With mental illness, the anxiety, depression, you spend a lot of time worrying about what if and you miss out on a lot of opportunity's that come your way because you always have excuses not to go or do what comes your way. Sounds corny but that is how I feel and you can't make up for lost time.
10 Jul 2012
Hi Joeyh. I understand how you feel to a point. Not because I am that way, but my husband is bipolar & has missed out so much in his life it makes me sad at times. His problerm is being a loner & not wanting anyone around at all. His own daughter is very hurt by this ,& no one understands at all.He also has many physical disabilities that also play into this, but in my heart I know it's just how he feels. He won't even answer the phone any more. He is not suicidal anymore, but very much alone. It hurts me too becase I feel like he doesn't want me around half the time either. He finally got on medication 10 years ago, zoloft & wellbutrin to help with the depression & it has, but he is still a loner. Once I get him out or someone gets in our house he always enjoys himself.
It's just getting him to that point.Have you or can you talk to your family about how you feel? I think that is very important that they understand how you feel & that you can't help these feelings. they are what they are, but I really think couseling would help you alot. I can't get my husband to talk to anyone other than his psychiatrist, but I really think a psychologist could help better. The psych appointments are mostly meds checks & 'how are you doing' etc... I'm glad you asked this question, & hope it opens others up more that have these same feelings because I know it is very prevalent. This is a great support group for all our feelings not just medical advice, & I would hope more people will comment to this as I know many others have these same feelings inside. It's very hard to talk about. Like with my husband. He tells me nothing is the matter. I know better, but he has never learned the tools for expressing himself. He doesn't even use a computer, & you have a great tool here to help you. Keep talking & keep asking. I know others will eventually open their hearts & arms & try their best to help. It may take baby steps, but you can overcome this one day at a time. I wish you the best, & please continue to post...
23 Aug 2012
I know exactly how you feel, I left home at 13 and became addicted to opiates at 18, I'm 45 now and the only time I wasn't addicted to opiates since turning 18 was spent in prison. Finally my last incarceration I was diagnosed with mental illness and am now on medication for it and suboxone for the opiates. The only way we can live with this is not to look or live in the past but make the very best of every day we have left. We can't change our past only our future.
14 Jul 2012
You don't need to have mental illness or emotional problems to feel the way you do. As we age, we look at things differently-and that causes us to have regrets, even though we probably did the very best that anybody could do in those circumstances. Mental illness just makes a person feel worse, because you don't feel well to begin with. Sometimes, excuses aren't excuses, but the truth. I live with my son-in his house-he's mentally ill-and people seem to think that mental illness is contagious. He's very pleasant-kind-etc. but he'll interrupt a conversation and start talking about something he did in the coast guard-make a crude joke-or talk about being an underground miner- something-and then repeating it--if the people are pleasant and understanding-not needing explanation-he goes on how he's over stimulated and it bothers him.
I've found myself automatically pushing people away-distancing myself. I had a nice Colombian friend that dropped over-she didn't care about my son-she invited me to parties at her place-met her nice boyfriend but I closed her out just like I did other people that weren't pleasant. I regret that-and wonder why I didn't fight myself harder and be a friend. I want to protect my son-have his home a place for peace-but there are some things I regret-not many.
10 Jul 2012
I know do feel like that once n awhile especially when good oppertunity comes by but u just don't have the engery or care or want to do it! I know I've missed a lot of my kids lives do to my bipolar being in and out of hospitals but it's good to check urself n one n let them treat u n the first meds u get on wont always b the permanent ones! Stay strong ur life is worth alot n u will get better it takes time!
10 Jul 2012
I have spent most of my life feeling like that. I have a 12. Year old son & can't help but think of all the things we could of done or places we could of gone if I wasn't dealing with all the mental things that I can't seem to get under control. It has taken me years to be able to keep a relationship sometimes I feel like its not as stable as it could be & I can't help but feel it's all me. I wish I could go back in time & change the way I have done things or try harder to not be so whatever I am. I don't like people I do get out of the house but not as much as I use to. It's hard for me to keep a job because I can't handle being around other people. I always find something I don't like about them so I feel justified to leave or not go out again. I wish I had some insight on how not to feel like this but I just wanted to let u know ur not alone there other people that feel like u do u. Everyones case is different but I know where ur coming from.
