... funeral last Monday he was 23 he was. In a car accident.my question is what can I do now I'm not coping very well, I cry all the time I can't sleep or eat anymore, I feel like I've lost mymind I'm so close to relasping to drugs, I'm so scared, but other than praying I don't no what to do, please can u help me?
12 Aug 2012
Hon, I don't even know how to start this. My heart is breaking for you. I'm so very very sorry. I have lost many immediate family members, but have never lost a child. I cannot imagine what you must be going throug. I want you to listen to me though. I have turned to drugs and alcohol when I lost my family, and it didn't help things. It only made them worse. And this may be hard to hear right now, but your 23 yr. old would not want his mother turning back to drugs. Think about that too. What a tragedy it would be for you to turn back to them. I lost a sister to cancer when I was 12. She was 18. My mom was in the same shoes you are in. Completely devestated. The only thing that could calm her down at all was going to the doctor/psychiatrist and getting something for her nerves. I'm not one to just suggest going to a dr. and getting a script of something just to make you feel good. But you just went through one of the most devestating things a person can go through. I strongly suggest you seek out a psychiatrist immediately and see if they can help you counseling wise, and possibly medicine wise. You may need that for now. Do you have any friends or family close by to you? I'm not going to get into my tragedies right now, but I have had them, and even ended up in the hospital in the psychiatric unit under suicidal watch a couple of times. I somewhat know the feelings you are having. Somewhat. Remember that nothing will be put on us that is too hard to bear. I wanted to scream at someone when they told me that when my mom died. She was my best friend. But you have to believe that in you're heart, honey. Really bad things happen sometimes in this life, that we don't understand. We're so angry we want to throw our arms up in the air and just scream to the top of our lungs... Why? Why? Why? But you said something pretty powerful. You said other than praying I don't know what to do. That is the most powerful thing you can do right now. Especially when you get that urge to go use. I am going to friend you. You friend me back and I will give you my phone number. If you need someone to talk to..you can call me. I will be here for you. You don't have to know someone to be a friend. Unfortunately, I must go now, but you remember you are not alone. You came to the right place by writing to this site. Oh my, there are some of the sweetest, kindest, caring, and understanding people on here you could ever meet in your life, who some have been exactly through what you are going through now. I pray they will reach their arms out to you, and give you the love, guidance, advice, and love and care you need right now. But I beg of you not to turn to those awful drugs. You are stronger than that. Be stronger than that. We love you, and I hope to talk to you real soon, honey. Please hang in there, and call a support group or line if you have to until you can find something else. I will be praying for you today. Many Many prayer's. Your friend, Ruthie
12 Aug 2012
Oh hon, how awful, to lose a child. You're experiencing a normal reaction to grief. Possibly an anti depressant would help you cope, but a grief counselor is a necessity for you. This first stage will pass and you'll go through other feelings, ones that are easier to deal with.
12 Aug 2012
I lost my dad a year ago and I've had a horrible time with it. We were very close. My doctor put me on Wellbutrin XL and Buspar ( I was only to take the buspar when I really needed it). She did recommend counseling too, but I've always thought that they don't know how you feel unless they have been though it themselves. But I've had some people tell me it helps. But please don't go though this alone. Talk to a minister, reach out to some on here that has been though it, visit family. And please don't go back to the drugs, your son wouldn't want that.
Wellbutrin is also used to help smokers quit smoking. Somehow it helps you not crave the things you want. So maybe it would help with the drug issue. Talk to a doctor and get more information. I wish you the best of luck. And please keep me posted because after reading your question I will keep you in my mind and prayers and wonder if you are okay.
12 Aug 2012
Grief takes time. You are at the start. Praying is excellent. Please see your pastor and talk with with that one. There are many grief groups available with churches, hospitals, community resources. By talking you can and will get through this. You already know that numbing out with drugs just puts off the grief. Call in your resources and get help from others. Wishing you peace. Karen
12 Aug 2012
I am so very sorry for your loss!! Losing a child is the worse pain that we can ever go through! I myself am a recovering addict and I know that relapse is common when someone loses a loved one , especially when that loved one is a child!! I sent you a friend request... PLEASE friend me back so that I can give you my email and cell number! I would be very happy to talk to you if you need to talk..In the mean time, PLEASE do what you can to not relapse! If you can go to meetings... either NA or AA, it doesn't matter which, they both will help! Also, I agree with other posts about you seeking a grief counselor or even talking to a close friend. I will be looking for you to accept my friend request and as soon as you do I will send you my info so that we can talk. take care.
13 Aug 2012
Ohhh my word honey I'm so very sorry about ur loss! U need to got see a doctor asap. if you haven't already! If you believe in god GIRL pray... pray... pray he will get you thru this! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please don't give up and go backwards its so easy to do and for your familys sake and urs, god will give u strength. I'll pray for you and have my granny call the prayer line for you too, k? If you ever neeed someone to talk to im here. I know I just replied but I'm here! Please Lord give Carol all that she needs right now. In jesus name AMEN! God Bless!
