Does anyone out there feel like they have wasted there life?

Hi Joeyh. I understand how you feel to a point. Not because I am that way, but my husband is bipolar & has missed out so much in his life it makes me sad at times. His problerm is being a loner & not wanting anyone around at all. His own daughter is very hurt by this ,& no one understands at all.He also has many physical disabilities that also play into this, but in my heart I know it's just how he feels. He won't even answer the phone any more. He is not suicidal anymore, but very much alone. It hurts me too becase I feel like he doesn't want me around half the time either. He finally got on medication 10 years ago, zoloft & wellbutrin to help with the depression & it has, but he is still a loner. Once I get him out or someone gets in our house he always enjoys himself.

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It's just getting him to that point.Have you or can you talk to your family about how you feel? I think that is very important that they understand how you feel & that you can't help these feelings. they are what they are, but I really think couseling would help you alot. I can't get my husband to talk to anyone other than his psychiatrist, but I really think a psychologist could help better. The psych appointments are mostly meds checks & 'how are you doing' etc... I'm glad you asked this question, & hope it opens others up more that have these same feelings because I know it is very prevalent. This is a great support group for all our feelings not just medical advice, & I would hope more people will comment to this as I know many others have these same feelings inside. It's very hard to talk about. Like with my husband. He tells me nothing is the matter. I know better, but he has never learned the tools for expressing himself. He doesn't even use a computer, & you have a great tool here to help you. Keep talking & keep asking. I know others will eventually open their hearts & arms & try their best to help. It may take baby steps, but you can overcome this one day at a time. I wish you the best, & please continue to post...

I know that feeling very well of missing out. So does my husband. He is a brilliant designer, in museum collections and received a national endowment for the arts. yet we struggle because he has major anxiety syndrome. He has done better and better over the years. His real dream of design has never been realized, though his instructors thought he was exceptional. But regrets? He adjusted to who he was. That is what one has to do.

For me I was to be a surgeon. My dissections were always when to the class, my knowledge knew no bounds. But there were scars of my family and fright of failure. Never got to do it. Sometimes I think how much I could have contributed. Yet I always have contributed. Volunteer work on non profit boards to change groups into healthy dynamics. Depression has been there just kinda hanging out in the background.

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somewhere along the line, I stopped blaming and accepted what and who I am. That is when life opened up. Having a life ending disease, I could just rant and blame and yell at doctors and pharmacists and drug companies and the government and ufo's and ghosts. I mean, really, I am sure there are plenty of other things to blame. Adults don't blame. We know we create our pain. Once that step is taken and one stops looking inward and remembers that others are the thing, well, you just feel better. It is a huge relief. Karen

Hello Joeyh193. Mentall illness is an illness of the brain. It manifests itself in ways that are not often logical or deemed so by the outside world. I recall a lady, always talking about how great and wonderfull her therapist was, and what an impact the therapist had been in her daily living. And so it went. Untill her therapist closed her practice. My friend went into a depression that led to her attempting suicide and being commited. Imagine. Well, you can't make up for lost time, and speaking only for myself, I've built up a system that I believe has helped me throughout my life. And its so very simple. It contains two key points. Not to worry, meaning don't sweat the small things/stuff. The second point is live your life as you want to. Be your own person. What others think I can't control so I don't worry, if I do its not going to upset me and I live my life the way I deem. My wife knows when I want to be left alone, I take that time.

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Selfish but the older members of the site know that I am not a selfish person. Not at all. You can't make up for lost time but you can make the best of the time you have. pledge

You don't need to have mental illness or emotional problems to feel the way you do. As we age, we look at things differently-and that causes us to have regrets, even though we probably did the very best that anybody could do in those circumstances. Mental illness just makes a person feel worse, because you don't feel well to begin with. Sometimes, excuses aren't excuses, but the truth. I live with my son-in his house-he's mentally ill-and people seem to think that mental illness is contagious. He's very pleasant-kind-etc. but he'll interrupt a conversation and start talking about something he did in the coast guard-make a crude joke-or talk about being an underground miner- something-and then repeating it--if the people are pleasant and understanding-not needing explanation-he goes on how he's over stimulated and it bothers him. I've found myself automatically pushing people away-distancing myself.

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I had a nice Colombian friend that dropped over-she didn't care about my son-she invited me to parties at her place-met her nice boyfriend but I closed her out just like I did other people that weren't pleasant. I regret that-and wonder why I didn't fight myself harder and be a friend. I want to protect my son-have his home a place for peace-but there are some things I regret-not many.

Hi Joey, i've only just come across your question... I completely understand how you feel! I have SO MANY regrets throughout my life. Things i wish i'd done but hadn't, things i have done but wish i had not, the way i've handled situations, my relationships with friends, past and present. I worry about these things everyday. I blame myself for the position i am in now - this potition is far from what i'd have hoped for myself at this stage in my life. Sorry, that sounds really depressing doesn't it!! I have always believed that everything happens for a reason... although things don't always make sense in life i do believe this still, to some extent. Maybe we choose to sway the tracks slightly, but i do think there is truth in that saying, for me anyway. You shouldn't think that you can't make up for lost time.

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Maybe we can't make right our wrongs, especially if they were many years ago, but you are never too old to change the way you live today. With mental illness, many of us feel that the situation we are in is our fault, which in most cases isn't true. If you have too much time on your hands it is easy to ruminate on things. Sometimes you can't help it and it just takes over your mind. I am starting a course of DBT tomorrow, i've been waiting to start this for about a year and have quite high hopes that this will straighten out my head somewhat!? I believe that talking is key for dealing with mental health conditions. I moved house in October last year, and i have now finally got a great support system in place, new doctor, psychiatrist and psychologist. Who do you have to talk to and really be honest with about the way you are feeling? Always feel welcome to discuss any worries here! There are so many members here to help you along... D x