16 Jul 2012
Hi Joey, i've only just come across your question... I completely understand how you feel! I have SO MANY regrets throughout my life. Things i wish i'd done but hadn't, things i have done but wish i had not, the way i've handled situations, my relationships with friends, past and present. I worry about these things everyday. I blame myself for the position i am in now - this potition is far from what i'd have hoped for myself at this stage in my life. Sorry, that sounds really depressing doesn't it!! I have always believed that everything happens for a reason... although things don't always make sense in life i do believe this still, to some extent. Maybe we choose to sway the tracks slightly, but i do think there is truth in that saying, for me anyway. You shouldn't think that you can't make up for lost time.
Maybe we can't make right our wrongs, especially if they were many years ago, but you are never too old to change the way you live today. With mental illness, many of us feel that the situation we are in is our fault, which in most cases isn't true. If you have too much time on your hands it is easy to ruminate on things. Sometimes you can't help it and it just takes over your mind. I am starting a course of DBT tomorrow, i've been waiting to start this for about a year and have quite high hopes that this will straighten out my head somewhat!? I believe that talking is key for dealing with mental health conditions. I moved house in October last year, and i have now finally got a great support system in place, new doctor, psychiatrist and psychologist. Who do you have to talk to and really be honest with about the way you are feeling? Always feel welcome to discuss any worries here! There are so many members here to help you along... D x
16 Jul 2012
Joey, just checking in with you. Wanted to add that it is never too late to do something new. Your dreams aren't turning out? That is ok. Time for new dreams and a new direction. The thing that is stopping you is not looking at the potentials in your future. There are many possibilities for you. Time to find something new. Every person on this planet can contribute. What is it that you can do?
10 Jul 2012
You just have to make the best of it with where you are today. There is no use to think of what could have been when you cannot change the past. That will only make you sad and depressed. Think of what you can do know instead. You might not be able to do what you would like to do today but even if you do something small it makes all the difference. Kids bounce back well also. They learn that if you cannot have alot and do alot because of money or illness, they learn to appreciate the little things instead. Try to look at the glass half full instead of half empty. I'm the same and not alot of money. Am on disability because I had a mental illness but give my kids a lot of love and attention instead. They appreciate it when they can have things out of the ordinary.
Hope this helps,
11 Jul 2012
I know that feeling very well of missing out. So does my husband. He is a brilliant designer, in museum collections and received a national endowment for the arts. yet we struggle because he has major anxiety syndrome. He has done better and better over the years. His real dream of design has never been realized, though his instructors thought he was exceptional. But regrets? He adjusted to who he was. That is what one has to do.
For me I was to be a surgeon. My dissections were always when to the class, my knowledge knew no bounds. But there were scars of my family and fright of failure. Never got to do it. Sometimes I think how much I could have contributed. Yet I always have contributed. Volunteer work on non profit boards to change groups into healthy dynamics. Depression has been there just kinda hanging out in the background.
somewhere along the line, I stopped blaming and accepted what and who I am. That is when life opened up. Having a life ending disease, I could just rant and blame and yell at doctors and pharmacists and drug companies and the government and ufo's and ghosts. I mean, really, I am sure there are plenty of other things to blame. Adults don't blame. We know we create our pain. Once that step is taken and one stops looking inward and remembers that others are the thing, well, you just feel better. It is a huge relief. Karen
11 Jul 2012
Hello Joeyh193. Mentall illness is an illness of the brain. It manifests itself in ways that are not often logical or deemed so by the outside world. I recall a lady, always talking about how great and wonderfull her therapist was, and what an impact the therapist had been in her daily living. And so it went. Untill her therapist closed her practice. My friend went into a depression that led to her attempting suicide and being commited. Imagine. Well, you can't make up for lost time, and speaking only for myself, I've built up a system that I believe has helped me throughout my life. And its so very simple. It contains two key points. Not to worry, meaning don't sweat the small things/stuff. The second point is live your life as you want to. Be your own person. What others think I can't control so I don't worry, if I do its not going to upset me and I live my life the way I deem. My wife knows when I want to be left alone, I take that time.
Selfish but the older members of the site know that I am not a selfish person. Not at all. You can't make up for lost time but you can make the best of the time you have. pledge
16 Jul 2012
I do, but more so because of pain issues I have, which then make the depression worse. Seems like an endless cycle. I have gotten to be a hermit and I get so angry at myself. Missing out on lost time. I then blame it on my pain issues, but dog gone it.
I know what you are talking about!
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