps spreading and spoiling everything it comes into contact with. I know it is easier to say it than it is to live it but you just have to try. Shut out the negativity-keep negative people away from you-stop listening to the news for a while (I try not to watch the news much because it makes me despair) This is a time of year that when I lived in Missouri that I would always get depressed. Everyone else would be enjoying the cooler weather and the trees changing and I would be depressed because nature was dying and Winter was coming. I hated those dark winter days. I moved to AZ where it is sunny all the time and now I can look back and see how much my depression was weather related. I had that SADD thing going on bad! I like to find little things in Nature to make me smile and try to do simple pleasures that I used to enjoy as a child-blow soap bubbles, look for pictures in the clouds, watch inch worms crawling, study the intricacies of spider webs, collect some of those Fall leaves (if you live where they change) Just to do something to remind me that my troubles are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things and that it is only in my head where they are becoming so big and overwhelming! It IS in my power to change what I can change and to leave alone what cant be changed and just try to cope and make the best of what I cant change. Take time for yourself but dont let yourself drown in yourself. Do things for others too. Sometimes in just doing things for others you may find that you see for yourself that you dont have it so bad after all. Keeping yourself busy is key too when you feel like wallowing in that self pity. If you are busy you have less time to obsess and you make yourself tired enough that you dont lay awake thinking either! One thing I've learned is that "This too shall pass" but you have to let it pass and work to make it better. We are all here for you anytime you want to vent. Dont feel bad about it-just be ready to reciprocate when the time comes! LOL! Remember that in some way the world is a better place because you are here. There are many ways that you probably dont even realize that your being here is important.
26 Sep 2011
you probably don't know me but I wanted to let you know that you were one of the very first people I 'friended' when I got here because of your compassion and your story. That is how well you are thought of!
I also want to support you in this time. When I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1993, the first anti-depressant they put me on was Zoloft. I think in the medical field that is the first go-to anti-depressant, mainly because it is a small dose. They tend to err on the side of caution when it comes to medicating for depression. It took a total of 5 tries with 5 different meds before they found the one that would work. I am not trying to discourage you, but to ENcourage you. It may take a bit of trial and error, but you CAN find a med that will address this. I promise. Please do not give up hope on you. Your family loves you, wants you here with them, and also we want you to stay also! Suicide IS an act of selfishness. I know it sometimes seems the way out, but it truly isn't the answer. You will have cut your life short, never seeing the life you were here to lead, never reaching the full potential of helping others, and the future of whom you are meant to be. I promise, nobody came into this world by mistake. You are very much a part of this life. Please. Continue to work with your doctor and find the medication that is right for this depression.
Just think, what if Helen Keller decided that her life wasn't worth living? Where would the deaf/blind/mute community be now? Or Corrie Ten Boom? She wanted to die. But, after being in the camps for years she went on to help SO many other survivors as well as teach us the meaning of forgiveness and humanity. You are important Boot. We all are!
27 Sep 2011
Booter, I forgot to tell ye something... you are by no means a selfish person!! You were and still are the first to tell people that they've given a good answer and you've always been here for others... ALWAYS!!!
Don't forget that Boots, OK?
Being depressed and being selfish are two opposite things! Plus, if I recall correctly, with depression comes this incredibly horrible guilt feelings.
Are you having those inappropriate guilty feelings Booter? If so, chalk it up to clinical depression!! Like my friend Jillybean said YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!
We all love and care about you my old friend!!!
27 Sep 2011
booter, I understand how you feel. You are tired of the way your life is, and those thoughts go thru your head, but its something you would not do. I have those thoughts too. You are not alone, looks like you have alot of people here who care about you. We just get sick of being sick. Hang in there, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Maybe the zoloft is not the right med, just saying, don't know how long you hve been on it. God Bless you and will keep you in my prayers. Von-1
27 Sep 2011
Booter sweety I havent been here very long but talking to you and everyone else on here reading the answers brings joy to me a few monthes ago I felt exactly like you do!!! I believe I felt like you for years I knew I shouldn't feel like that I conseled myself writing my notes about what I should be joyful for. My kids my husband the beautiful blue sky a nice meal I got my dogs one at a time s Io had more special things to be thankful for. I knew I loved all these things. Yet I felt nothing..my kids started to ask me why I never smile. So finally I got insurance I could gotto dr for pain, he also asked if I was depressed I said yes, I told him I tried zoloft once, I did try about 6 years ago but I took 1pill an hr later I started crying and coulnt stop for like 6or7 hrs. I never took another. He said he'd get me something that would call him if I didn't like it I knew I had to try.
