Anxiety and Stress - My son was just killed in)) car accident on the 2nd on August?

Dear carolmeyer,

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Hon, I don't even know how to start this. My heart is breaking for you. I'm so very very sorry. I have lost many immediate family members, but have never lost a child. I cannot imagine what you must be going throug. I want you to listen to me though. I have turned to drugs and alcohol when I lost my family, and it didn't help things. It only made them worse. And this may be hard to hear right now, but your 23 yr. old would not want his mother turning back to drugs. Think about that too. What a tragedy it would be for you to turn back to them. I lost a sister to cancer when I was 12. She was 18. My mom was in the same shoes you are in. Completely devestated. The only thing that could calm her down at all was going to the doctor/psychiatrist and getting something for her nerves. I'm not one to just suggest going to a dr. and getting a script of something just to make you feel good. But you just went through one of the most devestating things a person can go through. I strongly suggest you seek out a psychiatrist immediately and see if they can help you counseling wise, and possibly medicine wise. You may need that for now. Do you have any friends or family close by to you? I'm not going to get into my tragedies right now, but I have had them, and even ended up in the hospital in the psychiatric unit under suicidal watch a couple of times. I somewhat know the feelings you are having. Somewhat. Remember that nothing will be put on us that is too hard to bear. I wanted to scream at someone when they told me that when my mom died. She was my best friend. But you have to believe that in you're heart, honey. Really bad things happen sometimes in this life, that we don't understand. We're so angry we want to throw our arms up in the air and just scream to the top of our lungs... Why? Why? Why? But you said something pretty powerful. You said other than praying I don't know what to do. That is the most powerful thing you can do right now. Especially when you get that urge to go use. I am going to friend you. You friend me back and I will give you my phone number. If you need someone to talk to..you can call me. I will be here for you. You don't have to know someone to be a friend. Unfortunately, I must go now, but you remember you are not alone. You came to the right place by writing to this site. Oh my, there are some of the sweetest, kindest, caring, and understanding people on here you could ever meet in your life, who some have been exactly through what you are going through now. I pray they will reach their arms out to you, and give you the love, guidance, advice, and love and care you need right now. But I beg of you not to turn to those awful drugs. You are stronger than that. Be stronger than that. We love you, and I hope to talk to you real soon, honey. Please hang in there, and call a support group or line if you have to until you can find something else. I will be praying for you today. Many Many prayer's. Your friend, Ruthie

Hi, i don't know what else to add to the replies you have already received, i just want to send my condolences and let you know you can talk to me anytime, about anything. As already suggested, visiting a grief counsellor would be a really good idea right now. You need to protect yourself from relapsing - and i know if you start on that slippery slope again you will regret it terribly. I understand that right now you won't necessarily be thinking straight, and when it feels like your whole world is falling apart you tend not to care too much about yourself. I know this may sound like a cliche, but please consider what your son would want for you. It is completely understandable to be grief stricken, but try to stay away from using drugs or drink to help you through this. I know it is easier said than done, i've been there myself. Your son would be so, so proud of you if you can get through this awful time staying 'sober'.

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Do you have support from your family and/or friends? One thing i was told to do when i was grieving over a loss of someone really special, was to write a letter to that person. Write down all the things you are feeling right now, tell your son how much you miss him, and tell him all the things you love about him, all the great times you spent together. It may sound silly but it helped me, so maybe it will help you a little? You can either keep the letter or burn it after a while, when you're ready - and imagine your words drifting in to the sky and maybe reaching your son. Please use the site as much as you want, we are all here for you. I hope you can find peace at some point and that your heart will mend again. The sun will shine again, i promise. But for now, take all the time you need to grieve for your son. I hope you can find some support with a counsellor, i really think it will help you to talk about how you are feeling.

Hello carol - My condolences to you on the loss of your son. And grief counseling may help you during this time. There is nothing that you can do to avoid that feeling of loss and emptiness. But you can celebrate the life he had and remembering the good times. You can become a champion for a cause that is near and dear to you. You can be a role model for another. Drugs will not heal you or help you... they will destroy you for sure. Remember that. Your son's memory is important... you don't want to lose the good times, do you? Many churches offer counseling... if you have ever attended an AA meeting or any of the recovery groups... now would be the time. Praying is not a waste of energy, I assure you. As others have said... the grieving process is an individual thing and it is sometimes a lonely journey. That is why I suggest that you get into counseling now. You know what drugs do already and it isn't pretty.

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Drugs make you do things that you wouldn't otherwise do, straight. Don't go there... don't relapse... Contact someone in your area to keep you safe and to help you through, okay? We are here to offer you support and to give you suggestions... I pray you do what your son would be proud of. Keep his memory alive and do something to honor him.

With deepest sympathy,

Mary

Dear Carolmeyer, I am so so sorry for your loss, I KNOW exactly how your feeling, Sept. 5 2012 i went in to wake my 28 year old son for breakfast and he was dead. I did cpr we called 911 3 times before they ever dispatched an ambulance but still it was to late. I still dont know what happen becouse we havent recieved the autopsy report but we are expecting poison.It does not get any eaiser i still cry several times a day. I have found that it comforts me when his friends come around and talk about things they remember or they did anything just like he was still with us. My prayers will be with you day and night. I keep telling myself Timothy would not want me doing all this crying , so i try to act like i did when he was here, i still talk to him and hold his picture and hug it. Sounds crazy but it does help, dont know if it helps but your not alone ! Nobody should ever have to bury there child.

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Part of me died that day but my son dont want me feeling bad/sad/depressed or lonely all the time and I am sure your son wouldnt want you feeling that way either. My email address is eaglephin94@yahoo.com email me if you would or need to talk we can help each other . My prayers to you .