13 Aug 2012
Hi, i don't know what else to add to the replies you have already received, i just want to send my condolences and let you know you can talk to me anytime, about anything. As already suggested, visiting a grief counsellor would be a really good idea right now. You need to protect yourself from relapsing - and i know if you start on that slippery slope again you will regret it terribly. I understand that right now you won't necessarily be thinking straight, and when it feels like your whole world is falling apart you tend not to care too much about yourself. I know this may sound like a cliche, but please consider what your son would want for you. It is completely understandable to be grief stricken, but try to stay away from using drugs or drink to help you through this. I know it is easier said than done, i've been there myself. Your son would be so, so proud of you if you can get through this awful time staying 'sober'.
Do you have support from your family and/or friends? One thing i was told to do when i was grieving over a loss of someone really special, was to write a letter to that person. Write down all the things you are feeling right now, tell your son how much you miss him, and tell him all the things you love about him, all the great times you spent together. It may sound silly but it helped me, so maybe it will help you a little? You can either keep the letter or burn it after a while, when you're ready - and imagine your words drifting in to the sky and maybe reaching your son. Please use the site as much as you want, we are all here for you. I hope you can find peace at some point and that your heart will mend again. The sun will shine again, i promise. But for now, take all the time you need to grieve for your son. I hope you can find some support with a counsellor, i really think it will help you to talk about how you are feeling.
13 Aug 2012
Hello carol - My condolences to you on the loss of your son. And grief counseling may help you during this time. There is nothing that you can do to avoid that feeling of loss and emptiness. But you can celebrate the life he had and remembering the good times. You can become a champion for a cause that is near and dear to you. You can be a role model for another. Drugs will not heal you or help you... they will destroy you for sure. Remember that. Your son's memory is important... you don't want to lose the good times, do you? Many churches offer counseling... if you have ever attended an AA meeting or any of the recovery groups... now would be the time. Praying is not a waste of energy, I assure you. As others have said... the grieving process is an individual thing and it is sometimes a lonely journey. That is why I suggest that you get into counseling now. You know what drugs do already and it isn't pretty.
Drugs make you do things that you wouldn't otherwise do, straight. Don't go there... don't relapse... Contact someone in your area to keep you safe and to help you through, okay? We are here to offer you support and to give you suggestions... I pray you do what your son would be proud of. Keep his memory alive and do something to honor him.
With deepest sympathy,
14 Aug 2012
Hello Carol. I'm so very sorry that you have lost your son.You have been given a lot of good advice here and I really can't add much more. I can say,from experience, that sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers rather than friends or family.You want to show strength to those people who also knew and loved your son.I would strongly advise you to find a psychiatrist,or a grief counselor to talk with. I know that does not sound like something you want to do,I did not want to either,thought it would do no good,but it did help so much,not with just grief, but with so many other issues as well.Make no mistake,it IS hard to walk through that door,especially for the first time,but it sure beats going backward and making the same mistakes that one has made before.Just the fact that you posted in this community,to strangers,says you would likely only fully open up to someone outside of your family and friends.God will help you through,but only if you truly let him, and sometimes that means helping ourselves through others. Much love to you.You will be in my prayers.
16 Aug 2012
oh wow. first let me say im very sorry for your lose. im not much older than your son but im sure my mom would react the same way. what i definately would reccomend would be this: ive lost several people close to be and the first step was talking with a grief counselor or a support group.also,seeing your family doctor and explaining and have him try you on a ssri anti-depressant such as prozac,zoloft,paxil... coupled with the use of a benzo anti anxiety drug such as xanax,valium or kolonopin. i would reccomend xanax by all means. its a wonder drug for depression/anxiety and when you feel you just cant cope. speak with your doctor about this. and i wish you you all the luck in coping with your grief.
24 Oct 2012
Dear Carolmeyer, I am so so sorry for your loss, I KNOW exactly how your feeling, Sept. 5 2012 i went in to wake my 28 year old son for breakfast and he was dead. I did cpr we called 911 3 times before they ever dispatched an ambulance but still it was to late. I still dont know what happen becouse we havent recieved the autopsy report but we are expecting poison.It does not get any eaiser i still cry several times a day. I have found that it comforts me when his friends come around and talk about things they remember or they did anything just like he was still with us. My prayers will be with you day and night. I keep telling myself Timothy would not want me doing all this crying , so i try to act like i did when he was here, i still talk to him and hold his picture and hug it. Sounds crazy but it does help, dont know if it helps but your not alone ! Nobody should ever have to bury there child.
Part of me died that day but my son dont want me feeling bad/sad/depressed or lonely all the time and I am sure your son wouldnt want you feeling that way either. My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org email me if you would or need to talk we can help each other . My prayers to you .
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