He gave me cymbalta serioously the next day my kids said t me mom your smiling and said yeah I'm proud of u. They asked wasn't I b4 I said yes I smiled on the inside. My point is it was a very long journey but every journey has a destination all of us are traveling on this trip together. We hold each thers hands to get closer. When one of us falls we all pick that one up and carry them to the finish line. We need you to keep reaching ut to us so we can pick you up and carry you to the finish line. We can't looose you we want you to hold on so we don't all fall down. Talk t dr tell him you need something to help. Something that makes you reach out. We will be here to hold your hand. I wish you good health and happiness. Y/f jaime
By the way booter your not the only quack in this pond I'm here tooo!! "
"Lol lol lol lol"
27 Sep 2011
Hey there booter, I am sorry I just got to your question. You are such a valuable person you don't even realize how much help you are to others on the site, & probably in your own private life. Please contact your prescribing doctor right away. My husband is bipolar, & has tried suicide several times. The last time left him in a terrible state, but we finally got a diagnosis. He too takes zoloft 100mg. Recently his doc added Wellbutrin, & the combo seems to have helped him tremendously. If you can ask us, you can ask your doctor. When you call, tell them exactly what you said here, & I'll bet you will get in immediately. Please don't harm yourself. I know you don't really want to or you wouldn't have reached out for help from your friends on DC. Please let us know each day how you are feeling, but most importantly is to contact your doctor. I wish you the best ...
1 Oct 2011
Hi Booter! I just read your post and i hope that things are getting better for you, i am new to the site but everybody that i have met so far have been so helpful and great. Buddy we all need help at times so even that we don't know one another if you ever need advice from one guy to another plz just ask my friend. I know how you feel beleve me! i was feeling the same way a few yrs ago when i lost my brother and two best friends, they were all murdered for just the money they had in their pockets, if i would not have fallen asleep that night they would not have had to walk home and they would all still be alive. i carry that guilt with me everyday and there was a time were i put my 45 pistol in my mouth due to depression and the loss of my little brother and 2 best friends, i wanted to pull the trigger many times due to the guilt of fallen asleep and not picking them up from the bar they were at.
they caught the people who killed all 3 of them and the trial lasted for 2 yrs but they all got life without parole. but for the longest time i was so depressed and turned to booze and pills to try and ease the pain and the depression but i finaly got on the right meds for my depression, i remember being on several and zoloft was one of them and it made my depression worse but i talked to my doctor about my meds and he changed it to several diff types and it took about 4 diff meds before i found the right one that helped me, i guess what i'm saying is plz don't ever give up. i'm not really sure what is causing your depression but i know you can get threw this buddy so hang in there and you know you allways have a friend if you need one. This site has helped me so much in the last 2 weeks because of all my great friends that i have met, everybody on rhe site that i have met are amazing people and are all very loving and caring, just wanted to say hi and let you know that things will get better and if you need to vent plz don't think twice about contacting me or any of the great people on the site as you well know.. your friend Mickey from chicago.. God bless!
12 Oct 2011
Hi booter, I just started here today. Didn't even plan on it either. I was looking something up and just decided to join in. I don't know you and you don't know me however, I am SOOOO familiar with the feeling you'r having. First I would like to know if you'r ok? Then I would like to let you know that I am easy to talk to so feel free to spill it anytime. I had a friend who killed herself back in 91. I will NEVER forget what that did to me. I still feel it. Its just time that takes the sting away but you never forget. I was there when her mom walked into the funeral home and saw her in the casket for the first time. I got there before her. I saw her kids holding her up so she wouldn't faint. Suicide isn't just a sin it's the most selfish, hurtful thing you can put others through. What's wrong? Need a friend? Here I am.
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